T H E R E S E
seven months ago

I was instantly attracted to him the second I first laid eyes on him. Only cos he was too good-looking, he seemed almost unrealistic. I had thought he would be one of those guys who know they look good, so they no longer try to be smart or kind or hardworking. But I got to know him and he only proved me wrong, which only made me like him more.

But there was Belle.

And when there finally wasn't, there was someone else.

And I figured, maybe this is really where I'm meant to be. Admiring him from a distance and not taking any step closer.

He is Darwin Kyle Romero, for crying out loud. There is an entire Wikipedia article about him. He is the most sought-after bachelor in the country, and a quick Google search is enough to scare away anyone who dares to think he's within their league. Nobody is good enough for him and it would do me well to learn that.

When I received an invitation to another college class reunion, I automatically accepted it. There were originally 15 of us, but half are abroad and Darwin never showed up the previous years. It was always just me and six others, including Belle.

Imagine my surprise when Belle arrived with him. Even the other guys couldn't stop their jaws from dropping. It's been years since most of us last saw Darwin, so we were all a little bit starstruck by him. He has achieved so much after college, that we all secretly look up to him.

He greeted all of us by name. It's been more than a decade since we graduated, and I half-expected him to have already forgotten who we were. But he even gave me a quick hug—long enough for me to get a whiff of his perfume.

"Sorry, ngayon lang ako nakapunta," paumanhin niya sa amin.

"No problem, bro! Buti nga nakapunta ka na. Ito naman kasing si Miggy, laging short notice!" biro ni Paco.

"Ay, ako pa talaga sinisi mo. Ako na nga lang ang parating nag-iimbita. Kung hindi dahil sa akin, matagal na tayong nagkalimutan lahat," pabirong depensa naman ni Miggy.

"Haha. Sorry talaga. Promise, next time, I will have my secretary put Miggy's invites on prio." Tawa ni Darwin.

God, tawa niya pa lang nakakaadik na.

"How are you, Therese?" tanong niya nang mapansing tahimik ako at hindi nakakasali sa kuwentuhan.

It felt like I was 17 again, the way I had goosebumps on both arms after hearing him say my name. I can't believe he still has the same effect on me after all these years. Ang pathetic.

"Okay lang," maiksi kong sagot. No need to elaborate cos I know he's just being nice and he's not really interested.

"I saw you in Greenbelt some weeks ago. I believe you were with a friend," kuwento niya.

"Oh. I work near Greenbelt. Lagi ako ro'n," sagot ko.

"Really? Where do you work?"

"Vista Corp. I'm their Head of Marketing."

He nodded his head in approval. "That sounds good."

"Yeah." Ngiti ko.

"But do you still plan on pursuing arts?" usisa niya. "I remember you used to draw a lot."

Naaalala niya pa 'yon?

"Uhm. Hindi na. Haha!" Sinserong pagtawa ko. "Mahilig lang akong mag-drawing pero hindi ako magaling."

"Nah. You were good. Don't downplay yourself."

"No, really. Hindi talaga ako magaling. Besides, I grew out of it. I discovered a new set of dreams. I love my job now."

I can't believe how easy it still was to talk to him. He even got me to open up about my dream career without realizing it.

We were at a small bar in Timog, so naturally, Darwin ordered drinks for all of us. Sinagot na rin niya lahat ng pagkain kahit na si Miggy naman ang nag-imbita.

"Pupunta ka ba sa birthday ni Belle?" tanong ko sa kaniya.

"She'll kill me in my sleep if I don't." Tumawa siya.

For the rest of the night, he talked more to me than to all of our other friends combined. Kaya hindi na ako nagulat nang magprisinta siyang ihatid ako pauwi nang malamang ako lang ang walang dalang sariling sasakyan.

"Along the way naman," sabi niya. "I'll drop you off."

"Oh, drive safely, ah!" paalala ni Belle sa aming dalawa.

It's amazing how they were able to maintain their friendship after breaking up. Bibihira na lang ang gano'n na kaya pang makatrabaho ang isa't isa matapos na maghiwalay.

"You know I always am," sagot naman ni Darwin sa kaniya. "Don't worry."

Isa-isa akong nagpaalam sa mga kaibigan namin bago tuluyang sumakay sa sasakyan ni Darwin na halatang bagong-bago pa. Siya naman ay gano'n din ang ginawa at nakipagpalitan pa ng contacts sa kanila.

"God. That was fun!" malakas niyang komento pagkapasok sa sasakyan. "It's been a while since I had a good drink."

"Same. Ngayon na lang din ako napainom," segunda ko.

"Nagulat nga ako na umiinom ka na. Dati, hindi ka nila napapainom kahit anong pilit nila."

I thought he never saw me.

But it seems like he remembers more about me in college than I do.

"Matanda na, eh. Puwede na. Haha," sagot ko.

"Oo nga." Tumawa siya. "Puwede na."

We looked at each other at the same time. His last sentence echoed in my head, probably also in his.

Puwede na.

I bit my lower lip and looked away. It's only been hours since I saw him again. Ayaw ko namang maging assuming dahil alam ko naman kung ano ang ibig niyang sabihin. Hindi dahil single siya ngayon ay may pag-asa na ako. Isa pa, wala naman kaming malalim na pinagsamahan. No one even knows I admired him before, o baka nga hanggang ngayon pa.

Hay. Ang pathetic talaga.

Darwin started driving without another word. Medyo marami ang nainom niya pero maayos pa rin naman ang pagmamaneho niya. I even saw him briefly touch the rosary hanging in his rearview mirror just before leaving.

The traffic was pretty bad kahit na madaling-araw na. Weekend kasi kaya marami ang nasa labas.

Darwin turned on his Spotify, which randomly started playing a podcast.

"Uy, pero in fairness, ah! Filipinos are becoming more and more open to one night stands and FUBUs!" a girl said.

"True! Ten years ago, we can't even have this conversation without everyone cancelling us."

"Uso na ba cancel culture noon? Hindi pa yata."

For minutes, Darwin and I just listened in silence.

"There's nothing wrong naman with one night stands! Kung wala naman kayong sabit pareho, nasa tamang edad na, and you practice safe sex... I don't see what's wrong."

"Have you tried na ba?"

"Me? Oo naman!"

"Ohhh!" The woman clapped. "How was it?"

I decided that I really like podcasts. No judgment, sharing of experiences lang. At parang mas open silang pag-usapan ang mga bagay na hindi gaanong napag-uusapan ngayon.

"So, if magkaka-FUBU ka. Do you recommend na kaibigan mo or ex ganorn?"

"Uhm. Tbh, better for me kapag complete stranger. Or with someone na hindi mo naman friend, maybe kakilala lang? Kasi wala kang fear na masisira ang relationship niyo because wala naman talaga kayong relationship to begin with. May sense ba? Haha."

"You're really absorbing this." Mahinang tumawa si Darwin at saka sandaling lumingon sa akin.

"Hindi naman. Pinapakinggan ko lang."

Tumango-tango siya.

"Bakit?" interesadong tanong ko. "Hindi ka ba agree?"

"I don't care about other people's affairs."

"Pero ikaw mismo? Hindi ka ba open sa FUBU or sa one night stand?"

"Why are you asking?"

"Wala lang. Gusto ko lang malaman thoughts mo. Kasi parang wala namang mali sa mga sinabi nila."

"Hard for you to discern what's wrong and right when you're listening to two speakers who are on the same side."

"So, against ka nga?"

"I'm not against it. It's just something I don't... won't practice."

"Oh."

"I mean..." Nagkibitbalikat siya. "I don't judge people who are into that. But I, personally, don't understand what's fun in meaningless sex."

"So, gusto mo laging may feelings?"

"Well, isn't it supposed to be an act of love?"

"I don't know. I guess so."

Mahina siyang tumawa. "No judgment here, Therese. Like I said, I don't care about other people's affairs."

I must admit, marami na rin akong naka-one night stand. Wala naman kasi akong nagiging seryosong relationship dahil priority ko ang career ko.

"And we're here," aniya, bago huminto sa tapat ng condo na tinitirahan ko.

Sobrang absorbed nga siguro ako sa podcast gaya ng sabi niya, kaya hindi ko namalayan na nandito na pala kami.

"Thank you, Darwin," bulong ko. Humarap ako sa kaniya at hindi napigilang mag-isip kung kailan ko kaya siya muling makikita.

"You're welcome. Do you have everything you need?"

"Yes. Thank you ulit. Ingat ka."

"I will. Thanks."

"Thanks."

I was five steps out when I finally summoned the courage and turned around. His car was still there, so I quickly walked over and he rolled down the window for me.

"Forgot anything?" he asked.

But I just ignored him.

"Do you want to come up to my place? I can make you coffee," I whispered, wondering how embarrassed I would be cos he sure as hell will say no. I don't even know why I asked.

He observed me for a moment, his hand still firm on the steering wheel as his eyes traveled all over my face, searching for God knows what.

"Where can I park?" he asked.