CHAPTER THREE

Louis POV.

I finish throwing up and fall against the bathtub, my breathing picks up again. I need to call Cam before I can't come down from this myself. I can feel myself getting worked up. I try to calm my breathing as I dial Oli and Cam's apartment, Oli picks up.

"Hey Lou" he says cheerfully.

"Oli, um... Is Cam there?" I ask trying to breathe.

"No buddy he isn't, are you ok? You sound funny Lou" Oli says.

"Yeah, I um, I just, the paps were following me....it just was a bit much" I stumble out.

"Okay Lou, I can come?" Oli offers, but no I just really need Cameron.

"I um, I just need Cam" I whisper.

"Ok buddy, I'll get hold of him and get him to come to you okay, where are you?" He asks concerned.

"In my bathroom, I just, I need him now" I say.

"Okay, okay he won't be long Lou, I'm going to hang up so I can call him now, he is on his way" Oli says.

"Okay" I reply weakly.

I hang up and close my eyes, regulating my breaths. I have not stressed out like this in three years, I need to relax myself and get myself out of this. Kimberly used to tell me to think of something that relaxes me and focus on it as well as evening out my breaths. I used to think of Harry and his calming green eyes and calming touch and as fucked up as it is right now, it's the only thing I can think of. I think of his eyes and his smile, and his stupid dimples and I find myself relaxing and I hate myself for it.

Five minutes later I'm a lot calmer and I hear the key in the front door and Cameron entering the flat.

"Louis??" He calls me.

"Cam" I yell from the bathroom, I'm not panicking anymore but I feel lightheaded and dizzy.

He comes rushing into the room and sees me on the floor. He comes over and kneels down in front of me.

"Oh buddy, it's okay" he says to me.

He sits on the floor and pulls me to his chest. He doesn't say anything just runs his fingers slowly through my hair.

"I'm sorry Cam, I didn't mean to call you, I just got so overwhelmed with the paps and it stressed me out and well.... I spewed and then I panicked I'm sorry" I say.

"Lou, don't apologise, tell me what happened" Cameron says to me.

I take a deep breath and explain how the paparazzi and people on the street mobbed me and how they were so close to me that I couldn't move, and I stressed myself out.

"That's perfectly normal Lou, it must have been quite scary to have people pulling and pushing at you, mobbing you like that. You also haven't had an attack in so long and you handled it all by yourself, you calmed yourself down babe, before I even got here and that's a massive achievement. Don't worry about throwing up, it wasn't on purpose so don't beat yourself up about it, ok bud" Cameron tells me.

"Yeah okay, I know" I say shyly.

"Maybe we should consider getting you a security guard or something" Cam jokes and I scoff.

We sit in silence for a while on the bathroom floor before Cam speaks up.

"Come on, up you get, do you want to come to ours for dinner?" Cam asks.

"Nah thanks though. I really just need to sleep" I tell him.

I'm a little wobbly on my feet as I get up. I should probably eat something, but I really cannot be bothered right now. And I feel like I'm going to pass out any second.

I can tell Cam doesn't like my answer, but he doesn't push me.

"Okay, are you going to be alright on your own?" Cam asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm sorry I called you I just...."

"That's what I'm here for Lou, call me anytime, okay" Cam says smiling.

We hug goodbye and Cam promises to come and check on me in the morning. I walk into my bedroom on shaky legs, and I manage to change into my sweats, socks, a long sleeve shirt and a hoodie. I'm always cold these days, even with the heating on, I fall into bed under two blankets and I'm out in two seconds.

When I wake up, I have a throbbing headache. It's still dark outside, the clock says 5:30am. I usually get up to go for a run at this time, but I feel way too exhausted to even move. I sigh and roll over, I run through my day in my head like I do every morning. Kimberly recommended this exercise to distract my thoughts. I have to pack for my two days in Doncaster this weekend and buy some more tea but other than that I don't have a busy day. I relax back into the mattress thankful I don't have to be anywhere today. I roll over to go back to sleep and before another thought can enter my mind I'm already passed out.

The next time I open my eyes it's to a heavy pounding on my front door. I groan and roll over. I go to get out of bed quickly so as to stop the noise, the pounding getting on my nerves. My head feels a bit better but when I stand up and get out of bed, I get really lightheaded and nearly faint, I need to sit down on the edge of my bed to let it pass. I haven't eaten anything in two days, I probably should eat something so I can function. When my dizzy spell has passed, I push myself up off the bed and head to the front door. I open it wincing as the knocks get louder.

"What the actual fuck" I say as I pull the door open.

"Jesus Louis, I was actually worried you were fucking dead, I've been knocking on your door for 20 minutes"

"Why didn't you use your key Cameron" I ask as we walk back into the flat. Cameron closing and locking the door behind him.

We head to the lounge room, and I fall face first into the couch.

"I left it in my flat" he says. "Are you seriously still sleeping? It's 4 in the afternoon" Cameron says.

"I was tired" I say into the pillow.

"Yesterday knocked you around a bit didn't it" Cameron States.

"Yeah, I guess" I reply, moving my head to the side so I can look at him. "I'm fine though I promise, I was just going to make something to eat" I tell him.

I stand up and walk towards the kitchen, taking a pan out to cook some eggs. Eggs and rice crackers are my safe food, low calories but enough to get me through the day. As I'm preparing everything Cameron sits up on the kitchen bench and an awkward silence settles between us.

"Are you ok Cam? You seem a bit distracted" I say looking at him.

"I have something to tell you" Cam says.

My heart stops and I start to freak out inside, this is where he tells me he is leaving me too and doesn't want to be friends anymore. After last night he probably thinks I'm too high maintenance.

"Oh?" I say, clearing my throat as I try to sound unfazed.

"Lou I um, I spoke to Harry yesterday" he says.

This isn't news to me they talk all the time, so, I'm not sure why he is bringing it up with me now?

"And? You always talk to Harry why is it different this time?" I ask.

I try to hide my jealousy in the fact that Harry wants to talk to and keep in touch with Cameron but has never made a move to talk to me in four years. It's not like I've changed my phone number.

"Well...... Harry asked about you" he says.

I drop the spatula I'm holding, and it clangs to the floor. Why would he ask about me? Oh, He has probably seen the magazines. I know LA gets the same gossip magazines over there, he is probably just checking up on me or something. It's not like he actually cares about me.

"Oh?" I say picking up the spatula and putting it in the sink.

"Yeah, um he wanted to know how you were doing and if you were seeing someone and stuff" Cam says, avoiding my eyes as he swings his legs back and forth on the bench.

Why does Harry even care how I'm doing or who I'm seeing? He probably just wants the gossip like everyone else.

"Yeah? Well, what did you tell him?" I ask nonchalantly.

"Um that you, that you are single and that I'm worried about you again, that all the boys are. Harry saw the magazines too" Cam says.

Of course, he did and of course he believed what they said. Now I'm just angry. He wants to clear his conscience by making sure I'm not on drugs because of him or something.

"Yeah? and why the fuck does Harry suddenly care Cam? And why the hell would you tell him that! I told you I'm fine and as my friend I thought you would believe me over a stupid gossip magazine. You all just automatically think the worst of me, even my own brothers" I yell out upset.

"Louis, calm down. I'm sorry I told Harry; he is worried about you. I told you we all are, we want you to be okay" Cam says.

"Well, you can all go fuck yourselves and go talk about me behind my back together and leave me the fuck alone to deal with my own life. I don't need you worrying about me, I can sort my own shit out like I have been for the last four years. I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself" I yell angrily.

"We know you are Louis, and we are all so proud of what you have achieved over the last four years Lou" Cameron tells me.

I'm not really listening to Cameron I'm too upset and confused about Harry; I'm upset that Harry thinks it's still his place to worry after he walked away from me.

"What the fuck does Harry care for anyway? What is he going to do from over the other side of the globe huh...? he left me, and he has no right to ask how I'm doing" I finish yelling, completely frustrated.

"I understand Lou, I'm sorry I said anything to him, but I want you to talk to me please" Cam begs.

"I'm fine Cameron for the 100th time I'm God. Dam. Fucking. Fine" I says looking him straight in the eyes angrily.

"Lou, please bud, don't push me away" Cam says.

"I'm not Cam... What do you want me to tell you? That I'm still in love with Harry? That I miss him? That there isn't a day that goes by where I don't think of him? There I've said it!! now what Cameron? What is it going to change? Harry lives in LA, he doesn't want me and even if by some miracle he did, I'm not doing a long-distance relationship it's not fair, and besides, I don't think I could ever trust him to not hurt me again" I tell him. I started off yelling but by the end of my rant I've lowered my voice to a whisper.

"What does it even matter anyway, he made his choice perfectly clear.......Can you just leave me alone please, I want to be alone right now" I say turning my back on him to finish cooking my eggs.

"Louis- Harry, he"

"No Cam, get out, please" I say angrily.

I hear him sigh then jump off the bench and walk towards the door. It opens but before Cam can shut it, I yell out to him.

"And when you speak to Harry next you can tell him to fuck off too" I say. As tears prick my eyes and Cameron slams the door.

I don't hear from Cameron for the rest of the afternoon, and I go to bed feeling like an absolute ass, but I can't help being angry. The boys have every right to be worried but how long are they going to hold it against me for. How long is it going to be before they all trust that I can take care of myself. It's so frustrating.