Sitting here I felt as if my whole world was about to fall apart. I was anxious, and scared, but most of all I was angry. I was angry because this shouldn't be this hard. This should be a joyous exciting thing that we get to experience.

Not this.

Not me sitting on the toilet seat, waiting the 3 minutes as Jimin stands in the corner of the bathroom, biting at his thumbnail.

I should be doing this on my own. Planning and plotting a cute way to tell him we are pregnant. But after years of waiting, this was what it came down to.

Both of us waiting for a stick to tell us we could be parents.

Polycystic ovarian syndrome is truly devastating. The feeling of your body betraying you, getting hair where you shouldn't be, retaining weight, unable to lose weight no matter how hard you try, and the stabbing pain of menstrual cramps are debilitating.

But I could handle that. I could handle all of that.

What killed me was watching the disappointment in Jimin's eyes every time I had to tell him it was negative. He is such a kind and loving soul, he deserves to be a father. And I cant give it to him.

The weight of that alone was crushing. I felt like I was failing him. Failing the love of my life.

"It's ready." He gently spoke making me look up at him.

His eyes were glued to me, patient as he waited for me to muster up the courage to look.

We had gotten so used to this process, we always made sure that we did three tests at a time. Just to be sure of the result.

I didn't move much, and I let my eyes drift in a daze to his feet. That's when he moved, and knelt down to me, catching my eyes.

"Whatever they say. We will be just fine, okay?"

I nodded, unable to really talk. In truth I did not want to look at them. I really, really didn't. As if he could read my mind, he gave me a kiss on my cheek before standing and reaching for the tests. I kept my gaze down listening to him shuffle through the different pregnancy tests on the counter.

He made no sudden movements, not a single sound giving away anything.

But I knew as soon as his hand reached for my shoulder, that they were all negative.

I couldn't help it. I burst out into tears, slipping from the toilet seat I was on, onto the floor. Jimin quickly followed me, even getting behind me, wrapping his arms around me and rocking me back and forth as he tried to calm me.

"Shh, shh...it's going to be okay."

For quite a while I cried in his arms, my mind circling with so many thoughts I felt like I was falling into a black hole. Somehow I had the strength to pull from Jimin's hold and get to my feet. I took the pregnancy tests, all of which said 'negative' and threw them in the trash with high force. I then walked out of the bathroom and into our bedroom, my mind still spinning.

I cant keep putting Jimin through this. I started to pace, completely ignoring the fact that Jimin was now leaning on the doorway. I ran my hand through my hair finally snapping and caving into my anger.

"I cant keep doing this." I said, making Jimin look up to me. "I cant handle seeing the look on your face every time a negative test comes up."

"Baby -" he started, but I cut him off.

"No." I said. "You deserve so much better. So much more than....this." I growled.

He then stood on his feet giving me a concerned look. "This?"

"I mean me, Jimin!" I yelled, unintentionally so. "I mean me! Why are you even with me? I'm broken. My woman parts don't even work! Anytime we go out in public and someone looks at us, they think I'm not good enough for you, or pretty enough. They see this," I gestured to myself. "And think you can do better. And it's true."

"Nothing about that is true."

"It is!" I repeated. "I can't even give you children Jimin. Aren't you tired of this? Tired of the constant disappointment, the constant pain? Do you realize how many times we have gone through this?"

He shook his head, and I couldn't tell if he was angry or hurt by his expression. Or both.

"Neither can I because it has been SO MANY TIMES." I said. "I cant even remember. This is...this is just..."

"Then we stop trying." He said, his voice calm and collected. I looked over at him, shocked at what I heard. Jimin wanted a big family, always has. And I couldn't believe what I was hearing him say. "We can just let it happen when it happens. Stop trying to force it."

"It's never going to happen Jimin!" I yelled, his eyes still patient, still calm. He was truly too good for me. "The one thing I thought I could do for you. The one thing...and I cant." I said, my voice soft and tears running down my face. "I cant give you the family you want. I'm sorry Jimin, I'm so, so sorry."

He then took a strong stride over to me, taking me by my arms. He was forceful, yet gentle when he pushed me against the wall, one of his legs resting between mine. He took his hand and grabbed my face making me look at him, his other hand planted on the wall next to me holding him up.

"I need you to really hear what I'm about to say. So listen, closely." He breathed, his voice stern and commanding. "I love you. I love you for who you are. You are kind, and open hearted. You are patient and loving. You are fun to be around, you make me laugh every day, you are beautiful, and I love your body. Every curve, every inch. Your worth is not based on your ability to bare children or what your body looks like. Your worth is how you make me feel, and I am so happy with you. Being with you makes me so happy. Arent you happy with me?"

I nodded, tears falling freely at this point. I was trying my hardest to fucus on his words, and believing them. "Of course."

"So that is all that matters. You know how much I hate when you start shaming yourself. You would think with as how active our sex life is you wouldn't doubt my attraction to you."

"It's not that-" I started but he pushed his thumb into my mouth.

"Shut up." He said, making my eye brows come together. "I love you. I'm so in love with you that you're hurting me by talking this way about yourself. I want you, with or without children. And if we really want children that badly, maybe someday we can adopt. But don't you dare keep thinking the way you were just thinking. When people look at us the are jealous of our love, nothing else. They see how much we love each other and they want a love like ours, but they can't have it because its ours. Do you understand me?"

I nodded, and felt a pang in my chest when I saw a tear fall down his cheek.

"I'm sorry."

"Please don't doubt my love for you. I would be lost without you." He whispered before placing a gentle kiss to my lips.

"I never doubted you." I quickly wanted to explain. "I just think..."

"That I could do better than you?" He asked, challenging me. I didn't say anything and he shifted so that his face was tucked into my neck, and his body was resting up against me. I felt his body shiver just slightly, before he took a deep breath and let it out against my neck. "I would be a fool to trade you in for anyone or anything. You are enough. You are everything I want. You."

I wrapped my arms around him, and we stayed like that until we both adhered to the heaviness of the past hour.

Climbing into bed, Jimin wrapped himself from behind me, holding me close and tight. It truly wasn't that often that I felt down about myself like this. After all I couldn't help it. My metabolism and hormones kept me plump, and nearly impossible to lose weight. Most people thought I was an overeater and lazy, but Jimin knew better.

While it's true that I'm not particularly thrilled with physical activities, I am not lazy.

Just big.

The next morning, I did feel a lot better. I even felt silly for the way I acted after seeing the negative tests. I need to apologize to Jimin.

When I gathered my bearings, I noticed that Jimin was still in bed. He was usually up before me, out in the living room sipping his coffee. When I turned, I saw he was awake, his eyes swimming with emotion as I turned to face him.

"You're still in bed."

"Mhmm." He replied, pulling me closer and kissing me. "I wanted to be with you."

Hi hands started to roam over the side of my body, rounding to my ass before he gave me another tug. When he did, I could feel his arousal hard and now pressed against me. My eyes went wide, and my mouth nearly watered when his charming morning smile slowly turned into a mischievous grin.

"I see someone is having an exciting morning." I said, leaning forward and kissing him slowly on the chin.

"Mmmm I wake up like this a lot." He said, as my lips worked their way down to his neck. "Knowing you are all mine for the taking."

I giggled and ran my hand down his bare chest and into the boxer briefs he wore to bed. My fingertips skimmed the soft skin of his cock and I hummed in satisfaction when it throbbed slightly. Grabbing him tightly he grunted, his eyes now boring into mine with a new heat behind them.

"Maybe you should wake me up when you do."

"Noted." He breathed before lunging toward me.

I kept my hand on his erection, softly pumping up and down, making sure to go all the way down and up again. His mouth engulfed mine, his tongue darting into my mouth coaxing out my tongue with his. Jimin was a great kisser.

It alarmed me the first time he really kissed me. My entire insides clenched and my heart raced, my veins felt like they were on fire. Nothing, and I mean nothing had changed in the 7 years I had known him.

My body always reacted the same way, and he always knew how to use it against me.

He then let out a moan into my mouth, breaking the kiss. I squeezed softly on the head of his cock making his eyes roll a bit and his head to fall back.

I let out a small giggle. He was so sensitive and easy to rile up. But I was too, so it was perfect. I gave him another soft squeeze of my hand making him hiss in satisfaction. His head snapped back to look at me, moving his hand up my tank top to grab at my breasts. He found my nipples hard and peaked, running his thumb over them.

"You ready for me, baby?"

I nodded eagerly, I was always ready for him. Even in heated sudden moments such as this.

He pulled away from me, making me leg go of the grip I had on him. As he stepped off the bed to remove his boxer briefs, I managed to get my tank top off. When he rounded the bed, he kissed me and then pushed me back against the bed, reaching for my panties.

He pulled them off, tossing them to land somewhere within the room. My legs easily opened for him and he climbed up me, kissing me as he did. When he reached my mouth again, he gave me needy sloppy kiss. "Turn over." He growled, before tipping his head and running his tongue across my nipple.

I gasped at the action, but turned my body as he settled behind me.

I maneuvered to where I could press the palms of my hands against the headboard, arching my back.

"Fucking perfect." He mumbled to himself, his hand landing on my asscheeck in a hard slap.

"Jimin!"

"MMmmmmm I love it when you call out my name."

His hands took hold of my hips as he fed himself into me, teasing me slowly, stretching me to his thick girth.

A breathy moan escaped me, my head dropping between my arms.

"Keep your arch baby." He said, as he pulled out.

I threw my head back again, keeping myself open for him. He moved in hard precise movements, thrusting deeply. I felt him raise a leg steadying himself with his foot as he continued to thrust. He started to slow his movements, groaning as I panted heavily.

Suddenly he pulled out, grabbing a pillow from next to me.

"I changed my mine." He spoke. "Turn around." I did as he asked, settling my ass on the pillow he grabbed, keeping me at a certain angle. "You are so sexy." He said. "I'm about to make your tits bounce."

I almost laughed at his words, but my mouth let out a yelp when he thrusted into me hard. He kept his hands on the tops of my thighs by my hips and rolled his hips, drilling his cock into me over and over. My body jerked with every hit, causing my breasts to bounce up and down at his rhythm. He reached up taking hold of my throat, giving the sides a tiny bit of pressure.

My hands flew to his arm, holding on tightly.

"You're so kinky." He licked his lips and his gaze darkened. He loosened his grip, then moving his hand from my neck to my face, his thumb skimming across my face. I stuck my tongue out and took his thumb in my mouth, swirling it around as he continued to move.

I hummed, making him throb again, and his eyes to shutter closed.

I reached for him again, making his eyes snap open. He grunted, leaning up and pulling his finger from my mouth with a pop. He then took my legs by the back of my thighs hoisting them up. He increased his speed just slightly, but the depth of his thrusts didn't change, and I could feel my insides starting to unravel.

"Oh god, Jimin I'm going to cum soon."

"Yes." He hissed, his mouth hanging open. "You're going to make me cum."

"Fuck." I yelled throwing my head back. I moved my hips with his, meeting each thrust with an eager one of my own. The tight knot in my lower stomach was twisting and pulling hard, and it would be any second before I finally unravel around him.

He lifted one hand from my thigh, slapping my ass hard. The touch of his hands against my skin was electric, my head dizzy from the pleasure coursing through me. He switched up again, letting my legs fall on each side of him, lowering down on me. One arm wrapped up under my shoulder, and the other was flat against the bed, keeping him steady.

His lips were soft and needy as he kissed me, both of us throbbing. I continued to roll my hips, both of us now chasing our orgasms. I let out a low moan, ripping my lips from his as my back arched more. I felt my pussy pulsing around his cock.

"I'm going to cum." I whimpered. "Don't stop...please!"

"Cum." He growled, latching his mouth to my shoulder.

"Fuck!"

I felt myself take a hard grip on him, a slow vibration moving from my center through my belly and to my chest. I heard him grunt and groan, feeling his hips thrust faster and harder than they did before. I had a hard grip on the roots of his hair, trying to hold on as he prolonged my own orgasm.

When he collapsed next to me, completely exhausted, the only thing we could hear was the heavy panting of our breath, side by side. I turned to wrap my arms around his neck, and he met me with a kiss, and tangling our legs together, his hand resting on my side.

"I love having sex with you." He breathed.

I laughed. "Well that's good or else we are in trouble."

"You do this thing with your hips...do you know you do it?"

"Yes." I continued to giggle at his ignorance. "I do it intentionally."

"Oh." He panted with a smile. "Well it's pretty fucking great."

I kissed his smile with mine, and though the covers were no where on the bed, I felt warm with him.

He then ran his hand up and down my side giving me chills. I looked in his big brown eyes, and smiled again. "I love you Jimin."

"I love you too." He replied, his smile now sweet instead of sultry.

"Think we made a baby?" I asked, trying to perhaps lighten to mood.

He sighed, his smile still on his lips. "Maybe."

"What if it never happens?"

He searched my face, running his thumb over my cheek and up around my eyes. "Then you're stuck with me all on you own."

The sweet look he gave me nearly made me cry out of love for him. I pressed my lips up against his kissing him deeply.