Louis POV

The next time I wake up I feel less foggy. Still sore and tired but more coherent. My arms are still tied to the bed, and I struggle against the restraints.

"Louis, calm down bud, you are okay" Edward's voice tells me.

"Edward?" I ask.

"Yeah Lou" he says as he strokes my hair.

I relax at his voice.

"How are you feeling?" He asks me.

"Sore, but really, really tired"

"Yeah, you are going to feel really tired for a while babe, you gave everyone a big scare" he says gently but scolding me lightly at the same time.

"I'm, I'm sorry I am, I just.... didn't know what to do" I breathe out.

"I know Lou, let's not worry about it okay, let's just focus on getting you better" he says.

"What's wrong with me? When can I go home? I want to go home" I say frustratingly.

"I know you do bud but......listen, Harry will be in with Doctor Dan shortly to talk to you okay" Edward says.

"Can you untie my hands Edward please? It hurts" I beg him.

I'm starting to get a little panicky not being able to move.

"I can't babe, I'm sorry. You have to wait for Harry" He responds sympathetically.

I whimper at his answer as my breathing picks up.

"Shhhhh, Louis just relax, don't panic. I'm here, just focus on calming down okay" Edward tells me.

I try my hardest to just relax, Harry will untie me, I know he will. I just have to be patient, I tell myself.

When I calm myself down, I look around the room, the boys are nowhere to be seen.

"Where are the boys?" I whisper out.

"We've been taking turns watching you so we can all eat and sleep, Andy is taking over in about an hour" Edward says.

Now I feel guilty for making the boys take time off to watch me, they shouldn't be burdened with this.

"You don't have to watch me Edward I'm fine, you can all go back to your lives now, I'm okay" I snap frustratingly.

"Lou, you have been so sick, none of us knew if you were going to even wake up. Of course, we wouldn't be leaving your side" Edward says incredulously.

I'm fine I'm not that sick, they all overreact all the time, it's annoying how much they worry about me.

"How, how long have I been out for?" I ask breathlessly, it's still hard to breathe.

"Just breathe Louis, slowly, don't work yourself up" Edward tells me as he waits while I catch my breath.

"You've been out a total of 8 days Louis" Edward says sympathetically.

"What!!" I ask panicking.

"It's okay, everything is fine. Scott has spoken to your agent, we have worked it all out, don't worry. no one is dropping you; you still have all your contracts your shoots have just been rescheduled for when you are better, just please relax" Edward says.

I settle back helpless on the bed. I need to know what they told everyone. If they told them about my eating or the drugs I'm screwed. I feel so frustrated and tired. I let a few tears escape.

Edward is still by my side stroking my hair as Harry and Dan walk into the room.

"Hey Louis, nice to see you awake, how are you feeling?" Dan asks me.

He walks over and starts shining a light in my eyes.

"I'm f-f-I-I-ine, I'm fine, I can go home now. Can I go home now please? I don't need to be here anymore" I rush out breathlessly.

"We can't let you leave for a while yet Louis, I'm sorry bud" Daniel says.

"Why? why not I'm fine, I don't need you" I weakly yell, as I cough and struggle for breath.

I just want to go home, I hate being at the mercy of the boys and the doctors, they can't tell me how to live my life, it's my life. If I want to go home, I should be able to go home.

"Listen, Edward and I are going to leave you with Harry, and he will explain everything okay, we think it's best coming from him." Daniel says.

He and Edward then leave the room and Harry and I alone. I look towards Harry, and he has sympathy and concern written all over his face and I hate it. He pulls a chair over to the side of my bed and sits down.

"Harry please untie my hands" I practically beg.

"Lou......I can't baby, I'm so sorry" he says looking into my eyes.

My breathing picks up and I let a few more tears slip. Harry thumbs them away gently.

"Don't cry baby" he says.

"I want to go home, why am I here Harry?" I ask weakly.

"Lou....You had a collapsed lung, from the two broken ribs Zach gave you when he kicked you. I had to operate to fix it, you died on my operating table Louis, and I had to bring you back, I got you back. You had another allergic reaction to the trip you took which caused a seizure. The pain in your right side you were having, was your kidney shutting down, from lack of nutrients and food. Your kidney became severely infected, and you got blood poisoning from it, if you had taken even one more day to come in to be treated it would have been too late, we wouldn't have been able to do anything and we would have lost you" Harry says as a few tears well in his eyes.

I can't help the few tears that escape mine either, I can't look at Harry though, so I focus on the ceiling. This is hard to process, I nearly died but for some reason right now, I feel like I would have been better off. I don't want to be here right now, like this. I've upset everyone once again; everyone has uprooted their lives for me. In trying to gain control of my life, I've actually completely lost control of everything.

"You are starting to respond to the antibiotics though Lou, and that's a great sign but we still can't control your temperature. It will take time and you will be here for a while, at least a few more weeks. We need to keep the tube in your nose to feed you and give you nutrients until you start eating again yourself. That bit is up to you, the longer you fight us the longer you will be here" Harry tells me with so much care in his words.

It angers me though, what right do they have to tell me when and if I should eat. I'm officially an adult my decisions are my own.

"I don't need the tube Harry, I eat I don't need it, it hurts, and I want it out" I say angrily, struggling against the ties.

"I know but I can't take it out baby, I can't, not until Kimberly comes to see you, I'm sorry Lou"

"Kimberly? Why does she have to be involved, I'm fine I don't need her or anyone else" I yell.

"Calm down Lou, Kimberly will tell you more, but your treatment when you get out of here in a few weeks, if all goes well and you are cooperating....will be handed over to the boys. You will be moving back home Lou, so you can recover" Harry finishes, as he swipes his hands through my hair.

"No! no! How could you do this to me Harry? How could you let this happen? I don't want to go back with them" I cry, and the tears are coming freely now.

"It's not up to me baby, I'm sorry but I promise you Louis I am not leaving, I will be by your side the whole time, just like I should have been before. I will not let you down, I'm here for good, I love you so much Louis " Harry says.

"You don't love me, if you did you wouldn't do this to me Harry" I yell as I struggle against the arm ties, trying to break free. I just need to get out of here.

"It's because I love you that I'm doing this Louis....I will leave you alone for a few minutes okay, so you can take it all in. I'm sorry baby but it's for the best, Kimberly will be here shortly" Harry says, he stands up and he kisses me on the forehead, and he leaves towards the door.

"I hate you Harry" I choke out. I'm just so angry.

"I know baby, but I promise you I'm here and I hope you forgive me enough to love me again forever Lou, cause I'm here forever" he says as he walks out and shuts the door.

I scream out of frustration. Why are they doing this to me. I can't stand it; I feel myself hyperventilating, I can't get free, and I can't control anything, I'm losing it. I manage to loosen one of the ties enough to bend forward to reach my hands to pull out my tubes. It hurts but thank fuck they are out; they were so uncomfortable. I fall back down on the bed struggling to loosen the ties anymore so I can undo them and break free. I can't and I continue to cry.

After a few more minutes of struggling, I begin to feel the effects of not having the oxygen in and I can't breathe properly. I don't care though, I welcome it. Maybe If I can't breathe, I can just slip away from all this shit, it's too hard. Everything is too hard right now and I see no light, nothing to get me through. Even Harry isn't enough, I'm too fucked up for him.

Finally, I manage to get the right tie free and I frantically sit up to work on the other one, tears are streaming down my face as I hurry to get free before I'm caught. I don't know what I'm going to do though, run into the bathroom and lock myself in? maybe I can grab something sharp and end it all before anyone finds me. I untie the second tie but realise I can't move off the bed as there is a catheter attached to me. Why didn't I think of that, I need to pull it out if I'm going to be able to get off the bed. I take a deep breath and then I pull it out. I gasp at the pain, fuck that hurt, I don't care though. I pull the drips out of my hands and the heart rate monitors off my chest. I then hop off the bed.

I didn't realise how fucked up I actually was, I'm so weak and dizzy I can hardly stand. The pain in my stomach and side is so intense. I want to vomit but I try my best to keep it in and stand upright. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

My desire to slip away unnoticed comes crashing down when the monitors set off an alert informing Harry and Daniel that my oxygen levels are low. Fuck! I can't even kill myself or run away properly, I'm such a fuck up. I pull the last monitor off and try to make my way to the bathroom.

Daniel and Harry come rushing in at the alarm before I get there though. They look at me from the doorway and I back up towards the wall until my back hits it and I can't move back any further.

"Oh Lou" Harry says

"Louis, you need to get back into bed buddy, this is dangerous you shouldn't be up yet" Daniel says so nicely to me.

I shake my head no, I'm not getting back in that bed, being tied down with tubes that I don't want or need in me.

"What are you planning to do, where are you planning to go bud?" Daniel asks me calmly.

I just stare at them tears in my eyes.

"H-h-home, I-I want to go home" I say quietly.

"Okay, we understand Lou and you know what, we won't stop you, you can go" Daniel says as he comes further into the room and pulls up a chair and sits on it. He leans forward, elbows on his thighs and watches me.

"Yeah, Lou, if you think you can't make it home, go for it, we won't stop you" Harry says as he too comes in and shuts the door and leans against the wall.

I look at them sceptically. They think I won't make it out of here, that I can't get there. I won't give up, I'll do it.

"If you can make it from here to the doorway without any help or falling, we won't stop you from leaving, you have a deal" Daniel says.

"I can make it; I will, I don't need you" I say weakly.

"Okay" Daniel says as he leans back in his chair getting comfortable.

"Do you need your clothes?" Harry asks as he pushes off the wall and passes me my sweats and a T-shirt from my bag.

I take them quickly from his hands and watch him walk back to his spot on the wall. I set to putting my clothes on......really slowly. Holy fuck my body is so sore. I can hardly breathe, but I won't let them win, I need my control. Harry And Daniel remain in their spots and the just watch me. They watch my every move calmly but ready to pounce if they need to. I won't let that happen.

"Need some help there?" Daniel asks, seeing how much I'm struggling to put my shirt on.

"No!" I say breathlessly.

When I'm finally dressed, I feel exhausted, I feel like I can't breathe but I try not to show it. I think I'm going to pass out, but I won't let them win. I catch my breath and I begin to walk; I can feel myself burning up, my temperature getting higher, but I keep walking, I need to make it to that door. A sharp pain shoots up my side and I stop and have to hold on to the side of the bed to gain my balance back and my breath.

"Do you need some help yet Lou?" Harry asks me. They are both being so smug, and I hate it.

I shake my head no. I stand up straight and I keep walking, I pass Daniel on the chair and I'm nearly at Harry who is leaning against the wall near the door.

I don't make it though, I fucking don't make it. My body betrays me as my legs give out from the pain and the sickness and I fall. Harry catches me and pulls me to his chest where I just sob.

"It's okay I gotcha, Shhhhh" he says, rubbing my back.

I start hitting Harry's chest weakly

"Please take me home Haz, please" I croak into his chest.

"Louis, it was a good effort bud, but you can hardly even stand up, can't you see how sick you are kid?" Daniel says.

He comes over cups the back of my head with his hand

"Come on let's get you back in bed" he says.

"No, I don't want the tubes please" I say pleadingly.

"I'm sorry Lou" Harry says so apologetically.

He holds me around the chest, and he picks me up.

"Please, don't do this to me......please" I beg and struggle in his arms.

They both don't listen instead they both get me back on the bed, I'm still fighting them with everything I have, why couldn't I have just walked out why. I'm coughing and trying to catch my breath, but I will struggle to the end before I let them put those tubes back in.

Again, Daniel sedates me and all I can think of as I slip, is I wish I would go and never wake up.

Kimberly is sitting in the chair opposite my bed when I wake up again. She hasn't changed much, her black hair is still long and wavy, she is still very pretty. I notice as I try to pull on my wrist ties, I can't move, I look down and I now have a strap across my chest pinning me to the bed as well. I'm completely stuck.

"Hey there Louis, how are you feeling?" Kimberly asks.

I'm so sick of that question, how does she think I'm feeling. I completely ignore her and look the other way.

"Sweetheart I'm here to help you, just like everyone else. I know you don't want too but you need to talk to me" she says calmly.

I don't want to talk though; I hate everything right now. If they would just listen to me and take the tubes out and untie me, I would cooperate.... maybe. Ughhh this is so frustrating.

"This is not like you Louis; you have never ignored me before. Even at your first session four years ago you were willing to talk, what's changed now?" She asks.

Maybe the fact that everyone went behind my back, and I'm being forced into things I don't want to do, I think but I don't respond.

"Louis, the longer you fight me and the doctors the longer you are here" she says, but I still don't respond.

"Okay, I'm going to talk, and you can just listen because you don't have a choice" she says.

And that's my problem I don't have a choice in any of this.

"Scott and Andy have been granted access by the courts to handle your affairs, they are now legally your conservators. This is Indefinite, until I sign off otherwise. You will be moving home with them to your childhood house as soon as you are well enough to leave. You will have weekly visits in the house with me and you will not be allowed to work or leave until we feel you are ready. If you don't cooperate here when the tube is taken out, which will be a few weeks yet, when your body has recovered a bit more. You will be sent to a facility instead and that could be for as long as 12 months Louis" Kimberly tells me.

I hate my life right now I don't want this; tears are falling but I refuse to give in. I hate everyone.

"You will be strapped to the bed until you talk to me Louis, I'm sorry" she says.

I don't even look at her.

"I'll be back tomorrow Honey" she finishes, and she regretfully walks out.

I just let the tears fall. What the hell am I going to do.

HARRYS POV

I've been waiting anxiously in the hallway for Kimberly to come out of the room. I hate seeing Louis like this. Kimberly is the only one who has ever been able to get through to Louis and I just hope it isn't too late. I want to be able to go in that room and untie Louis from the bed, it broke my heart to have to strap him down like that. I want him to want to get better, I need him to get through this.

My hopes are dashed though as I see Kimberly walk out of the room, a solemn look on her face. She looks towards Dan and I and shakes her head.

"Fuck" I whisper under my breath.

"He refused to talk, which is just unlike him, I'm not sure what's going on" she says as we walk down the hallway to sit in Dan's office.

"So where do we go from here in terms of his eating disorder?" Dan asks Kimberly.

"Well, I told him he will be strapped to the bed until he talks to me" she says.

Ohhh no this is bad; Louis is so stubborn.

"I told him what's happening and if he doesn't cooperate with us then he may be sent to a facility"

"And how did he respond?" I ask.

"He didn't, he just lay there looking the other way" she tells us.

"So, what do you suggest?" Daniel asks.

"I think we need to leave him strapped until he is well enough to have the tube removed, how long will that be?" Kimberly asks.

"Well even though the infection is responding to the antibiotics his temperature is still high, the infection is going to take a while, his body is literally running off nothing. If we take the tube out and he refuses to eat his body will shut down again and this time, there may be no warning signs" I say.

"He needs the tube regardless of whether he eats or not, we need to slowly introduce foods again and they aren't going to be enough on their own he needs both" Daniel says.

"Okay well can I suggest we try some food tomorrow?" Kimberly asks.

"We can try, his body may reject it though, but we can try" Daniel says.

"I will be in everyday to see him" Kimberly tells us as she stands up to leave.

"I just want to let you both know that there is only so much we can do for Louis, the rest is up to him. We have to be prepared for the fact that he may not want help and in that case, we can't do much. Getting angry and upset at him is not going to help either, being there and encouraging him is what he needs. I will be talking to his brothers about this too" she says.

We say our goodbyes and she walks out of the office.

"This is a challenge Harry; Louis is a tough nut" Dan tells me

"I know, I'm going to go and sit with him, just be there for him" I say.

"You love him don't you Harry? Like a lot" Daniel asks.

I smile and blush.

"Yeah Dan, I really do" I say.

He smiles knowingly at me

"Then go be with your boy, I'll be in later to check up on him" he tells me smiling.

I smile back and head towards Louis room. I'm going to get through to Louis if it's the last thing I do. I walk in and find him looking out the window just staring into nothing.

"Hey Lou" I say.

He looks towards me and stares at me before turning his head the other way and ignoring me.

"I'm just going to sit in here, do you mind?" I say as I grab a chair and sit down.

He doesn't respond.

I sit down and take out some of my paperwork that needs to be finished and I begin, hoping Louis will respond in some way. He doesn't, he falls asleep about half an hour later and I check his temperature and vitals. His temperature is still high and his blood pressure low. I just really hope Louis snaps out of this and helps himself. It feels like his body won't start fighting properly until his mind does.