Chapter 19: Issues

I've also come to meet Noah's friends in Manila. Ngayon ko lang din sila makikilala. Ang iba sa mga kaibigan ni Noah ay may asawa at mga anak na rin. Sabagay kung iisipin ay nasa edad na rin sila ng pag-aasawa...

"Zeph, these are..." Noah introduced me to them.

Ngumiti naman ako sa kanila at bumati. "Hi! Nice meeting you..."

Birthday din kasi ng anak ng isang kaibigan ni Noah from high school pa at inaanak niya rin. He was invited so we decided to come together para maipakilala na rin daw niya ako.

We decided to attend before going back to Dumaguete since weekend pa naman.

Habang busy ang mga bata sa mga games sa birthday ay nilapitan ako ng asawa ng isang friend ni Noah. "Hi, Zeph!" She sat beside me.

While Noah was busy with his friends.

"Hi!" I smiled to her, too.

And then she proceeded to asking me about I and Noah. "Kailan na pala kayo magpapakasal?" She smilingly asked me.

Hindi naman ako makangiti nang maayos sa tanong niya. I don't think it's always necessary to ask people as to when they are getting married. Besides the unnecessary pressure that you put on the couple, bakit hindi ka na lang mag-focus sa sarili mong buhay? At buhay naman nila 'yan.

I sighed a bit. "Uh..." And then I realized that I didn't really know how to answer that.

At hindi pa rin naman nagpopropose sa akin si Noah...

"Ano ka ba naman, Issa! Don't pressure her." Lumapit sa amin at ngumiti sa akin iyong Mommy naman ng batang may birthday ngayon ang inaanak ni Noah. "It's all right. Bata ka pa naman..." she said. And for some reason didn't say any more...

"Excuse me, I'll just go to the washroom." paalam ko kay Noah sa tabi ko pagkaraan.

Bumaling naman siya sa akin at tumango. "Do you need me to accompany you?"

Umiling ako sa kaniya. "No need." I told him at iniwan ko na siya muna roon.

And I think patapos na rin ang children's party. I went to the ladies's room in the event's venue. Konti na nga lang din ang mga tao. And when I went back halos nagsiuwian na ang mga bisita at sina Noah na lang ang nandoon.

At hindi pa man ako nakakalapit sa kanila. Hindi rin nila ako nakita pa. When I heard them obviously talking about me. Natigilan ang mga paa ko sa tuluyang paglapit.

"Are you really sure about this, Noah?" His friends asked him.

"Well, she's beautiful. But she's young." said the wife of Noah's friend.

At sumagot ang isa pang wife din na nandoon. "Oo nga. You're already at the age where you can get married, Noah. But what about your girlfriend? Ang bata pa niya. Isn't she immature? And what if you're serious about her, while she's not?"

"Don't get us wrong, Noah. We just worry about you..."

Tumalikod na lang ako at piniling mauna na lang sa sasakyan ni Noah sa labas. I don't know how to face his friends again. Ate Michaela is also older than me. At halos sila ni Noah lang din ang magkaedad. But I grew close to her and we still became friends. There was no issue...

While Noah's friends, they didn't even give me the chance and know me better before they judge me like that...

Maybe I still understand their issues... Compared to Noah I'm really younger. Pero ano naman? Does age really define one's maturity? And how can they think that I'm not serious with my relationship now with Noah...

I sighed after just sending a message to Noah na nauna na ako rito sa sasakyan niya sa may parking lot ng venue. He asked me why but I didn't reply anymore. I didn't want to be rude to his friends by not saying a proper goodbye to them. But I just don't wanna face them again after what I heard.

Dumating na rin si Noah doon sa parking lot and asked me right away. "What's wrong?"

"Medyo sumama yata ang pakiramdam ko. Can you bring me home now?" I asked him na ihatid ako sa bahay namin.

"Are you sure? We can go to the hospital, instead..." He said while he's looking at me and as if checking if I was really all right...

Umiling naman ako sa kaniya. "I'm fine. Pagod lang siguro..." No need to bring me to the hospital pa. And I'm just making an excuse to go now, anyway.

Sumunod naman si Noah sa gusto ko at hinatid na rin niya ako pauwi sa bahay namin...

And after that I just spent the rest of the day till night in my room and thinking...

I looked at my phone. My message doon si Noah at missed call din. Maybe to check on me again kung bumuti na ba ang pakiramdam ko. Tinalikuran ko na lang ang phone ko at bumaling ako ng higa sa kama ko sa kabilang banda ng kwarto.

I was feeling in conflict by my own thoughts...

I thought that, what if Noah's friends were right, after all? That I'm not really serious with my relationship with Noah...

I sighed. But I couldn't help it but to continue thinking about it.

Like I said in the past, I get attached easily...

And also about what Kiah said to me that I'm an attention seeker...

And maybe because Noah paid me attention then that's the reason why I just stayed with him...

I feel like I was having a headache.

I also gulped and got scared with my own negative thoughts.

And what's worse is that what if it's just attraction that I feel towards Noah? And the kind of attraction that's only about desire... Sexual desire...

I'm not sure anymore... I sighed heavily.

I think I myself have a lot of issues now with my own self...

And I asked myself, do I truly love Noah...

And then I realized that how often did we say I love you to each other? Until now...

I suddenly heard a knock on my door. Parang doon lang din ako nabalik sa kasalukuyan sa lalim ng mga iniisip ko. And it was a maid telling me na pinapatawag na raw ako nila ni daddy for dinner. I sighed and I got up already. I went downstairs to have dinner with my family.

And then over dinner I was asked by my parents to bring Noah here in our house again and let them properly meet him. Sabagay ay lasing naman ako noong nakapunta si Noah dito sa bahay.

Unti-unti akong tumango sa parents ko. And agreed na papuntahin nga rito sa bahay uli si Noah. And let my family meet him properly this time...

And so I asked Noah for it. At agad din naman siya na pumayag. So the next dinner Noah was in our house over dinner. And even Zach was also there and invited probably by Kiah or my parents...

Tahimik na lang ako habang kumakain ng dinner kasama sila.

"Uh, Noah, this is my fiancé Zachary Lagdameo." Kiah smiled to Noah when she introduced Zach to him.

Bumaling ako kay Noah at nakita kong tumingin naman siya sa kanila ni Zach at Kiah at tumango.

"He's Zeph's boyfriend, Zach. They met in Dumaguete." Kiah told Zach to which Zach just nodded his head, too.

I remained quiet the whole dinner. Ang dami ko nang iniisip at idadagdag ko pa ito. Wala na bang kamatayan ang mga issues ko sa buhay?

Daddy and Mommy were also talking to Noah. And I think that they both like him...

Until Kiah just ruined the night after our dinner. "Why don't you tell Noah what really happened before and the reason why you went to Dumaguete and you two met, Zeph?" She fakely smiled sweetly at me.

I gritted my teeth. Masama ko lang siya na tiningnan.

"Do you wanna know, Noah?" She turned to Noah beside me.

"Kiah..." Zach also tried to stop her who was just beside her the whole time.

Mommy was still in the kitchen, at kukuha pa yata siya ng dessert. While dad had to answer a business call. Leaving only us four here.

But Kiah was just focused on Noah and definitely told him. "Actually, Zeph was too guilty to stay here. After what she did. She just slept with her twin sister's fiancé. My fiancé Zach." She quickly told Noah and no one could stop her. Natahimik na lang din si Zach sa tabi niya at nagyuko ng ulo.

While when I looked at Noah to see his reaction I saw that his lips just parted...

I looked away. Sinabi ko na rin ito sa kaniya noon.

"Zeph tricked Zach to sleep with her—" Kiah said but I immediately cut her off.

My eyes widened. "That's not true!" Matalim kong tiningnan si Zach. "Did you tell her that?! We both know the truth, Zach! We were both drunk that night!"

"Stop it, Kiah." saway naman niya kay Kiah.

I gritted my teeth. Kung ano-ano na lang talaga ang naiisip ni Kiah. Because she couldn't move on from it yet! "Matagal na 'yon, Kiah. Why do you like bringing that up—" I said but I was also cut off.

"Why?! Do you think it's that easy for me to forget about what you did?!" Ngayon lang yata nagtataas ng boses si Kiah nang ganito. As if she was really angry now. Na para bang may naipon pa rin na galit sa loob niya at ngayon niya pinalabas.

Nandoon na rin sina Mommy at Daddy and they stopped us.

In the end Kiah still couldn't move on from the past. At kaya siguro naantala na rin nang husto ang kasal nila ni Zach. Kung bakit hindi pa rin sila nagpapakasal hanggang ngayon...

I shook my head. At hinatid ko na rin si Noah sa labas sa sasakyan niya para makauwi na rin siya.

But I looked at him. "Don't tell me you believe Kiah's words? That I really tricked Zach into sleeping with me? I didn't, Noah—" I even tried to explain to him.

Pero pinutol na niya ako. "Just stop talking about it, Zeph." He said. And then he took a breath.

Pagkatapos ay tinanong niya ako. "The only thing that I just want to know is if you've really already moved on from that man." He said.

That man, Zach. "What do you mean? Of course!" I'm having doubts with my feelings... But it still makes me angry that he doubts my feelings for him now... It's crazy.

Tumango lang naman siya sa akin at pagkatapos ay pumasok na siya sa sasakyan niya. At wala nang sinabing umalis nang gabing 'yon...