The Ceremony of Sixteen. The very thing that made me stay awake at night, wrapped endlessly in petrified thoughts. Feelings of horror, really.

     I was scared—-that much I recognized. 

     I had already practically been holding my breath the entire testing period. 

       Don't fuck up, my mind would continue to remind me—-nonstop, drilling it right through my skull.

     To ‘fuck up’, or rather slip up in this case, meant death. …A gruesome end.

     I didn't want to hide. I wanted to be free to be me. I wanted to scream from the highest rooftops that I loved Leif Svenningsen.

      But, unfortunately, due to Daskanalasć’s rules, I can't… Not without deadly consequences it seems.

      I wait patiently, heart thrumming slightly faster than normal—-seated amongst all of the others waiting to be called.

     My friend, Tayo, goes up, giving me a quick smile. “This'll be over before you know it,” she reassures me. 

     I thank her for her calming words and she heads up to receive her job, home, and spousal name.

     I continue to wait for my boyfriend’s, Leif, name to be called, but oddly enough, it never is.

     Soon enough though, I hear: “Ivan Václavík?”

     ─┉─¡! • !¡─┉─

      I meet up with Leif after it all ends. “You know… I never heard your name be called.”

     Leif’s breath hitches. “Oh… that. Um…” He scratches the back of his neck. “The council just called me up afterwards. …to talk to me.”

     I feel panic start to rise within me. “...did they give you a job? Home number? Any of it?”

      I can see it in Leif’s eyes, he doesn't want to scare me. He sighs, taking my hand into his. “Elskede… I…” He swallows, rubbing his thumb over the surface of my hand, comfortingly. “...they didn't.”

     I choke. “They didn't? What do you mean ‘they didn't’? What did they talk to you about?”

    Leif looks away.

     I move to meet his gaze again. “...Leif. Look at me.” I reach to tilt his head up once more. “What did they tell you?”

     Leif exhales, heavily… Painfully. “Some man named Markus Hilevich is going to pay me a visit tonight. …one of Maximoff’s men.”

     “Tonight?” I swallow. “Leif. What did you do? What did you say? They don't just send people for nothing.”

     “I outed myself,” he says, quietly.

       My eyes nearly bug out of my head at his confession. “You what?”

      Leif quickly says, “I was tired of hiding! I want to be myself! I did this for us!”

      “I…” My mouth goes dry. “...If he's coming here, then I'm staying.”

      Leif pales. “You can't!”

     “The hell I can! Leif, I'm sticking by you! No matter what!” I declare.

       Leif sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Fine. Just… stay out of sight, okay?”

       I nod. “That I can do.” I give him a quick kiss on the cheek.

     ─┉─¡! • !¡─┉─

      Everything goes by so damn fast. Hilevich’s arrival… The bangs… The collapsing… The fleeing.

     I’m frozen in place even after Hilevich disappears. Finally, after what feels like an eternity, I'm able to break free and run to Leif. 

       “Hey, hey,” I shake him. “You're okay! You're okay.” I ignore the vermilion tones slipping from his chest. “Leif—-”

     Weakly, Leif takes my hand. He whispers, “I love you, Ivan… Forever and always.” 

     “I love you too, Leif,” I reply, not noticing the tears that are already starting to come to my eyes. “I'm gonna get you help. There's a clinic down the road.” I can start to hear my heartbeat roaring in my ears—-it gets louder with each passing moment. I'm panicking.

     Leif’s hand relaxes.

     “Shit, shit, shit, shit,” I mutter, shaking Leif. “Leif? Leif? Honey?”

      He's gone.

      Time stops for a moment as I tremble. 

       It takes everything in my power to move my body. I slowly reach my hand out to close his eyes—-with them open, it's far too haunting. I sniffle, tears dripping down my cheeks before I lean in and press a kiss to Leif's cheek. “I'm sorry…” I murmur to him. “I should've stayed out in the open. …I should've protected you.”

      My gaze travels to the door, my eyes narrowing. Still trembling, I stumble to my feet and search the house for the nearest pistol. I know Leif’s dad has one.

      Finally, I find it after frantically rummaging through the drawers. I send a quick message to Tayo. 

     Find me.

     That's followed by Leif's address.

     I take a deep breath before exiting the home and searching. Then I see him. Hilevich.

     “Markus Hilevich!” I shout, making him turn around. I'm visibly crying now. “You killed him.”

     “Why are you—-” He stops. He laughs, amused. “Oh… I get it. You're Leif Svenningsen’s little boyfriend, aren't you?”

      “Don't you dare say his fucking name!” I shout, raising my pistol.

      Hilevich laughs. “Oh, that's cute. You think you're gonna take me on, huh? Leif didn't do so well. So, I doubt you'd have much of a chance.”

     “Shut the fuck up!” I fire a warning shot at his feet.

     Hilevich scoffs. “Bold move. Still think you're too coward to really try it.” He pulls out his gun. “Now stand down. I'll get someone else to deal with you.”

    I do nothing that he says.

    Hilevich inhales sharply before shooting his weapon, hitting me in the thigh. “That's your warning. Stand down or you'll end up six feet under just like your precious, little Leif.”

     At first, I want to drop the gun and cry out in pain—-but I don't. I shakily raise the gun and continuously shoot it off in Hilevich's direction. I'm not a good shot at all, but at least I still get a distant amount of shots in.

     Hilevich has a surprised look on his face before collapsing.

    “That was for Leif,” I mutter, spitting at him before dropping the pistol, staggering a few feet, and falling. I move my hand to my leg and grimace. It burns. I feel lightheaded.

     I gaze at the empty road and then to the sky above—-watching the stars. 

     It was all up to whoever found me first: Tayo or the Reaper.

     Despite the pain, I know one thing for sure. I love Leif Svenningsen.