First Impression

The Cover is a bit muddled if I'm honest. It is neither clear as to what the book is about or gives the reader a nice little hint as to what to expect. Although it is a curious design, it isn't something I would say is particularly eye catching or bright. However, the font used is clear and easy to read and the cover contains the writer's name. This isn't the worst cover I have seen, but unfortunately it isn't the best either.

The Summary isn't the easiest of reads. The sentences do not flow as nicely as I would have liked and I am struggling to pronounce the main characters name. I believe it is Rowan, but as it is spelt with an unusual spelling I am left wondering what exactly her name is. I know a lot of writers think using an alternative spelling is cool and fun, but trust me, it isn't. It's better to use names that the reader can pronounce instead of risking an unusual spelling just to appear different. I'm also rather confused about something mentioned in your summary. What is a batter? Is it a typo? Or does she really team up with a siphon (don't know what that is), a dragon, a card trickster, and a battered cod/sausage/mars bar?

Prologue
The first paragraph is a little bit disgusting, but nothing I can't handle. So far the prologue is well written and nicely described with a good use of show v tell. However, for a prologue there is a lot to read, which makes me question whether or not this would be better off as Chapter 1. As the prologue continues we get an idea that the character Winfrey comes from a wealthy family, but I am left a little confused as he seems to be the main character and not the girl mentioned in the summary. I can't help wondering how the two are connected.

As I read further through this prologue I am left more and more confused by the plot. I am unsure what departure is or exactly what the story is about. It would be nice if you could find a way to incorporate a bit about Departure to help the readers understand a little more about what's going on.

Chapter 1: The Market
In the summary we had Rhoawyn and in the prologue we were introduced to Winfrey. The first few sentences of chapter one screams random character syndrome. Neither Eva or Rhoawyn were mentioned in the prologue, but Rhoawyn is clearly an important character as she was mentioned in the summary. At the moment I have absolutely no idea who Eva is, how she is connected to Rhoawyn or how either of these girls are connected to Winfrey. I know the last thing you want to do is stick an info dump right in the middle of the chapter but it would be nice to know a little bit more as I am becoming rather confused.

I think the plot line here is very complex but I have no idea why Rhoawyn's parents were a Four of what a Four means. Unfortunately I'm becoming increasingly put off by the lack of information.

Chapter 2: The Goodbye
Ok I can see now how Rhoawyn and Winfrey are connected. She and Eva (still don't know who Eva is) go to watch him depart (still don't know what departed means either). I am beginning to think departed might be another word for dying. Are people of low rank murdered or something? I'm still not sure.

Reading through the second chapter it is nice to get some clarity about Departure, although it hasn't exactly given me a straight answer whether or not Departure does mean death, I am now more than certain lower ranked people are murdered most likely by the state/government. I don't really know why, or how they are killed, but I am hoping I'll soon find out.

It's nice that later on in the chapter we find out that Rhoawyn and Eva are best friends but I would have liked to know how they met and how they became best friends. It's sad that Rhoawyn is going to depart and I wonder how Eva will cope without her friend.

Chapter 3: The Initiation
If a book I am reviewing has a prologue, I don't really read the third chapter, but I will admit I am really curious to see what Departure is and how it will affect those around Rhoawyn. But as I begin to read this chapter, I can't see any mention of Rhoawyn or Eva and I start to think it's actually about Winfrey, but I am wrong. This chapter seems to be about another two characters who appear random, Flinch and Eli. As I continue and the words Ripe Spring are mentioned I am reminded of the previous chapter and of Rhoawyn. Although these two characters do appear random I am assuming they are something to do with Departure. Perhaps they are the people who move bodies? But I am still wondering why some people have to die. Is it an overpopulation thing or something?

Chapter 4: The Departure
I don't usually read the third chapter and certainly not the fourth, but there is something really intriguing about the plot. The more I read, the more I find myself enjoying it and the more curious I become. The more curious I become, the more I read.

The title of the chapter sums up what I think it is going to be about and I can't help feeling sad for Rhoawyn. She's gonna die. I know it. Be careful when it comes to your paragraphs, there is a very long on in this chapter that could easily be broken up a little bit to make it easier for the reader to read. Remember, some people, like me for instance, are reading this book on a small screen such as my phone.

Just as I am beginning to understand what's going on something happens that I find confusing. One minute there's a very well written flashback to when she was younger and her family being deprived of bacon (I cook a very nice meal with bacon so I don't think I'd survive well as a character in this world), but as I read through it I'm left a little confused. I thought, hoped, that Departure would be quick and painless, but this isn't a very nice way for a character to die. I'm sure there's worse ways to go. I assumed they all departed the same way, but it looks like I was wrong.

Chapter 5: Afterlife
I've read the first four chapters of this and the prologue but something about the plot makes me want to continue. There's so many things I still don't know, and perhaps only time will tell if I find out why certain people have to Depart. I feel the message Rhoawyn heard on the PA is exactly how I feel at the moment and I am excited about what happens next and also a little confused by all the different characters that keep cropping up.

Conclusion
I had a look through the form you filled out to see what you wanted me to focus on. You said you'd like me to see if the plot makes sense and is easy to follow. Well from what I've read, some of it does make sense, but quite a bit of it doesn't. I think it takes too long to get from the girls' witnessing Winfrey's Departure to discovering what exactly Departing meant. I'm also a little confused about his parents as we don't know how they coped with what's happened. I feel the prologue is a little bit misleading, as you're introducing a character who appears to be important, only to have him dead by the first chapter and for the main character Rhoawyn, to witness it. I will admit the way her name is spelled is actually growing on me a little bit, perhaps it takes some getting used to.
Another thing you wanted me to look at was whether or not there were any grammar mistakes, I will admit I didn't notice any obvious ones, so you're ok there. If you are worried about grammar I suggest downloading Grammarly. It will help you with things like that.

To answer your question as to whether or not your characters are likeable, for me personally I really like and feel I understand your main character Rhoawyn. Although I don't think we know much about her appearance. I think she is likeable and relatable which is something all characters need. However, I don't think I know enough about Eva. But perhaps this might be shown later on in the book.

You've managed to keep me interested for five chapters and a prologue. Even when I struggled to understand parts of the plot, there was enough to keep me going with it. I will admit it was the question surrounding Departure.

What I really enjoyed about this book and Seth and the Prometheus Guild, was that they both have highly interesting and unique plots. I recommend you read that book as it is absolutely brilliantly unique.

Advice
Your book is so unique, I wish other books were as unique as yours. All books need work, and so does yours. But the plot line, although it could be clearer, is brilliant. I think you would be a really good accet to have in Shut Up and Write, just for the way you've created your characters and built the world they live in. Good luck. Here's a Reviewed By J sticker for you.