LOUIS POV

Three weeks full of tears, frustration, and determination later, Harry and Dan come into my hospital room smiling. I'm sitting on my bed reading alone, as the rest of the boys had to head back home and back to work. They still make sure to call me every day though, they have been busy getting the house organised for when I come home too, something I'm not looking forward to though. I am feeling better and can tell my body is getting stronger, my temperature has been down completely for the last week and Dan and Harry are stoked. I'm eating a makeshift diet now, still small portions but I've gained back weight and my BMI is now 16, still low apparently but sufficient enough to be out of immediate danger.

"Hey Louis, we come bearing great news" Dan says to me as he sits on my bed.

I look towards them sceptically. As I place my book on the bed.

"What is it? don't tell me.... you're adding a new food to my diet" I say sarcastically.

"Ha-ha, as much as that would be awesome.... Haz, will you do the honours?" Dan says gesturing to Harry.

"I would love too! Louis, your latest blood work has come back, and your white cell count is back to normal and everything else is looking good......this means that we are here to take your feeding tube out" Harry beams at me.

"Seriously?" I nearly yell.

"Seriously! And if you continue to eat like you have been you will be released from the hospital next week" Harry finishes.

"Oh my god this is awesome" I say smiling,

"Well done kiddo, you did it" Dan says ruffling my hair.

Dan and I, over the last three weeks have become really close. When Harry is working, he comes to sit with me, and we play cards and watch movies and just talk and I can honestly say he is amazing, and we have already talked about hanging out after I leave. He is a great guy and finally I have someone to relate to that knows somewhat how I'm feeling. Also, someone who has made it through the other side as well.

"Now let's get to taking that tube out" Harry says.

Harry directs me to lie down, and I do, as he puts his gloves on.

"Now take a deep breath and when I say cough, I want you to cough okay" he says gently, I nod at him in response.

He tells me to cough, and I do, it's uncomfortable when he pulls it out but when it's out, I feel so much better and I'm so happy. Harry and Dan are so proud of me and continue to tell me how awesome I'm doing. I can't help but love the praise, it makes me feel good which I haven't felt about myself in a while.

That night, when the boys call and they hoot their congratulations over the phone at me, I can't help but beam and I really feel truly proud of myself.

One week later and I'm anxiously awaiting Drew who is coming to get me to take me home. I've made it, five weeks of being stuck in a bed, not being able to even go outside to see the sun has been so hard and I can't wait to get outside. I'm still weak and sore and I have to take it easy but I'm healthy enough to go home. I have to take antibiotics for the next month or so just to make sure everything is okay, and I've had a lecture from both Dan and Harry about any worrying signs or temperatures I need to come back in straight away, but hopefully everything will be okay, and I'll keep getting healthier.

I'm sitting on the hospital bed dressed in my jeans and sweater with my bag packed ready to leave, it's the first day in five weeks I've been free from all drips and tubes. I'm excited to leave but I'm also so anxious and scared to be going with the boys, Dan and Harry have been daily support for me and I'm shit scared to leave them. I'm going to miss them so much and the talks Dan and I have.

Dan then comes walking into the room breaking my thoughts. He smiles at me, but his smile doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"Hey kid" he says, walking over and sitting beside me

"Hey" I say.

"I just wanted to come and say goodbye" he says to me smiling but I can see the tears in his eyes.

"I'm scared Dan, I don't want to say goodbye" I say anxiously.

"You are going to be amazing Louis, you can do this, you've got this. I'm only a phone call away okay...... and how about next weekend I will come and get you and take you too that football game in Doncaster that you wanted to see" he asks.

"Really? You would do that for me?" I ask him shyly.

"Of course, Louis, I'm going to really miss you kid, I'm looking forward to hanging out" he says shoving my shoulder lightly.

I can't help the tears as I lunge for him and hug him tightly.

"I'm going to miss you too" I say.

"Remember please Louis, call me if you need to. Don't do anything silly, you are better than that okay. You are in control" Daniel says.

I lean back and smile at him.

"Yeah, yeah" I nod.

Drew then comes barging in the door interrupting our goodbyes. He smiles widely at me sitting up on the bed free of machines.

"Alright Lou? Are you ready to go?" He asks me.

I nod my head as I shakily stand up. I smile and give Dan another big hug. Harry then comes bounding into the room puffing like crazy.

"Thank god, I thought I had missed you" he says, and I can't help but smile at him.

Harry comes closer to me and engulfs me in a warm hug, and I melt into him.

"I'm going to come down on every day off I have, okay Lou" Harry says.

I nod my head but hide in his chest I don't want to let him go. Tears slowly make their way down my face.

"We will give you some time alone okay, we'll be just outside Lou" Drew says.

Him and Dan walk out of the room and Harry pulls me back so he can look at me, thumbing my tears away.

"It's okay baby" he says.

"Harry I can't do this without you, I don't want to leave you, can't I go home with you please please? don't make me go with the boys" I say panicking.

"Hey baby, breathe just breathe. Calm down. You still need to take it easy, just relax" Harry says.

"I can't.... I can't, I don't want to go please Harry"

Suddenly I feel like I'm slipping again.

"Okay Lou, look at me, look at me Louis" Harry asks cupping my face with his large hands.

I lean into his touch and look him straight in the eyes.

"You can do this baby, the boys love you to death and everything they do comes from their hearts all they want is for you to be healthy and live a wonderful life Louis, their intentions are the best, even if they get it wrong sometimes okay. They are not going to do anything to hurt you or to make you miserable. This is all about you, you making the right decisions and you getting better Louis. It's for three months. That's it, three measly months and if you are doing fine, which I know you will be smashing it, you get all of the control back......but we need to make sure you can deal with it okay" Harry says.

"I can Harry, I-I can" I say back.

"I know Lou, let's show everyone okay" He smiles.

I nod my head and Harry leans down and kisses me on the forehead.

"Now come on I hate goodbyes, let's get you on your way home okay" Harry says.

We all walk to the front of the hospital; we reach the doors but before we head outside Drew turns to me.

"Louis, listen to me, the paps followed me here and know you are coming home today, it's all over Twitter and the news that you are being released today" Drew says to me.

The slight smile I had on my face is wiped completely off. I look towards Drew's car to the left of the entrance, and it's surrounded by paps.

"Drew" I say desperately.

"It's okay you don't need to talk to them, we are just going to walk straight passed them"

"I don't want to" I say matter of fact.

"I promise you; I won't let them touch you Louis" Drew says grabbing my shoulders.

"Me either" Harry says from beside me.

"I'll come too" Dan says.

We walk out of the hospital and instantly I'm bombarded, Harry and Drew walk either side of me while Dan clears a path in front. There are questions thrown around at me from all directions, but I ignore them all.

We make it to the car and Dan opens the passenger door for me. We have time for quick hugs before I'm sitting in the passenger seat waving good buys to two people that mean so much to me. I hope I can do this without them. I turn around in my seat as Drew begins the two-hour drive home.

We sit in silence for a while before it gets a bit uncomfortable, and I decide to break it. I turn towards Drew.

"What does the media think is wrong with me?" I ask.

I'm really nervous about keeping my job and clients and I haven't really thought about any of it for the past five weeks.

"That you had blood poisoning from an infected kidney, we released an official statement about it all Lou, don't worry. No one knows about the drugs or the anorexia" Drew tells me.

I sag in my chair in relief.

"Why are we going home Drew? What aren't I just going back to Scott's or Edward's, or Andy's, why are we going back to Dad's?" I ask.

I'm not sure if heading back to that house is what I want. It holds so many memories and even though it's around the corner from where the boys live now, I just don't know if I want to be there.

"Well, this way we can all be together like old times. Plus, we didn't think you would want to recover with the girls and the kids around. Plus, dad and Trisha are in the south of France again, so the house is free" he finishes.

I sigh and turn my head to look out the window.

"Listen Louis, you and I used to be really close, I know both of us moving away, we drifted apart a little, but we can fix that. I want to fix that" Drew says.

"D....just because we drifted apart doesn't mean that this was your fault you know. I know you are blaming yourself" I say.

"It is my fault Louis, well part of it is. I'm sorry I didn't believe you when you said you were okay. I'm sorry I pushed Harry and you to talk, when clearly you weren't ready. I guess you held it together so well I didn't really think it affected you so badly, I'm truly sorry Louis" Drew says to me, his voice breaking.

"D please, it's okay, I love you, please don't blame yourself I forgive you I do.....if you can forgive me for being such a dick too and for pushing you away. Even if I didn't realise what I was doing" I say truthfully.

Drew ruffles my hair and laughs.

"Okay let's forgive each other and move on okay" Drew laughs.

"Okay" I smile out.

The rest of the drive we actually spend laughing and talking. I didn't realise how much I missed Drew.

When we pull up to the house that I haven't seen in four years, I get really emotional. The last time I was here Harry dumped me, the car crash happened. Mr Charles. So many memories that I have suppressed over the years. It makes me uneasy.

We walk into the house, and I'm met with the rest of the boys I'm the lounge room. I walk slowly In, I feel really intimidated, they are all lazing on the couch watching the TV. Scott spots us first.

"Louis!" He yells.

The rest of the boys all get up off the couch and quickly come over and hug me tightly.

"We are so glad you're here Louis, we are so proud of you" Andy tells me as he wraps his arms around me.

I smile at them all and Andy leads me over to the couch next to him.

"How are you feeling Louis? Do you want to have a sleep before we all sit down together and talk, or would you just like to get it over and done with?" Scott asked.

Ughhh I know I'm about to be hounded with rules and what I need to do at what time. It's so frustrating, I'm already getting defensive.

"I think maybe a sleep would be good Lou, you are looking a little pale" Edward says.

"No, I'm fine, can we just get their over with" I say frustratedly.

"Sure bud" Andy says as we all walk to the couch and sit down.

"Okay so as you know, Andy and I have legal control over your wellbeing and finances. This does not mean we are going to abuse our position, Lou. We will be consulting you about every decision we make and ultimately we would like you to make the final right decision" Scott says.

Okay well that's good, I still get a say in some things...... If they do listen.

"In regard to food, we all think it's best if we go back to the food box, what do you think?" Scott asks me.

Wow, the fact that they are even asking me is a big deal.

"Um yeah.... yeah, that's good" I say quietly.

"Someone is going to be home with you all the time Louis, at least until you can show us that we can trust you to be alone and not do anything silly. Kimberly will also be here twice a week for a session and eventually we will bring it down to one. This is all up to you Louis and how you are handling everything" Scott finishes.

This makes me angry and frustrated and so upset, I feel like I want to yell and scream and kick something. I can't help it when a few tears escape but I'm too upset to even wipe them away discretely.

"Why are you crying bud? What's going through your head" Edward asks me. Placing his hand on my knee.

"Nothing" I say shakily.

"Louis, please. You need to talk to us, otherwise this isn't going to work" Andy says.

He is right I need to say what I'm feeling, If I have any sort of chance of making the next three months as painless as possible. I take a big breath.

"I'm, I'm angry......I'm really angry at you all right now" I say.

"Why Louis? Talk to us" Andy says.

And I snap.

"I'm so angry, I feel trapped and like I'm some sort of exhibit, I feel like I'm constantly judged and watched, and it makes me uneasy and upset. I was doing perfectly fine on my own for four years I was on my own and I did fine. I slipped once but I got myself back on track but that didn't seem to be enough for you guys to trust me and for you to respect me......as soon as that stupid magazine said something negative about me, about how I was thinner and about how I was on drugs, which, at the time was a lie. You guys believed it straight away without even listen or talking to me about it. You just assumed the worst. Every time I would talk to you it was about how I wasn't acting right or how I wasn't okay, but I was, I was going to the gym, and I even saw a nutritionist to help me with my food intake and what I needed to eat in order to be healthy. I was working really hard, but you didn't see that.... none of you saw that, you just saw me going off the track. Then........Harry came along and all of a sudden, I was just supposed to welcome Harry back after what he did to me, and I felt like you didn't even care about me or my feelings. Harry wasn't, didn't and isn't going to fix me. In case you don't remember I fixed myself. It took a while, but I did it myself. When I started slipping, I didn't care anymore because you already thought the worst of me. I couldn't call you and tell you about it because you wouldn't listen to me. None of you did, so I kept slipping just to spite you and I regret that now, but I did it because I needed to at the time. I'm sorry, it isn't your fault but I just......" I finish off my yelling spiel.

Everything I have been holding inside for the last few months. The boys look at me stunned.

"Louis. We are so so so sorry kid, I honestly don't know what to say to you" Edward says.

"You have to understand we were coming from a place of pure worry and love for you Louis, I'm truly sorry, we just wanted to protect you" Drew says.

"I know and I get that, but I just don't want it to be like this anymore I want you to respect me and when I tell you I'm fine, I just want you to listen. Please" I say.

"Of course Louis we promise okay....but you need to respect us enough to tell us the truth and not hide what you are really feeling and thinking, do we have a deal?" Andy asks.

"Yeah, yeah we have a deal" I say.

The boys all smile at me and Scott starts talking again.

"You know, I have missed this. We haven't been like this in four years, just us, no kids, or wives around. I'm really glad we have the chance to bond together again" Scott says.

"Ohhh Scott getting all sentimental on us again" Drew mocks.

"No, I'm serious shut it! We all live such busy lives I think it's nice to just stand back for a bit and take it for what it is. This" Scott says pointing to us all "is what's important and I love all of you and would do anything for any of you" Scott says.

We smile at Scott before Edward pipes in.

"Okay enough of the sappy shit, who wants to watch a movie like old times" Edward says.

We all agree and head off towards the theatre. I'm glad we all talked and hopefully the boys stay true to their word, and we can make this work for the next three months.