The food was warm, steaming hot even. If it were for you, you would have chugged it all down in one bite. But as a nurse you knew it would be a terrible idea. It would just come back up again.

Your stomach was so empty it felt like it was trying to suck itself in like a void. The growling felt like the worst kind of stomach ache and pressed the desire to throw up into your throat.

While sitting over the food, taking one small bite by one, you dared to glance up from time to time.

In the middle of the room, Jacob sat on his desk. His gaze was lowered, fixed onto a computer screen. His exterior was calm, but the way his fingers twisted and turned the long strands of his beard told a different story. He was thinking about something. And it obviously did not please him.

You stopped munching the food and dedicated your entire attention to him instead, trying to figure out what was going on.

But Jacob wouldn't have been him if he would let your interest go unnoticed. His eyes jumped up and he glanced at you from the corner of his eyes.

The cold look in his icy eyes made you jump. A cold shiver crawled down your spine and you lowered your gaze again immediately.

"You should eat.", he said in a calm voice to hide his concerns. "It won't taste if it gets cold."

You nodded and shoved another spoon full of mashed potatoes down your throat.

They tasted a bit salty, made with too much milk and way too moist. Jacob must be a terrible cook. On the other hand, he was a solider through and through. Most soldiers were unable to serve a proper meal.

But he had made the effort, you thought to yourself.

The thought made a small grin appear on your face.

Jacob noticed and his eyes stopped at the sight, taking in every single detail.

As the feeling of his eyes danced over your lips, you forced yourself to quickly stop again. You didn't want to make him feel like you were making fun of him. Or worse, mocking him. Either way it could resolve in a situation you did not want to experience.

"Pup.", Jacob's voice sounded surprisingly soft all of a sudden.

You looked up, another bite of food in your mouth.

For a moment, he just looked at you. His lips parted, a low sigh escaped him, so soft that it was almost not audible. The expression in his eyes softened. The dark shimmer disappeared and instead a feeling lit up inside this light blue.

Was that guilt?

Or maybe you were just imagining things?

Slowly, he pulled his chair closer to the bed, but stopped an arms length away.

You eyed him with the caution of a deer that watched the hunter. It had been hard to fear Jacob as a man. His mood swings were the reason why you couldn't trust him.

But now, things felt different. You felt unsure about him.

One moment, he made your heart jump and cared for you as if he was tending to the most precious thing in the world. In the next moment he looked and acted like he would kill you with his bare hands.

It was this uncertainty that made you go crazy. Made you fear him.

Jacob wasn't a stupid man. He knew what was going on inside your head, what made your eyes watch him like a bomb. He was used to this treatment by now. Other soldiers feared him just the way you did right now. He did mind, never did. By now he was used to it.

But still.

It hurt a little. Then certainty that you feared him just like anybody else stung.

He hated it.

But why?

With his eyes closed he shook his head to get rid of the thoughts and wiped his face with both hands.

"Pup.", he sighed. "You need to eat something. To get back on your feet."

Carefully, he stretched his arm out and offered you his hand.

Unsure but longing for the touch of his skin, you reached out and dared to touch his palm with the tips of your fingers.

"I'm not hungry.", you mumbled and dropped the spoon, too weak to hold it up for more than two minutes.

With a sigh, Jacob took the spoon and put some food on it before holding it to your mouth.

"Come on. I'll help you. Open your mouth."

He sounded so soft, so loving and carrying that it scared him. He couldn't remember the last time his voice had sounded so calm and full of emotions.

Neither could he remember the last time he had the desire to care for somebody who was weak, somebody who did not make it through his challenges, who did not fit into the spot of a soldier.

But here he was now, wanting to do anything to pull you through it all. It felt a bit like nursing a wolf puppy back to health.

Slowly, you opened your mouth and accepted the kindness that this man offered you. But somehow, this only strengthened the insecurity that was slowly growing in the back of your head.

"Why?", you asked with a shaky voice.

Jacob froze. He raised his head, surprise was written all over his face.

"What?", he asked.

"Why do you have to be this way, Jacob?", gently, you pushed a hand under his chin and made him straighten his back so he was forced to look into your eyes. "Why are you so calm now? Why do you feed me?"

Jacob has to swallow hard. The questions made his heart beat faster. His mind was desperately searching for a way out, for a reason to excuse his behaviour. But there wasn't a single one.

The feeling of your hand on his skin did not help him stay calm either.

"I don't know.", he admitted. "I just... I just want to. I want you to... make it. And be safe. Healthy and well."