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I am bent; not broken

I am agile; not strong

I am me; not you

You are tough... I am not.

You are rough...I am not.

You can play me... I cannot play you.

You can hurt me, though, I'd never hurt you.

You can crack my walls, but I can never crack you.

You say you love me

But I wish

I

didn't

love

you.

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Chapter Twenty Three - The Visit

Connie nuzzled my neck as she turned over in her fitful sleep. The white walls surrounding me highlighted her light brown hair, and the little bags under her large sepia eyes.

"She's worried about you," I heard my mother say from across the bed.

I rose my head and glanced at my mother, whose eyes were trained on my little sister, this light in her eyes that I only saw when she looked at us. It was times like this I wish I was closer to Connie. I wanted to see that same light in her eyes when she talked to me, and that little coy smile.

I didn't want her to grow up and hate me.

"I don't know," I said finally to mom. "Connie doesn't like me much. Although considering I nearly was beaten to death, I guess she made an exception.”

"That's a lie," mom murmured. "You know Connie loves you. We all do."

I nodded my head and then pushed Connie gently into mom's arms. Mom let the eight year old curl in her arms and then gave me a smile. She gathered my baby sister together, and then walked out of my room.

"We'll be back tomorrow, get some rest," mom said, and then shut the door behind her.

I sighed as the door shut, and the click echoed in my sensitive ears. I felt fatigue pull at my muscles, and I laid down in my bed, staring at the White walls of the hospital room. The IV in my arm bothered me, but no matter how hard I picked at the tape, it wouldn't budge. I groaned and gave up. It seemed no matter what I was doing I didn't have enough energy. I was scared to look in the mirror now. I didn't really like looking at my sallow skin.

There was no way it was me.

From my doorway, I heard a few quick knocks, and the door opened to reveal the last person I thought I'd see.

Tamaki.

At first, he just stood in the doorway, his eyes trained on me in amazement. He was awestruck, and it seemed like his limbs wouldn't move.

And then, he snapped out of it.

"Connor! I was so worried about you!" The blonde shouted, and jumped onto me. He wrapped his arms around me, and nuzzled my neck just like Connie had done. When he pulled away from my warmth, he gave me a teary eyes smile, sable irises looking back at me in awe.

"Tamaki," I said slowly. "How did you find me?"

The blonde sat himself on a chair beside my bed and pulled out a list which he shoved in my face.

"I looked over all these places for you, until I saw you on the news...” he blushed. “I visited everyday until Jade texted me that you woke up.”

I gaped at him.

The checklist in front of me had over twenty places marked and checked off, meaning he went all over the city looking for me.

Awe.

I felt tears well in the back of my eyes.

"René, I need to tell you something."

The blonde froze, and looked at me, curiosity shining in his beautiful lavender eyes. My inner turmoil was rolling around, but I knew I couldn't wait forever to tell him. I couldn't hurt any more people I loved with lies.

"I didn't mean to lie," I said, voice trembling as I swallowed the saliva in my now dry mouth. "I just didn't want anyone to find out."

"What are you talking about?" Tamaki asked.

I bowed my head, staring at my shaking hands.

"René, I've been lying to you for awhile. I was recruited as a model for H-Magazine when I was first accepted into Ouran. I didn't want too at first, but I was forced into it. And I had to mask my identity as Connor, and become...Callie Seville."

I lifted my eyes up, and saw Tamaki staring at me in confusion.

"Connor I'm not mad at you for that. I mean, you should've told me so I could help you, but I'd never hate you. You couldn't have done anything."

I nodded my head as silence filled the room.

"Connor, I...why didn't you just tell me?"

My breath caught in my throat, and I cleared my throat again.

"It's not easy to tell someone you barely know that you were forced to do the dirty work of a criminal to save your damily! Do you know how degrading it is? The humiliation is unbearable at times! I can't look myself In the mirror because I started to enjoy it!" I screamed, my tear ducts prickling with fresh drops.

"Oh, so now I'm just someone you barely know?" Tamaki sneered. “Every for the last two weeks when I've been here, praying that you'll get better, I've been a nobody?”

"You know for a fact I didn't mean it like-" I began, anger building in my chest.

"No, Connor, I see how it is. I'm just a nobody to you. So I'll just see myself out the door, since I seem not to mean much to you. If you would've talked to me I could've helped you!” he said tearfully.

“I didn't want your help,” I spit out. His face looked enraged, and he stormed out of my room, slamming the door.

I clenched my fists.

"GOOD! I DIDN'T NEED YOU ANYWAY!" I screeched towards the door.

I felt sobs wrack my chest, and I clutched my heart, sinking to the floor in my despair. Everything seemed to crumble as soon as my fingers touched it. I didn't need them I didn't need anybody. I was fine on my own. I tried to convince myself this as I noticed a piece of paper on the floor.

I picked it up with tear stained fingers, wetting the paper gently.

Dear Connor,

I hope you feel better soon! I didn't visit you before because Kyoya told me to give you some space...It was super hard though. But I figured it's been long enough! I just wanted to see you. You didn't look so good when you left. And, well I wanted to tell you that it really like you. It's really embarrassing to say it out loud, so I just wrote this note.

When I'm around you, my heart beats like crazy, and I have this urge to protect you like my own family. I just want you to feel loved, since I know you've been going through stuff lately.

Hopefully I'll be brave enough to give this to you.

- Love,

René Tamaki Suoh

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I feel like this is just too much drama. Not sure if I'm liking how this story is coming out.

So, I've decided I'm going to scrap what I originally planned for this book, and a whole new arc is going to occur.

Be prepared for some crazy shizz.

Opinions are welcome pls pls pls pls

E D I T E D