(Sans p.o.v)

should i really be talking to her? i'm not exactly emotionally stable at the moment. i could break down at any moment, and it's not like i'm exactly fond of her.

frisk followed behind me, still looking frightened.

we walked into a room with a river we have to cross and rocks falling from the waterfall. we easily crossed but before we went to the next room, frisk mumbled, "Wait".

she went back to the river and went inside the waterfall.

"what the...?"

she soon came out soaking wet and wearing a pink tutu.

"sorry" she mumbled staring at the ground, i just continued walking.

we had a shadow now, which was weird because there's no sun in the underground. there was also a large area of grass that was higher than frisk and me.

i pushed the grass out of the way as we walked through.

"kid i-"

i was cut off by a booming voice, "H...HI UNDYNE! I'M HERE WITH MY DAILY REPORT..."

i grabbed frisk's shoulder and pulled her close to me as we both crouched down. if undyne realises we're down here, she'd take frisk's soul. and i wouldn't allow that.

"UHHH... REGARDING THAT HUMAN I CALLED YOU ABOUT EARLIER...HUH? DID I FIGHT THEM? Y-YES! OF COURSE I DID! I FOUGHT THEM VALIANTLY!...WHAT? DID I CAPTURE THEM...? W-W-WELL...NO. I TRIED VERY HARD UNDYNE, BUT IN THE END...I FAILED....W-WHAT? YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE THE HUMAN'S SOUL YOURSELF...BUT UNDYNE, YOU DON'T H-HAVE YOU DESTROY THEM! YOU SEE...YOU SEE..."

frisk tensed up at this, i looked at her to see her frowning. it felt strange having her this close to me, a good strange though...

"...I UNDERSTAND. I'LL HELP YOU IN ANY WAY I CAN"

i heard pap walk away, and i let go of frisk and got up, only to immediately freeze. i heard undyne's loud footsteps and the sound of her forming her spear. frisk and i just stood there, neither of us breathing for the fear it would make a noise.

eventually we heard undyne walk away, and we both made our way out of the grass. a small monster, i think called monster kid, also ran out.

"Yo... did you see the way she was staring at you...? That... was AWESOME! I'm SOOOO jealous! What'd you do to get her attention...? Ha ha. C'mon! Let's go watch get beat up some bad guys!"

then the kid just ran away, tripping and falling on his face.

i looked back over at frisk who was still frowning.

"everything alright kid?" i asked her as i made my way to the next room.

"I...uh...I just feel... really bad for...Papyrus"

i looked back over at her confused, why would she care about pap.

"It's just... he tries so hard to be in the royal guard, just so he can have friends. He so conflicted between being my friend and capturing me. It's just not fair to him."

"but why do you care, you killed him?"

frisk's face turned pale at the memory of this.

"I-"

"hold my hand kid"

"Wha-"

i offered out my hand, "i know a shortcut"

confused she took my hand and i teleported over the river. frisk put her hand up on her head and still held my hand for balance, i forgot being her first time teleporting it'd be a little rough for her.

once she had regained balance she asked, "Why the shortcut?" i simply pointed to the river puzzle.

"you forget how lazy i am" she chuckled at this, and i just kept walking.

"so, what do you want with my brother?"

"Huh?"

"why kill him and then be friends with him again, it just doesn't make sense"

frisk looked down and mumbled, "Cause he needs a friend"

"he doesn't need a murderer!"

frisk looked up now angry and hurt, "Well he needs someone!"

"he has me"

"You! You're never around! You're always sleeping or being lazy! You're never with him, you're never helping him with his puzzles or traps or cooking! All you do is annoy him! And maybe if you stopped being around all your friends, then maybe you'll realise he's lonely and sad! Maybe if you spent anytime around him you'd realise he'd needs a friend! But you don't, instead you leave someone like me to be his friend! You're a bad brothe-"

"SHUT UP"

i grabbed onto her soul, making her blue, and lifted her off the ground. the anger on her face was immediately replaced with fear.

"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME!! you don't know how hard it is to be me, you don't know what it's like to look after your brother at such a young age! you don't know what it's like to lose your father, to be left alone to fend for yourself!"

i slammed her body against wall.

"you don't know what it's like to have so many jobs just so you can put food on the table! you don't know what it's like to be the only person that remembers, and everyday have more of his memory slip away!"

i slammed her against the wall again. she had blood running down her head and tears rolling down her face.

crying now, i continued to yell, "you don't know what it's like to be dying inside every. fucking. day. but still have to put a smile on. you don't know what it's like to have such an amazing brother, and be absolute trash. you don't know me, you don't know what i've been through, so don't you DARE start calling me a bad brother"

i slammed her into the wall a final time and saw her fall to the ground as i teleported back to my room.

i got on my bed, curled into a ball and cried. i just cried. i cried for the pain inside. i cried for the things i've done. i cried for the people i've lost. i cried and cried until i felt so paralyzingly numb.

i hate this. i hate what life has become. i hate that i'm trapped in this world of resets, and i'm the only one who realises. i hate that nightmares haunt me everytime i close my eyes. i hate what i've done to frisk. i hate how i can't go back to the good times with her. i hate how i feel about her. i hate all of this.

...even she knows how pathetic you are...why not just go and die...it'd be easy...

i wanted to scream. i wanted to get rid of the demons i fight with every single day. but instead i just sit there, to numb to feel anger or pain.

after a while i heard a knock on my door.

"BROTHER! ARE YOU IN THERE!?"

i just stayed curled up on my bed.

"BROTHER PLEASE, A MONSTER SAID HE SAW YOU LOOKING UPSET. ARE YOU OKAY?"

i started silent, i wasn't in the right headspace to talk to him.

"PLEASE, I JUST NEED TO KNOW YOU'RE ALRIGHT..."

i don't know what it was, but something he said made me get up and go to the door.

"yeh pap...i-i'm okay"

"BROTHER! OPEN THE DOOR PLEASE"

"pap...do you think i'm a bad brother"

"W-WHAT!? OF COURSE NO-"

"DON'T LIE TO ME!" i yelled as i slammed my head against the door.

"BROTHER PLEASE, JUST OPEN THE DOOR"

slowly i opened the door. pap crouched down to my height and hugged me, but i just stood there. i didn't deserve his love.

"OF COURSE YOU'RE A GOOD BROTHER. YOU HAVE LOOKED AFTER ME SINCE A YOUNG AGE. IT DOES MAKE ME SAD WHEN I CAN TELL YOU ARE HURTING, BUT YOU NEVER TELL ME WHY. AND YOU MIGHT BE A BIT LAZY, BUT YOU STILL WORK VERY HARD AND I-I'M SORRY IF I'VE MADE YOU FEEL THIS W-WAY"

pap was crying now, which only made me feel worse.

"no pap don't blame this on yourself. you're not the one that makes me feel this way, please stop crying. this is why i don't tell you what's wrong, i don't want to see you cry for me"

he pulled away and looked in my eyes.

"YOU ARE MY BROTHER, AND I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH. SO PLEASE, DON'T KEEP HURTING JUST TO MAKE ME HAPPY. I'M ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU"

he hugged me again, and this time i hugged him back, i was so lucky to have such a great brother like him.

"SANS?"

"yeh bro", i said pulling away.

"IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE THAT'S TROUBLING YOU?"

"tibia honest, there is something"

"COME DOWN STAIRS AND WE CAN ABOUT IT"

i followed him downstairs and we both sat on the couch.

"NOW, WHAT CAN THE GREAT PAPYRUS HELP YOU WITH"

"uh...pap i can't tell you everything, cause it involves another person, and i know they don't want other people knowing about it"

pap nodded. sighing, i began to explain.

"this...friend i know...she hurt a lot of people. and i tried to stop her hurting more people but i hurt her a lot, but she kept coming back. after i made a plea for her to stop, sh-she did. now she's trying to erase her actions by being everyone's friend again"

i looked over at pap and could tell that he's confused, but it's not like i can tell him 'the kid killed everyone, including you, but i killed them hundreds of times, then she reset and is friends with everyone again'.

"my problem is...is that i should hate her right? i should hate her for the things she's done, right? but instead i just feel...sad...and guilty"

"SHE WAS YOUR FRIEND, RIGHT?"

"uh...yeh. one of my closest friends"

"THEN MAYBE YOU ARE SAD FOR THE FACT THAT SHE HURT PEOPLE, AND IS NO LONGER THAT FRIEND YOU ONCE KNEW. AND YOU ARE FEELING GUILTY BECAUSE YOU HURT YOUR FRIEND. BUT I BELIEVE SHE'S TRYING TO MAKE UP FOR HOW SHE TREATED EVERYONE ONE, INCLUDING YOU. SHE'S PROBABLY ALSO FEELING GUILTY"

"i-uh..."

i was feeling sad like i've lost something. the something i lost was her, i lost my closest friend, but i was blinded by all the hate i was feeling to realise. i really did miss frisk, i missed her smile as she greeted all the monsters. i missed her laugh at my terrible puns. i missed how determined and kind she was. i missed her.

i looked down at my hands as i remembered her blood on them. she may have done some awful things, but so have i.

"SANS, ARE YOU OKAY!?"

putting my head in my hands now, i realised i hurt her again. the image of me slamming get against the wall flashed in my head.

"SANS?"

sitting up i said, "i'm fine bro, i gotta go apologise to her. thank you so much!"

i got up to hug him and then teleported to where i saw frisk last. there was dry blood around there, but no frisk.

wondering where she'd be, i realised she can't have gone through waterfall yet, so i'll just wait at the start of hotland.

i teleported to my station there. i felt exhausted, i should use less magic. teleporting everywhere isn't the best idea. i felt sleep slowly take over as i faded into darkness.

~☆~

I'm so proud of how short it took me to write this.

I'm open for any constructive criticism.

Take care of yourself, sincerely me!!