Haru was worried. It had already been ten days and Jisung had never left his room. It wasn't the first time, certainly, but things really seemed to be going better for him this time. She had truly allowed herself the luxury of hoping.

Dinner was in the oven and would have been ready in fifteen minutes, so she took off her apron and went up to the second floor to knock on Jisung's door. 

As expected, no one answered.

Haru had learned over the years to respect her son's space, not to let apprehension push her to invade his privacy, but this time she couldn't stop herself. She needed to see him, to see how he was doing. So she entered the room and saw his little angel sleeping, curled up in a ball.

She sighed and lay down next to him, hugging his baby and remained in that position losing track of time and forgetting about dinner in the oven, which luckily had an automatic switch-off. 

Her thoughts were racing through her mind, while she was looking at the details of that room. There were some photos of Jisung as a child, music posters on the walls, the guitar seemed abandoned in a corner...

A tear ran down her face as she thought of how much her son had suffered and how much she had suffered for him too. 

No one deserved a life like that, but Jisung least of all. He was a wonderful, sensitive and creative boy. He deserved to be appreciated, loved, he deserved to be happy. And instead he had lived the years of youth, that are typically full of carefreeness, wrapped in the grip of depression.

She didn't know everything that had happened to him, Han had never told her details about Eun, but she had guessed and had mentally punished herself for years for not realizing it. For not helping his son when he needed it the most. And she hasn't forgiven herself yet.

Her eyes were full of tears as she stroked her son's soft hair, holding him close.

«Mom?» the boy looked up at her, rubbing his eyes.

«Hey, honey...» Haru quickly wiped her face, then crossed those hazel eyes and hinted at a sweet smile, «Will you eat with me tonight?»

Han seemed to think about it for a moment. Seeing his mother cry always broke him. He knew that she unfairly took responsibility for everything, for everything that had happened to him and even for his father's death. And he would have liked to be stronger to support her, so as not to give her any more trouble. But he couldn't. 

He shook his head with a sigh. Not yet. He wasn't ready to leave his lair yet.

Haru nodded in understanding.

«Do you want to talk?» she asked again. She already imagined what response she would have received, but she had to try.

Han shook his head again and his mom pulled him into a hug, which the boy barely returned.

«You know I love you, right?» she whispered, feeling particularly emotional that evening.

«Yeah, I know, mom.» he replied, «And I love you too.» he added, with a soft voice, finally returning the hug. And it was warm, it was reassuring.

She pulled away from him after a few moments and took his hands: «I have to ask you something, but please don't get angry»

Han nodded, listening, letting her draw figures with her thumbs on the back of his hand.

«I finally have the money» she started with a soft smile, thinking that wasn't the whole truth, «I can pay for psychotherapy for you. What do you think, love?»

Han removed his hands from hers, «I don't want to, mom» he replied almost immediately. He lay on his back staring at the ceiling, «I don't want to go out, I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to do anything. Happiness is not made for me» he explained, in a flat tone.

Haru sighed and moved a strand of hair from his forehead. Han was avoiding her gaze.

«It's precisely because you think these things that it could help.» she said, well aware of the symptoms of depression. He had listed them well. «It's when you feel like you can't see any light that you need to take care of yourself, Ji, and you know it.»

Han remained silent for a few moments, knowing that his mother was right. He knew rationally that depression improves, that it can be treated, that no one was destined to remain in that state forever. He knew that the best thing he could do for himself and for others was to get help. But that was the theory. In practice he felt like he didn't have the strength to even get out of bed, let alone talk about all the bad things he had been through with a stranger. He felt that it was impossible for him to get out of the pain.

For others perhaps, but not for him.

«I'll think about it.» he said, turning and giving her his back.

Haru nodded, getting that he wanted to be left alone. So she got up from the bed and, after leaving a kiss on his hair, she headed towards the door of the room.

«Mom?» 

She turned around, quickly wiping away a tear: «Mh?»

«Thank you» he said simply, finally meeting her gaze.

She smiled and closed the door.

.         .         .

Chan

"Jisung, how are you?"

"Are you coming back this week?"

"Don't make me say anything corny, I miss you!"

Han received messages from Chan often, and while it was nice that someone still cared about him besides his mother, he didn't know what to say to the older.

How was he? Would he be able to go back to work?

Chan was nice, he could have just looked for someone else and fired him, and instead he was waiting for him. He owed him an answer, at least.

Jisung

"Hey, Chan, I'm recovering."

"I don't know if I can go back these days, I'm sorry..."

Chan

"Oh, you answered me!"

"Don't worry! Think about recovering, you have plenty of time!"

"I have a good replacement! ;)"

Han nodded and fell asleep again, too tired to wonder who the replacement was.

.           .           .

«Minho? Table 12!»

The hazel-haired boy raised his head from the dishes he was washing and nodded at Chan, who meanwhile was holding two trays full of drinks and sweets. The orange-haired man was working hard, but he still kept his smile on. He was impressive. For his part, Minho had offered to help him, free of charge, to try to replace Han until he recovered.

And damn him for coming up with this idea.

Being a waiter and bartender was damn difficult, especially after all the training Minho already had in the morning. But being there calmed him. It made him feel less guilty, he made him feel connected to Han in some way, as if he was helping him, and Chan was a reassuring presence after all. 

So he dried his hands and headed to table 12, with notebook and pen in hand, mentally telling himself to stay calm. How the hell did the shy and introverted Han could do that job?

.           .           .

A few more days had passed. Han had been missing from work for more than two weeks, but at least he had made up his mind. He came down the stairs as soon as he heard his mother come home from work. She smiled brightly at him, thinking about that little step out of his room as an improvement. Maybe it wasn't, but she desperately needed to believe it was.

«Hey, honey, how are you feeling?» she asked him, kissing his forehead and taking off her coat. It was starting to get cold outside, Christmas was coming.

«Mh, okay» he replied, shrugging.

«Mom, I want to try» he then added, making her eyes widen as the scarf slipped from her hands and fell to the floor.

«Do you want to try?» she asked, picking up the garment, hoping she had understood correctly.

«Yes, I'm going to see a therapist» he said, turning up his nose. The feeling of doing something useless had not left him.

«Baby!» She hugged him tightly and showered him with kisses, making him whine, and then she quickly arranged the boy's first appointment for the next day with a well-known psychiatrist. And she mentally thanked Minho a hundred times for that opportunity.

That boy, one way or another, seemed like the best thing that could have happened to Han.

Elle's note:

Hi babieeees! I'm sorry to be so slow, I'm a slow writer eheh and plus I worked a bit and my brother graduated so I was a bit busy. 

This chap is short and not so well written too (I corrected the 21, so I recommend you reread it), but I'm trying to not make you wait too much. 

Anyway, how are you doing?

Happy 6th Anniversary, Skz!! <3 

P.s. The Minsung made their IG profile, omg, I'm already thinking about a very short text fics, what do you think?

Oh, I made a video for their anniversary yesterday, it took me more than 10 hours but I'm very very proud of it!!

https://youtu.be/rSg6dqlIgtA

Your Moon <3