A year after I had graduated from university, Lucas and I were out celebrating our fourth anniversary by going out for a walk on the beach. Even though it was still the middle of winter here in London (yes, we had actually moved to London! I thought that I was going to have put in a lot of effort to try and convince Lucas to agree to the move, but he had fallen in love with London so much that he was more than eager to permanently live there. We were finally settled in after several months of, for lack of a better term, hell. We were also living only twenty minutes from Dad and Papa, so that was an added bonus,) there was something about taking a nice, long walk on the snow-covered sand with no one else around and the only thing that you could hear being the waves crashing onto the shore that was just so relaxing.
"I can't believe that we've been together for four years now," Lucas remarked as he held my hand and squeezed it gently.
"I know right?" I replied as I smiled brightly and squeezed his hand as well. "And it's been such a wonderful four years too."
"It sure has." Lucas's smile soon faded away as he stopped dead in his tracks and let go of my hand. He then sighed softly as he looked down at the ground. I could feel him tense up as he did so.
"What's wrong?" I asked, immediately growing concerned about him as I stopped walking as well.
"There's something that I've been wanting to ask you for a while, but I've been way too nervous to actually do it." He sighed again. "Plus, it's never felt like the right time to ask. Well, until right now, that is."
"Well, ask me then." I gave him a reassuring smile. "You should by now that you can ask me absolutely anything."
"I'm afraid that you're going to say 'no' though." My smile did nothing to calm his nerves.
"You should still ask me." I frowned. I hated seeing him like this. "I bet you'll feel better if you do."
Lucas didn't say anything. He just looked up at the sky, seeming to admire all of the twinkling stars and the full moon in an attempt to calm himself down. He then closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he looked back at him and reached into his pocket, pulling out a small grey box when he did so. He then proceeded to get down on one knee and open up the box to reveal its contents; a silver ring with two tiny pear-shaped sapphires between a diamond that was a bit bigger.
I gasped and covered my mouth and nose with both of my hands as my eyes widened, immediately realizing what was happening.
"Ellie, when I first met you, I had this feeling that you were going to impact my life in some way," Lucas blushed deeply as he spoke. "I didn't know how or why, but I knew, and I was right. You've changed my life and me in so many beautiful and wonderful ways, and I can't thank you enough for that. If it wasn't for you... well, I honestly don't think that I'd be here right now. With that being said, I hope that I've had the same effect that you've had on me on you." He paused. "I could on and on about how thankful I am for everything that we've gone through, even the bad moments because, at the end of the day, they all strengthened our relationship and brought us closer together. However, we would be here all night if I did that, so I'll just cut to the chase and ask you this..." He paused again as he took another deep breath. "Elizabeth Mary Howell-Lester, would you do me the honor of marrying me?"
"Yes, of course," I replied without a moment's hesitation. Tears of happiness were streaming down my face as I held out my left hand towards Lucas. He continued to blush deeply as he took the ring out of the box and placed it on my ring finger. He then quickly shoved the box back into his jacket and lifted me up so that my legs were wrapped around his waist as he pulled me into a kiss. I eagerly kissed back, only pulling away when I needed to breathe again.
"So, did you ask for my dads' blessing before you proposed?" I teased as he continued to hold me.
"No, they gave it to me years ago." Lucas chuckled. "Do you remember when we went to London to visit them for the first time and they gave me a present that I refused to show you?"
I nodded.
"Well, that present was the ring that I used to propose with just now." He smiled brightly. "When it was given to me, it contained a note saying something along the lines of how I would know when the time was right and that they wouldn't want anyone else marrying you. Perhaps something else too, but I don't remember it word or word because it was a few years ago."
"Seriously?" My eyes widened in surprise. "I... I would've never guessed."
"Yep!" Lucas grinned proudly. "So I've technically had their blessing for a few years now."
I let out a small laugh as I reached up and planted a kiss on his nose. "I love you, you big dork."
"I love you too." He replied as he kissed my forehead.

*****

August 4th.

That was the day that my boyfriend became my husband, and I remember it like it was yesterday.

I had spent the entire morning getting ready. I had also spent the entire morning going all over the place. From going to the hair salon to the nail salon and then to the flower shop to pick up my bouquet of red roses, I felt like I was running around like a headless chicken.

However, all of the running around was worth it when I was finally able to put on my wedding dress. I smiled as I saw myself with the long white gown in the mirror and twirled around a couple of times. As I did so, I could see the light pink trainers that I was wearing. My days of wearing heels were far behind me. At one point, they were my crutch so that I didn't have to deal with the insecurity I had of my height at the time. But now, just like the days where I would wear heels all day every day, my height insecurity was also far behind me.

"Wow..."
Hearing Papa's voice out of nowhere nearly made me jump five feet in the air. I turned around and saw him and Dad walk into the room. They were wearing very sparkly suits. Dad's suit was silver while Papa's suit was black.
"What on earth are you two wearing?" I was trying so hard to hold back laughter.
"Our favorite suits!" Papa exclaimed proudly. "We haven't worn them in so long, so we thought that today would be the perfect day!"
"Okay, whatever makes you two happy, I suppose." I let out a tiny laugh. While the suits seemed utterly ridiculous at first, they were slowly starting to become quite nice... on Dad and Papa, at least. I imagine that they weren't many people out there who could make a sparkling tuxedo look good.
"You look so beautiful, Ellie," Dad said to me with a big smile on his face after a couple moments of silence had gone by. "Lucas is going to freak out when he sees you."
"You think so?" I asked as I smiled a bit. Lucas and I had decided that we were going to get ready separately and we weren't allowed to see each other until it was time for me to walk down the aisle.
"I know so," Dad replied as he smiled back.
"Yeah, he definitely will." Papa agreed. "You look way more beautiful than we expected you to."
"Thank you." I pulled them both into a tight hug. They both eagerly hugged me back.

*****

As Dad and Papa walked me down to the aisle towards my soon-to-be husband, who was standing in front of the London Eye, our venue of choice to get married and the same venue that Dad and Papa had gotten married at many years prior, millions of thoughts raced through my head. What were our lives going to be like after this? Were we going to have children? Were we going to have pets? Were we going to love each other even more than we already did?

I felt all eyes on me as the sounds of an organ filled my ears. Since I wasn't in touch with my biological family, the only people in attendance at the wedding were Lucas's adoptive mother and father, a few other members of both his adoptive and biological family, and, of course, Dad and Papa, making this, thankfully, a small wedding. I smiled softly as time seemed to move in slow motion. The only thing that I was focusing on was Lucas, who was looking over at me with the biggest smile that I've ever seen plastered on his face.

"You look absolutely stunning," Lucas whispered to me once I was close enough to hear him and as he looked directly into my eyes.
"Thank you." I blushed deeply as he grabbed ahold of my hands and looked directly into his eyes as well. "You look great as well." He was wearing a black tuxedo (not of the sparkly variety) and a black bowtie.
"Thank you." He echoed as he blushed deeply as well.

*****

After Lucas and I exchanged our vows and we heard, "You may now kiss the bride," Lucas proceeded to pick me up and twirl me around as he gave me the most passionate kiss he's ever given me. When we pulled away from said kiss and he gently put me back down on the ground, we were both grinning like idiots. Applause had erupted through the small crowd as we exchanged our first kiss as husband and wife, and I turned to face them before throwing my bouquet out into said small crowd. I didn't bother to see who had caught it as I turned back to face my husband as he held out his arm towards mine, silently asking to intertwine his arm with mine. I happily accepted his offer and felt our arms link together as we walked towards the London Eye and got into one of the many passenger cars that it possessed. We smiled brightly as we looked through the glass windows and watched as we slowly began descending up into the London skies a couple of minutes later.

~~~~~

Three years after I married my best friend and the love of my life, I was taking our newborn daughter, Scarlett Rose Devereaux, out on a stroll around the city since Lucas and I were currently on maternity and paternity leave respectively. Our daughter had been born three days prior (March 9th,) and, obviously, she has taken up almost every single moment of our time since then. I was unbelievably relieved that she was finally here, as both childbirth and pregnancy had been a seemingly endless hell for me. While I was ecstatic when I found out that I was pregnant, that feeling quickly faded away when I started to experience morning sickness every morning until the day that Scarlett was born, agonizing physical pain, and, worst of all, prenatal depression. I hated being pregnant. I could never understand how others could rave about their excitement and how great they felt while they were pregnant since I was in so much pain and since I hated how I would get bigger and bigger every single month. Since I was so tiny both height wise and body wise (before I got pregnant, at least,) I feel like I looked disgusting and, well... like a fat cow.

When my daughter's due date finally arrived, I was more than ready for the hell that I had been in for nine months to be over. However, my whole world came crashing down when Scarlett was exactly one week late. That one week was definitely the worst week of my life, and I had never wanted to die before that experience. I cried more than I've ever cried in my entire life during that hellish week and I've never been so terrified of the future.

As stated before, along with my pregnancy, birth was a seemingly endless hell as well. I was in labor for nearly twenty-four hours. During this time, I couldn't help but think that I was going to meet the same fate that my mother had met twenty-six years ago when she gave birth to me. The two close calls that I had didn't exactly make things any better. Not only that, but the epidural that I had accepted very early on didn't do much. Yes, while I was basically ridden of my physical pain, my mental pain seemed to become a million times worse. My thoughts of how I could possibly die like my mother and how I just wanted to go back to my normal life raced through my mind even more.
But then, it was all over.

I couldn't hear my daughter screaming and crying when she was born, and that was because I was too busy screaming and crying as well. I kept having flashbacks to the last nine months and how I wished that they had never happened. It only got worse when I held Scarlett in my arms for the first time. It pains me to say this, but I didn't feel the rush of love that most new mothers feel when they look at their child for the first time. In fact, my child just reminded me of the hellish last nine months of my life that came to a close the moment she was born (or so I thought, but more on that in a bit.) It was so hard looking at her. I wanted to feel some sort of happiness, even if it was just a little bit, for becoming a mother and, unlike my own, actually being in my child's life, but I... just couldn't, and that fact continues to eat me up inside.

Lucas, Dad, and Papa, of course, loved Scarlett to death. Dad and Papa were ecstatic to be grandparents and Lucas was thrilled to be a father. Those three collectively adored Scarlett more than words could ever express, and I really, really wished that I could share their sentiments. I yearned to bond with my daughter, I yearned to feel that rush of love that so many new mothers talked about, and I yearned to look down at her and not think about my agonizing pregnancy and my traumatizing labor experience. However, my demon, also known as postpartum depression (because apparently prenatal depression wasn't enough,) was preventing me from fulfilling my desires. Hopefully, the therapy that I'm starting tomorrow and Lucas's continued support (he seriously has put up with so much throughout this whole ordeal, and I'm forever indebted to him for doing so) will help me finally win the battle...

*****

As I walked into a very quaint boutique, I was immediately greeted by someone who I could only describe as being my doppelgånger. She had the same blonde curly hair that I did (although she had a few small bald spots scattered all around her head,) the same body type as I did (well, maybe not right now since I was slowly working on getting my pre-pregnancy body back,) and she was only a few inches taller than me. Other than height and the amount of hair on our heads, the only other noticeable difference between us was the fact that my eyes were brown and her eyes were blue. She even seemed to have the same fashion sense as me since she was currently a short light blue dress, which is definitely something that I would wear.

"You look really familiar." The woman suddenly blurted out. Her eyes widened and she gasped, realizing what she had just said. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to say that out loud!"
"No, it's okay," I reassured her with a small smile. "You, um... you actually look really familiar too."
"Really?" She tilted her head in surprise. "What's your name?"
"My name's Elizabeth, but everyone calls me Ellie."
"Okay, now you're sounding really familiar too." She replied. "You don't have to answer this if you don't feel comfortable telling this to someone who may or may not be a complete stranger, but what's your last name?"
"I'm completely fine with answering that question," I reassured her again. "My last name is Devereaux, but before that it was Howell-Lester, and then before that, it was Aldridge."
The woman gasped again. "Elizabeth Mary Aldridge, right?"
I was officially freaked out when she recited what used to be my full name. "How the fuck do you know my middle name?"
"Because my name is Mary Elizabeth Aldridge..."
My jaw dropped to the floor when she said this. This woman... this woman was my older sister that had been missing for just over two decades now.
My mouth remained agape as I pushed Scarlett's stroller over towards Lucas, who, as always, had been dead silent the entire time and pulled my sister into an extremely tight hug.
"Mary, I honest to God thought that you were dead," I whispered as happy tears began streaming down my face.
"And I thought that I would never see you again." She whispered back as she hugged me just as tightly. "I'm glad to see that you're okay."
"Yeah, I'm... alright." I simply said as I broke off the hug. I didn't want to bring up my postpartum depression right now, as I just wanted to focus on the fact that my long lost sister was standing right in front of me! "How have you been? What have you been doing all these years? Where did you go after you ran away?" I felt bad for bombarding her with questions, but when you haven't seen someone since you were five years old and you were convinced that you were never going to see them again, you wanted to know everything that they had been up to.
Mary laughed a little. "Well, first off, I've been doing quite well. I own and run this shop three days a week, work as a hair stylist two days a week, and have the weekends off. Second off, refer to what I just told you." She laughed a little again. "Finally, I went to Cincinnati, Ohio, graduated high school there, and immediately moved out here to pursue my dreams, dreams that I was able to achieve." She smiled softly. "And now, if you would be so kind, I would like for you to answer the questions that you just asked me. Except for the running away one, of course. You didn't run away, obviously." She laughed yet again.
"Of course." I smiled softly as well. "First of all, as I said before, I'm alright. Second of all..." I proceeded to tell her how our real dad had gotten a girlfriend five years after she ran away, almost immediately moved to London, and then ended up abandoning me. I then proceeded to tell her about Dad and Papa; how they had given me up to a family that tried to buy me material possessions to make me happy instead of, you know, paying attention to me before realizing their mistake and coming back for me and officially adopting me, changing my last name to theirs in the process. After that, I told her how I had gone to university in North Carolina, became a piano major, and met my husband.
"Speaking of my husband..." I trailed off as I stepped to the side so that Mary could see Lucas. "Mary, this is Lucas. Lucas, this is Mary."
"Nice to meet you, Lucas." She gave him a kind smile as she extended her hand out to his.
"Nice to meet you too." He shyly smiled back as he shook her hand. She then inquired about Scarlett. "Ellie, you didn't introduce me to your baby."
"Oh, this is Scarlett," I said as I turned the stroller so that Mary could actually see her niece.
"Aw, she's so cute!" Mary gushed. "I can't believe that I'm an aunt! This is amazing!" She then frowned all of a sudden and looked over at me. "You know, I'm really glad that you didn't end up like Mom..."
"I know." I sighed. "But I'd be lying if I said that I didn't come close to dying a couple of times during labor."
"Well, thank God that you're alive." She replied. "I'd hate for Scarlett to grow up without a mother like we did."
"I know," I said again. "I'm glad that I'm able to be here for her."
"Speaking of Mom..." She trailed off as she tugged one of her long strands of hair gently. "The bullies weren't the only reason why I pulled my hair. Mom's death was a reason as well. Pulling my hair was my way of coping with losing her." She paused for a moment. "It's still my way of coping with losing her. I... I've never really moved on from that."
"How has your trichotillomania been over all these years?" I asked as I examined the several bald spots that she had on her head.
"I've had my really bad times and I've had my really good times." She replied as she continued tugging her hair gently. "Right now, as you can probably tell, I'm having one of my really bad times. I used to wear wigs to hide my hair, but I don't anymore. What's the point of being ashamed anymore? Besides, maybe I can help someone who's having the same problem." She shrugged.
"That's how Lucas was with the scars on his face," I said as I looked over at my husband and studied the wounds that pretty much covered the entire bottom half of his face. "He used to wear makeup to hide them, but, as you can see, he doesn't anymore. I also used to hide my height by wearing heels, but, again, as you can see, I don't anymore." I smiled softly. "It seems like we've all come to learn the same lesson; we shouldn't hide the things that we're ashamed of and pretend that they don't exist."
"Yeah, it seems so." Mary smiled softly too. "Well, I better get back to work. Can I have your number so that we can keep touch?"
"Absolutely!" I grinned as we spent the next few moments exchanging numbers.
"Thank you," Mary said after she had entered my number into her phone. "Get ahold of me soon, okay?"
"Okay." I continued to grin.
"Alright, see you soon hopefully." She gave me a goodbye wave before she turned and began heading back to work.

After she had walked off, I was looking at baby clothes with Lucas as I began thinking to myself.
You know, life can be so wonderful sometimes.