Hey guys!  How is everyone doing ? I am so glad its the weekend because I am actually looking forward writing another blog for all of my fans. I have noticed a massive boost of followers on my social media apps, a proof that my online diary is both interesting and entertaining to read.

I am dead sure that it's got nothing to do with me being friends with Nathan or Jet who is incidentally was grounded by his dad for getting a detention on his second day in school! HAH! Double whammy ! The whole gang were told not to visit him, video chat him or help him try to escape. His ass is in total lock down! Sweet! That means his plan of going horse back riding with Raven this weekend won't be happening... yes! He might as well spend his isolation re-applying his eyeliner. LOL!

Right, enough about emo boy. Let's talk about me. This week, our school paper had its first meeting and the gazetteers  had unanimously agreed that they wanted to keep the Lakeview Gazette in its original paper format. Our adviser and Journalism teacher, Mrs. Apollonia Peel or as I fondly called her, Apple Peel *LOL* has approved all the minutes in the agenda and assigned each of the junior reporters their respective stories to investigate.

Being the only freelance contributor in the group, our adviser assigned me to a different project. Apple Peel wanted me to assist a fellow gazetteer whose name for the life of me, I kept forgetting. I think her name is Clara. Mrs. Peel wanted me to help Cletus to manage the paper's newest section ... an advice column entitled Missy Confidential  Corner. We did a trial run last year and it was well received by everyone.

We were inundated  by tons of anonymous letters from fellow students and faculty members (yes, you heard me right. Our cool teachers joined in the fun).

Most of the questions ranged from love problems, college prospects, first dates, crushes, zits and the  answer to question number fifty from Miss Chastity's Sex Education summative test on Sexual Transmitted Disease. LOL! FYI, question number 50 is an essay! Nice try, Piper! LOL

As of Wednesday, my Missy Confidential inbox was raking handful of letters. We are free to choose which dilemma we want to reply and post as long as we follow our school policy. Unfortunately, non of the emails  appealed to me. Majority of the letter senders were inquiring about the Halloween party at the LeBlanc's mansion which will be hosted by our school Captain and Jet's  older brother, Flynn. Apparently this Halloween party is very exclusive and the invites are hard to come by.

The rest were just your garden variety questions. From the more common queries about skin problem to the gross and the bizarre like a pimply lump growth around  the nether region and some idiot seeking help on how to remove bubblegum stain on undies. *what the heck*

I decided to forward all the letters to Clair or Clarice, whatever her name is and let her handle all the correspondence. She replied with a kissy emoji and a kiss. Eww! Sometimes being this hot and attractive can be a gift and a curse! She ain't my type so after Charlie's failed attempt to seduce me with love emoji, I decided to branch out and check Marykelly's inbox. Remember her? That's right boys and gals! The Star Crossed Starlings author. Being her personal assistant, she has given me access to reply to her fan mail among others.

I seeped through her inbox and replied to every Tom, Dick and Harry in there. I flushed out her junk mail and updated her social media status. I started with her Twitter page first and then her Instagram. I am looking for a juicy topic to write for my column and I was nearly about to give up when I accidentally pressed and opened her Twitter private inbox. Lo and behold, there was an interesting convo between her and her writer friend. It's the poultry guy! The author who writes an avian fantasy novel.

It was a bit of a challenge reading their conversation because both are equally proficient chatterboxes, like two clucking magpies! The amount of nonsense those two talked about ---why, it put's to shame the " Would you rather have legs as long as your fingers or fingers as long as your legs" hour long dialogue between Nathan and Mika! I really feel bad for their respective keyboards.

Their conversation which was mostly about random stuffs jumped from one topic to another, a sure fire way to derail one's train of thoughts. Sounds confusing, isn't it? I will give you an  example. Marykelly asked turkey dude about his acting background and he replied about getting his driver's license?! What in the name of dementia is going on??!!

So MK quickly shift gears and quizzed him about his driver's license in which he replied by blabbering about doing voice-over. What the hell?! It's pure chaos!

And then, amidst the holy mess that was the chat between the two, the raptor writer decided to abruptly went to bed and hibernate! He reminded me of a light switch. One moment, he was there incessantly jabbering about anything  and then in a blink of an eye, he went into coma. There's no go between!

And this is the best part, when turkey dude signed off, Marykelly continued to talk like a woman unhinged! *LOL* Her responses were paragraph long,almost like a mini novella, talking to nothing but dead air! There won't be any response for days until Lazarus resurrects from the dead...ahahahaha! This is INSANE!

Anyway,  after reading their mind bending chit chat, I was able to round up and salvage some interesting topic that I can use for my column. It may not be Pulitzer Prize material but for my love starve classmates, this will take the cake.

I don't want to sound like some Nosey Parker here but get this, Turkey guy has never been on a date with a girl. Spoiler Alert! *LoL* OMG, right?! I bet he had a date with a plant but that doesn't count.

I'm only 16 and I can tell you, I have dated a lot of girls. I actually have a seasonal girlfriend at the moment and her name is Daryl. We often break up during Christmas, Valentine and Birthdays to save myself from giving her gifts. I know she only dated me to get close to Nathan which is fine. I am not jealous at all because my real girlfriend and lover is my Raven Baby Doll.

She is the one! My gray eyed Pallas Athena! The reason why my bath time is as long as the Lord of the Rings movie with extended play. She never fails to take my breath away especially when she jab me right on my diaphragm for attempting to steal a kiss. I swear, she punches like a guy. That's her attempt to cop a feel *jk* She still doesn't know it yet but she is madly in love with me. Just don't tell Nathan or Quasimodo will go berserk again. He has problems handling the truth!

Talking about Nathan, that's another prime example of a guy who allegedly never had a date with a girl. Like really? I have a suspicion that both Nathan and turkey dude did date a girl, they both are just too clueless to know.

You see, my definition of a date is hanging out with someone you like with the big possibility of being her BF. The whole idea of dating is to get to know the person well. A date could be platonic (purely friendship), romantic (potential to suck each others faces) and catatonic (a date with a motionless entity).

A catatonic date is what you will experience if you go out with Jet. His corpse like sex appeal will thrill any girl who adores a magical night of sitting still like a statue and awkward arrested silence. Everyone knows that Jet has only eyes for his chérie amour, Raven.  He reanimates (talks and laugh) and gives off a lethal dose of charm whenever my honey sugar sweet is around. It nearly drove Nathan in a fit of jealousy. Unfortunately for the two losers, my Raven Baby Doll only has eyes for me (just don't tell Nathan and Raven, ok?).

So my advice to the two dateless wonder is to cease the day and ask your crush out. Daryl tried numerous time to entrap Nathan but to no avail. He is as slippery as oil slick. To Marykelly's friend, if he is afraid to ask a girl out for fear of rejection, then why can't he try overriding the dating system by asking the girl he likes to a not a real date, date. For a lack of a better term, con her! *LOL*

For example, he can ask the unsuspecting victim, I mean romantic prospect to go to the store with him to buy moth balls or dish washing detergent. How about a trip to Walgreens to stock up on laxatives and Imodium. Oh yeah, invite her to a watch party. You can both watch movies together but in the comfort of your own room. Just a reminder. Be mindful and watch the movie with your clothes on at all times because some watch party app do have cam enabled capability:D

This is going to be sick! I better get going. I will definitely write an article about dating dilemma and hopefully Apple Peel will find it appealing to give me the green ;D I know she will. She won't say no to a Viking God!

Thanks again for reading and till next time, Mellyn!

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Author's Notes: If you want to see more of Jacksie and his friends, check them out in The Constables of Raven presents: Birdy's First KISS.. I'm sure Jacksie, Nathan and the rest of the Lost Boys  will be thrilled to see you.