Destiny, Ralph and I have fallen into our routine and I started to feel like myself again.

I don't wake up crying anymore.

The truth was, I got used to seeing her lying beside me when I wake up in the morning.

She smiles even in her sleep.

Hindi na siguro mababago iyon kasi she was born that way.

Maayos at lagi ding malinis ang bahay.

Unlike before na the only time na naglilinis ako was when the dust start to bother me, ngayon I often come home to a house that smelled of sweet cinnamon.

Lagi ding may pagkain.

Kahit busy si Destiny sa bago niyang trabaho, I always come home to find dinner ready.

Kung wala siya sa bahay, lagi siyang nagtetext to let me know na may food sa fridge.

Nasasanay na ako sa kanya.

Temporary lang ang set up namin at kapag naiisip ko na anytime puwede siyang umalis, I feel lonely.

It wasn't only because ako na naman ulit mag-isa but also because I don't think I see her in the same way.

Kung dati, our arrangement was clear na what we have was purely physical, I don't think it no longer applies.

At least hindi na ganoon ang nararamdaman ko.

Naiinlove na ako sa kanya.

I try to deny it pero niloloko ko lang ang sarili ko.

"Sabi ko na nga ba eh?" Nakaupo kami ni Brenda sa picnic area during lunch.

Nasabi ko sa kanya ang tungkol sa nararamdaman ko.

"Hindi magtatagal ang ganyang arrangement kasi meron talagang maiinlove." Sumubo siya ng salad habang kinakain ko naman ang leftover roast beef with mashed potatoes na pinabaon sa akin ni Destiny.

"What if she doesn't feel the same way about me? Baka mamaya magsabi ako tapos di naman pala mutual. Sayang ang foundation nang relationship namin."

"Alin? Ang mga sexcapades ninyo?"

"Sira. Di lang iyon. We are closer than ever." I told her about Liam.

"Natatakot ka ba na makipagbalikan si Destiny sa ex niya?"
"I don't know what I feel. Siguro. Oo. Ewan ko."

"Bago ka maunahan ni Liam, magsabi ka na kay Destiny. Tutal magkasama naman kayo sa bahay eh. May home court advantage ka."

"Sana nga ganoon lang kadali. Pero nag-aalangan ako kasi nandoon ang fear na baka isipin niya na I'm taking advantage of the situation."

"Bakit? Iyan ba ang ginagawa mo?"

"Hindi. Kaso, parang mali."

"Hay naku, Jack. Baka dumating ang oras na mawala na lang siya sa'yo. Ikaw din."

Destiny got a call from Liam one day.

Nasa bahay kami at nanonood nang movie when her phone rang.

Hindi niya nakilala ang number kaya hindi niya sinagot.

Pero tumawag ulit.

Nayamot siya kasi ang kulit daw.

"Why don't you block it?" Kinuha ko ang remote at pinause ang pinanood naming horror movie.

"That's a good idea."

Bago niya mablock ang number, may pumasok na text.

"The hell." Nagtatakang binasa niya ang message.

"What happened?"

"It's Liam."

"What?"

Pinakita niya sa akin ang message.

"Who the fuck gave him my number?" Saglit siyang nag-isip tapos mabilis na nagtype.

Nagreply din agad ang tinext niya.

"Damn it, Chuck."

Pinsan niya at bestfriend ni Liam.

Tinawagan niya ito.

I could hear Chuck on the other line because Destiny was huddled close to me.

Liam wants her back.

Bigyan daw niya ng chance.

"Then what? When he sees another opportunity to make more money, he will toss me aside like I don't mean anything?"

She was clearly hurt by what he did and I felt bad.

Nakiusap si Chuck.

Huwag naman daw niya totally i-shut off si Liam.

Obvious naman daw na may feelings pa ito para kay Destiny.

"I don't want to go through it again. You should know how hurt I was. Just stop being his wingman okay?" Bigla niyang pinutol ang tawag.

Hindi namin natapos panoorin ang movie dahil nawala na siya sa mood.

Lumabas si Destiny dahil gusto niyang magpahangin.

Sumunod ako sa kanya and she was sitting under the fir tree staring at the blue sky.

"Are you alright?" Umupo ako sa tabi niya.

"No."

"When Liam left, Chuck talked to me. He said Liam didn't really have a choice. He was so sick of being poor. Disgusted was what he said. He wanted a better life for his family and that I should understand that it wasn't only me who was hurting but Liam too."

"What did you say?"

"I told him to cut the bullshit. That if Liam really cared about me, he would not make me feel that I was a hindrance to his ambitions."

"Would you rather he promise something he couldn't keep?"

"No. But he didn't need to toss me aside. I felt like shit when he left."

"That's why you're still mad at him."

"Yes."

"What do you want to do?"

"I want to tell him to leave me alone."

"Call him." I challenged.

"What? No."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to."

"What happened to my fearless girl?" I teased.

"She got hurt."

"I got hurt too. When Kate left, I thought I would never be the same. I blamed myself for what happened to us. But then again, if I didn't tell her the truth, I would never be able to live with myself either. I was so angry with her for being so close-minded and for thinking that I was lying to her the whole time we were together. Then one day, I woke up and asked myself how long am I going to beat myself up for what she did? I have been carrying the guilt for almost a year but I was the only one suffering. I told myself that I don't want to do that anymore. I didn't do anything wrong."

Destiny took a long deep breath.

"I'm afraid, Jack."

"Afraid of what?"

"Afraid that the reason why I'm so angry at him was because I still love him."

Lagi kong iniisip ang sinabi niya na iyon.

What if mahal pa nga niya ang ex niya?
Anong mangyayari sa amin?

Natawa ako bigla.

There was no us.

It's just Jack or Destiny.

Not Jack and Destiny.

We get along so well dahil umpisa pa lang, we decided that this set up works for us.

No strings attached.

Kapag may strings, you can pull, you can tighten, you can loosen.

You can do anything and it could mean something.

Sa situation namin, walang expectations.

We are free.

Just like how we want it to be.

But my heart was telling me something different.

It wanted to be attached.

I needed those strings.

I wanted to be pulled, tightened, loosened.

I wanted to mean something to Destiny.

Kakauwi ko pa lang when my phone beeped.

Nilapag ko muna ang backpack sa upuan bago kinuha ang phone sa bulsa.

I thought it was Destiny telling me she'll be home late.

Tama naman ang hinala ko.

But there was one thing I got wrong.

She won't be home late dahil she has to deliver food or she picked up an extra shift.

Late siya uuwi dahil she was meeting with Liam.

Ano kaya ang nangyari?

Bakit biglang nagbago ang ihip nang hangin?

"Wish me luck."

May emoji na nakalabas ang ngipin ang text niya.

Iyong hitsurang ninenerbiyos.

I texted her back.

Simpleng good luck.

Sinamahan ko pa ng smiley face.

Kahit hindi ko gusto na makikipagkita siya sa ex niya, wala naman akong karapatan.

No strings attached.