January, 2020

Jin

         The flight was long. To be honest, being trapped in the airplane heading towards uncertainty without the safety net of my friend or staff with me did not help the anxiousness from creeping up to almost an unmanageable level. We are required by Bit Hit to fly Korean Air whenever possible and the first class flight attendant was more than willing to help with my every need on the way over. It's times like these that I wish I could just blend into the background and become . I spent most of the flight to LA with my headphones on and connected to an endless stream of Dragon Ball cartoons with my bucket hat pulled down over my eyes.

       When the plane carrying me to Chicago finally touched down and we bounced down the runway landing with a few giant bumps, I was finally struck with the reality of the situation that I had gotten myself into. The Jin that talked to RM and set the plan into motion in Korea had lost his new found determination and the current Jin sitting in an airport in Chicago was so drastically different it was causing whiplash.

      I was able to be the first one off the plane since my seat was in first class and located in the aisle. I slightly bowed my head in thanks, making my way off the plane and walking the steep incline up the walkway into the airport. It was a bizarre feeling, not joking around with the guys and having staff shuffle us to a waiting car with our luggage to be delivered to our room without us even lifting a finger. Instead, I was reading airport signs and following the direction of the passengers that were departing from the plane I was just on. Being by myself, I was able to look around more and pay attention to my surroundings. No army, no photographers, no staff, no bandmates. Just me and a leather bag strapped on my shoulder. As I walked, I saw families with kids waiting at gates for their flights, older couples reading books, a toddler having a meltdown while the parents looked on and tried to calm the situation. Everything seemed so normal to all of these people. Yes, everyone's life is difficult, I am extremely lucky to be in the position I am in, but seeing the normaliness of everyone, makes me realize how drastically different my everyday interactions with the world are.

      The herd of people finally arrive in the baggage area and we all stand around the circular conveyor belt waiting to claim our luggage. I hear three loud beeps and the conveyor belt comes to life and bags start pouring out of the opening, falling down onto the belt. I spot my bag ahead of me and wait until it goes around the circle again and I grab it off the belt and heave it to the ground. Walking a little way away from the group, I pull out my phone and text Casey.

Jin: I have landed and collected my bag. The line for customs is pretty short. Maybe 20 minutes or so.

Casey: Glad you got here safe. I am parked in a white Rav-4 about six cars back from the exit.

       Before I have time to think things through, I am through customs and heading towards the exit doors that lead into an underground parking ramp. I catch sight of a white suv type car parked such enough about six cars back from the doors. My breath gasps a little in my throat as I exit through the automatic doors and glance down at the ground while walking towards the car. I feel nervous to look up, to make eye contact, to see if in this car Casey, MY THERAPIST. When I do finally have the courage to glance up, I can see that a young woman is getting out of the drivers side and is making her way to the automatic hatch opening in the back.

      She rounds the corner and I can tell instantly it's Casey from her picture online. She has beautiful chestnut colored hair that is so light compared to Korean girls hair, a round face with drastically green eyes, and a timid smile that makes me want to give the girl a hug. Right as she is about to step up on the curb and I open my mouth to say hello, she falls forward tripping on the curb and falls to the ground in an excruciating slow motion wham.

I rush forward instantly and reach her. I bend over and grab her elbow while pulling her in one swift motion upwards on to her feet and look her in the eye and I say, "Are you OK?"

Her face instantly flames a bright crimson red and she laughs a little while saying, "Ah, yes, I'm sorry to greet you like that. I am Casey and you must be Jin."

     She extends her hand and we shake hands in a professional manner of a client and therapist greeting each other for the first time.

"Annyeonghaseyo Casey, it is nice to meet you finally. I really thank you for letting me come and for you helping me," I say with genuine warmth.

      She waves my comment off and we walk around to the back hatch of her car and I heave my touring suitcase up and into the car.

"You must be tired. I was thinking we could go back to my house and I could show you around and the space that you will be staying in and you can rest and get your sea legs back," Casey says smiling.

     I nod my head and we silently get into the car and I put my seat belt on while she turns on the car and shifts into drive making her way out of the underground ramp and up into the sun.

    I've been to Chicago before on two previous BTS tours, playing a sold out Soldier Field and visiting an art museum with RM and looking at Van Gough paintings. My impression of the city is limited and my knowledge of the suburbs of Chicago is nonexistent and I am glancing around while we merge onto the highway and pass houses, shopping centers, and restaurants.

    Silence has reigned and we have entered an awkward pause where it feels more uncomfortable to end it then for it to carry on.

I hear Casey clear her throat and she says, "The airport is on the northwestern side of Chicago outside of the downtown. I live in Hyde Park which is on the southside of Chicago. I just want to warn you that it could take a little bit of time with traffic and there is an afternoon baseball game, so it will be busier than normal. I know you must be tired from your trip. I totally get it if you want to close your eyes on the drive over."

"No no, I really am enjoying looking at all of the new sights. Plus, I know better than to sleep during the day on the first day of jet lag," I laugh.

She glances over at me and smiles. "Care if I put the radio on?" she says.

"No, go right ahead," I say immediately.

      She turns on a chicago radio station and the DJ is giving a traffic update and talking about the weather for the following days. We drive in comfortable silence on our way through Chicago traffic as little suburbs passing by us in a haze. I can feel my head falling back to rest on the headrest of the passenger seat and I close my eyes to rest them.

    Time passes and I open my eyes with a jolt when I hear the turn signal and open my eyes to see Casey turning off of a busy street onto a side street with small houses in a row and manicured lawns with flower pots on the porch.

    She pulls into the driveway of an a-frame white house, with a peaked roof and large bay window. On the porch are two giant red pots overflowing with flowers.

"It's beautiful. Did you plant the flowers yourself?" I say.

"Thank you, yes I did. I plant them every spring and by summer they are giant and are creeping down the pot. I always try to remember that the plants will grow, but I always over plant and they become a full on 5 ft mess." She laughs.

We make eye contact and I smile in her direction while a yawn escapes through my closed lips.

Casey eyes my parted lips and says, "Let me show you around and then you can get settled. I won't tell anyone if you break your rule and take a nap today." she says.

     After getting my suitcase, we make our way in comfortable silence up the short set of stairs onto the porch. She pauses at the door and pulls out a key ring that has many different types of keychains and turns a key in the door while using her left hip to push open the door.

     The door opens and what greets me is a cozy looking living room with white linen couches, framed artwork on the walls, and tiny decorations on bookshelves and tables. I smile to myself as I glance around her surroundings. Her place is 180 degrees in a different direction than my apartment. Sleek high shine surfaces and replaced by wood tones and lamp light. Anyone could walk through my apartment and they would learn nothing about the person that lives there. Casey's house on the other hand, I could walk around and learn so much about the person she is and her life. A pair of concert tickets are pinned to the fridge, objects from her travels, framed pictures, books, knicknacks, and personal possessions are artfully displayed throughout her home.

     I follow her around her house as she shows me the living room, dining room, kitchen, points in the direction of her bedroom, and shows me the slider exit that leads to the tiny fenced in backyard and when I peek my head to look out, I can see she has a patio swing in the corner.

    I enjoy how animated she is when she talks and her pride of her home is clearly evident in the warmness of her voice. She tells me all about where I can find cups for a drink, snacks, and she tells me over and over again to "make myself at home".

     She finally leads me to a side room that is set up as a guest room and office. It's cozy, with light blue walls, a large bed with a fluffy white duvet, a large stack of throw pillows, and a series of three large framed pictures of the chicago skyline.

    She walks me through the rooms and shows me the in-room bathroom, where the soap and towels are located and she hovers near the door leading back into the living room.

She noticeably hesitates for a few brief pauses before saying, "I know you have had a long journey. Please rest for as long as you would like. I have some paperwork to catch up on and I'll be working from the livingroom today. When you wake up we can figure out our dinner plans for this evening and maybe take a walk around the neighborhood if you're feeling up to it."

I nod my head and say,"thank you. I really do appreciate all that you are doing for me. I know that this situation is unconventional to say the least and your willingness to help a total stranger shows your true spirit.

Her cheeks blush slightly and she smiles at me as she gently closes the door and says, "have a good rest."