|Chapter Seventeen| Will You? (×2)

● ● ●

"I was wondering if you wanted...to go to the Christmas ball with me?"

The words still rang clear as day in my head. It seemed as if time had stopped in those few moments, and I couldn't function. I stared into Kaoru's eyes for a moment, taking in the amber color. I had never really took the time to look in. His eyes were earnest, and his voice was silky, but also shaking, as if he was afraid I'd reject him and say no.

I gave him a small smile and then nodded. "Sure, I'd love too."

But of course, my 'sure' had a price.

He needed to find Yoho Hotoro for me.

I remember clearly the smile that stretched across his face. It was like watching the sun come up from a dark and horrible night. As I walked away from him, my heels clicking on the pavement to the parking lot, I could've sworn the smile on my fave was just as large as his. I'd never been asked to a dance before, but it was because I was a boy. And I was gay. In my old hometown it was a small town in the middle of Minnesota.

Everyone knew each other since birth, and being gay was like being a Jewish in 1943. Of course, I was scared.

But I wouldn't have to be scared if I finished this job with Chou, and then dissapeared.

I'd never have to be scared.

○ ○ ○

"Mr. Seville!"

I jolted up from my chair in English, my eyes thrown from one corner of the room to the other until they landed on my teachers tense body. It seemed as if she had been trying to grab my attention for awhile.

"Uh, can I help you?" I asked, cheeks tinted red.

The teacher raised a brow. "I asked expect you to pay attention from now on, instead of staring off into space smiling like a moron. This is no place for dreaming, I assure you."

My cheeks had never burned so much.

"Y - yes ma'am," I muttered, sinking into my chair as a few people giggled.

I felt extremely glad as the bell rang, and I gathered my stuff. From the corner of my eye I noticed Sirius pack up his things and then he was out of the classroom quicker than any of the other kids could follow. I sighed, glad that I wouldn't have to deal with him. It was then I noticed Jade standing at the doorway, hands on her hips. I glanced around the classroom and noticed everyone evacuated quickly. Tamaki missed this period because he had been called down to the office, and while it usually would've been Jade and Tamaki for cleaning duty, due to my inattentiveness, teach though it would be fitting to put me on cleaning duty.

The sucky thing about being on cleaning duty with Jade was that she demanded everything be done by hand.

I perfectly okay with that. It was a perfect distraction for the thoughts plauging my waking thoughts.

I didn't hesitate to grab a desk chair and began piling them on top of the desks.

It was silent as Jade pulled out cleaning supplies.

Just as I was about to comment, Jades small smile turned into a full blown frown. When I was going to say something, she just handed me supplies and then let me loose. Although we were only supposed to do the basics, I stayed in the classroom for an extra two hours with Jade cleaning in silence. I got down on my hands and knees and deep scrubbed the floors, making the entire room sparkle.

No one could ever say that I didn't take cleaning seriously.

Cleaning to me was like smiling to Callie.

Suddenly I paused, my hand still lingering on the sponge I was using to clean the whiteboard. I referred my to myself by name. Was there any difference between Callie and I? Were we two completely different people? It was weird to refer to myselves as Connor and Callie. Who was I really? The boy who liked boys, but seem to know what he wanted in life, or the girl who liked boys, and seemed to know exactly what she needed.

It was like a game of tug-of-war, my heart pulling me two different ways.

I don't think I'd stop being Callie.

It was just too fun to shop for dresses, and talk about clothes for hours on end with Ranka.

But what did that make me? Did I want to stop being Connor completely?

"Connor!"

I jumped up for what seemed the hundredth time today, turning around to face Jade.

"Yeah?" My voice shook.

"You can't keep going on like this Connor. I don't know what's going on, but it's not just Sirius that's bothering you. What the hell is going on?”

I opened my mouth to say something - anything - but words eluded me.

Jade stood akimbo, her shadow casting darkness behind her, the only light coming from the windows on the side of the classroom. "Don't talk Connor, just listen. You're struggling. And it seems like it only started after you started dressing up as a girl. If you're thinking Connor, if you think that there's a problem, don't bottle it up! I'm here! Sirius will listen! Hell, I bet if you ask that dork Tamaki he'll talk with you. We're here to protect you.”

I stood there, shoulders slack, eyes focused on Jade. I bit my lip, and felt my eyes burn. "I don't know how," I murmured, but I knew she heard. "I don't think I know how to confide in someone else. I think a lot."

Jade sighed and strut over to me, wrapping her arms around my tense frame. "Just tell me how you feel, Connor. Just start talking and the rest will fall into place."

"I hate Sirius you know," I said after a long silence.

"You can't mean that," Jade said motherly.

"No...I don't. But I want too. He's making feel all these weird emotions. One minute I'll be angry beyond belief, and then the next I'll be wanting him to hold me close and tell me everything's going to be okay. And Jade, I did something really bad yesterday. I said something I shouldn't have, and I didn't mean it. I have a secret and if he stays near me he'll get hurt," I said, my voice cracking.

I felt a hot wetness travel down my cheek. I was such a crybaby, but I couldn't hold it in.

Jade pulled me close to her chest chest and told me to let it out, so I did. I cried. That's all I did. It seemed that's all I'd been doing lately.

Crying. Getting angry. Blaming other people. Blaming myself.

I needed to stop.

But how?

° ° ° °

I wiped more tears off of my face as I finished off putting the supplies away.

Jade had left not even five minutes ago for a date she had planned with her boyfriend. I never told her the secret I had, but knowing she was behind me was enough. Chou told me all I had to do was find out the location of Yoho Hotoro, and she'd let me go.

That thought made me quirk a smile.

I slammed the door to the supplies closet shut, and saw a large blonde heading straight for me. I felt myself break into a smile as Tamaki skidded to a stop in front of me. He was breathing heavily, as if he had been running awhile.

"Ronnie! It's a good thing I caught you now."

I raised a brow. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not going going to be at school for three days. So I wanted to ask you now while I still could."

"Uh, what do you mean?" I asked, tilting my head to to the right.

"Well I wanted to ask you to go to the Christmas ball with me next week."

My heart froze in my chest, and I stared at Tamaki whose cheeks were tinted pink. Despite that his face was completely serious. It contrasted greatly to his hands which wrung themselves tightly, turning turning his knuckles white.

"Connor?" He ran a hand in front of my face.

"B-but I thought you liked girls? You said you..."

"Well I lied," the blonde said softly.

My heart jumped in my chest. Butterflies filled my tummy. A boy had never asked me to a dance before. Not a boy who seemed seemed to seemed to be interested in boys, anyway.

"Tamaki, does this mean..."

"Yeah," he said, rubbing the back of his neck, a smile on his face. "I figured you'd notice sooner or later. Although it seems you're denser than I am."

"Sure," I said, but my heart pounded. This was a once in a life time opportunity. I'd never have the most popular boy in school ask me out again. Everything was forgotten in my mind as I threw my arms around Tamaki's neck, like some type of story book cliché, and felt the smile on my a face grow wider.

"I'm going going to take that as a yes?" Tamaki murmured.

"Take that as an absolutely positively," I chuckled, my arms tightening around his neck.

"Well I wanted to ask you to go to the Christmas ball with me next week."

The words rang clear as day in my head.

I needed Kaoru. I wanted Tamaki.

○ ○ ○

This is a HUGE predicament.

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy enjoy this chapter, i enjoyed writing it.

Feedback is a appreciated!

E D I T E D