Han Jisung had been laying on his bed for hours. An arm to cover his eyes, a hand resting on his chest. It was one of those days, the ones where he felt like he was collapsing and didn't know who to hold on to.

It was one of those days where all the pain he had been trying to hide came back and paralyzed him. And when that happened, there was nothing he could do. He stayed in his room, alone. When he was lucky he managed to cry, letting off steam, but most of the time the pain was so heavy that the tears didn't even come out. Nothing gave him relief.

He had no friends, he was no longer able to make any after that. The only person in the world who cared about him was his mother, but she was probably more broken than his son. She held on, she was a selfless and strong person, but she couldn't heal Jisung, not even with her love. Her husband's death had taken away part of her heart and Han hadn't seen his mother happy since that day.

It had been two years, yet the wounds in the heart do not heal as easy as those on the skin. The heart keeps beating, fighting to keep you alive, and the wounds keep bleeding, reopening cyclically.

«Honey?»

She approached his room and tried to knock. When he didn't answer for hours, she got that it was one of those days. And she felt useless, a failure of a mother.

It wasn't her fault that an accident had taken away the love of her life, Jisung's father, but she felt like it was her fault that her son couldn't be happy anymore.

She had some food in her shaking hands. She tried every time to leave something to eat in front of that door, but she always found it intact the day after.

What else could she do? They couldn't even afford a psychotherapist. 

«Honey, I love you.» her voice sounded broken, «I prepare for you Roti canai, your favorite, please eat some...»

No noise, no murmur.

«I love you, Jisung. I love you so much.» she said again, through tears, before leaving space to her son.

The boy felt his eyes burn, his heart ache. He hated not answering her, making her worry, leaving her alone... But he couldn't open his mouth. He could barely breathe.

His life had always been lonely, scanned by abandonments and deaths.

And he carried the marks of that pain on his body: his arms were full of deep scars.

Luckily none was recent, he had managed to stop treating heart sorrow with other kind of pain. But even on days when he seemed to be feeling better, his arms reminded him of what he had been through, like a memo: "You will never be happy, Han Jisung."

He remained in that position for hours, until he fell asleep at the sunrise, the alarm set only a few hours later. The next day would be Sunday, the cafe where he worked would be full of customer and his day would surely be hard.

But a few hours of restless sleep would be enough for him anyway.

.          .          .

The clatter of glasses in the sink relaxed him, it was a familiar noise. Too bad that it was overwhelmed by the voices of clients who had already filled the place as every Sundays, all cheerful and ready to eat more than usual.

It was sunny outside, summer was still ending and Jisung was looking forward to autumn. He hated the heat, the sun clashed too much with his mood. He also hated having to wear long sleeve shirts to cover the cuts on his arms with that warm weather. He could already feel the sweat making his linen shirt adhere to his back.

«Jisung, can you take the order from that table?»

Chan was the son of the owner of the café and he ran it for his father, that was getting too old to work. He was a very nice guy, with a big smile and weird orange hair. We could say that Han likes him, especially because he was unobtrusive. He didn't make questions often. Or at least, most of the time. 

«Yes» Jisung answered, dropping the glasses he was drying and walking over to the table, pulling a notepad out of his back pocket.

He couldn't smile even with customers, but he had learned to mask his gloomy face, wearing a cordial and professional expression.

Chan watched him, definitely worried about that little boy. He was just 3 years younger than him, but he had got the eyes of a person who has already lived too much.

He worked well, he had never been late, but he often had dreadful dark circles under his eyes and a blank stare. He looked like he wasn't on Earth, but stuck in some in-between world, alone.

And Chan knew he had no right to do it, but he wished he could help him someway.

«Did you sleep last night?» he asked, when Han had returned behind the counter to prepare the coffees and bring out the donuts for the group of ladies who occupied the biggest table.

«Quite» he answered, without crossing Chan's eyes.

«Let's try to close early today» the older suggested.

Han knew that he was just trying not to stress him too much but he didn't answer. He appreciated his kindness but he didn't like to be pitiful.

Chan sighed and watched his colleague walk away with a huge tray firmly in hand. He smiled, remembering how many trays Han had dropped the first days he'd worked there. Definitely fewer than the dishes Chan had overthrown when he started to work alongside his father.

Han had learned quickly and by now Chan had grown fond of him like a younger brother. A silent and lonely younger brother.

By the time most of the customers had left, it was already 2 pm. Han had taken a short break in the bathroom and, on his return, he found a new customer sitting at a table, near the window.

He was one of those guys who doesn't go unnoticed. All the people in the cafe were looking at him. But the boy didn't seem interested.

«Is he an idol?»

«He's so handsome!»

«Should we ask for his number?»

Several girls turned to him, whispering and nudging each other. 

"Haven't they ever seen a pretty boy?"  he thought, looking for Chan.

Seeing that he was busy with the till, Han sighed and walked over the new celebrated customer: it was up to him to take the boy's ordination.

Elle's note:

Hi beauties!! Here we go with the first chapter. I think we can imagine who is the handsome boy who entered the bar LOL

This story will be with a lot of angst (don't ask, February make me sad aahhahaah).

I hope that the story is interesting, so please, don't forget to give me your opinion about each chapter!! 

Hope you also will like the gifs and the pics, 'cause I always spent a lot of time searching for them.

Next chapter: on Tuesday or when this reach 12 stars!

L