Hi...

Riha here.
Riha Menon.

A journalist and a philanthropist.

Very jovial, very outgoing, very friendly, but a big failure in finding that perfect man who would understand my needs.

I didn't give a damn though....

I mean.....even till last month..

But now, I'd been suffering from a disease.
'Peep through the window' disease.

Whenever I was at home, I found myself peeping through the window, to catch a glimpse of.....someone....

Someone who had recently moved in next door, at my friend Rohini's place, in the second floor, in the room at the left corner of their long balcony. Since last month.

I had somehow one day caught a glimpse of him, leaning on the railings, feeding a huge bird, probably a kite, from his hand, with a smile on his face.

I was dumbstruck, because such big birds usually never came close to humans, unless they found them dependable. As a result, I spent a long minute, more than usual, staring at him from my balcony. Also I had never seen him before, that too in my friend's house.

However, as soon as he caught a glimpse of me staring at him, he disappeared, as if running away.

I was taken aback. Why would such a handsome man  shy away?

Throughout the day, a killer inquisitiveness bit me on the insides. I had always been this way. Soon as something caught my attention, I wouldn't breathe till I knew what the crap was about.

I ran to Rohini's house on returning home.

As expected, I did not see the new guy around. Rohini chattered for a long hour, pulling me into her room. But I was growingly impatient.
Finally, I couldn't contain my inquisitiveness, and asked,
" There's a new inmate to your house. I saw him feeding kites from the second floor balcony. "

Rohini grew stern. Then lowered her voice to a minimum,
" Don't talk about him. He's such a headache to our family. He's chachi's nephew. "

" You mean, Medha aunty's? "

" Yup. She requested to let him stay for sometime. Papa agreed after a long denial. We don't ever talk to him or go nearby. The room he's stays in has its own stairs down. He's secluded. Even chachi doesn't interact with him much. "

" But why???? " , I was taken aback.

Why would someone be so rude to a man who looked so kind?

Rohini  murmured.
" He murdered someone when he was fourteen. Was in a remand home for three years. "

I could not react in the first place.
Then, gulping my own, I said,
" No...
How even?
I don't believe this!
He looks.... So innocent!!! "

" I don't know much.
The murder was probably an accident, but he had intended to hurt. This much I have been told.
However, I will stay away from him till he's here. " , Rohini shrugged.

" Hmmm...

It must be an....accident.. "
I muttered to myself. I couldn't dare believe that he, could kill someone on purpose..
Such was his damned impact on my brain just at one sight.
" You people should have at least known his side before secluding. 
What's his name? "

" Oh please!
We are not interested. He has been a criminal. Whatever be the age or cause of his crime.
Plus we don't have the activist brain you do, trying to find causes in every human action.

His name, by the way, is Vivaan. We don't know the surname. "

I returned home with a heavy heart. I really didn't know why.

How could he conquer me this way, so soon? Why didn't the fact that he was a murderer, affect me, as much as did the fact... that he was secluded, and he led a lonely life, maybe, everywhere he stayed....

Children did commit mistakes, murder might have been a huge one, but it was however an accident..
Plus, he would not have tried to harm just for play....
There might have been a reason, because a fourteen year old boy always had reasons too, unlike a baby..

Soon after this, my 'peep through the window disease' began.
I spent longer times in my balcony too, whenever at home..
But for a long time I didn't see him again, not even once.

My inquisitiveness increased manifold, so grew my anxiousness.

And then one day, I met him again.

I was leaving home for work in the morning, when I saw him walk in round the corner of the street with a huge bag...towards Rohini's house.

I stood still, unable to decide whether I should go ahead and interact.

However, before I could even decide, he reached a close proximity to me, and the bag fell from his hand.

Jeez!!

I ran in to rescue. Thanking my stars. I helped him gather stuffs while he did too, and I noticed a canvas, brushes, and colors scattered after the fall. He nervously tucked them into the bag, my presence made him anxious, it seemed.

He shot up with the bag, and without even looking into my eyes, threw a thanks.

I shouted as he walked away,
" Hey, Vivaan!
I'm Riha. Your neighbour. We can be friends if you wish. "

He was completely taken aback.
He stopped, he turned, and he stared at me in utter disbelief.

And I noticed, how sad a pair of eyes he had. Deep, like an ocean, that drowned years of pain.

He did not answer. Rather, turned back again, and this time speedily climbed up the stairs to the secluded room he stayed in.

I kept standing. Not hurt at all.

After this, I found a strange thing happen to my mind and heart.
I looked for him whenever I was at home. His room had a window, with the curtains always drawn in. I never saw him.
But his presence behind that window was enough to take in the whole of me. I wondered how insane this was!!

I laughed at myself, but in vain. I found myself thinking about him, his past which I knew nothing of, and his terribly sad pair of eyes.

I had a bicycle.
I often rode it when at home.
A few days to this, I was riding the cycle on my way back from the groceries, on a Sunday morning.

I speeded it like a kid, and soon after I knew not where it was going. I screamed, but before I could do anything, I crashed into a dry gutter, and toppled over.

Sparks flew out of my mind and ears unable to partake the sudden shock. And then suddenly, I found a hand reaching out to me.

I held it, and got out of the gutter.

Vivaan.

" Are you....alright? " , he asked, his voice deep, yet soft.

I shrugged. I didn't like letting people know of my weaknesses, and pain.
And to him, who was 24*7 on my mind now?
Not at all.

" Yeah.....I'm.... Fine.
Stupid cycle.

Thanks... "

He blinked a number of times, staring at my foot. I noticed it was cut, and was slightly bleeding.

" Come with me. I have a band-aid in my pocket...fortunately. "
He held my hand as a support, and took me to a roadside bench nearby. I followed him like a blind woman.

He carefully applied a band-aid to the cut.
I stared at him, now a bit embarrassed myself.

He got up.
" Shall I help you home? "

I should have nodded a yes. But like an idiot, I said a no.

He did not wait a second after this. He might have immediately believed that since I knew his name, I knew of his whereabouts too, and did not want him to help me home at least.

He turned to go.

" Hey! " , I screamed.
He stopped.

" Actually I cannot walk. I need help. "

He helped me home, upto the gate, silently. I stared at him time and again. But he didn't, neither did he wait a moment after I reached.

I heaved a sigh.
This man was difficult, but I needed to talk to him.
Lest I would go mad anytime soon. Thanks to my killer inquisitiveness.

A large number of days passed after this.
The change however was, I saw him more often now, in the balcony.
Our eyes met many a times, initially he used to look away.
But I was stubborn.
I had been stubborn regarding many things in life. And I was, now as well. I could not let a man drown in loneliness, without knowing his side. Also, I knew, I was drowning in his mystiqueness too.

Soon after, he began smiling at me.
I heaved a sigh of relief.
Silent exchanges began taking place between us, much to my eternal joy.
He too, probably loved being looked forward to, by someone..

A few days to this, on a day of heavy showers, I found him standing, completely drenched at the street corner. I asked my driver to stop.
Got down, and ran with an umbrella, holding it above his head.

He wasn't surprised.
Rather, he smiled. And thanked.

Soon after, the rains stopped. And I found myself walking next to him down the lane.

We remained silent for long, but maybe he knew I wanted to know more about him, and he was okay with it.

" How much do you know about me? " , he asked finally, after settling against the railing to a park.

I shrugged.
" I just know you're lonely. And I hate that. "

He looked down.
" No one ever cared about my loneliness. Why do you? "

" That I do, should be enough. Every emotion on earth doesn't come with a reason tag. " , I was very good at talking. Everyone said.

He remained silent for almost twenty minutes after this.

Then said,
" My mother and sister abandoned me. I came to know when I was released from the remand home, at seventeen, that they had left the city, and was no longer in need of me. My father died when I was two, and my sister six.

Probably, relatives to a criminal get to live a miserable life too.

The only one who had a little mercy on me was Medha masi.
She is a teacher herself, hence paid the minimum bills to my studies, the places I stayed after this, like the hostels, messes..etc

I'm awaiting my UPSC results, and she cannot pay the mess bill anymore that has suddenly increased.
Hence I'm here, but she doesn't talk to me. Probably because it's her in-laws', and she had to just beg for me to stay for a month or so. I cannot mess with their respect in town. "

With this he stopped.
My heart had already gone heavy.

" What had exactly happened when you were fourteen? " , I said with a lot of courage.

He stayed silent, yet again..

" I had crashed a heavy metal object several times on someone's head. He had died later in the hospital."

" Okay.

But there must have been a reason to it. " , I spoke, holding my breath.

" He came home, to teach Maths to my sister..
In a closed room. The door was mostly bolted from the insides. Neither my simple mother, nor me ever doubted.
And sister too did not say a thing ever.

One day however, he had forgotten to bolt in maybe.
Fated, it was.
I accidentally entered, only to discover, he was sexually forcing on
my eighteen year old sister.

I was so dumbstruck, and so anger stricken suddenly, without a second thought, I picked up a heavy metal showpiece at hand, and crashed it on his head. "

I could not react. I kept staring at him without blinking my eyes.

" He died later in the hospital. I was tried.

My sister....denied him forcing upon her before the court of law. My mother was so horrified, she stopped reacting.

I was sent off to a remand home.

Till date I don't know if I was wrong in my judgments, or if my sister was too afraid of police and jails, or if she was happily in a relationship with a man who was double her age... "

I found my heart pacing at tremendous rates.

I only managed to say,
" What was the man who died, named? "

" I don't remember exactly.

A blur memory.

Harivansh... Menon...
Probably. "

My world crashed at my feet in an instant.

Maybe he knew too, because he had straightened...
And was staring at me now, his deep eyes filled with anticipation, and....terror...

I could not speak, however, I knew I had to...because my lungs were on the verge of exploding..

" He....was...my father... "

Vivaan looked no more than a demolished architecture.

I ran back home, as fast as I could, because I had no strength to stand before him any longer.

Why exactly?

Was it because he was my father's murderer, and I was supposed to hate him?

BULLSHIT.

Because I was guilty, that I was his daughter.

I closed every door and window back home, switched off every light, and sat on the floor, throughout the night.

Harivansh Menon was sick.
My mother had killed herself when I was two. I knew not why, until I began understanding things.

He forced upon me too, his own daughter.
Crushing me everyday, physically, mentally.

I escaped home and began staying in the school hostel. But shame and fear let me never open my mouth to the world, until one day someone killed him.

I was orphaned, but I thanked my stars that very day, at thirteen years of age. And thanked, whoever had the gut to kill him.

I never returned to my father's place, even after his death.

Today, twelve years later, I was supposedly in love, yes, that was it, with the man who I was thankful to back then, beyond life...for saving lives out there from a sick demon who was accidentally my father.

Morning happened.

I knew Vivaan was broken.

I knew he believed I too hated him now, like the rest of the world.
And I had to make him realise, that wasn't it.
I was ready to hold his hand, forever.

I ran to Rohini's house.

Medha aunty greeted me at the gate, with the coldest stares possible. However, her eyes were sad. Very sad.

" I need to meet Vivaan. Please. " , I shouted, without an introduction.

" He's gone.

He has left the house last night. He said, he can look after his needs now. I don't know his whereabouts. " , Medha aunty spoke without any ups and downs in her voice.

" No... No no!!!!!
I need him!!!!
He needs me!!!!
Please don't do this to me, for god's sake!!!!! " , I was screaming.

" I know nothing Riha.
And, I would like if you left him alone too. For god's sake. " , Medha aunty went back inside, immediately.

If I was not wrong, she was crying too.

I ran across the garden and climbed up the stairs to his room.

The door to the balcony that led to his room was open.

I stormed inside.

True.
Empty.
He was gone.

But, he broke me completely.

Yet again, when I saw a huge canvas in the middle of the room....

That held a portrait of mine...

He needed me.

HE NEEDED ME TOO, DAMN IT!!

I breathed deeply.
And held my head high, in love.

I will look for you Vivaan, I will find you.....Vivaan...

I will make you mine, I promise!!!!!!

I'm coming.....

Riha, is coming.

The End