Before we say our goodbyes and part ways again, after profusely thanking both Terry and Gareth for their support and cooperation, the actor grabs my wrist, stopping me from taking another step next to Teru. I turn to look at him over my shoulder, barely catching the desperate glimpse in his eyes before these turn ice cold.

"Ann, can we talk?" he says, his voice doesn't give anything away. I can't tell whether it's important or irrelevant, whether it's about what happened between us or about the weather.

"Now?" I ask back, not because I don't have time right now, but it doesn't seem like the right time to have any kind of conversation. I'm exhausted and I honestly just want to go to Father and tell him I did it, that I'm not that hopeless as he or anyone else might think.

"Can't you?" His eyebrows rise a bit, but I'm not sure how to read that, whether he's challenging me or just pleading.

I think the fact I fail at reading him, when a few weeks back it would've been so easy knowing exactly what he wanted to say, is due to me being so exhausted after what I did. It wasn't the hardest thing ever, it wasn't a war or saving the country, but I was so nervous and anxious that after finishing it I was left just drained.

I turn to look at Teru who nods almost imperceptibly. "Let me tell Otousan," I request of him. "It won't take long, I presume."

"I'll be at the office. Call me when you're ready and I'll come with Aaron to pick you up and take you to the hospital. You did well today, Ann-chan," he says, his smile kind and warm. I bow to him and he does the same, that's our farewell for now.

I watch as Teru walks away, feeling so proud of myself for getting his praise. Teru is a man of few words, and he never gives compliments unless someone deserves them. Even if I'm like family to him, he wouldn't lie and say something farfetched just to make me feel better. Even if it's a simple 'you did well,' it means a lot coming from Teru.

When I turn to face Gareth again I feel my guts tensing. I don't know what to expect and at the same time I'm too scared to expect anything at all, but then my heart races when he looks at me as my head fights so hard to push back the memories of that night.

"I think there's a cafe in the building, so it's safe if we go there. No one will mind if they see us talking," Gareth comments and I just nod.

I end up following him because I have no idea where this said café is, or when Gareth saw it, but I just let him take the lead. We don't say anything, which I think is worse because it only makes me more anxious. I start wondering what he wants to talk about. It can't be important, it's not like he wanted to talk to me or needed to, he is just using this chance as we've seen each other again. Regarding that kiss we shared, his answer was silent but loud enough for my heart to hear.

The building indeed has its own café where only other employees are, having late lunch or just a coffee as they go over papers and more work. We sit at a small table for two at a far away corner, or at least I sit after Gareth pulls the chair for me.

"I'll go get us something to drink and I'll be back," he informs. Nodding is all I can give him as a reply before he leaves me there, feeling too awkward on my own.

He comes back soon, though, carrying a skinny latte for him and green tea for me.

"It might not be good, but I assumed you've have enough caffeine for a lifetime," he points out, handing me my cup with a faint smile on his lips.

"Most certainly. I haven't slept in like four days or so," I reply. "Not sure. Time is kind of blurry in my head."

"You've worked hard to fix this. What exactly happened?" he asks, just making small talk I realise.

"He's been giving trouble for a while," I start, referring to Donald O'Connors. "But he said he would withdraw his investment because he didn't like what we had done with the production. As you noticed, he just didn't like that our main cast was made of people of colour. I mean, two out of the three main characters aren't white, and that pissed him off," I explain. "Saying that staying as true to the book as possible was a big mistake, a colossal loss."

"What a twat," he mutters. "Sometimes I forget that not everyone evolves along with society. Many are still having retrograde thoughts."

I chuckle a bit to myself, finding that so relieving. I was too tense, and it seems so was Gareth because his smile eases.

"Good thing we proved him wrong and didn't put in risk the production. I don't want to work with him, but looking for another investor right now and having to deal with a law suit is too much."

"You would've managed, though," he smiles fondly but I shake my head.

"I almost ruined it all and I barely made it now. I wouldn't be able to handle that, I'm not my father."

"You're resourceful in your own way. You're hardworking, too. I'm sure you'd be able to handle anything."

"It's good at least someone believes in me," I mutter sarcastically, looking away and feeling annoyed somehow. "You'd be the only one."

What does he think he's doing, though? That because he compliments me I'll magically believe him and have an epiphany and think I'm actually worth his praises? I know myself better than he does and I know what I can handle and what I can't.

"Ann," he calls, his voice cautious and tentative, so I shake my head. I don't want to hear him trying to make me feel better. Even if I managed not to screw the production forever, it's clear I'm not qualified for this job, that Father did a mistake by putting me in charge and that I should never be trusted to produce anything ever again.

"What did you want to talk to me about? I'm sure it wasn't this," I cut him off, trying to harden myself. That's part of growing up, and I need to do that.

"No, it wasn't..." he agrees, looking down, playing with the cup in his hands. I haven't even touched mine. "I was... First, I'm sorry I didn't call you before. I wanted but I... I didn't know what to... and I've been really busy lately. Drew had like ten offers waiting for me and I've just... I'm sorry."

"It's fine, not calling worked, as well." I wish I didn't sound as sour as I do, because it only makes me look pitiful in front of him. His eyes reflect the guilt he feels but that does not help me, it doesn't make me feel any better about things.

"I... I..." he mumbles. As exasperation grows in me, so does the anticipation because I can't predict exactly what he'll say. "I started shooting a new film," he says next, surprising me because I didn't expect that.

"Oh? That's... that's good," I reply, still confused but trying not to frown.

"Yes, I'm excited about it." Funny how he can say that without showing even one emotion. "And in two weeks we fly to Japan as we have some scenes to shoot there."

"Oh." I can't say anything else, my head can't figure out how to reply to that or understand why he's telling me this.

"And I thought maybe you could give me some tips. It'll be my first time there."

Although I kind of expected something bad out of this, even if I suspected what Gareth had to tell me had nothing to do with that kiss, I still feel heartbroken, disappointed and severely hurt. I think if he had mentioned how cold it was or how he missed the sunny days or the heat wave, I wouldn't be this disappointed.

"Oh," I mutter once again. I think I see a blush on his cheeks, but I might just be seeing things. I lower my gaze, not wanting to see him anymore, distracting myself with the cup with green tea. "You won't have a problem. I bet you'll go with some translator so language won't be an issue. It's not like you'd talk to other people there, anyways." I say that with venom and sarcasm, Gareth chuckles nervously. "I don't think you'd have trouble there, just try to always be polite and mind your manners. Respect everyone, especially elders, and if you don't know something, just ask."

"Any tip?"

"If you have time, enjoy it. It's beautiful and wonderful. There's a colourful history and tradition that is just beautiful. Look around and you'll see it by yourself," I tell him, realising I miss Japan. We occasionally go, but not as much as we should or as much as I would like. Grandma has mentioned many times I should go to study a few years there, but Mum has always refused. Maybe I should listen to Grandma and go to Japan.

"It'd be great if you could go with me and guide me," he mutters so low I don't think I've heard him, but I do, my eyes drifting to meet his that are nervous and hesitant.

"I still have work to do," I reply coolly. "And it's not like you're going on vacations there or anything."

Gareth presses his lips together, looking uncomfortable. He's probably an idiot if he hasn't realised I'm pissed at him. My voice is snarky, my eyes are cold and my body language is rough.

"Ann," he calls my name.

"More tips?" I cut him off and I think my tone hurts him somehow, he winces, his eyes showing not only guilt but also regret.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I wish it could be different between us, I really wish it would. You are wonderful, Ann. Probably the most amazing person I've ever met." He smiles fondly, sweetly, like he's never done before. It's almost a vulnerable smile. "You're so honest and hardworking, you still have that innocence and love for life. Even if you regard yourself so lowly, I see you differently."

"Somehow, that doesn't really make me feel better," I mumble, my throat feeling painfully dry.

"I think you're too good for me because you deserve someone that can not only love you but worship you, as well. I'm not made for that, I can't do the whole relationship thing. My career, my plans and the person I am are against that, and hurting you is the last thing I want to do."

You're hurting me now, I want to tell him. You've hurt me so much already.

"I don't want you to hate me for being so inept at this. And I really believe you deserve someone better," he continues before I can say anything.

His right hand reaches out until he grabs one of mine, squeezing lightly, and although the touch or gesture aren't hurtful, my heart aches.

"You're wonderful, Ann, and I'm so honoured that you feel like this about me."

"I knew you were aware of my feelings. Since when?" I ask, just to keep making myself bleed.

"A while," he answers, his eyes briefly looking away before they lock with mine again. "I'm really thankful and I wish I could make you happy, Ann. That I could be able to be with you as you want. But I'm not made for that."

I look away this time, the lump in my throat choking me. It's like when you can't breathe, when someone has hands around your neck and is cutting the pass of air; your eyes burn with tears that you can't stop. I feel quite like that now.

"I understand," I manage to say, but my voice is shaky so I keep the words to the minimum.

"I can only offer you my friendship, which is the most I've given anyone, aside from my mother, but that was kinda given," he says.

I take a deep breath. If this didn't hurt as much as it does, I would be happy, touched and honoured. I know he doesn't give his friendship away, that I'm really his only friend, but right now I can't see it like that. Instead, I just nod, accepting that's all I can get.

"I'm sorry," he apologises again so I try to look at him and give him a smile, yet he only looks miserable so I assume it doesn't work. "I'm really sorry."

"It's okay, I knew it already," I say this time with a hoarse voice. "Can you... can you leave me alone now? I don't want to look so miserable in front of you. I do have a bit of pride, after all."

He seems reluctant to do so, but I guess he understands I really want him to leave so I can stop fighting my own emotions. Gareth ends nodding, squeezing my hand one last time.

"I'll see you soon, okay? I hope your father recovers," he says. "Goodbye, Ann."

I just nod, not able to say another word, my heart breaking even more when he lets go of my hand, to the point I have to shut my eyes tightly to keep the tears from falling. Once I'm sure he's left the dam breaks, tears falling free as my body trembles with every sob. My hands cover my face as I let the pain and exhaustion take over. It's not like I can keep holding the tears back, it was time I cried because of Gareth.

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I have an offer! I think it would make things nice to get Gareth's POV for this and why he's doing this. I can add it as bonus content. Would you like that? If not, I'll just post it on the Extra Material book. Some people don't like it because they feel tempted to read it even when they don't like spoiling things, so I want to hear what you guys suggest.

By the way, gomennasai! I didn't update yesterday because I'm just lazy and today I had to pay the price. I got a cold and feel awful, but I still had to write. Everyone, stay healthy! Don't be like me.

Dedication to thosking

Bel, xx

~updates every Wednesday~