D A R W I N
present

"Really! Sabi mo pa nga sa akin, you asked her to marry you."

Natawa na lang ako sa kalokohang ikinukuwento sa akin ni Mads habang magkausap kami sa Skype.

"Si Patrick ang gusto kong makausap, hindi ikaw," biro ko. "Itapat mo sa kaniya cam."

Mads is my brother's wife. They have a child together and he is the only reason why I called.

"Darwin, I know that's just a dream. But I swear that's gonna come true!" pagpupumilit niya. "I dreamt of Patrick even before I gave birth to him. I saw him in my dreams and he looks exactly the same! Maniwala ka sa akin."

Napailing na lang ako sa kinukuwento niya. Sabi niya kasi sa akin ay nagkaroon daw siya ng panaginip kung saan ay naging girlfriend ko si Jade at mapapangasawa pa nga.

Matagal na kaming magkatrabaho ni Jade.

We are both professionals.

Workplace romance is so beyond us, it's almost laughable.

"Tapat mo na lang cam kay Patrick," ulit ko. "Let me see my nephew."

Nakabase ako sa Australia habang ang buong pamilya ng kapatid ko ay nakabase naman sa Pilipinas.

Mula nang isilang ni Mads ang pamangkin ko ay hindi pa ako nakakabisita sa kanila. That was five months ago and he's grown so much now.

Before him, I never knew it was possible for me to miss someone I have never even met.

I don't plan on ever having kids. I have always been firm on that.

Is this God's way of making me change my mind?

He gave us Patrick so that I could see for myself what I'm about to lose by refusing to father a child?

"Kuya." Sa halip na pamangkin ko ay mukha ng kapatid ko ang bumalandra sa camera.

"Denver."

Ngumiti siya. "You don't call me Patrick anymore."

My brother's name is Patrick Denver. Everyone calls him Denver but I have called him Patrick since day one.

Now... he has a son who is also named Patrick. And I can't keep on calling them the same name, so I started calling him Denver just like everyone else, to avoid confusion.

"There can only be one Patrick. You should have given your son a different name," I said, referring to my nephew.

"Si Mads nasunod, eh," sagot niya. "Napanaginipan niya raw. Patrick daw pinangalan namin sa anak namin."

Natawa na lang ako. "Mads and her dreams," I whispered, remembering the dream she was telling me about Jade and I.

"Mads and her dreams," Denver repeated with a smile, finally moving the camera in front of his son.

Patrick is barely half a year old but he is smart. He smiled when he saw his reflection and even attempted to reach out a hand to grab Denver's phone.

"I'll be there tomorrow," I told him. I know he didn't understand a word, but I still felt the need to let him know. "We'll be seeing each other in person—finally."

Denver and Mads picked us up from the airport. I am aware that there used to be tension between Jade and Mads, but I observed them in silence and they were both friendly with each other, so I no longer gave it another thought.

"Kain tayo?" tanong ni Denver, na siyang nagmamaneho. Nakaupo ako sa passenger seat at pareho namang nasa likuran sina Jade at Mads. "Gutom ba kayo?"

Nilingon ko si Jade at nagkibitbalikat lang siya sa akin. She must be hungry, or she would have said otherwise.

"Oo," sagot ko kay Denver. Kahit na busog pa naman ako dahil kumain na rin kami sa eroplano.

"What do you want to eat, Jade?" malambing na tanong ni Mads.

They were always civil towards each other but they were never friends, so it's slowly beginning to dawn on me why Mads is suddenly acting like this.

Her fucking dream.

She wants to match us up.

She is being friendly with Jade because she wants us to end up together, just like in her dream.

I shook my head and just stared out the window. We haven't even been on the road for ten minutes, but the traffic situation is already insane.

This is surely one of the things I didn't miss here in the Philippines.

"How long will you be staying?" Denver asked after we all had lunch together. "Bukas, magkita ulit tayo. Dadalhin na namin si Patrick."

"I will only be staying a week," I answered, giving him a quick pat on the back just as he stopped at the corner of my building. "Jade will be here for two months."

"One month lang," mabilis na kontra ni Jade sa akin. "One month lang. Babalik din ako."

She is a lot like me. Career-driven. Focused. Ambitious. And we don't let anything get in the way of work.

But I sometimes wish we weren't like this.

I sometimes wish we both had more to life.

My unit is on the topmost floor of the condo. I remember one of our architects saying that it was the best bachelor pad in Manila.

Bachelor.

The word gets cringier and cringier every time.

Last year, I was voted the country's most eligible bachelor by a women's magazine. I didn't even know there was such a thing.

Over the years, I lost count of how many people have interviewed me about my choice to remain single. No one even asks me how the company's doing. No one is interested in our expansion to Australia. No one gives a damn about anything else but my relationship status and I have grown tired of it.

I unlocked the door to my unit and stepped inside. The place was spot-clean and smelled like chamomile.

It looked exactly the same since the last time I was here. And to be frank, that didn't give me any joy.

"Magpahinga ka muna. Ihahatid kita sa inyo maya-maya," bilin ko kay Jade bago pumuwesto sa sofa para sandaling magpahinga.

The next thing I knew, thirteen hours had passed and I was waking up on the same sofa, covered in three blankets.

From: Jade Claveria
Message: Nauna na po ako. Will keep my notifications on if you need me.

If you need me. I squinted at the text.

Why would I ever need her now? She is arranging a funeral for her sister. She should know that I won't be requiring anything from her in a while.

I stood up from the couch and started pacing around the room, contemplating out of nowhere.

Jade's sister was just 17. Her life was just beginning, yet she was taken so abruptly, without warning.

I'm in my 30s and I have so many things I want to achieve. So many that I want to do.

But the possibility of death any second is an unfunny way of reminding us that it really is not up to us.

Everyone has been asking me when I will be settling down and when I will have kids of my own. I have always dismissed the thought of starting my own family, so I don't know what got me thinking about it now.

If I die tomorrow, what happens?

I haven't even learned Mandarin.

Have I lived my life to the fullest?

I haven't even been to Amsterdam.

Will I have any unfinished business?

I haven't even tried free-diving.

Will anyone cry for me?

For sure, Claire... but, will there be anyone else?

I let out a loud breath and shook my head a tad too hard.

Am I really having an existential crisis at 2 AM? I literally had to stop myself from grabbing my phone and booking a flight to Amsterdam to learn Mandarin and enroll in free-diving classes.

From: Therese
Message: I heard you're back. Can we meet?

I had to think for a minute after receiving her message. For sure, I wasn't planning on ever seeing her again. In fact, I hadn't hoped to hear from her again after my abrupt flight to Australia months ago.

She was with me at my lowest and she did not even get a goodbye. Least I can do is apologize for suddenly leaving her hanging.

To: Therese
Message: Same place in half?

She responded almost instantly.

From: Therese
Message: Okay.