76. No Promises

"Hey, Gon?"

"Hm? What is it?"

"...nothing."

Gon sat up abruptly and gave Killua a stern and exasperated look. "That's like the fourth time you've said that! When are you going to tell me?"

"Give me a break, it's the..." Killua took a moment to count. "Third."

Gon slapped his hands to his forehead and groaned. "Fine!" he huffed, and his gaze briefly flitted to the hallway. "I'll guess! I'll guess what's bothering you! You're never going to tell me if I wait anyway!"

Killua snorted, taunting him. "Good luck with tha-"

"Kalluto?" Killua sent a quick and questioning glare his way, and Gon only grinned back, victorious. "Knew it."

"Shut up," he ordered, and picked up a sofa cushion to chuck at Gon's head, which missed because Gon leapt up and kicked it right back at him. Killua would have been knocked off the side of the sofa if he hadn't ripped through it with his hand, stopping its momentum. He clicked his tongue at the mess it created, white feathers flying everywhere and tickling his nose. "You're not going to let me alone in peace unless I say something, right."

Gon grinned wider in response.

Resisting the urge to sneeze, Killua fell back on the sofa and pressed the back of his wrist to his forehead. "I'm thinking... it wouldn't be too bad to go back to Kukuroo. Not permanently, no way. I'd suffocate. But I can visit sometimes. I wanted to check up on Alluka anyway, so it works out."

Eyes flicking to the side, Gon then shifted his gaze directly onto his friend and nodded, meaningless because Killua wasn't even looking at him. He'd instead turned his head to look out the window, pressing his lips thinly together.

Most everyone back home only wanted him to return because he was the Zoldyck heir. Illumi, his dad, his mom; he was even sure that deep down, his grandpa also harbored similar feelings. Anyone who didn't think so either didn't care (Milluki), didn't have a say in Zoldyck matters (Gotoh), or was locked away. He wished he'd been born without the stupid white hair trait, but the snowy fluff on his head didn't seem to be changing colors anytime soon, and nobody's views changed either.

But although Kalluto was certainly influenced by those views as the youngest, there was something more, genuinely sincere. Nothing as straightforward as Gon, but it was plain to see. And it was the same with Alluka; she'd been separated from the rest of them early on, so all her intentions were pure, almost free of the Zoldyck stain. He'd lived nearly separate from his younger two siblings for a long time and only knew one of them well, but it was those two who simply wanted him back because they honestly felt so. Not the Zoldyck heir, just Killua.

And yeah, though there were some things he hated at Kukuroo Mountain, in his spare time he guessed he could drop in from time to time, though he would leave before his mom got wind of anything.

Noticing Killua in deep thought, Gon slowly crept off the sofa and tiptoed to the door, poked out his head and flashed a thumbs up, only to be met with an empty hallway.

* * *

There was chatter coming from the kitchen as he walked toward it, feet falling silently on the wooden flooring.

"And there's this huge massive ring in the middle and a bunch of people in the audience, but one time Master Wing was so loud that he made an empty hole in the viewer seats!"

"What, were you in trouble?"

"..." Zushi took notice of Kalluto entering, and his face brightened before using him to change the topic. "Kalluto! Would you like to come to Heaven's Arena with us? It's only visiting but you can also make quick money there."

"What?"

"If you fight and win, you get money," he explained briefly. "It is like having a job except you get to do what you want and you might possibly die. I'm just going to say hi to Wing, but you can check out the Arena with me! It is very cool!"

Kalluto held up a hand to stop his talking. "I get why you'd invite your biological father to go meet the person who used to take care of you, but why me?"

Zushi gave a look that indicated he thought Kalluto stupid, and Kalluto almost wanted to punch him. But then he opened his mouth and said, "You're my best friend."

Like the other times, he didn't know how to react to this. A basic sense of guilt flooded through him briefly, a result of watching Illumi beat the standard of 'friends are prohibited' into Killua. But after that guilt came his own feelings and thoughts, a hesitant voice inside his head reassuring him that this was okay. That he was allowed to do this.

"Like that's a reason," Kalluto said.

"Do..." Zushi cocked his head. "Do I need a reason?"

This time, Kalluto actually punched Zushi, though not with too much force. Drawing back his fist from the other boy's arm, his dark bangs hung low to cover his face as he considered. "I have to go back home since my old hag's waiting for me, but after..." He watched Zushi's face carefully, and as soon as it lit up, he finished with, "No promises, though."

Zushi quickly frowned and responded with something he'd picked up after living with Lucky for a number of months. "...dude."

He couldn't quite think of an appropriate response to this either, and Kalluto didn't think going 'arrrrrugh!' would match his image, though he did suppose it would be a way to relieve his stress, or whatever else was trying to make the corners of his lips curve up. Right now, he was just a little confused, and a part of him nagged at whether saying yes would truly be forgiven. However, he didn't have to respond as the sound of someone loudly clattering through the front entrance distracted them all. Closest to the door, he peeped out of the room to see who was making such a racket. "Welcome back," Kalluto said, a touch of mockery hidden in his tone.

"That was exhausting," Rein sighed in a short exhale, and after kicking her shoes off, lay down on the floor with her arms outstretched. "I'm beat."

Zushi and Kalluto came from the kitchen and approached her, the latter taking the lead. "Was the meet-up site that far away?"

Kalluto jabbed his ribs and hissed, "Shut up, that's not what she means. It's because of the chain guy."

"I knew that!"

"You so did not."

"I did!"

Rein laughed to interrupt them both, though she would be lying if she said it wasn't forced. "Well, I'm better shape than I thought I would be, so, you know, yay."

Kalluto stopped taunting for a second to observe her closely. "Did things... go well?" He saw she was a little pale, but color was returning to her cheeks, and she indeed looked better than she had when she'd left that morning. But she seemed so tired.

She opened her mouth, but for moment no words left it, caught in her throat. Rein sat up, shaking her head to clear her muddled thoughts. "I have a lot to think about. But it was okay. Hey," Rein said before either of them could respond. "Do you guys know where Fei is? Or maybe Machi?"

"Feitan-san is in his room," Zushi suddenly spoke up, struggling to use his En to find them, clearly sweating but expanding it wide nonetheless. His eyes were shut tight as he fought to make his En wider. "And... and..."

"Machi's out right now." Kalluto faced Zushi and flicked his forehead, and immediately his En dissolved into nothing. "Nice to see you're making an effort, but at least try not to look like you're constipated when doing it."

"I-!"

"Thanks," Rein interrupted once more, and got up to leave. She was just about to turn the corner when she looked back. "Hey, Kalluto?" Her next question surprised them both. "If you saw Kurapika right now, what would you do?"

"Me?" he asked, and flicked Zushi's forehead again without looking when he tried to lightly hit Kalluto out of frustration. "For lack of any better option I guess I'd just tell him to stop being stupid. What about you?" He tipped his head to his friend.

Zushi rubbed a reddening spot on his head as he thought. "I would punch him, but only once. Once, with enough force to knock him out of a ring. Maybe more if I wanted."

Taking their answers with a quiet nod, Rein left the fighting duo behind.

* * *

Machi loved the Spiders with all her heart.

Chrollo had given her a home, people to trust and fight with; fight for. Dreams of wealth and power, but even more than that the thrill of danger and the skills to pull through those trials unharmed. He'd placed those gleaming jewels in front of her and had invited her to be one of them. He'd been her ticket out of Meteor City, and the path towards a new life with the strength to withhold it. She knew that if she hadn't met Chrollo, if she hadn't become a Spider, she wouldn't have had all she had now. Power, strength, skill, and people around her. It was all thanks to him, to the Spiders.

Machi loved the Phantom Troupe.

(Her arms tightened around around her knees as she gripped the pale cloth of her sash in one hand. Her shielded look darkened, then became troubled.)

She did.

So would she be allowed to love something else?

* * *

"What do you want," Feitan asked when he noticed Rein lingering by the doorway for some time. "Get out with it."

"If," she finally ventured as she walked in, "If you saw Kurapika right now, what would you do?"

"Hah? I kill him." His answer came quickly, making it clear there was no question about it. But a moment after, he looked away. "Least I would, if Danchou was free from chain. Then I kill chain user. But we can't kill him until Danchou is back."

At this, Rein's brows furrowed. "But..." Chrollo clearly stated he'd been freed from the chain restriction on his heart. He'd been there, right nearby. There was nothing holding him back from commencing an attack against Kurapika now that he could collaborate with his Troupe members. What could possibly be deterring him? Kurapika was wide open now with his injury. He could have gone to find the others and taken Kurapika out in one blow, but he hadn't. He could have at least told the other Spiders he was free, but he hadn't.

"But what."

But Chrollo had told them both to find peace. Rein shook her head. "Nothing." Chrollo had given Kurapika time to leave the area, get distance between the other Phantom Troupe members with ill intent. It was the only reason she could find, and if it were true, she wouldn't waste it.

Feitan squinted at her. "Spit it out."

"Oh, you mean the other matter I had on my mind? Okay. Thanks, Fei, you're so observant."

He squinted more, this time angrily. "That's not-"

"So anyway-"

Feitan gave a deep growl of frustration from his throat and gave up. He quickly realized, however, that her teasing was only a cover, a way to lighten the mood as she fidgeted in place and fought for the right words to say. He hadn't noticed something was actually on her mind, though it should have been expected. She'd just returned from her talk with Kurapika, after all. Her despised enemy, but also her kin and the pathway to the truth, to her real past. A past she didn't remember.

Right? (Of course he was right, he was always right.)

"I'm... only twelve," she started to list, tugging at a lock of hair when she sensed the doubt he sent her way. "And I lost my Specialist state. I also have a lot of mental blockades or whatever right now, and I can't... kill people, not anymore." Her cheeks felt hot and Rein briefly wondered why it was so embarrassing, and what this ghost-like sense of shame was. It wasn't a big deal, was it? "I'd only be in the way, and, well, I..."

"Lazy excuses," Feitan accused. "Stop beating up bush. What do you want."

"I'd only slow you down and..." Stars, it was difficult to speak. "I want out of the Troupe."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Impossible," he said, taking in her dejected face before continuing. "You were never Spider in the first place."

"I guess that's true," said Rein. "Experiment, was it? That's what Machi said I was taken in for. Or hey, maybe it was all just a lie and Chrollo wanted my eyes when I was older. Who knows? There's no way to tell." She suddenly quieted when she understood the meaning of what fell from her lips and silently wished it were not true, but knowing she couldn't prove it either way. "But I grew up and became one of you. Not officially, and maybe you all didn't even see me that way but... I did Spider-like stuff. I participated in the Troupe's activity. But I can't do that anymore, Fei, I physically can't. So I don't want that expectation."

Feitan narrowed his eyes even further. "Why sudden change?"

Rein's gaze landed anywhere but on him, and her hands continued to tug on a lock of hair, distracted. "Remember," she started, and her voice cracked before she stabilized, "how there was that whole fuss back at Yorknew where you guys thought I could possibly get my memories back? Because of imperfect Nen technique from the person who locked my memories up? I, I don't remember, exactly, but..."

He understood. "Your memories are starting to come back?"

Head off to the side, she nodded. "Just a little. Just a little, but still, some."

There was a slight shudder in her tone, as if she was hesitant to accept the past she was learning about. After all the Phantom Troupe had done to seal her memories away and keep it that way, this was the end result. Everything had become undone because of shoddy technique and the appearance of the chain user and his allies. Given the circumstances, Feitan should have been mad. All of Danchou's work down the drain, and now here she was, wishing to leave. But it wasn't an experiment leaving. It was Rein. Stupid, childish, annoying Rein.

"If I met Kurapika again, I don't know what I'd do." Her eyes widened at her own words and suddenly, she snickered aloud. "See? I'm even calling him by his name now. It's ridiculous..."

"You are ridiculous," he echoed, with the faintest emphasis on the 'are'. He waited before he continued, "No one has to choose everything from start. One time—one time, I had fever—I thought Hisoka was good addition to Troupe." Feitan paused and looked at her. "Change opinions whenever you like."

For the first time since she came back, Rein gave a true smile. "Yeah, I'll do that."

"But if you decide you want to kill Troupe, I kill you."

Feitan was—probably—joking, she decided, and chuckled at this. "Yeah, maybe I'll just steal from you guys instead. Just a little burglary here and there, maybe a case of arson or two," she started to list, and soon her talking wasn't forced, but came naturally and smoothly as her nerves left her. The anxiety she'd built up soon withered away. Turning to Feitan and finally able to look into his eyes, she stuck out her tongue and blew a raspberry. "No promises, though."

* * *

Pairo?

I met Aira. She goes by Rein now. You all were concerned whether she would turn out the same as you, suddenly frail.

But you don't need to worry.

She's healthy, and she jumps all over the place. She's all grown up now, high as my shoulder. She's livelier than you were.

And she's happy too.

You don't have to worry for her anymore, Pairo.



It's like whenever I write the dynamic between Kalluto and Zushi, they each think of the other one as the stupid friend lol.

Also having Feitan say "Stop beating up bush" instead of "stop beating around the bush" is the sole reason I became a writer. That's it. I've reached peak performance. I can't go any further.

Almost done with this fic, I can't believe it! (Probably) 1 more chapter to go!

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