CHAPTER TWO

Harry's POV

"Thank you for coming in today, Doctor Styles. It was a pleasure to see you again and we are looking forward to having you as part of our team"

I'm told by Doctor Grant, the Chief in charge of the Emergency department at St Mary's private Hospital in London.

"I'm very much looking forward to working with you too. I'm honoured to be chosen to be a part of such a fantastic department. St Mary's has always been on the top of my list of hospitals" I say back, shaking his hand.

"Well, I'm glad, we are very lucky to have you Styles, your credentials are impeccable, and your recommendations are extremely impressive" Dr Grant says.

"Thank you, sir," I reply.

"Now feel free to call me, if need be, between now and Monday if you have any questions, otherwise, we will see you 7am Monday morning for your first shift" he says warmly to me.

"I look forward to it sir" I say back grinning like an idiot.

We say our goodbyes and I walk out of the main entrance of the hospital and into the brisk cold air of London. I sigh, I've missed this weather so much. I breathe in the air and turn around to head towards my car, I pull my coat tightly around me, the cold biting at me fiercely. Suddenly my pocket starts vibrating and I take out my buzzing phone and look towards the screen. I see Drew's name flash up; I can't help but smile. I also can't deny the slight pang I feel in my chest that it's not the Tomlinson I secretly, even after so long, hoped it would be.

"Well, hello there stranger, how's my favourite football player?" I ask cheekily.

"Mate!! Are you back yet? I've missed you! We need a night out of clubbing and drinking, what do you say?" Drew asks me excitedly.

"I say, I'll be over tomorrow night! I've got three more days before I start work and I need to let my hair down" I say smiling.

"Sure, you do Styles. Listen, drive down to Scott and Sammy's, I'm staying there for the next month before training starts again and I head back to Manchester. We can make a weekend out if it. My niece is turning three and there is a party happening." Drew tells me.

"Yeah, alright sounds great, I've missed the boys, it will be great to see them again" I say.

"Yeah, like old times" Drew says.

Yeah, like old times. I think, without Louis by my side.

"Oh! also, I've got this knee problem, I need you to fix it for me" Drew says seriously, causing me to snort.

"Drew mate, I'm a General Surgeon, I don't specialise in knee injuries. I'll look at it for you, but I'm not risking the NUMBER ONE striker for Manchester's career by treating your knee" I laugh.

"Yeah, yea, what are you good for then mate?" Drew jokes.

"Hey!!!" I say acting offended.

"Love ya Styles, see you tomorrow at 7, bring booze" he says back and hangs up.

I can't help but shake my head at my best friend. Although I haven't seen him much over the last four years, we have still remained really close. Skype and phone calls with Drew were such a saviour throughout medical school.

The four years I spent in LA were amazing. After much deliberation between following paediatrics or becoming a surgeon, I decided to specialise in General Surgery, and it quickly became my goal to work in the Emergency Department. I found I thrived on the busyness and the pressure of it all and working in LA proved to never be a bore. I definitely saw a lot of things I never thought I would see, let alone have to treat in my life, it was incredible.

I decided to leave LA though last month, after being offered a job at St Mary's hospital in London. With missing home and my friends and family so much and maybe a certain Tomlinson, it was the deciding factor. I'm so glad I made the decision to come back, I didn't realise how much I missed London until I stepped off the plane.

As I'm walking back to my car, I duck into the newsagency to grab some gum and a drink, but when I enter the shop, I stop in my tracks. On the shelf straight in front of me is a magazine with a picture of Louis, my Louis, on the cover.

'Is sexy and super smart supermodel Louis Tomlinson single and are the rumours behind his drug addiction true?' The cover reads.

Drug addiction? No way! Louis would never do drugs, well, not the Louis I used to know. I've been following Louis career over the last few years; I know he finished his law degree, and I was so proud of him when I heard the changes, he had made to the court laws as well as the program he developed for high school students. I knew Louis would smash it at Oxford, become more confident and become someone great. Two years ago though, I noticed Louis picture in a few magazines and now, he is literally everywhere and thanks to his father (who I know from Drew they still don't talk to) Louis has become quite famous within the gossip and celebrity scene.

I look over the front cover and notice Louis is looking really thin; I really hope he is ok. What I wouldn't give to hold him in my arms again. I was stupid to ever let him go; I was young, and I knew he needed to find himself and become someone great, but I should have been there to support him. There isn't a day that goes by I don't think of Louis, wonder what he is doing or how he is. Drew and Cameron are quick to change the subject when I ask about Louis, so I know he doesn't want anything to do with me. He looks just like I remember him but if it's possible he looks even more stunning. I know he lives in London now, but London's quite big and I have no idea where.

When I was trying to find an apartment to move into when I moved back to London, Cameron suggested I look at the apartment complex he lives in. It's close to the hospital and in a great part of London and it overlooks a big park, I really liked it. So, he helped me get a great deal on an apartment one floor above his and his boyfriends.

I sigh, what I wouldn't give to see Louis again.

Since I left Louis, I have only been with one other person. We were in a relationship for two years, I guess you could say I loved him, and I did, I still do, but not the way I love Louis. We broke up when I decided to move back to London, long distance wasn't an option because my move to London is permanent, and David is staying in LA inevitably. The two years David and I were together were great, we moved in together and things were comfortable, but I always felt something was missing.

I wish I could just see Louis again and tell him what a dick I was and how much I miss him. If I could beg for another chance I would, but he would have guys falling all over him and has probably moved on completely.

I get back to my car and I begin the short drive back to my apartment, when I turn down my street the traffic starts to get really bad. I can see up ahead on the sidewalk a crowd of people and what looks like paparazzi taking pictures of someone. It must obviously be a celebrity, or someone of importance. The crowd looks quite rough and there is a lot of pushing and pulling. I see someone with a beanie and black jacket on rush inside the building.... my apartment building. I see the Paps all standing around the glass doors trying to get a photo of whoever it was, inside. I'm thankful I have underground access and don't have to go through the mob.

I make it back to my apartment and walk in, the place is really nice and modern, but I can't help the lonely feeling I get when I enter. It's so cold and not at all homey.

I decide to take a shower and put on my comfortable sweats and a T-shirt, I cook myself a nice stir fry for dinner and I grab a beer from the fridge. I head to the couch to watch some mindless TV show and can't help but stop on one of the many celebrity gossip channels. When I see Louis name and picture come up on the screen, I can't help but pause the TV and stare at the beautiful boy that used to be mine. I can't help but hate myself for letting him slip though my fingers.

I decide to call Cameron and get him to come over for a catch up and a beer and hopefully he can take mind off things, or in turn give me some answers to the many questions I have when it comes to Louis. Cameron agrees enthusiastically, we haven't hung out together in ages. When he arrives, he grabs a beer and sits next to me on the couch.

"So how was your interview today?" He asks me as he lays back against the couch and puts his feet in my lap.

"Yeah, great, I start on Monday. I'm really looking forward to it" I tell him.

"That's great H, you will be the hottest doctor in London" He says smiling.

I laugh and shove his arm.

"So, how's work going?" I ask him.

"Yeah great, we just did a big merger with another company and business is going really well" he tells me.

We talk about lots of stuff and catch up. Cam tells me more about Oli his boyfriend and I'm so happy that he is in a great relationship. After about an hour of laughing and bantering back and forth I can't take it anymore and need to ask about Louis.

"So, um Cam, so like I was wondering.... you and Louis are really close now, right?" I ask nervously as I play with the label on my beer bottle.

"Yeah H, he is like my brother I've told you this" Cam says back, sensing where this conversation is heading.

"Well um like... I was reading a magazine today and I saw him on the front, and I just wanted to know like......how um, how is he?" I question looking anywhere but towards Cameron.

I hear him sigh and hesitate. I turn to look him in the eyes, mine pleading with his to give me some, any, information.

"Harry-" he starts.

"No Cam please.... I just need to know he is ok, please I....I miss him, is he with...um with anyone?" I ask, hoping I get the answer I'm looking for.

"Ughhh Harry, I shouldn't be telling you any of this, you know this right. I'm literally betraying Louis here" Cameron says.

I look down towards my lap, it's silent for a few minutes before he starts talking.

"He has been doing great, he has been so happy. He relapsed with his anorexia once, in his second year at Oxford. It didn't last long, and he has been back on track since, going really well. He still doesn't understand why anyone thinks he is attractive or why they want him to model" Cam says.

I scoff and roll my eyes while Cameron laughs.

"You know what Louis like H; has never thought he was attractive. He is still insecure, but only the people who know him really well can tell that, he hides it so well. He is smashing the industry though and is getting tons of work, they love him" he says.

"I'm so proud of him Cam, I really am" I say.

Cameron smiles at me knowingly.

"He is single H and as far as I know he isn't looking for anything or anyone at the moment. I....ugh I shouldn't be telling you this but......I know he misses you" Cam says quietly.

My breath hitches in my throat. He misses me. He still thinks of me. I can't help but smile at his words.

"Don't look all smug their H, of course he misses you. You really really hurt him though Harry like, badly" he tells me and the guilt I feel makes my smile fall completely off my face. I'm such an asshole.

"I know Cam, I know but I... I want" I start.

"I know H, believe me I do, but he is still fragile, and I'm not convinced these magazines are that far from the truth" he says looking down in his lap.

"You mean you think Louis is doing drugs?" I ask incredulously.

"Well, I dunno, not necessarily, but I think he may be at risk of relapsing again and if he sees you after so long, I'm not sure what he will do" Cameron says, looking me in the eyes.

I'm gutted, I want to see him again so badly, I didn't realise how much I had actually hurt him by leaving. I never wanted to hurt him. I just wanted him to reach his full potential and follow his dreams without having to follow me. I couldn't turn down such a great opportunity and I know Louis would have moved his whole life to be with me, but I couldn't let him do that and a long-distance relationship just wouldn't have been fair to either of us. It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make but looking at what Louis has achieved on his own, I can't deny that it wasn't the right move to make. I just wish I hadn't have hurt him so much.

"You still love him, don't you?" Cameron asks me.

I look him in the eyes wanting to say the words so badly, to finally admit them again, but I don't get the chance as Cameron's phone starts ringing, breaking our silence.

"Hey babe" He answers.

"What?" I hear him ask and he sounds worried.

"Where is he Oli?" He demands

"Alright, yeah I've got a key I'm on my way. I'll be two minutes" he says and hangs up.

"Sorry Haz I have to go it's.... it's um" he starts, and it clicks.

"Louis? Is he ok?" I ask worriedly.

"Oli said he thinks so, Louis called him really upset, he had a run in with some paps and is freaking out a bit, I have to go make sure he is ok" he says

"I want to come, I'm worried Cam" I say getting up off the couch.

I walk with Cameron to the doorway.

"I don't think that's a good idea H" he tells me.

"But I'm a doctor I can help him, I want to be there for him Cam" I slightly beg.

"Harry, mate. I'm sorry, but you lost that privilege four years ago when you walked out on him" Cameron says sympathetically.

I can't help the tears that threaten to spill down my cheeks, he is right, but God it fucking hurts.

"I'm sorry H, I'll see you soon ok mate, but I have to go, Louis needs me" Cameron says.

I watch as he shuts the door and can't help the jealousy I feel. I should be helping Louis!! me! I'm the one who knows him and knows how to calm him down. I didn't think being so close to Louis and not able to talk to him or touch him would be this hard.

I walk back to the couch and sit down. I put my head in my hands. I miss him so much, what the fuck have I done.