I was an only child.

Growing up, ang lagi kong kasama ay si Mommy at si Papa.

Nang maghiwalay sila, it was just my father and I.

Ang kamag-anak ni Mommy, nasa US.

Si Papa naman, nasa Pilipinas lahat.

We were isolated from family kaya hindi ako sanay sa malalaking gatherings.

Destiny has a big family.

Ang lola niya had four kids.

They lived in an acreage.

Malaki at malawak ang log home kung saan Destiny stayed with three of her other cousins.

Napapalibutan ang bahay nang spruce trees and I could only imagine how it looked like during winter.

It must have been like living in a house surrounded by Christmas trees.

Pagpasok namin, the one thing that struck me was how very brown it was.

Ang interior pati ang mga gamit was made of wood.

The chandelier was in the shape of an antler.

Malawak ang sala at sa kaliwang bahagi ay may hagdan that leads to the second floor.

We went upstairs with Annie.

Tinuro niya kung saan ako magi-stay which was in a room across from Destiny's.

Except for Destiny's mom, dumating lahat nang anak ni Grandma Lucy.

Ang dalawang lalake, galing sa Ontario.

The second youngest daughter was from Churchill, Manitoba.

Kasama din nila ang mga anak at apo.

Bukod kay Chuck, may dalawa pang pinsan si Destiny na sa lola niya din nakatira.

Siya ang nagpalaki sa mga ito dahil they were abandoned by their own parents.

Pinakilala ako ni Destiny sa kanila pagdating namin.

Hindi ko alam kung naikuwento na ako sa kanila but they showed no surprise when they saw me.

Ang isa niyang pinsan, si Annie, kept looking at me na parang may gusto itanong.

She made me feel awkward.

I mentioned it to Destiny in passing at sinabi niya na ganoon daw talaga siya.

"Just ignore her."

During the wake, lalong dumami ang tao.

Close-knit ang community nila at lahat magkakakilala.

They were always bringing food and offering help with anything.

Destiny's former coworkers at the coffee shop came by and offered their condolences.

Nagkuwentuhan sila, kumustahan.

Pinakilala niya din ako sa mga ito and they were very friendly.

They asked kung babalik si Destiny.

She said she was only there for the funeral.

I felt out of place dahil si Destiny lang ang kilala ko.

Kapag may dumarating na bisita, I would say hi.

There were a few who talked to me and asked how I knew Destiny.

I gave them the condensed and clean version.

Destiny told them na she was staying with me for a while dahil she lost her job.

They were sympathetic at nauwi ang kuwentuhan sa mga kakilala nila who also lost their job.

Hindi maiwasang mapag-usapan ang current situation surrounding the pandemic.

Most of them said na pagod na sila sa nangyayari and they can't wait for things to get back to normal.

Halata sa itsura at tono nila ang exhaustion from adjusting to the new ways of the world.

I just got out of the washroom nang mapansin ko na may commotion sa sala.

Nakasalubong ko si Annie and she told me na dumating si Liam.

Hindi naman ako nagtanong pero siya na mismo ang nagvolunteer.

Mukha siyang excited.

I found her reaction strange.

"I thought he wouldn't make it." Sabi ni Annie habang nilalapag ang tray na puno ng sugar cookies.

"Destiny must be thrilled." Tiningnan ko siya and there was a malicious gleam in her eyes.

I think she was baiting me.

But I know better than to respond.

Lumabas ako sa sala at tumayo sa gilid nang fireplace.

On the mantelpiece were photographs.

I picked up the one with Destiny standing beside her grandma.

Even then, nagkalat na ang freckles sa pisngi at ilong niya.

She grinned, showing her braces.

She looked very cute.

Destiny had one arm on her grandma's shoulder and they both looked very happy.

"Hey," I was so absorbed in looking at the pictures na hindi ko napansin na nasa tabi ko pala siya.

Beside her stood Liam.

He was tall, dark and muscular.

But it was his piercing blue eyes that I noticed.

"Liam, this is Jack."

"Is that your real name?"

"Don't be rude." Nahihiyang tumingin sa akin si Destiny.

"That is my name." Confident na sagot ko.

"Cool."

Iyon lang ang sinabi niya bago nagpaalam na pupunta lang sa kusina para kumuha ng pagkain.

"Sorry about that." Tumabi sa akin si Destiny pag-alis ni Liam.

"Is he a jerk in person?"

"He's probably just tired."

"Or he is a jerk."

"Are you mad?" Hinawakan niya ako sa siko.

"No. Just surprised. But there's always that one person."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize for him."

She looked thoughtful and I know she hasn't stopped crying when we got here.

Bago ulit mangyari iyon, nagsalita ako.

"Did you know he was going to be here?"

"Chuck told me."

"And?"

"I don't know what to think. The last time I saw him, we fought. I told him how hurt I was with what he did to me. He became defensive and it made me angrier. I wanted him to apologize."

"Did he?"

"No." Destiny was looking at the arched entrance to the kitchen were Liam was laughing with Annie.

Destiny looked away.

"To be honest, I feel as if I'm in this never ending roller coaster ride. I want to get out of it but I can't."

"Do you want to somewhere?"

"Where would we go?"

"I don't know. You know this place better than I do."

Tiningnan niya ang paligid.

Marami pa ding tao and they were all busy talking and catching up.

Hinawakan ni Destiny ang kamay ko.

We snuck out of the side door.

There was an old white Toyota pick up truck na nakaparada sa gilid nang bahay nila.

Hinila niya ang pinto at bumukas naman.

"Perfect." Sabi niya sabay binaba ang visor.

Nakasiksik dito ang susi.

"Get in."

Umikot ako papunta sa passenger seat at pumasok.

"We still have time before the funeral." Pinaandar niya ang truck at mabilis na pinaarangkada just in time for the backdoor to open.

Lumabas si Chuck and he raised his hand in disbelief.

"He's gonna be so pissed." Natatawang sabi ni Destiny.

We drove past long stretches of green fields bago pinarada ni Destiny ang truck sa tapat nang isang lake.

Up on a hill was a red barn and rows of bales of hay.

Bumaba si Destiny at sumandal sa mayabong na puno sa tapat nang lawa.

Maliwanag ang sikat nang araw and it reflected on the still waters.

"I used to come here when I needed to think." Tumayo ako sa tabi niya.

"What are you thinking of right now?"

"How I miss my grandma." Naiyak na naman siya.

"I didn't know that the last time I spoke with her would really be the last. She told me that if I couldn't find a job, I should go back and stay with her again. I told her I would even though I knew that I didn't really want to."

"Why not?"
"I didn't want to come back a failure."

"Why did you think that?"

"Just look at me, Jack. I have no decent job, I'm staying with you for free and I really don't have much going for me."

"Is it really that bad living with me?"

She got the joke and smiled.

"You're too hard on yourself. Now, I don't know your grandma but if she was here, I bet you she'll say she's proud of you."

"That's exactly what she would say."

"It's all a matter of perspective, Des."

"I know. It's just that right now, it's hard to think of the glass half full. I lost the most important person in my life and I couldn't catch a break." She bit her lips to keep it from trembling.

"Come here." I pulled her close and let her cry.

Her body shook then slowly relaxed against mine.

I wish I could hold her like this forever under different circumstances.

But with the death of her grandmother, I don't think that telling her what I feel was a good idea.

We stood in the warmth of the afternoon sun.

It was so quiet around us that it was a nice break from all the noise in the house.

I was starting to feel suffocated and tired from smiling at people I don't know.

Being here, with Destiny in my arms, was a nice reprieve.

When we came back, Annie was waiting for us.

She wasn't happy that we disappeared and reminded us that it was time to get ready for the funeral.

Destiny and I couldn't help but giggle on our way upstairs.

"Is she always this bossy?"

"Yeah. I'm used to it."

More people wanted to attend the funeral but because of the restrictions, it was limited to family members and Grandma's closest friends.

Destiny sat between Liam and I.

During the sermon, I caught him looking at me and then at Destiny's hands.

She was holding my hand when the pastor talked about how Grandma Lucy never turned her back on anyone who needed help.

That even when she was too weak to go to church, she made it a point to call and asked if there was something she could do to help.

"Lucy showed selfless devotion to everyone and embodied how it was to be a Christian not just in words but more importantly, in action."

Her eldest son, James, gave the eulogy.

There were more soft cries from the audience as she exalted the virtues of his mother.

There were no dry eyes before the service was over.

I didn't know Grandma Lucy personally but I was moved by the words from those who loved her.

After the service, we went back to the house.

Destiny and I were about to go in when Liam asked if they could talk in private.

She looked at me and then at Liam.

Nag-aalangan.

"Please?"

"Alright."

Bumaba ulit si Destiny at pumunta sila sa likod bahay.

Dumiretso ako sa kusina at nandoon si Annie.

Nilagay niya ang mga hugasan sa lababo at mula sa kinatatayuan niya at kita si Destiny at Liam.

"They still look good together." Hindi niya inalis ang tingin sa bintana.

Hindi ako kumibo.

Sa halip ay kumuha ako ng plato at sumandok nang meatballs.

I thought makakahalata si Annie pero hindi siya tumigil sa pagsasalita.

"When he left, her world fell apart. She really love him you know? We were all worried because we thought she would never be able to recover from the heartbreak."

"You're telling me this because?" Hindi ko na tinago ang pagkairita.

Una ko pa lang siya makilala, there was something about her na hindi ko matantya.

Hinarap ako ni Annie.

"I've seen the way you look at Destiny. I don't know if she knows or if you told her anything but right now, she needs something good and steady in her life."

"I don't know you what you're getting at but Destiny is her own person. She can decide for herself."

"Do you really think you stand a chance against Liam?" Nilingon niya ang paligid bago nagsalita ulit.

"First of all, they have a history."

"Yeah. What a great history it was." Mataray na sabi ko.

"It doesn't matter. Liam had a dream and he had the guts to go after it. Now, he's going after what his heart wants."

"Good luck with that."

Lalong nanggalaiti si Annie sa sinabi ko.

"I'll have you know that Destiny is as straight as they come. Just ask her about Chloe."

There was an evil look in her eyes.

Magsasalita sana ako ulit pero parang may pumipigil sa akin kaya hindi na ako kumibo.

I don't know if I was that obvious or kung psychic si Annie para mahalata niya kung ano talaga ang nararamdaman ko.

Humarap siya ulit sa bintana.

Napatingin din ako.

Under the bright orange glow of the setting sun, Liam and Destiny embraced each other.

I suddenly lost my appetite for meatballs.