Love isn't practical. It isn't meant to be easy. It doesn't appear on command. It doesn't let you fall for whomever you'd like. It surfaces neither at the most opportuned moment nor in the most convenient. It'll pair you with someone you might never have expected. It will put you face-to-face with endless obstacles. But in the end, none of that will matter because it's how you overcome those obstacles that will define your love. It may not be practical, but love is ultimately the best thing that will ever happen to you.

Song for the chapter: Adele– Chasing Pavements

Chapter Thirty-Five: The heart wants what it wants

Char was organising her closet when the back of her neck prickled. She knew without looking that Daniel had returned.

He'd been gone three hours. Not a good sign. Definitely not the sign of a man who had suddenly realized that he was in love with his best friend.

As if that was ever going to happen.

She took a moment to compose herself, then glanced over her shoulder. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

He was standing at the door, hands in the back pocket of his jeans. He was trying to look casual, but she could see the tension in his shoulders.

Her stomach dipped in dismay. This was going to be bad.

“Dad asked after you,” she said, walking to her bed and sat on it. Anything to hold off the conversation she knew was coming.

“Yeah, I should probably go see him.”

“You should.”

An awkward silence fell.

“We should probably talk,” she said at exactly the same moment he did.

They both laughed. Her gaze touched his briefly, but she was too nervous to hold it.

“Great minds think alike,” he said.

“Yeah.”

A heavy weight descended on her chest. She knew what he was about to say. It was in every line of his face and body. Sorry, Char. I have no idea what that was all about. Let's chalk it up as a bold experiment and move on.

Or something like that. Whatever it was, however he rephrased it, she knew it wasn't going to be what she wanted to hear.

Daniel didn't love her the way she loved him. She should get it tattooed on the insides of her eyelids, in case she was ever tempted to forget again.

“What happened earlier.... I feel like I should....” Daniel laughed awkwardly and ran a hand through his hair. “This is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Things kind of got out of control. And I'm sorry about that.”

He was sorry.

Of course he was.

“You don't need to apologise.”

“I think I do. Even if we weren't best friends, there are about a million other reasons why what happened was a bad idea. I'm still sorting through all this shit with Abby, I'm only in town for a week, I have no idea how my life is going to look in a few months ’ time, let alone next year...” he shrugged. “I'm not exactly a great prospect right now.”

Right. Char nodded briefly. I'm anxious for the day you realise I was the complete package after you have moved on to dog-faced uneducated hookers.

She should probably thank him for not voicing the most obvious reason why what happened was forever going to remain a freak one-off: he wasn't interested in her in that way. She was filed firmly under the heading “friend” in his mind. Always had been, always would be.

“I value your friendship too much to screw it up with sex,” he said.

And there it was. The bottom line.

She straightened her spine. Time to come to the party. Help sweep this mess under the carpet and ignore it till is went away.

“I feel the same way,” she said. She tried to force more past the lump in her throat but couldn't do it.

Daniel took a step toward her, his face creased with concern. “Char.”

She held up a hand to keep him at bay. Dear God, if he touched her right now she really would fall apart.

“I'm fine. Really. Just relieved that we're both on the same page. I was wigging out for a while there.”

“You and me both. Kind of caught me off guard.”

“Me too,” she said. “But we're both cool with it, so it's all good. Right?”

“Absolutely.”

She gathered together the remnants of her pride and mustered yet another smile. “It's past twelve. You should go see dad now.”

There was a short pause before Daniel responded. “Sure. I'll see you later then.”

“Great.”

She kept the smile on her mouth until his footsteps had faded. Then she sank deeply onto the bed. I hope you fall on the stairs with your hands in your pocket.

Her heart ached. She rubbed the heel of her hand against her sternum and stared at the door.

At least she didn't declare herself. Something to be grateful. Not much, but something.

Then why did she feel like he was holding back? He wanted it as much as she did, that much she could tell, then why was he holding back? Did she really want him to slip through her fingers again? After what happened last time?

‘The bed's getting cold and you're not here,
the future that we hold is so unclear,
but I'm not alive until you call,
and I'll bet the odds against it all.
Save your advice cause I won't hear,
you might be right but I don't care.
There's a million reasons why I should give you up,
but the heart wants what it wants.’

She made up her mind. He was wrong, and she was going to help him see that.