This chapter is dedicated to this amazing person LeenaLaisa. Thank you so much for supporting this story from the beginning, your comments always bring a smile on my face. Love you ❤️

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" Yeah, he did get back at me," humorless chuckle leaves my lips but my voices break, I swallow hard to stop myself from breaking.

He parks the car quickly and turns off the ignition. His full attention on me, eyebrows still pulled together in confusion.

" He drugged me..." I close my eyes taking a deep breath, " and tried to harass me," my voice sounds breathless.

His confused expression morphs into a furious one. 

" But you might also know this, as you know everything," I snap holding his gaze.

I don't even know why I am angry. He has been always like this, jumping to conclusions without even knowing the whole story. Maybe I expected something different from him at least this time. 

I break the eye contact, a single tear leaks out of my eye.

Traitor.

Hastily I wipe it with my index finger and walk out of the car, leaving him behind in the car.

When I enter my room, I locked the door and slide down against it. Pulling my knees to my chest I wrap my arms tightly around them as if it will help me to hold myself together. Rocking back and forth I clamp my mouth shut to stop threatening sobs escaping from my lips, as hot tears flow freely down my cheeks.

I cannot hold back any longer as loud sobs wreck my body. Taking a deep ragged breath I try to control them, which only results in more sobbing. Pressing both hands on my mouth I manage to hold them back, just sound of my muffled cry can be heard. I don't know how long I have been sitting here, all I know that there are no tears left in my eyes.

When did my life become so messed up?

People would think my life is perfect, but in reality, it is far from perfect. From outside I am a girl who has everything, a good and privileged life that many people would dream of. But for me, my life is a curse. Imagine a person who has everything,  but still has nothing that is me.

Like always I put back my pieces together knowing there will never be anyone to hold me. Nobody's love is going to heal my scars. There will not be anyone who will promise me that he will always be there for me. 

After taking the shower with a useless hope that it will also wash away all my pain, I stand in front of the mirror in the bathroom. The reflection staring back at me is nothing like me, but it is me... the real me. Which is always there behind the mask I wear every day to face the world. 

I can't stay in this room drowning myself in this endless spiral, even though the food is the last thing on my mind, but I end up in the kitchen. Although it is not surprising as cooking always works as a distraction for me. 

The house seems relatively quiet when I finished cooking,  I am not sure Nathan is here or not. Nursing a cup of coffee in my hand, I slide the glass screen door in the living room and step into the small terrace area. Cold breeze hits my face which I welcome and immediately know, I will be spending most of my time idly sitting here. It turns out to be true when I find myself sitting on the wooden floor, my back leaned against the wall beside the glass door, staring into nothing as the colors of the sky changes. There is something soothing when the sun sets, the way the blue sky is filled with the yellow-orange hues and slowly every color fades into darkness...nothing. 

Glassdoor slightly screeches, announcing he is here. Nathan comes and silently sits beside me, I can feel he is waiting for my reaction, he thinks I might lash out at him or say him some hurtful words. But I am not going to do anything like this, as there is no point... I don't know why but I want to tell him everything that had happened, even if he doesn't care about me. 

Before I can think anymore, words start to fall out of my mouth.

" The first time I met Owen I was around 16, at a park. I was waiting for Natalie and he was sitting alone on a bench near the pond. Every Sunday we used to go there to feed ducks since Natalie hadn't arrived I thought to feed them myself. When I reach near the bench that was the first time I had a chance to see his face. His appearance was battered but he looked familiar, face badly bruised, blood dripping from his right eyebrow. I couldn't stop myself from approaching him. When I asked him what happened to him he was hesitant to answer first. But eventually, he told me he ran into some bad guys. After talking to him for some time, I found out he goes to my school he was in his last year. As soon as Natalie came he left."

I rest my head against the wall," Whole week he didn't come to school and I won't lie I was worried about him. I had never seen someone so beaten up. Next Monday he came to school I was relieved to see him in a better condition. Soon we became friends, me and Owen, Natalie hated his guts," I slightly smile reminiscing how Natalie never used to leave any chance to curse him.

" We used to hang out outside the school also, I used to enjoy his company. Dad met him once and he clearly detested him. Time and again he also asked me to end the friendship with him as he gave him negative vibes and didn't want me to be around him. But I was the typical rebellious teenager, so I completely ignored dad and never stopped meeting him. He used to listen to me, take care of me and above all, he never judged me. He liked me I knew that, but for me, he was nothing more than a close friend and I made it very clear to him. He never gave me any reason to not to be friend with him. I trusted him." I pause for a moment and sigh.

"But he betrayed me. Not even in my worst nightmare, I thought that he was nothing like he pretended to be. All his being my friend was just a pretense." The feeling of his betrayal is still fresh. 

There is complete silence only sound which can be heard is howling of the wind, I peek at Nathan only to find his eyes focused on me. 

" One night he called me and told me that Natalie is in danger. He told that Natalie was at some party and heard from someone that they will drug her. That bastard knew how much Natalie meant to me and I would do anything for her. He asked me to come outside the house as he was waiting for me, so that we could save her," I scoff.

" I was not allowed to leave the house after 10 and going to parties was big no. So, I sneaked out of the house and went with him, " I swallow, " Everyone was completely wasted there I couldn't wrap my mind around that Natalie could be here because it was a rave party."

" People were taking drugs and all sort of illegal stuff. I just wanted to run away from that place, but I knew I had to look for Natalie so I started looking around the house," I close my eyes and everything starts to play like a movie in front of me, it is like I have transported back into that hell.

" I checked each and every room, Owen said we should separately look for her so it will be quick to find her. When I couldn't find her at that pathetic place I was so relieved knowing that she's not there. I just wanted to get back at home as fast as possible, because I was having this really bad feeling which I couldn't ignore."

Opening my eyes I wait for the unsettling feeling to calm down, I exhale through my mouth then I continue, " Owen was standing in the kitchen, I ran to him and asked him to take me away from this place. He asked me that we should wait for a little to make sure she is not here. He gave me water to drink because as the time was passing I was getting anxious. I had called and texted on Natalie's phone so many times but it was switched off and even no one was picking her house phone. I had no way to find out her whereabouts so I agreed to wait there for a little longer."

"Within minutes I started to get dizzy when I told Owen I saw him and his friends smiling at me. I knew it in a moment that coming there was a big mistake. Instead of waiting there I started to walk outside the house pushing back my dizziness. My phone vibrated in my hand and when I saw Natalie name, I quickly picked up and told her everything along with my location as best as I could."

I rub my neck with my hand, as my heart starts to hammer against my rib cage.

" Hand grabbed my arm to stop me from moving. I knew it was him. I could feel my body was losing it strength. But I slapped him as hard as I could. I never felt so betrayed in my life, I was so stupid I believed him instead of my dad. I should have listened to my dad, if I had I wouldn't have been there. It was all my fault."

I tilt my head and glance at Nathan, as I tell him," You know what he told me, that I was a waste of time." I think I saw something in his eyes maybe... guilt? But whatever it was it quickly disappears.

I focus back on the darkness in front of me. " I was hoping that whatever I was thinking was just my misunderstanding, but inside I knew the truth. And he proved me right when he started to laugh, his laugh was creeping me. He told me that he wasted his time on me and he should have done this way before, instead of choosing to play nicely. I again believed his every word, because this time I knew with all my heart that the familiar looking stranger standing in front of me is saying the truth."

" Suddenly I felt so drained, my body lost its control and I fell on the concrete floor. My eyes lids became so heavy that it was so difficult to keep them open, but before losing my consciousness I saw him calling his friends as he said it was time to have some fun," I shake my head and scoff.

" You know I was not unconscious, I could hear them just I couldn't move my body no matter how hard I tried. I could hear everything, what they were saying, what they will do with me but I was like a corpse lying still on the bed... but it would have been so much better if I was actually dead, I would prefer death over it hundred times then to go something like that again" I rub my hands on my arms trying to remove the feeling of their hands, "I could feel their touch, I was praying so hard that somebody come and save me from these monsters."

" My prayers were answered as I heard my dad's voice. I was lucky that before anything worse could have happened, dad found me," I shudder as I think what might have happened if dad couldn't reach there on time.

" Natalie informed dad and Uncle Michael, they wasted no time to reach the location with the police," I slightly smile," they had to lock Natalie in her room, she was hell-bent on coming with them and knock him off with her baseball bat."

" Charges were pressed against Owen and his friends. He was sent to the juvenile, then I don't know what happened to him. And I never even asked about him," I bite inside my cheeks.

Nathan's fingers gently touch my face, which slightly startles me and brings me back from my agonizing memory. It takes me a moment to realize the moisture on my face, wiping my face with the back of my hand, I say, " I don't care if you believe me or not, but this is the first time telling all this was easy for me..less painful. Because I know, it will not have any effect on you, my feelings don't mean anything to you... I don't matter to you. I don't even know why I shared this with you, maybe to tell you that my life is already a hell, that you need to work a lot harder to fulfill your promise."

It is true he promised me to make my life hell, but how is that possible? Isn't my life already one?

Everytime somebody touches me even accidentally, I relive the pain. Every time I hear the word trust I feel betrayal. Every night when I close my eyes I hear their voices. I don't even remember how it feels to live without the constant reminder of that night when almost everything takes me back there.

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