For the first time in a long time, there was peace in the Lanes. Besides a few market sellers and drug addicts roaming the (admittedly less) dirty streets, everyone seemed to be indoors.
The sun had gone down around an hour ago, and Violet was laying on the beat-up couch in their den, watching Powder and Ekko play Fall Guys: Ultimate knockout for the umpteenth time that day. The magenta-haired girl had finally solved a week-long dispute between her (girl?)friend Caitlyn and, with much prompting and Advil, had completed some (incredibly late) homework assignments the day before.

It seemed like a turning point in Vi's life. Maybe she'd stop neglecting her studies. Maybe she'd finally clean the shit that had been piling under her bed for months...
But for now, she'd enjoy this quiet, lovely moment, and not have to worry about anyone or anything interrupting it-

The wooden door to the damned outside world slammed open with enough force to break it off its hinges.
"Vi, Powder!" Vander's loud Australian accent filled the room, "Settle a little tiff Silco and I are having."
...The fuck-
Silco, enters right behind his husband, smoking a pipe as he so often does. "Let's be honest, Vander, this isn't a tiff, it's a row."

"Well now it's a SCENE!"

Vi pushes herself up into a sitting position on the couch, passing a severely annoyed look between her dads.
"It's okay guys, we DON'T want to get involved in your personal shit."

"It's not personal, it's a math problem."

Powder, who didn't give a fuck before, looks away from the TV screen and her face brightens when they hear the words 'math problem,' because of course they would, the fucking nerd-
Vi, per usual, now has to stop the situation before it gets out of hand.
"Ok, hard pass-"

"Silco and I were having dinner together for the first time in two weeks thanks to night shift," Vander began; Vi would slap her forehead but she already had a headache thanks to staring at a computer screen for hours on end.

"And Vander thought it would be FUN to ruin our date with a foolish math problem, to which his answer is WRONG." Silco spat, filling the room with smoke. Vander takes the cigar from his significant other and takes a puff of this own.
"Vander, man, put that out." Ekko finally spoke, opening a window (brownie points to Little Man.)

Powder, predictably, did not help in any way to diffuse the situation. "Enough foreplay, let's get to numbers!"
"It's the Monty Hall problem," Vander informed, while swatting smoke from his face, "Imagine you're on a game show. There are three doors, behind one of which is a car-"

"You're telling it wrong!" Silco snatched his (still lit, lol) cigar away from Vander and repeats, "There are three doors, behind one of which is a car."
Vander gives him a glare, Silco ignores it.

"You pick a door, the host, who KNOWS where the car is, opens a different door, showing you there's nothing there. Now the host asks if you want to choose the other unopened door, should you do it?"

"No," Vander growls.
"Yes!" Silco retaliates.

"IT'S SIMPLE MATH!"

Vi wants to crawl into a hole and die. Or, maybe it's not too late to call and beg Cupcake for her generous hospitality?

"IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE TO SWITCH! The prize is behind ONE of TWO doors, there's a fifty-fifty chance either way!"

"It's two-thirds if you switch, one-third if you don't. The probability locks in when you make the choice, we've been over this EIGHT TIMES!"
Vander smirks.
"Seven times. Now you can't even do simple addition~"

Vi didn't care what god answered, she needed a way out and at this point she'd make a deal with any fetish priest just to fucking leave-

Powder, who had been listening to their fathers' exchange carefully, chose violence.
"...Silco's right."

Vi wishes that her sister had kept her mouth shut, because Vander looked like he was about to snap the engineer into two. Instead, the Hound went with: "I'm disowning you," and a dramatic exit, with Silco following behind, smirking, probably to pour salt and chili pepper on the wound.

Powder on the other hand, looks shocked. "Wha-"

Vi gives her famous shit-eating grin and nudges her sister with her foot because the midgit fucking deserves it. All the while, Ekko continues to play on the Playstation without a care in the world.

*~*

Vi had gone to bed the first chance she got, and she was glad because she was feeling (slightly) better. She was the first one up that morning, so she fixed herself a bowl of Lucky Charms cereal and savored the abnormal peace and quiet of their home.
Slowly, the rest of the house woke up one by one. Ekko emerged from Powder's room (Vi has no idea what he was doing there but she hopes for his own sake it wasn't for some 18+ reason) shortly before the blue-haired girl did themselves. No one talked much, but that was a given. Shortly after twelve Ekko went back to his own house, and the sisters chilled in the kitchen; Powder was fucking around with bombs, Vi scrolled through Instagram, and there was no reason for words-

"Good morning Vander." Powder's half-assed greeting scared the shit out of Vi for a second, and she quickly looks up. Vander seemed pissed about something, probably still dwelling over that stupid problem.

"No, it isn't." The Hound muttered, putting a kettle on the stove with about as much care as the Council had for Heimerdinger (read: not much at all). "I haven't slept at all because of that stupid math problem."

"The one you brought up?" Pow tried; she was blatantly ignored.
"Now I finally understand Silco's side."

"Cool, cool. So, it's all over and I don't have to think about math ever again?" Vi hoped.
"qUiTe ThE oPpOsItE! I know better than ever how incorrect he is!"
Vi's head collided with the table; Silco walked into the room at that moment. Instead of a hello and good morning, The Eye of Zaun was greeted with:
"Probability doesn't lock in. Do I need to teach you college level statistics?"

"I dunno, do should to teach you high school statistics?"

"Do I have to teach you eighth grade statistics??"

"Do I have to teach you seventh grade statistics?!"

"DO I HAVE TO TEACH YOU-"
*~*
Vi hightailed it out the second they mentioned third grade statistics. Now that she's parkour-ing back from Topside she hopes things have chilled out. It's almost astonishing how serious the boomers are. Sure, Vander and Silco fight like any other couple would, but never about something as simple as a fucking math problem.

She walks through the doors of the Last Drop and makes her way over to the front counter, where Vander is covering her shift (oops).
"Sorry I'm late; I can take it from here."
Vander would scold Vi for not taking her job seriously under normal circumstances, but today didn't fall under the category of 'normal' in any way, shape or form.

"Thanks for coming in, kiddo," Vander set down a glass he'd been cleaning and put away the rag, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to leave Silco a snide voicemail about bAbY statistics."

Vander left the building. Shortly after, Powder came in looking like a girl with a mission.
"Vi, we gotta explain this whole thing to Vander and save their relationship!"
The blue-haired girl grinned, "and you laughed at me for dragging Ekko to that weekend-long trig conference."

"Because you called it 'Funky cats and their feisty stats'."

"tHaT wAs ThE nAmE, it was so cool-"

"It was not, besides it's not because of the math, they haven't seen each other 'cause of the night shift."

Without a second thought, Vi gave her ideal theory to her younger sister.

"They just need to bone."

"WHAT?! Gross, Vi! Those are our DADS!"

Vi zoomed in on her sister's mistake; ever since Silco and Vander announced they were dating, Powder had refused to label Vander as a father. In fact, their relationship was much better than it had been in the beginning (no more tantrums and screaming matches, thank Janna) but the engineer still preffered to call Vander by his name, and nothing else. It was the same way with Silco and Vi, but being a pain in the ass hypocrite came with the job decription of being an older sister, so she had to tease her.

To her credit, Powder immediately tried to correct themself.
"I mean, that's not what I think, Vander is just my dad- "

"Wooow..."

"NEVERMIND, I'M TEACHING FATHER THE MATH!"

Vi stifles laughter; there was no way to take the blue-haired girl seriously.

"wHaTeVeR, Vi!" The (now angry) teen stomped all the way upstairs; Vi continued to serve customers, unbothered.
*~*
It was later in the evening that the drama started back up. Vi was reading (don't judge, Everyone Dies at the End was fucking gold, fight her), and Powder was doing some arts and crafts shit on the floor of the den. Vi glanced up at the door every few minutes, wondering when it would slam open next.

Therefore, it surprised Vi (sadly) when the door gently opened.
"Everything ok, Powder?" Silco asked.

"No, I lost my...keys."

It wasn't a terrible lie; Powder lost her keys almost daily. It was the way they said it and the second-long hesitation that made Vi doubt it. Silco didn't exactly seem to buy it either, but didn't call the engineer out on it.

"Okay, did you see where in went?"

Powder grinned. "Actually," the blue-haired girl pulled out three cardboard boxes from god knows where, wonder what she's doing with those...

Oh wait...fuck.

As if Vi needed any confirmation, Powder finished, "It's behind one of these three doors. Why don't cha pick one?"

"Are you trying to Monty Hall me?"
The room dropped in temperature about ten degrees; Silco was now towering over Powder, and the girl in question looked like she was going to shit her pants. (Chill Pow, he's not THAT crazy )

"It's Unbelievable! I don't need Monty Hall ruining my place of peace when Monty Hall has already ruined my sanity!"

It was time to step in before someone died.

"C'mon Silco," Vi said, "The math shit isn't the problem, Night shift's keeping you and Vander apart."

Should she say it? Yeah, she'd say it.

"You two just need to bone."

Powder gasped, probably with good reason; Silco turned whiter than snow.

"wHaT did you say?!"
"don't say it again!" Powder whispered; And so, Vi said it again.

"I said you and Vander need to BONE."

Silco's face went red enough to rival Vi's hair. He really looked livid, speechless even, looking for words. It was almost funny, until he found them again.
"Hhhhhhhhhow dare you, Violet Isabella Lanes, I aM YOUR SUPERIOR FATHER!"

5 minutes later...
"BOOOOOOOONNE!"

20 minutes later...
"WHAT HAPPENS IN MY BEDROOM, VIOLET, IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"

several minutes later...
"bOOOooOOOOoonE?????????????"

Sorry guys, Vi lost track of time...
"Don't EVER speak to me like that again."

Silco left the den; Within the hour the Eye of Zaun wasted screaming at Vi, Ekko had come in. The magenta-haired girl missed his reaction since she was busy being told off, but now that Silco wasn't all up in her face she stole a glance at the Boy Savior (who had his arms around a very traumatized Powder); he seemed amused.

"You told them to bone?" the white-haired boy asked.

"Of course," Vi replied, "It was worth it."

It really was. Sure, her head was pounding, her ears were ringing, and she was certain that Silco wasn't going to speak with her for a while, but putting her two (very unwanted) cents in to stir up trouble were the best things she'd done in a while.

Unfortunately, Powder didn't share Ekko and Vi's amusement.

"Why did you do that?"

She shrugged.
"Dude was pent up. Now he knows. Problem solved."

Ekko and Vi high five; Powder mutters something under their breath, probably that she hates them.
*~*

Everyone woke up late the next morning. Ekko had stayed over again last night; All three teens hung out in the bar for a good portion of the day, before the lovers branched off to go do something, leaving Vi alone with her thoughts.

Oddly enough, no one had seen much of Vander or Silco that day. It was a silent between the sisters not to talk, joke, or even mention Monty Hall regardless of whether or not the dads were in the room, but there was almost no need.

The next time Vi saw her dads in the same place at the same time was at dinner next day. She'd spent majority of the day up with Caitlyn; her awesome (girl???)friend had taught her how to make cupcakes, and Vi was abosutely radiating from all that pent up gay energy.
Everyone else seemed chipper as well; Powder walked through the door looking happier (Vi asked her later; apparently she'd used poor Chuck the bartender as a testing dummy for their bomb experiments); Vander was humming and cooking; and Silco was... reading the paper with almost no enthusiasm (that's how you know he's ecstatic about something.).

So of course with everyone in a good mood, Powder had to bring up the damned Monty Hall shit again.

"Ok guys, I know you don't want to talk about Monty Hall, but I did the math-"

"No need, Powder," Vander grinned, "It's all water under the bridge."

Oh? No wonder everything seemed great.
"So the fight's over??" she asked.

"Yep!" Vander chipped in.

"Because you understand the math?"

"Nope!"
Then how- oh. OH.

"Because you guys-" Vi started.

"YEP!"

Vi grinned.
"Knew it."
And now, to complete her mission to be a pain-in-the-ass sister, she decided to dumb it down for her baby sister.

"See, what happened is our dads had se-"

"OKAY, VIOLET!"