Endings that were so abrupt were not meant to be endings at all.

And, even if they were, Yeonjun's going to make sure that this one—this one will be an exception.

It has to be.

He's not going to let Soobin end their story like this. He's not going to let Soobin end it at all.

As soon as he got back into his senses, Yeonjun wiped his tears off his face and realized that nothing will change if he's just gonna cry and wallow there. If he really wants to still make it work—if he really wants Soobin to stay in his life, he will get up and start looking for him. He will find him and have him back.

It doesn't matter how difficult it's going to be. It doesn't matter how much he'll have to give up. It doesn't matter how much it'll hurt. Yeonjun will have Soobin back, and he'll have him right by his side again.

Because that's how it's supposed to be.

Because that's how their story is supposed to be.

Yeonjun immediately stood up, ignoring everything else and began tracing Soobin's footsteps. They might not be that vivid but they're still there, waiting to be followed and that's exactly what he's gonna do.

The brown haired male sat on his car in a hurry, racking his brain for all the possible places Soobin could have gone into and decided he'll figure it out along the way and drove fast.

It took him a little while before he thought of two choices. When Soobin feels like getting rid of his thoughts, he would try and rot himself with paperworks in his office so he could be at the company but he doesn't seem to be in condition to work so Yeonjun crossed that choice out.

Then that means that he could've gone into one of his friends and as far as Yeonjun knows, Soobin has Kai as his closest one so maybe he went to his house.

With that in mind, Yeonjun speeds up the car and did not waste any second to reach the said male's address.

After twenty minutes of driving, Yeonjun parked his car outside the Huening's rather carelessly and got up to aggressively hit the doorbell. He doesn't give a fuck if he looks like an insane idiot with a red puffy face and swollen eyes. All he cares about is facing Soobin and explaining to him.

In about a couple minutes of just impatiently standing there, a maid opened the gates for Yeonjun and he almost immediately ran past her if it wasn't for the security holding him back.

"Let me go! I have to talk to So—"

"Sir, we have to know who you are fi—"

"I don't have time for that!"

"But sir—"

"I said let me go!" Yeonjun is glaring at the male real hard and is struggling to break free from his grasp when a puzzled looking Kai appeared and instantly felt worried upon seeing his friend.

"You can let him go. He's a friend of mine." Kai told the guard who received another harsh glare from Yeonjun while apologizing.

The workers then left to let them be.

"Is there something you need hyungie?"

"Soobin— i-is he here?"

That made a frown to paint its way onto Kai's face, "What? Why would he be—oh no! Did you guys fight? Is that why your eyes are swollen—"

"So he's not here?" the elder interrupted, not wanting to drag the topic longer.

"No—but are you alright? What happened? Do you want to talk—"

"It's a long story, Kai. I have to go. Please do tell me if he comes here, okay?"

"Hey! Hyung wait! What's going on!?" Kai worriedly yelled when Yeonjun turned his back to leave but the male didn't look back anymore. He quickly got inside his car and drove off.

Kai assumes that it must be really important and understands the other's behavior. He just hopes that his two friends will fix whatever that is sooner than later.

Once Yeonjun has settled himself back inside the car, he started thinking again. He tried to recall places, asking himself where he would go if he was Soobin and that's where it clicks.

Yeonjun remembers Soobin mentioning something about Jin being caught in an accident while they were arguing earlier. So there might be a huge possibility that he went back to the hospital to check on his brother. Yeonjun should go there too and learn about Jin's condition and of course, apologize for not coming sooner.

And so, Yeonjun drives although he isn't really sure where he is heading—he doesn't even know which hospital Jin was brought in but he told himself he'll manage. He will know when he gets there.

What's important is for him to check on Jin and talk to Soobin.

God, how can he be so stupid? He should've listened to Jaemin and told Soobin about Hyunjin before all this happened, then maybe, they wouldn't be in this kind of situation.

It's his fault—all his fucking fault.

___

After getting in about four wrong hospitals, Yeonjun reached the right one at last and met Soobin and Seokjin's parents in the private waiting lounge but there was no sight of Soobin.

They looked calm and collected when he got there but learned that Minjee was actually close to hysteria earlier and was only able to be consoled when told that Jin is finally awake and did not suffer any major complications.

Thankfully, he only injured his left shoulder and earned a few scratches from the accident but overall, he's fine. He only passed out because of blood—not blood lost—just blood. According to Jin himself, there was too much blood for his liking and it grossed him out that he just lost consciousness, which was something everyone was oddly thankful of.

However, Yeonjun might have given too little care about his appearance that he forgot he looks like a mad man with a very red and very flushed face while facing his in-laws so it was totally inevitable that they would notice.

And they are pointing it out. Right now.

"Is something wrong, Yeonjun?" Minjee asked in her motherly voice that went straight into Yeonjun's chest and he almost break down again and spill everything right then and there.

Instead, he forced out a smile and shakes his head, "Ah, i-it's nothing."

How is he supposed to tell Soobin's mother that he fucked up her son's feelings?

How is he supposed to tell this woman that he ruined everything with her son?

Minjee furrowed her brows, obviously not convinced with Yeonjun's lie and walked over to sit down beside the male on the couch. "Were you in an argument with Soobin? Is that why he's not with you?"

Yeonjun bit his lower lip and shifted his gaze on the ground, suddenly interested with the detailed design of the tiled floor.

"I'm taking that as a yes," the older woman offered him a warm smile, "Tell me, what did he do? Do you want me to scold him for yo—"

"It's not his fault."

Before Yeonjun even knew it, he has already spoken and interrupted Minjee. For some reason it irked him that she just automatically assumed it was Soobin's fault. Okay, he's there and Soobin isn't and it is easier to put the blame on the one who isn't around but the one present could still be at fault.

Yeonjun could still be at fault.

And he is at fault.

"I did something wrong and we had a fight. It's my fault not his," Yeonjun hold back his tears, "—if anything, you're supposed to be mad at me, auntie, because—"

I hurt your son when I told you I wouldn't.

Oh fuck, thinking about that again makes him feel so bad. Makes him feel like he's set on fire and it's slowly but agonizingly burning him alive.

Minjee sent him a look of concern and sensed that whatever the reason was of their argument, it was not something small and it was not something she should be intrusive about.

"Are you not going to fix it?"

"I am," Yeonjun answered with a defensive tone as if what she asked was something offensively ridiculous. "that's also why I came here. I was hoping Soobin would be here so we could talk but—" he cut himself off, losing bits of his hope because if Soobin isn't here, where could he be?

Is this what Soobin felt when Yeonjun left?

Is this what he felt when he couldn't find Yeonjun?

Did he feel this way for a damn week because Yeonjun refused to see him?

Oh god, Yeonjun's tearing up again.

How could he be so terrible?

"Well then, there's no reason for me to mad at you because you want to fix it." Soobin's mother gave him a smile. She looks a lot like him.

Fuck it, he's missing Soobin a lot already.

Yeonjun then got up suddenly, startling the woman sitting beside him. "I have to go, auntie—I gotta talk to Soobin immediately and I'm sorry."

He did not even wait for a response. He just went straight out the door after saying that.

He can't stay anywhere for too long. He has to find Soobin—tonight, before this day ends—before anything else—because this can't wait and he has to be home.

Home in between Soobin's arms.

"What was that?" Jungho entered the room with a frown on his face as he just ran into a rushing Yeonjun.

His wife only sent him a glance with a fond smile on her lips as he got nearer. "I think... our son is finally in good hands."

"But Namjoon's been part of the family for years? Unless you're talking about—oh."

Minjee's smile has gotten wider.

___

As soon as he sat down on driver's seat, Yeonjun speeds up again. He can't believe he almost forgot about that place. Of all places Soobin could have gone to, he would be there first.

He would always go there first.

That's his special place.

And Yeonjun feels an excessive amount of pride to be the first and only one who got to know about that hideaway.

His clutch upon the steering wheel tightened, grips it so hard as if what he's holding onto was his last chance. And it might be, and Yeonjun makes sure that he wouldn't let his hold slip.

~~~

"Are you sure you're not about to murder me?"

"For the last time, I'm not committing murder."

"But you're taking me into the woods! This is really sketchy and would absolutely pass as a gruesome murder setting where the killer burry all of his hundreds of victims' corpses." Yeonjun insisted as the car came into a stop. He remained seated and tried to hide the fact that he was actually cautious of his company's actions.

It was not that he did not trust the guy, his brain was just—it loves overthinking and making things hard for him.

Soobin turned to him and sighed, reaching his right hand to hold Yeonjun's cold one. A chuckle then left his mouth which caused Yeonjun to glance at him confusedly. "What?"

"Your hands are cold. Are you really that nervous that I could possibly be hiding an axe in the trunk and had everything planned out to make your death look like an accident?" As serious as he could be, Soobin poured the words out into the other male who was now staring at him wide eyed as he tried to pull his hand back.

"Soobin you're scaring me."

Soobin didn't budge.

Yeonjun was alarmed.

"Soobin," Yeonjun called out, internally panicking because Soobin was now leaning closer and closer like he was planning to trap him to execute the first step of his murder plan.

"Bin—"

Oh, Soobin just pecked his cheek and got back into sitting properly.

"Cute."

And maybe, a part of Yeonjun really did die back then.

*

Soobin was now guiding him inside the woods effortlessly like he had been in there a thousand times and he probably had.

"Are we there yet?"

"Close."

"You said that for the fourth time!"

"Because we are."

"I'm tired, carry me."

"Okay, we're here."

"Just say you don't want to—"

"Just look."

Thankfully, Yeonjun shut up and complied, his face instantly lightening up as he did so. His eyes scanned the tall trees and how green and pretty they looked. The small river in front of them which reflected the breathtaking scenery they were in. The huge rocks sitting beside it and the birds flying around in peace.

It was so beautiful that Yeonjun couldn't help but to fall for nature. Meanwhile, Soobin couldn't help but to fall for that brown haired male who was smiling so wide and beaming gorgeously as the setting sun hit his face.

"This is wonderful." Yeonjun breathed out, still looking around.

"Well, congratulations. You are now officially the first person to ever set foot in Choi Soobin's secret place."

That caught Yeonjun's attention as he turned around to look at Soobin with a brow raised.

"Am I really? Not even one of your—"

"The first." Soobin repeated before Yeonjun could even finish his sentence with a grin playing on his lips.

~~~

The violent ringing of his phone was what brought Yeonjun out of his trance. With a puzzled look, he started searching for it and found it there, resting in the car's compartment.

So that's where he left it.

Earlier, he thought he dropped it somewhere and lost it. The reason why he couldn't answer Soobin's calls and the reason why Soobin thought Yeonjun was ignoring him.

Yeonjun threw it a quick glance and saw an unknown number calling, he still answered it anyway and put it on loud speaker before placing it on the dashboard.

"Hello?" Yeonjun said as he made a turn.

"Is this Yeonjun?" a familiar voice answered from the other end of the line.

"Yeah, Seungmin is that you?"

"Uhm, yeah, uhh—Hyunjin woke up and he's... looking for... you." Seungmin, as Yeonjun had called him, carefully said as if he was treading on a very fragile road.

Maybe he is.

"Oh," Yeonjun responded, "I'm sorry but I have more important matters at hand. I don't think I can come." To be honest, Yeonjun isn't really sorry at all and he feels kinda bad about it but Soobin.

"Is that so?"

"Yes, I apologize Seungmin, but I gotta go—just take care of him, okay?"

And with that, Yeonjun hanged up because Soobin is waiting for him.

The male might've not said it but Yeonjun knows he is.

He knew from the moment Soobin stopped when he told him it's over if he takes a step forward. He knows because Soobin halted and stayed for five seconds.

In those five seconds he was thinking of Yeonjun. In those five seconds he was considering turning around. In those five seconds he didn't want it to end.

And Yeonjun's gonna hold on to that five seconds. He'll hold on to that hope that it would only take him five seconds to change Soobin's mind. He'll hold on tightly to that and take his chances.

"I'm almost there, Binnie."

___

With only his memory to guide him, Yeonjun found himself in a nerve-wracking journey in the woods in pursuit of the person who brought him them before.

He's getting tired, caused by driving for hours after crying hard and now he's wandering in a place he isn't that familiar with and it's starting to get cold since he's out in the middle of the night. Yeonjun doesn't mind, his main priority right now is neither his sanity nor his health but apologizing and talking to Soobin.

Just Choi Soobin, actually.

And now he thinks he's lost but it's alright, he'll find the spot. He'll find Soobin.

After a couple of minutes of just guessing which path he should take, Yeonjun could finally make up a silhouette of a man sitting on one of the large rocks in front of a small river.

A river—that's it, he found it.

He's finally there and that silhouette could only belong to one person.

Yeonjun felt his whole body freeze. He spent hours and hours searching for him but now that he found him at last—just a few feet out of his reach, he couldn't move. It was as if the scenario he made up on his head came crushing down and he showed up unprepared.

He couldn't. He couldn't take a step forward towards Soobin.

But he couldn't be without him more, so he did.

The brunette stealthily made his way towards the person his whole existence yearns for and sat himself beside him, his heart beating fast out of nervousness and adrenaline.

The other male remains unmoving.

All rational thoughts break free and it was too late when Yeonjun realized he had rested his head on the other's shoulder and took his hand in his, careful not to put pressure on the wounds.

Soobin didn't move and let him.

With his eyes closed, Yeonjun internally sighed out of relief because that's his hand on Soobin's and it still fits perfectly and Jesus, that's all he needs to know.

An excruciating stillness was taking over, Yeonjun's words seem to be stuck on his throat and his tongue is tied and he can't speak and he just wants to lay there with Soobin and pretend nothing happened and that they're fine.

But they're not and he was reminded when Soobin broke the silence.

"What are you doing here?" his voice is hoarse, hoarser than earlier and maybe it was because he was screaming, yelling everything out so it wouldn't weigh him down. He asked this, but he did not intend to be rude, he asked this like he was surprised and was not expecting Yeonjun to show up.

And that hurt Yeonjun.

He wants Soobin to always expect him to show up because then that means that Soobin wants him to be there.

"Convincing you not to leave me." Yeonjun responded and he squeezed Soobn's hand as if he's seeking approval in there. Like if Soobin squeezed back, then that would mean that he wants Yeonjun to do it too—convince him to stay because he doesn't want to leave.

Slowly, Yeonjun pulled his head up from Soobin's shoulder and turned his body to face him. He interlocked their hands together.

"Yeonjun—"

"No, let me talk first," he swallowed the lump in his throat, "I—I know what you said was true—I was being unfair, I know that. I was only thinking about myself and acted so damn selfish but—" Yeonjun looked at him deeply with desperate eyes. The moonlight illuminating the tears that were threatening to fall. And they did, one after another, "—let me be selfish one more time because Soobin, I'm not letting you go."

As determined and as serious someone can be, Yeonjun said those words that made the younger too stunned to even let out a response and he too, was starting to tear up.

Damn it, he swore he was done crying so why is he about to cry again? Just how much of an effect does Yeonjun have on him?

"Yeon—"

"No, no, let me talk," Yeonjun closed his eyes, his grip on Soobin's hand tightening, "Just listen to me first, please—because I don't think I could still brace myself together once I hear you speak." Soobin fulfilled his request and watched silently as Yeonjun opened his eyes to stare at him.

Soobin wanted nothing more than to kiss those tears away.

"Soobin," Yeonjun started, his voice breaking as well as his heart. "I am so fucking sorry I made you feel that way, but I won't apologize for making you feel like you're my first choice because you are—and I am so mad at myself because I made you doubt it. I'm sorry for keeping a secret from you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Hyunjin but I'm not sorry for my reason because—"

Yeonjun cut himself off, he didn't really expect he would tell it to Soobin this way but here goes nothing.

And everything.

"I didn't tell you because I was trying to mend myself. I was putting my pieces back together again and you have helped me with most of it but there was still something missing. There was a single part I couldn't find nor can you give because it was still at his hands — I kept that a secret from you because I was getting it back so I could finally be whole again. So I could finally offer myself to you—completely, without any holes and cracks, without any missing parts.

I wanted to be whole again, for you."

Though tears were still continuously falling down his face, Yeonjun gave Soobin a small yet genuine smile and it was enough for Soobin to understand.

"I never told you this but, Soobin, you are the first person to ever make me feel like I belong somewhere. I don't have to act as if I am someone I'm not when I'm with you. I don't have to pretend to like what everyone else like because you feel that way too. You are the first person to ever understand and I'm so thankful I found you.

God knows how grateful I am that I have you and I'm never going to forgive myself if I—If I lose you."

Yeonjun's voice broke at the end and he couldn't stop crying after because fuck it, how is he going to live without this feeling? Without Soobin's hand on his? He doesn't want to know.

A painful sob left the brunette's mouth and Soobin found himself pulling the male close to his chest and embracing him tightly like he is frightened to let him go too, because he is.

"I'm sorry," Yeonjun kept on repeating as he cried there on Soobin's arms, feeling so weak and bare and he just doesn't want to let Soobin go.

"Shh, stop crying. I told you I hate it when you do." Soobin whispered in his ear while his hands made comforting patterns on the smaller male's back.

"Say you w-won't go any-anywhere."

"I'm not. I won't go anywhere," the taller of the two kissed the top of the other's head. "Not without you."

It was supposed to calm him down but Yeonjun only cried harder.

"Shh, Baby, don't cry, please."

"Earlier y-you said—"

"I don't mean them—I did, but not anymore."

Soobin took a deep breath as he steadied himself, running a hand through his hair, "When I get here, I thought of everything. I realized I said those words because I was afraid—I was deathly terrified you would choose him over me because you loved him for years—I couldn't compete to that. I'm just this guy you met not too long ago in a bar and made bad decisions with. I got nothing compared to him and that's why I was so scared that I would lose you and then I felt like an idiot for trying to push you away when that was I was fearing of happening."

He then let out a chuckle although they held no humor but it just felt like the right thing to do to help ease the pain faster.

"You showed me something other people failed to show me before—not that I'm smart and capable, none of those things. You showed me that I am important, made me feel like the world is damn lucky that I exist and no one has ever done that for me before you came and I was so scared to lose you since."

It was at that very second that both of their hearts know how much the other mean to them. It was at that very second they learned that the one who has the power to break your heart is the very same person who has the power to get it back together again so fast if they are willing enough.

In that moment they knew what it felt like; to love and be loved.

It fell silent again after that, nothing to be heard but the nature and the sound of the melody both their hearts are beginning to compose with every beat they made in unison.

Soobin gently pulled Yeonjun away, both still have hints of tears on their cheeks as they stare right back on each other's soul. There are still thousand, even millions of words left unspoken but they could wait.

They have the rest of their lives to listen to each other anyway.

However, there are these few words that couldn't wait for long.

And it was Soobin who decided to let them out.

He stared at Yeonjun's face, through his red and swollen eyes, his flushed cheeks, red nose and disheveled hair. Though he appears to be wrecked by tears, Soobin still thinks that he's perfect and it was emphasized when the moonlight struck him just as perfectly.

"Yeon-ah,"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

Another set of tears made its way down Yeonjun's face before he lunged forward to wrap his arms around Soobin's neck with a huge grin. "I thought I would never hear you say that."

And with that, Yeonjun pressed their lips together in a much wanted and passionate kiss. No doubt that it's different from the ones they shared before because this one, this one finally conveyed the love they couldn't let out before. They smiled in between, unable to contain the bliss they felt inside anymore.

Unfortunately, they have to pull away if they still want to breathe but it didn't stop them to share another one and then another and another and another until they were laughing because of how idiotically weird they might look like.

Two people sitting on a rock, with one wrapping his arms around the other's neck while having arms snaked around his waist. Both of them kissing like there's no tomorrow in front of the river in the middle of the night.

"What are we?" Yeonjun repeated his question from that night, their noses touching.

"What do you think?" Soobin asked back as a response, his eyes closed, trying to focus on how Yeonjun felt pressed up against him.

"I don't know, boyfriends seem to be a downgrade because we're already married but—I don't know what to call us." Yeonjun pulled away, frustration building its way up his body. Soobin pulled him close again, pressing soft kisses all over his face.

"It doesn't matter." The brunette sighed as he felt Soobin kissed his forehead. "Just— we're together. That's what we are."

"Together?"

"Mhm. We're together." Soobin replied with a soft smile.

Yeonjun smiled back at him, their fingers now intertwined.

"Okay, we're together." Yeonjun found himself repeating, his heart swelling in an indescribable way, "I love you."

Soobin placed another kiss on his lips. "And I love you."

Sometimes, two people have to fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together.

~~~

i was reading it when niall horan's "flicker" played and suddenly it just hits differently

anyway ! if you're here then that means you survived all the angst! congratulations!

brace yourself for the fluffs coming, maybe?

love you all, n.