I don't know why we all hang on to things we know we're better off letting go. It's like we're scared to lose what we don't really have. Some of us say we'd rather have something than absolutely nothing, but the truth is, to have it halfway is harder that not having it at all.

Chapter Twenty-One- A bloody good question.

Char cut off the keys from the ignition. She thought back to her sixteen-year-old self. Daniel and Abby hadn't lasted the first time, they'd broken up and gotten back together the second and even the third time, but the last time had been for keeps. They'd applied to Boston university together, left town together, graduated together. And when Daniel landed a job at Boston's top Hospital, he'd asked Abby to marry him. And she accepted.

For all those years, Char sat on the sidelines, watching, waiting, aching. She'd made an art form our of hiding her yearning and jealously. She'd supported them. She'd tried to see other boys. She'd even thought of giving her virginity to one of them, just to be done with the damned thing. No one had ever had a clue that she was in love with her best friend.

It had been better after Daniel and Abby left for Boston, easier-although harder, too, losing a friend. But the relief had far outweighed the grief in the long term.

She'd hoped Daniel's departure would mean she'd stop loving him, but it hadn't. He was still very present in her life. He e-mailed regularly and called her almost everyday, filling her in on all the details of their life together. Study, exams, parties. Then work, the house they'd bought together, the dinner parties they'd held.

He'd even asked her once to visit them. But a person couldn't live forever on the edges of hope and longing, her face pressed to the glass, peering in and envying someone else's life, always wanting, never having. Charlotte had tried and failed, miserably.

Which was why she'd decided to cut herself free from the past. Cut herself free from Daniel and Abby. She'd lain awake in her room some nights before graduation eight years ago and listened to the faint but unmistakable sound of Daniel and Abby making love in his bedroom from his window next to her's. She'd been sick with jealousy- literally. She'd stumbled to the bathroom and thrown up the rich three-course meal her mom had cooked her. She made a decision in her heart that night. This was not the way she wanted to live her life.

She'd waited a few years before putting her decision into practise. It didn't help that Daniel left her. Slowly, after shed failed to reply to any or all correspondence, the attempts at contact had tapered off. At the time she'd been a little surprised at how easy it had been to slip away from their friendship. Now, of course, she knew they'd been dealing with their own crisis.

And now Daniel was home, and he was divorced, and he wanted to pick their old friendship up where they'd left off.

Which left her....where exactly?

A tap sounded on her car window and she started in her seat.

"Dad!" she said, pressing a hand to her pounding heart.

Her father peered in at her. "What are you doing, sitting out here in the cold on your own?"

A good question. A bloody good question.

"Nothing, Dad. Absolutely nothing." she said.

Then she got out of the car and followed him inside.

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Picture of Charlotte by the side!