I wake up in a castle
In a blossoming garden
Feeling so lonely
I hung myself in this mess filled with thorns

Jaemin looked at you creating yet another sweet memory for you and yet for him another bittersweet moment for him to dwell on 

Y/n: jaeminie is something wrong?" you held his hand staring deep into his pretty brown orbs

Jaemin: nothing dear" he fakely smiled guilt just turning his stomach he felt so sick with himself 

And I know your warmth is
The closest to reality
The flowers that you picked for me
Reaching for your hand

Another date where jaemin had to sit and let his sins consume him all for his selfish pleasures, how could he be so vain, so heartless ?

Jaemin: you look really pretty babe ! " he looks at your outfit with joy seeing a bright smile on your face

Y/n: thank you !" you giggle in nothing but love 

That day no one could count how many contagious laughs were had to cover up the terrible truth that continued to gnaw at him whenever he came in sight of you

But this is my fate
Don't smile on me
Light on me
No, I can never take another step to you
Don't have a name to call me by anymore

He is constantly at war with himself his gut tired of the constant feeling of churning in disgust told him to break up his relationship but his heart just couldn't stop beating for you, his feet couldn't stop bringing him to you, his mind couldn't keep all his selfish pleasures out his head he wanted to be the cause of your smile, your happiness, your laughs, your everything he truly loved you but maybe just not enough to let you go

Reminding me of you
To give you all and take this foolish mask off

But I know that I can
Never give you more than that
Forever may not be for us
Hide the ugly now

And I'm so afraid
That in the end, you'll leave again
I know that it's pathetic, what was I to do?
I wear a mask again so I could see you

He couldn't take it anymore he was building lies upon lies, false futures and promises with this woman as they sat in a park talking about their "future" and getting married possibly having two or three kids

That night he went home and puked his insides out so disrelished with how far his egotistical cravings would take him how long would it take for him to keep feeding you with deception and eating himself inside out with blame but yet he wanted to see you one more time before he pulled the curtains down ending his little puppet show, the waves were rising getting ready to destroy his sandcastle that should have never been built

That same night he came to you a disheveled pale mess telling the truth of his life and just like he expected his paradise was crushed all because of him he chuckled bitterly walking away from your house salty hot tears flowing down his eyes and cheeks he expected it after all I mean who would want to be with an already married man 

I'm crying, my soul
I'm all alone
The walls won't hold
The castle made of sand is falling from within
And I still want you
But I still want you
And I still want you
And I still want you
And I still want you

He stared up at the sky wondering how things would have been if he didn't tell you anything if he continued to feed in his guilty pleasure both of you would have been content right ? But it was time for the fall to end a harsh winter ending his garden of happiness and he had to slowly accept this

A/n: okay so i wrote this late at night so it might be dumb, extra, or just crappy but yeah that's why its one of those reasons lol but make sure to get good rest marshmallows and stay well take care of yourself's and have a good day or night love you all and nana loves you too 💚💚💚💚💚💚