Louis POV

As I walk down the dark hallway, I can't help but feel uneasy. My skin prickles with fear and the hairs stand up on the back of my neck. I slow down as I see an open door, the light shining into the dark hallway. I can hear voices and then laughing, and it makes me shiver, that voice is so familiar. I walk into the doorway and see none other than Mr Charles bending Stan over his desk fucking him senseless. Stan is moaning and enjoying every minute of it. They both look up and see me and I freeze. The smile Mr Charles gives me sends shivers down my spine.

"Lou come join us, he is the best fuck I've ever had" Stan tells me.

Mr Charles pulls out of Stan and waltzes over towards me, he reaches out and touches my cheek and I flinch.

"Still so gorgeous Louis. Fuck I can't wait to get my hands on you again, to actually fuck you this time" he says evilly.

I push his hands away, my breathing heavy and I turn to run but as I turn around, Joey and his group are standing in front of me blocking my exit.

"I don't think so Louis, we are going to have some fun with you!" Joey says and they go to grab me.

I scream, as their hands are all over me, touching me and pulling at me. I'm screaming and kicking and crying and telling them to get off, but they won't listen.

"Lou, baby" I hear

"No stop let me go please let me go" I yell my throat is so sore and it hurts to talk

"Baby, come back Lou, I've got you" I hear Harry's calm warm voice.

I gasp and sit up. I look around and I'm in my bedroom, the lamp is on and in the small flood of light I can see Harry. I begin to calm my breathing; my body is sweating. I take in my familiar surroundings, a dream, it was a horrible dream.

"Baby you're ok, it was just a dream" Harry tells me taking me in his arms.

He is behind me, I'm between his legs and he leans me back on his warm chest.

"Just breathe, nothing is going to hurt you" Harry whispers in my ear as I control my breathing.

"Harrrry" I say but its barely audible and my throat hurts so badly.

"Don't talk baby just relax in my arms. I will keep you safe" Harry says.

I start to relax as I remember my meltdown and the conversation about Mr Charles last night. I remember the vomiting and crying. Harry must have found me on the floor of the bathroom and cleaned me up and put me in my pyjamas. Oh no, that means he saw me naked, oh my god he saw how fat and ugly I am, my pudgy stomach. He is going to hate me now; I haven't reached my weight goal yet to be good enough for Harry. I've still got 3kg to go. I start to cry, tears streaming down my face. I'm so disgusting.

"Lou, it's ok relax. I know it's hard but please let me help you, you need to listen to me baby or I will have to call someone to help me Lou" Harry says.

I shake my head no at him, I don't want anyone else. I close my eyes and focus on the fact Harry is here, he came for me, he is still here after seeing me naked, he is still with me. I'm so exhausted I relax completely going limp against Harry's chest.

"That's it, good boy" Harry says stroking my hair.

"You're not alone Louis, I am here I will fight for you Lou. We will fight this together, you and me. Always you and me baby" Harry whispers in ear.

I nod my head unable to use my voice and pull Harry's arms around me tightly. Knowing Harry is with me makes everything okay, I fall back to sleep against his chest. Knowing I'm safe and willing the dreams to stop.

I wake up again in the same position, against Harry's chest. My head is pounding, and I feel like absolute shit.

"Morning Lou" Harry says to me, his arms circle around me and he kisses my cheek.

"Morning" I say, my voice still raspy. I look down ashamed.

"How are you feeling?" Harry asks me.

"I'm fine Haz" I say weakly.

"I don't believe you Louis" Harry says

"Please don't Haz, please" I say not wanting to have this conversation.

"No Lou, I'm sorry but we found you on the floor last night covered in vomit and choking on it. If we hadn't have found, you when we did and been able to pick the lock on the bathroom. You would have.... you would have fucking" Harry says his voice failing at the end.

I try to take in his words. I must have passed out exhausted, I remember how weak I was, I couldn't stay awake. I can't believe I nearly died though; I nearly didn't wake up.

"I-I-I you, you saved my life?" I ask incredulously.

"Yeah, Louis the boys and I we.... Drew was freaking out, so where Edward and Andy. You wouldn't wake up, wouldn't respond.... I was so scared Lou" Harry tells me.

"I'm so sorry Harry" I say turning around to face him.

I caused Harry so much pain. He really does care about me.

"It wasn't your fault Lou, I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you when you found out the news. We will do this together baby. I'm here, he won't come within a foot of you. Andy and Scott are working on a restraining order you won't be anywhere near him" Harry tells me.

I feel some relief at his words. Mr Charles legally won't be allowed to come anywhere near me.

"Now tell me the truth Lou, how are you feeling?" Harry asks. I take a deep breath; I need to open up to Harry.

"Haz, I feel, I feel Numb. I feel stupid for reacting the way I did....I feel upset and angry but I feel numb and it doesn't make sense. My head is pounding, and my throat is sore. I want to cry, and I want to laugh at how fucked everything is. I feel ugly and weak. I just want it all to stop, and I want to cope, I want to know how to deal with this and turn up to school and not be so fucking scared shitless. I want someone to tell me what to do when I see him again. I want to know that Joey won't ever touch me again. I want control Haz, and I don't have any!!" I half yell, my voice is raspy and so so sore.

I'm completely frustrated but relieved I've vented to Harry, I can't keep this bottled up, I need his help. As unfair as it is to him, I need him right now. He is my rock.

"I know Lou, I can help you get control back I promise" Harry says.

I hug him tight and breathe in his smell. I don't know where I would be without Harry.

"Do you remember your nightmare last night?" He asks and I shudder.

"Yeah" I whisper. "Mr Charles and Joey, they were trying to...." I trail off

"It's ok I understand, I just want you to know you're safe"

"I feel safe with you Harry I really really do" I tell him as I turn around in his arms and look him in the eyes. "I love you"

"I love you too baby, there was a point last night where I thought I may never see your beautiful blue eyes again Lou and I don't think I could have coped with that. I need you as much as you need me, I need you baby, please don't leave me" he says, and I see tears in his eyes.

"Haz, you don't think I tried to do anything do you! I would never try to kill myself Harry as much as people tell me to every day, I would never do that to the boys or to you" I say.

Harry doesn't reply, instead he grabs me and pulls me in to him and hugs me fiercely I can feel his tears wetting my shirt.

"Please don't cry Harry, don't cry for me" I say

He pulls back and cups my face with his hands

"You have no idea how much you're worth do you Lou, none at all. That's my job to show you how much your worth" Harry says and he kisses my forehead.

We stay hugging for a while before Harry breaks the silence.

"Come on, let's go get you some breakfast. You must be starving"

I can't help but freeze and I'm instantly trying to think of excuses as to why I can't eat. My throat is to sore I can't swallow, seems like a good one.

"I'm not that hungry Haz, and my throat is sore and so is my stomach" I say shyly.

"I know Lou, just something light ok, I won't make you eat much but you need something ok" Harry responds looking at me like he is trying to read my thoughts.

"Ok" I say, and he smiles so bright at me.

We walk hand in hand to the kitchen. The boys are all still in their pyjamas gathered around the bench, drinking tea. No one is talking to each other and it's all my fault. I caused them all much pain and worry. I miss them being happy and silly and normal. When they see Harry and I enter the kitchen they all look towards us. We just stare at each other; I can see they all have tears in their eyes and want to cry.

"Rough night?" I ask with a slight smile, trying to lighten the mood a little.

Suddenly I'm engulfed in four sets of arms.

"Don't you dare do anything like that ever again to us Louis" Drew says.

"Louis we thought we lost you, if it wasn't for Haz..." Andy says.

"We are just so glad you're ok buddy" Scott says.

"You even had me worried Kiddo, and I didn't like it" Edward says laughing a little.

"I'm so sorry, I just couldn't handle it. I'm sorry, I didn't know what else to do" I say.

"We understand Louis, we do. We have spoken to the police and a restraining order is in place, he can't come near you" Scott says and I smile.

"Thank you, Scott,"

The boys smile at me and Harry claps his hands together.

"Ok enough of the lovey dovey stuff, I'm going to cook us an amazing breakfast" he smiles and winks at me.

The boys all laugh, and the bantering and laughing is back, and I smile hiding my anxiety over having to eat breakfast.

When breakfast is out in front of me, I want to cry. Harry has made me scrambled eggs. I try to hold back the tears. Racking my brain, I know there is roughly 100 calories in scrambled eggs made with two eggs and milk. That's a lot and after last night I don't think I can get rid of the food afterwards so it will be sitting in my stomach all day. I feel my breathing pick up and my palms start to sweat. Three more kilos Lou, you have three more kilos to lose before you're good enough for Harry. I'm so lost in my thoughts and trying to hold in my tears I don't realise the whole table has gone silent and everyone is staring at me.

"Um Lou, are you ok? Is there something wrong with the eggs?" Harry asks looking at me intently.

"No, um I just, um how......how many eggs are in this?" I ask before I can stop myself.

Drew laughs at the other end of the table.

"Why does it matter Lou, is there a rule where you can only eat three eggs a day before you turn into a chicken" he laughs.

"Drew" Scott warns. That's strange, Scott would usually laugh and joke back, so would the others.

"There is three eggs Lou, you don't have to eat it all ok" Harry tells me reassuring me.

I nod my head at him and pick up my fork on really shaky hands. The boys all watching me. You can do this just put some egg on the fork and put it in your mouth. Just do it, just do it. I put the fork in the eggs and bring it shakily to my mouth. Open your mouth why is that so fucking hard, open your mouth and put the fucking eggs in. I try my hardest to do it to put them in my mouth, but I can't, I just can't, I don't care if the boys find out I can't eat the eggs. I drop the fork and it clangs against my plate.

"I can't do it" I whisper.

The table is silent.

"How long has this been going on Lou?" Harry asks looking me straight in the eyes.

I can't lie to Harry, I'm so sick of lying and secrets and putting the boys through shit. Tears begin to stream down my face.

"A... awhile" I whisper looking down ashamed.

"Why Kid?" I hear Edward ask.

"Why? isn't it obvious? Everyone at school told me how fat I was, how I needed to lose weight. I know you guys thought it too. Joey told me David said Harry and Drew would like me more if I wasn't so fat. They told me I needed to be thin to fit in. So, I, so I, stopped eating so much and I lost weight and I felt good but the name calling didn't stop, they wouldn't stop. so, I stopped eating all together and it still didn't work and then I started throwing up my food, but it still hasn't stopped I'm still fat, I'm not good enough for Harry or to be a part of this family. I'm an embarrassment. My stomach is fat, and I know you're embarrassed of me and I'm sorry, I don't want to be like this, but I can't eat anything without it making me fat, I can't think about food without worrying about how many calories are in it. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry but it feels like the only thing in my life I can control, and I need to control it." I say crying but I don't look at the boys, I can't look them in the eyes.

"Louis....would you even believe us if we told you none of that was true. You need to understand how dangerous this has become Lou. This is really serious" Scott says.

"It's not, it's under control. I can control it" I say back defensively.

"How much do you weigh Lou?" Andy asks. "And for the love of god do not lie to me kid" Andy says

"50kg" I say, "I know I still have three kg's to go, I'm working on it I promise" I finish.

"Jesus Christ Louis Tomlinson, you do not need to lose more weight. Do you not understand that 50kg is severely underweight? That you're killing yourself" Edward tells me.

"You realise this can't go on Louis right. We can't allow you to keep doing this to yourself" Scott says gently.

"I-I-I, don't...I can't stop I..." I start to panic.

"Lou, I think it's time we took you to see someone, someone who can help you" Scott tells me.

"No, I'm not crazy, it's just a diet I'm fine, I can handle it, I'm not weak I'm not crazy Scott. I promise I won't be sad anymore I promise I will eat; I promise I won't have nightmares anymore. I can block all the bullying out, I can. I did it before, I won't let it affect me I promise but please, please don't send me away. Please don't make me talk to someone please" I say fully sobbing now.

"Lou calm down, no one said you were crazy. You are not crazy; you have just been through a lot. We won't make you go; I promise we can help you okay, we will try and help you" Edward says.

I start to calm down at his words.

"We are willing to help you through this Lou but the first sign of it not working we will find someone who will make it work. We can't lose you" Scott says.

"You need to promise us you will try to get better Lou, let us in to help you. Can you do that for us?" Andy asks.

I look at the boys and I realise the seriousness of the situation. I'm in too deep to crawl out myself I need them, and I need to want to get better.

I nod my head at them and wipe my tears on my sleeve.

"Okay" I whisper out.

"Ok we have a lot to organise today then" Andy says.

"Can you try and eat just one mouthful of eggs?" Harry asks me. The look he is giving me makes me cave. He looks like a kicked puppy.

I pick up my fork again and swallow the lump in my throat. I stab the eggs again and I bring it to my mouth.

"Good job Louis" Edward says.

"You've got this baby; I know you can do this" Harry says.

The encouraging words help so much. Before I know it, the eggs are in my mouth and I'm chewing. I try not to think of the calories or the fat. I just look at the boy's smiling faces around the table and I swallow the mouthful.