Chapter 9- Old Habits Die Hard

“I think I’m going to stay with mom this week,” I tell Conner as he packs up a few of his necessities to take to Dad’s.

He looks up at me briefly and raises his eyebrows in surprise. “It’s Sunday, Summer. It’s Dad’s day. He’ll be here in an hour. Have you told him you’re not coming?”

I shake my head. “No. I was getting ready to let him know. You think he’ll be upset?”

Conner shrugs and continues packing his bag. “I’m sure he won’t be happy about it. The court gave him set days with us for a reason, so he could see us too.”

I sigh. “I know. It’s just…we have Dinner with Matt and his family today. Our last dinner was a disaster. I’d rather skip out of this one.”

“That’s understandable. Just tell Dad that. Tell him you’ll come Monday.”

“That’s not all,” I admit. I fidget a little, looking down at the floor in embarrassment. It’s the first time I’ve really admitted this out loud to Conner, but I already know he feels the same. “I don’t really feel like being around dad and Beth and all their newly engaged bliss right now. I’m still trying to get used to the idea that Dad’s…”

“Completely moved on,” Conner finishes for me, zipping up his red duffel. “I know. But we have to. Dad is really happy. We have to be happy for him, too. It’s selfish of us not to be.

I look up at him, already hating where this conversation was going. I really wasn’t looking for a guilt trip. I know what Conner is saying is true, but that doesn’t make it any easier. “Well, anyway, I should go call him.”

“If that’s what you want,” Conner says.

“It is.” I turn and make my way out of his room and back to mine. My phone is on my bed waiting for me when I get there. Without hesitation I pick up my phone to call Dad and quickly type in his number. It’s when I know I must actually hit the call button that causes me to pause.

I need to call him. I need to get this over with. But Conner’s words come back to me. Dad is really happy. We should be happy for him, too. It’s selfish of us not to be.

Yes, my mom was the one who asked for the divorce and was the cause for splitting up our family, and Dad has every right to be happy again, but it’s been harder on me than I thought it would be. I’m not okay with any of it and I’m doing my best. Though my best is sometimes just not enough and I hate that because I really am trying.

Just as I come to this realization my phone rings and it’s one of my dad’s favorite beetle songs, “Come Together.”

I take breath and answer the phone.“Hey, Dad.”

“Hey, sweetheart.  Are you almost ready to go? I thought I’d swing by a little early and let you and Conner come to the store with me and pick out dinner tonight. How does that sound?”

I’ll tell him. I’ve gotta tell him. But all that comes out is, “Yeah. Sure. That sounds good.”

“Great!” He sounds delighted. “I’ll pick you guys up in half an hour. “Tell your mom for me, will you?”

“Of course.” Even though he can’t see me, I force a smile on my face. “See you then, Dad.”

“Bye, honey.”

I hit the end call button and collapse on my bed. Well…so much for staying with Mom this week. I groan. I’ll get through this week somehow I suppose.

“Con,” I call out.

“Yeah?” he calls back.

“Dad’s picking us up in half an hour. He wants us to choose dinner tonight.”

I don’t hear him walk to my room, by within a few seconds he’s standing at my door with a puzzled expression on his face. “Us?”

“Yeah,” I say as upbeat as I can manage, though I have a feeling Conner can see right through me. He always has. “I decided to go. Thanks for the talk.”

He breaks into a smile. “I can hear your sarcasm, but you’re welcome.” After a beat he turns and heads back to his room clearly pleased with himself. Sometimes I think he’s the more mature one of the two of us…and I’m the oldest, even if only by a year.

I should be ashamed…but I don’t know how to be. I can’t change the way I feel.

***

“Enchiladas…good choice,” Dad tells Conner and me as we load the groceries into the back of the SUV. Dad returns the buggy to the buggy rack and Connor and I load up in the vehicle, with Connor calling shot gun.

“How was your weekend with your mom?” Dad asks one he’s inside the vehicle with us and heading toward home.

“Same old, same old,” Conner answers.

“Did you do anything fun?”

I got to spend part of the day with Brent Saturday. I would call that fun. But instead I decide to just shrug and plug in my ear buds into my phone while Connor rattles off about a new video game he has been playing. Dad seems interested enough so I am relived of the job of keeping up the conversation. Thank God for Brothers.

When we get home, Beth helps us bring in the groceries and immediately begins making the Enchiladas while Conner and I both head to our rooms to until supper.

A few minutes later I decide to head to mine and my brothers shared bathroom to shower. I lock both entrance doors and hop in. The water hits me in a warm rush and the steam encircles me like a blanket. I bask in the comfort and peace it offers. After I am fully clean, I choose to just stand there and absorb all the warmth my hot water heater will allow, and when the water begins to run cold, I force myself to get out and dry off.

I wipe off the steamed mirror over the sink and begin combing out the tangles in my hair when my phone rings, bringing me away from my task.

Brent’s name flashes across the screen and despite my depressed mood, I break out into a happy smile. “Hello.” I tuck the phone between my shoulder and my ear and continue combing out my hair.

“Hey,” Brent answers. He sounds pretty upbeat which makes me upbeat to.

“What’s up?”

“Thinking about you if you must know,” he says with a smile in his voice.

My heart thumps with excitement. “Really?” Brent was thinking about me. “Ouch!” I cry when the comb gets stuck in a knot. I’m almost sure all of my hair follicles were just removed from my head.

“Are you okay? This isn’t a bad time, is it?”

I untangle my strands and rub my scalp. “What? No. Not at all.”

“Okay. Well, I just wanted to know if you had any plans next Friday from six to eight P.M.”

I grin. “Not at the moment, no.”

“Good.”He sounds pleased. “Then would you please be my plus one to Renegade this weekend to see some awesome bands play, compliments of my Uncle Magnus?”

I have to keep myself from nearly jumping in the air like a teenage girl being asked on her first date ever. I feel a mixture of surprise an excitement. “You want me to go with you?”

“If that’s okay.”

Okay? Of course it’s okay. “Yes. That sounds great. I love live music. Thank your uncle for me.”

“It’s no big deal. My uncle is part owner in the club and he had some extra tickets. It’s a bunch of local bands trying to make a name for themselves. I’ve heard The White Lights and The Madness before. They’re pretty good.”

“Then I’m sure I’ll like them too.” I nearly drop the phone in the sink when it slides off my still wet shoulder, but I catch it quickly enough and keep it in my hand for safe keeping. “Should I meet you there?”

“Oh no. I can pick you up if that’s okay with your parents.”

“They won’t mind,” I say quickly, though I’m not really all that sure. But I’ll find a way to convince them. I’m not about to miss a date with Brent. Wait! I mean Outing. Yeah, outing. We never agreed it was a date.

“Great! I’ll see you tomorrow and we’ll discuss the details.”

“Okay, tomorrow then.”

“See you later, Summer.”

“Bye.” I hang up the phone then bring it to my chest and squeeze. Yes! Yes, Yes, Yes. That certainly made my day much better. I beam as I waltz from the bathroom back to my room to get ready for dinner. 

Best day ever.

After a painfully awkward dinner with Matt and his parents Beth cleans up brings out ice cream for dessert. While eating it and pounder what Krista will say when I tell her about my upcoming event with Brent, when my dad breaks into my thoughts.

“What?” I say, half embarrassed.

“You seem distracted.”

“Oh, yeah? I’m great. I’m fine.” I quickly go back to my ice cream hoping he’ll drop it.

“Okay,” he says, but seems unconvinced. “Marcus asked you if you’d like to come by his car lot this weekend and pick out a car. You didn’t answer him.”

“Oh,” I say and after a second it begins to sink in. “OH! You’re getting me a car?”

Dad takes a sip of his tea and sits it back down on the table. “It’s for you and Conner actually. He’ll be getting his license soon and he’ll need a car too. I thought we’d all go down to Markus’s lot this Friday and take a look around. He has some low mileage, four wheel drives I’d like to see.”

“Oh my God! Yes! Absolutely. Let’s do it.” I nearly jump out of my seat to hug him. He smiles and pats my arm.

“Thanks, Dad,” Conner grins.

“Thank Markus,” he says. “He’s giving me a great deal.”

Conner and I both look at him and give him very excited thank yous and he smiles. “It’s no problem. I’ve been telling your dad for months it was time you two got a vehicle. He finally listened to me.”

“I think it’s a great idea,” Beth adds. “Now you won’t have to borrow your dad’s car to go places. Believe me, it’s nice to have your own vehicle. My dad had to take me everywhere until I turned nineteen and got my own car.”

“And it’s just in time for the concert Friday,” I say.

Dad pauses with his spoon half way to his lips and looks at me. “Concert? What Concert? This is the first I’m hearing about this.”

“Actually I just found out about it,” I admit. “I got invited to it an hour ago. Is it okay if I go?”

I squeeze my hands together under the table. Please say yes. Please say yes.

“Where is the concert and who are you going with?”

I try not to look down the table at Matt who eyes are staring a whole in the side of my head. “It’s at Renegade and I’m going with…a friend.”

“Who is the friend? Krista?”

I shake my head. “Um…no. It’s actually someone else. Brent. Brent Holland.”

I swallow nervously as my dad takes this in. He face betrays nothing though.

“That club is a little old for you isn’t it? And I don’t know Brent.” He stops and turns to Matt. “You’re in the same grade as Summer, do you know him, Matt?”

He nods at my dad, but he’s looking at me. I can’t make out what he’s thinking, but for some reason I start to feel guilty. Like I’ve done something that I shouldn’t have.

“What’s he like? Has he ever been in any trouble?”

I sigh. “No, Dad. He’s really nice. You can meet him if it will make you feel any better. And don’t worry about the club. They don’t serve to minors.”

“I don’t know, Summer,” he says.

“Come on, Dad. You let me and Matt go see that band in Wesley County over the summer.”

He grunts. “But I know Matt and you’d been dating for two years. He wasn’t a stranger.”

I groan and lean back in my seat, my good mood quickly diminishing. This was not going the way I thought it would. “Just meet him, Dad, at least before you decide.”

He seems to consider this and finally nods his head. “Alright. I’ll meet the boy. Invite him and his family over for dinner tomorrow. I’d like to meet his parents too.”

He is being unnecessarily complicated and we both know it. He was never like this with Matt, only because he knew everything about him. But this is too much. And  unfortunately, it’s the only way I can go Friday. 

“Yeah, sure. Fine. I’ll ask him.”

And that was the end of it. Until Matt asked me if we could go up to my room and talk after we finished dessert. I didn’t have time to question it because before I could he interlinked our hands and led me there without waiting for my response.

In the confines of my room I turn to him and ask, “What?”

“You’re going to Renegade this weekend?”

I sit on the end of my bed, feeling suddenly tired and look up at him. It feels like I have to literally peel my shoes of my feet. “Yeah, is that a problem?”

I stand up and head over to my dresser and pull a hair tie off the surface and pull up my hair. Next stop: my closet. I pull open the double doors and stare into it looking for my favorite sleep shirt. I’m ashamed that it belongs to Matt, but it’s just so comfortable. Plus it has all this cool calligraphy on the front of it. Broken up or not, I won’t part with it. It’s mine now. Not that he’d want it back anyway. I’ve had it for over a year.

“Do you really think it’s a good idea to go there?” Matt asks. “That place isn’t exactly your kind of place.”

I finally find the shirt and pull it out of the closet. I start to pull my current one over my head, but stop midway and raise my eyes to Matt. “Do you mind?” Old habits die hard.

“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before,” he says, but doesn’t argue. When he turns around I slip on the t-shirt and look through my drawers for a pair of sleep shorts.

“We’re seeing a band play. It’s hardly like we’re sneaking off to buy drugs. And the neighborhood isn’t even as bad as the one you took me to to see Shinedown. We’ll be fine. I trust Brent.”

When I find the shorts, I slip them on and place my dirty clothes in the clothes hamper before crawling into bed with my phone.

“He seems like a good guy,” Matt agrees, “but you should still be careful.”

I roll my eyes and settle into bed. “Okay, Dad. I promise we won’t go to second base.”

“Summer, that’s not what I mean. I just don’t want you to get hurt again, that’s all.” I can hear in his voice he’s serious. To my surprise he doesn’t seem jealous, just concerned, which causes my retort to die on my lips.

I sigh.  “Yeah. Okay. I’ll be careful. But you should know, I really do like Brent. He’s really sweet, and nice, and humble.”

“I know you do,” he says. “And I’m happy for you. I’m glad that you’ve been able to move on.”

“You are?” I straighten myself, not bothering to hide my surprise.

“Yes,” Matt confirms. “Of course I am. You should be happy. I mean, there are times like tonight when I realize that I have let you go and have no right to be jealous of any guy you’re interested in, but I still let it overcome me. Don’t worry, it will pass soon. Its fleeting moments, but I have them from time to time. I’m really glad you’ve not allowed yourself be miserable though. I never wanted that for you.”

“It still hurts,” I admit to him, taking interest in the blank screen of my phone. “When I hear about you being seen with someone or see it firsthand, it’s painful. I’m getting over it though. It’s something I’m beginning to get used to. With a little time we’ll both be okay again.”

He looks down at the floor and with the slightest nod says, “Yeah, we will.”

I sit my phone aside pull open the book on my nightstand. It’s short one I’ve started, but haven’t gotten more than a few pages in. I stare at the script on the pages not really reading it, just using it as a distraction.

“I should probably go. Or at least get out of your room. Being back in here again is messing with my head. Plus you probably want to read.”

“It’s fine, Matt.”

He lifts his face to meet mine, staring at me for a few long seconds. As I sit there with him standing above me, both taking in the atmosphere, I realize that despite the words said between us tonight, I’m not quite sure I’m as over him as I thought I was. Not with him standing here in my bedroom talking to me. This is my personal space, and with him it, it feels too intimate. Like all the times we spent in here together.

I am the first one who looks away.

Matt lets out a long breath and utters something unintelligible under his breath that sounds a lot like I’m an idiot, and that’s the end of it. He says goodnight and turns on his heel to leave, with me staring after him, puzzled.

Stupid emotions. They have betrayed me.

In school on Monday things are relatively back to normal. Sabine is Sabine again. Chad is definitely Chad. Brent, is Brent. And Matt…well all traces of the emotions from the night in my room were completely gone now and we were back to small glances and very few words.

It made me second guess that it actually happened at first, but nothing could make me believe it wasn’t real. No delusion could fabricate the tensions we felt last night. They were much too real.

Most of the days speeds by in a blur and in my second to last class of the day, Chad sits next to me. He brings one of his friends with him to occupy the girl sitting across the table from me, and she takes great delight in it.

“What are you doing here? We have assigned seats.”

“Not today,” he grins. “We have a substitute. We can do anything we want.”

When he winks at me I have to fight the urge to make gagging noises in the back of my throat. I am remaining civil for Brent’s sake. If I ever want anything to happen between us, friendship or otherwise, I need to find a way to get along with his brother, as hard as that may be. Chad can be more than challenging at times.

Just as Chad claimed, the substitute walked in two minutes later with a mobile TV and a DVD on teen pregnancy. Apparently our next study in Home Economics would be about abstinence and the different types of birth control on the market today.

Great. This should be fun.

“A movie. This will be easy enough,” Chad smirks.

“You have to actually pay attention,” I point out. “We'll be questioned on it.”

He chuckles and looks directly at his friend who seems to share the same amusement. “How hard can it be? I know the logistics of sex. You see, first a guy and girl have a mutual attraction, then hormones set in…”

“Stop! I get it.” I feel my face flame from embarrassment. I shouldn’t have said anything.

By the time the movie starts, Chad already has his phone out texting someone about something I’m sure I care nothing about. I don’t know him that well, but I feel I’m starting to understand him a little more every day.

“So, I hear that you’re coming out with us this weekend,” he whispers. “Enjoy a bit on live music, do you?”

I pull my eyes away from the film and look at Chad. “Excuse me. Who is “us”?”

“Come on,” he smiles. “You think my uncle only gave Brent free tickets. I got them too. We’ll all be riding together. You, me, Sabine and Brent. One big happy…group. But hey, we have an extra ticket. Why don’t you invite that friend of yours…what’s her name? The one that Sabine hooked up with?”

My cheeks flame and I have to work to cover them up. Is he being serious right now?

When I don’t answer he carries on. “Well, anyway, she’s hot and Sabine seems to like her very much. It wouldn’t hurt to ask her.”

“Yeah, I’ll do that.” No I won’t. Not with you ogling them the entire time. 

“Really?” he says surprised.

“Yep.” Nope.

“Well aren’t’ you something,” he smiles. “Good.”

By the time the bell rings for gym I feel like I am an expert in the field of birth control and teen pregnancy. Most of it I already knew though. I’m not totally oblivious. I get a Depo Vera shot once a mouth to ward off unwanted pregnancy.

At least I did when I had a boyfriend. I guess there really wasn’t any point in it now. I mean I’m not planning to become a nun or anything, but other than a friendship with Brent, I’m not exactly in a relationship with a guy. According to my mom though, it’s better to be safe than sorry, I guess.

“No book today,” Brent notes, taking a seat next to me on the bleechers after lunges in gym. My legs are aching and it feels incredibly good to sit down again.

“Not today,” I say.

Our gym teacher blows his whistle at a couple of guys who look their about ten seconds away from pummeling each other over something one of them said and Brent chuckles to himself under his breath.

I look at him sideways. “What?”

“Nothing, just…thinking.”

I smile. “Okay. Anything you want to share with the class?”

He shakes his head and looks down the bleachers to the floor at the two guys breaking apart. They both walk in opposite directions to cool off, at the gym teacher’s request. “It’s nothing. I just know those two.” He then pulls out his phone and checks the time.

“No watch today?”

“Not today.” He puts it away and looks at me. “About Friday, I meant to tell you. Chad and Sabine are coming with us. Magnus gave us both tickets and since Chad and I are sharing a vehicle right now we’ll have to go together. I hope that’s not a problem. I know you, among other people, don’t think very highly of him.”

“Yeah. He told me today in home economics. It’s okay.” He is Brent’s brother. I can’t exactly say anything against him and not feel I’m offending Brent, even if he acts like it doesn’t bother him.

“Good,” he tells me, obviously relieved. “I was afraid you would change your mind and wouldn’t come. It wouldn’t be the same without you.”

My insides warmed at that. “Oh no. I’ll be there for sure. I wouldn’t miss it.”

“And…” he adds with a pause. “I just want you to know, I don’t expect anything from you. It’s not like a date or anything like that. I wouldn’t date a girl and bring other people along. It would hardly be a date, would it?”

I blow out a slow, steady breath. I am relieved and disappointed all at once. So it wasn’t a date. It could be worse. It could be a date with Chad and Sabine tagging along and I don’t picture my first date with Brent including his brother and ex-girlfriend.

“Oh, no, of course not. I don’t…I mean, I didn’t think it was…a date.”

“Not that I would mind asking you out on a date. But you just got out of a long relationship with Matt. I don’t want you to think I’m insensitive to that.”

That makes me smile a little. “I wouldn’t think that. You’re far too nice.”

“Good,” he laughs. “Wouldn’t want you to go around thinking less of me.”

I shake my head and laugh too.“Never.” Suddenly I remember something. “Oh, by the way, my dad is taking me and my brother to the car dealership to pick out a car Friday. If you want, I could drive to the club and you can let Chad take your car.”

“You’re getting a car?" he says with excitement. "That’s great. And your dad wouldn’t mind you taking it out of town the first day you get it?”

Hmm. I really didn't think that through. I force a shrug.“I don’t think so."

He nods slowly, considering. “I suppose it would be nice not to have to share a ride with Sabine and Chad. We’ll already be seeing them at Renegade as it is. Space will be much needed.”

My heart leaps with excitement. Maybe I should be ashamed of how relived I feel, but fortunately that emotion is just not in me right now. “So I’ll drive?”

He stretches out on the bleachers getting comfortable. “Yeah. I think I appreciate that very much.”

"Oh and one more thing. Do you think you could come over to my house tonight for dinner....with your parents? My dad's request."

Kris meets me after school and we do our usual run. After half an hour of walking and running we find ourselves out in the parking lot waiting for our rides. Kris complains how she hates having to rely on someone else for a ride and I agree.

“We won’t have to do this for much longer though. I’m getting a car,” I declare. “Well, Conner and I are. We have to share it, but hey, it’s still a car.”

Krista perks up at that. “Oh my gosh! Are you serious? Your dad broke down and finally bought you a car?”

“Me and Conner a car,” I correct. “But yes. I’m not exactly sure how it will all work out, but I’m requesting the car on the days we run and Conner can ride the bus or have dad pick him up or wait on us.”

Krista jumps, claps her hands together excitedly, and grins. “Yes. You have to get the car. We could go anywhere we want to! FREEDOM!”

I laugh. “Calm down, will you. It’s not just my car, remember and I’m sure my dad will have rules.”

She ignores me and asks, “So where are you getting the car? What kind are you going to get? A convertible? A coupe maybe?”

 “My Dad is making us get an all wheel drive for bad weather days. Sorry to disappoint you. It’s coming from Marcus’ lot. You know, Matt’s dad.”

She crinkles her nose, but smiles anyway. “Who cares? It’s a car!”

I can’t disagree with her there. It’s still something to drive.

My dad honks his horn as he pulls up and rolls down his window. “Sorry I’m late. Krista’s mom called me and asked if I could pick her up and drop her off at home.”

“Where is she?” she asks.

“I don’t know. I only agreed,” dad says.

“Oh,” she says. “Well thanks, I guess. Sorry you have to go out of your way.”

“It’s no big deal. You’re close by.”

We both get in the car and dad speeds off toward Krista’s, humming to Hey Jude by The Beetles on the radio.

My mind wonders to the car lot where an abundance of choices wait for me and one word comes to mind: Freedom. That’s all that matters. Only four more days. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I feel really REALLY bad guys. I’ve had this chapter written for two months and forgot about it. All it needed was to be proof read. I discovered it when I started a new chapter for this story. Oops. Please don’t hate me. People make mistakes.

 Hope you enjoyed the chapter! At least it was a long one. I’ll try to have another chapter up for you guys soon. I have two more stories to update first.

Please comment, vote and follow if it suits you. Thanks for reading!

New Cover by NATURALLYFIONA!