It had been two nights and three days since Jisung and Minho had last seen each other and for both of them it seemed too much. Han kept thinking about all the sweet messages they were sending each other in those hours away and he was biting his lip.

Would there be embarrassment between them? Was Han deluding himself that they were making progress? But above all, was he ready for all those steps forward? 

The café had closed a few minutes ago, even Chan had gone home, and Jisung was waiting in the cold autumn air. Minho was running late and the younger was fidgeting, thinking about how he should greet him. He had missed him, he had missed him too much and maybe he wanted to throw his arms around his neck and hide his face in his chest, but... Han was an introvert. He wouldn't have succeeded.

Meanwhile Minho was almost running when he glimpsed the youngest outside the Café, that already has its lights off. Han was waiting for him with his head down, looking at his shoes, his soft black hat on his head, hands in his pockets and lips protruding in a pout.

And, fuck, he was so cute.

«Hey, pretty boy!» the older said with a soft smile, finally reaching him.

Han looked up, still undecided on how to greet him, but his gaze was immediately attracted by something unexpected: Minho was holding a splendid bouquet of flowers in his hands. And not just any flowers.

«Minho?» Han looked at him in amazement, moving his eyes from the flowers to the older's smiling face. Were those for him?

«Sorry I'm late, I stopped by my house to change» Minho smiled, pointing to his neat style with a smirk. 

Han stopped for a moment to observe Minho's outfit, who was wearing a beige coat - way more elegant than the usual leather jacket - with a light blue shirt and black jeans. And Han couldn't lie to himself: that boy was breathtaking.

«Not bad» he commented, quickly looking away, «And those?» he asked, impatient. He felt a strange tightening in his stomach. He knew the flower were for him at that point, but he didn't know how to feel about it.

He was moved, of course: Minho had bought them because Han had written in his diary, months and months ago, that no one had ever given him flowers. Besides daisies were his favorite and that was the most beautiful bouquet of daisies he had ever seen.

Nevertheless Jisung couldn't help but also feel uneasy. His palms were sweaty, he was picking at his cuticles with his nails, his heart was racing. What does that bouquet mean?

«These are for my flower» Minho said, offering him the daisies with a soft smile. 

Han blushed, biting his lips a bit too hard, and he made a deliberately disgusted face.

«Ew, gross!» he muttered, still accepting the gift. He smelled the flower by sinking his face into them, hoping that the scent would calm his nerves.

Minho raised an eyebrow not believing for a moment in that fake disgust and Han returned that look shrugging, «What?»

«You like it» Minho said, smirking. And that wasn't a question. 

«They are okay, I guess!» Han shrugged again, «T-thanks» he stammered in an almost inaudible voice, looking up at Minho. The boy was watching him with his shining eyes and a soft gaze. 

It was a sweet look, as sweet as those flowers. Then why did Han keep feeling his stomach tighten? What was he afraid of? Minho wasn't Eun, he didn't want to manipulate him, he didn't want to seduce and control him. 

«Would you come to dinner with me? It's a date» the older added, trying to appear confident and calm. Minho hadn't courted someone in a long time and, while he flaunted confidence, he wasn't so sure of himself.

"A date?" Han's heart seemed to speed up more, if that was possible, and his brain no longer knew what emotions make him feel.

A date with Minho was something Han knew he wanted and yet... Yet it scared him so much.

He looked at those wonderful white flowers again and then he watched his friend. He scrutinized his clothing and then looked at himself.

«I don't know, I'm badly dress-»

«You are perfect, Ji» Minho interrupted him, making him blush abruptly.

It was just an excuse, it was just an excuse to procrastinate or run away from that date, and Han knew it. But Minho always knew what to say, Minho was so damn perfect.

Han breathed deeply and he gathered his courage, trying to push away his fears.

«O-okay» he murmured, clutching the bouquet of flowers to his chest. With the back of his free hand he touched his own flushed cheeks, they were so hot.

It was nice to receive that attention, even if a part of him was terrified of receiving requests in return, he was afraid that everything would backfire on him. He was scared of seeing his feelings being used.

«Let's go!» The older smiled and took him by the hand, making him immediately feel safer, and together they walked towards the restaurant chosen by Minho. Nothing excessive, just a place to eat good meat together. 

The path was silent, Han was still burgundy and a little anxious. Minho couldn't stop smiling, watching him secretly, and he didn't take his eyes off him even once they sat at the restaurant table.

«So, do you like them?» he asked after kindly asking a waitress to arrange the flowers in a vase for them.

«Too much» Han whispered, scratching his nose in a shy gesture. There was no point in trying to deny it, he loved them. He still couldn't believe that he received his first bouquet of flowers, made up of his favorites and from such an amazing guy.

«You drive me crazy when you act like that, Han Jisung» Minho snapped, looking at the boy's cute face. Han was looking at him with those lost puppy eyes, his lower lip slightly protruding, his cheeks flushed. The older had an hard time trying to resist that beauty. He wanted to shower that boy with kisses. Han seemed so small that night. After that grimace in front of the Café, all his usual irreverence and coldness seemed to have disappeared and Minho felt happy that the younger was showing him that side of his soul. He was happy to have that effect on him.

«What do you mean?» the younger asked, blushing even more. 

Minho's soft eyes crashed into Han's with an intensity that scared the younger. The older's lips parted slightly, as if he was about to say something, but then his eyes quickly moved to the approaching waitress and he shook his head.

«Later.» he said with a small smile, «Let's eat first»

And a middle-aged woman brought them their food, interrupting that intense atmosphere and giving some relief to Han, who had felt his hands wet and his heart pounding in his chest for more than half an hour.

In any case, dinner helped him relax. The food was amazing and Minho was his usual playful self. They ate, laughing and joking, easing the tension they felt, but Han couldn't stop thinking about that look, about those words.

"Later"

Later what?

.         .         .

They left the restaurant and Minho insisted on paying the bill. He had invited the younger after all.

Han had accepted with a grimace, but all that "date thing" was bringing back memories he had long ignored. Memories about moments with Eun when the boy still hadn't shown the worst side of him and courted Jisung in the sweetest ways. Oh yes, monsters can be sweet too, you know.

So on the way back Han kept burying his nose in the bouquet of flowers, trying to stay in the present and to take away that annoying feeling. Minho wasn't Eun, not all love stories turned into horror stories and ended in tragedy.

The older's fingers were caressing his hand as always, unconsciously helping to tame that whirlwind of thoughts. Minho didn't want anything from him, he just brought him flowers and made him have a nice evening. He simply cared about him.

Han finally smiled, continuing to walk in the silent night next to Minho. Maybe something good could happen in his life too. Maybe there really were such wonderful people in that fucked up world.

He turned to look at the face of the older next him and frowned to his expression. Minho seemed so silent and thoughtful, much less relaxed than before. 

Han held his breath and his first thought was that he had done something wrong to upset him. It was an immediate, involuntary thought. He was used to feel this way, to feel guilty.

He gritted his teeth, pushing that toxic thought away. He knew that it was wrong, that it was because of his old relationship that he always blamed himself for everything. Because Eun always blamed him for everything.

"You haven't done anything wrong" he said to himself, tightening his fingers around the bouquet and watching his white sneakers hit the asphalt step by step, "It is not your fault".

And before he could even formulate another hypothesis about what had made Minho fall into that strange silence - was he thinking of Haneul? Of his father? Or did he have anything to do with that "later"? - Minho stopped.

Han looked up from the floor and noticed that they had stopped in front of a bench. They weren't far from Han's house.

«Sit, please» Minho said simply, gesturing to the bench with his free hand.

«Aren't we going home?» the younger asked, shivering in the cold. The street was dark and empty and Minho's gaze was alarming him.

Had the "later" arrived? Would he be able to handle it?

«Yes, I just have to do one thing first» the older said, finally smiling. That serene face reassured Han a little. If Minho was smiling it couldn't be anything bad, right?

The older placed Han's hood over his head in a sweet gesture, to cover him from the cold, and he knelt in front of him.

Han's eyes widened and he started panicking: «Minho, get up! What are you doing?!» he snapped. His thoughts refused to understand what was happening, memories began to fill his mind. Memories of Eun on his knees on their third date, the night they first kissed. Memories of Eun on his knees begging him to stay because "I won't do it again, I promise!".

But Minho couldn't see everything that was going on inside him. He saw that Han was agitated, of course, but he thought it was because of the emotion, a positive emotion.

So he kept smiling, he grabbed his hands and looked into his eyes with infinite sweetness.

«Jisung, I'm not good with words...» he said, stroking his wrist with his thumb, while Han was too shocked to speak. Minho was about to ask him something, he was about to ask him for a step forward. And whatever step it was, Han was certain at that moment, he wasn't ready for it at all.

Minho kept talking, but Han couldn't understand a single word. He was completely pale, his chest felt tight around his lungs, his stomach turned inside out. Until... Until he heard that word.

«Could you give me the chance to be your boyfriend?»

Han froze completely, his breath stopped.

"Boyfriend?"

That word no longer had the same meaning for Jisung and fear took over him again. It didn't matter that Minho wasn't Eun, that Minho seemed perfect, he could have been transformed, he could have abandoned him too, like Seojun. It would have certainly happened one day, because one way or another all love stories end. And Jisung couldn't handle another pain like that. He was already too broken.

Han stood up abruptly, his eyes clouded with tears, and he looked at the older with a pained expression that scared Minho.

"I messed up, it was too early." the older thought, feeling fear attack him. He had thought about that a lot in those last three days. He had reflected on every moment with Han, on how the boy seemed comfortable with him, on how he was finally opening up and he thought that declaring his feelings would make him feel safer, more protected...

He thought it would make him feel loved.

But in that instant all certainties collapsed on Minho, who couldn't even get up from the ground, he didn't even feel his knees hurt.

Han was still looking at him. In those big eyes Minho could read horror, fear, mortification, sorrow... Han had landed in the middle of his own storm, again.

«Ji? Where are you?» he asked him, hearing his own voice crack. He resisted the urge to touch him, «Come back to me» he added searching on Han's face a chance. A chance or a hope that he hadn't ruined everything.

But the younger was lost. He stood there for a few more seconds and then he took a step back, moving away from Minho and the hand he was holding out to him, two tears running down his face.

«I'm sorry» he just said. He took his hat off his head, leaving it on the bench next to the daisies, and left.

Minho remained on his knees, tears streaming down his cheeks.

He was sure they were building a special relationship, he was sure Han trusted him... But he was wrong and now he was losing what they had achieved.

He was losing him.

The bare idea of never seeing that boy again threatened to destroy him. He jumped up, grabbing Han's hat and ran after him.

«Jisung!» he yelled, reaching him and grabbing his soft hand. Han turned blankly.

«I'm sorry, Ji! I shouldn't have asked you!» the older said, quickly wiping his face.

Han looked at his wet, flushed face; Minho's breath was forming white clouds in the cold autumn air. Another tear left Jisung's eye but his expression didn't change.

He withdrew his hand: «I need to be alone, Minho» he said, «Don't follow me» and he started walking home again, leaving the older motionless in the middle of the sidewalk.

He wanted to follow him, to hug him, to tell him that it was okay to just be friends but... Han had asked him for space and he had to respect that.

Minho clung to the idea that he knew Han didn't just see him as a friend. There was an undeniable attraction between them, an incredible connection that he had never felt with anyone else before. And he knew it was the same for the younger.

Jisung was just scared and hurt. He just needed time. 

"He just needs time" he kept repeating to himself as he saw Han's figure disappear at the end of the avenue.

He returned to the bench where they had left the flowers and picked them up. He clutched the hat he had given him to his chest and walked home at a slow pace, taking more than two hours to finally reach it.

"He just needs time."

Moon's safe space:

Hi, babies, how are you?

I'm having an hard time, a lot of things are happening this February that is the month I like the least. Plus Skz will come to Italy and I wasn't able to get tickets.

But well, this period shall pass too, right? 

Anyway, here we are with a sad chap, matching with my mood. I'm not so sure about it, I think i will work on it more but I don't like to make you wait because of my perfectionism lol So here we go, let me know what do you think about it. 

Love u much

Moon

P.S. Something more happy, watch here Seungmin 2023 recap if you want. 

https://youtu.be/ajpt09HiGbk