~okay im back, im here, im alive. and here you go.~

Recovery isn't about getting back to how you were before. It's about building something new.

And Soobin is determined to build something new with Yeonjun.

From the time he got back home, Soobin had been thinking. He was recalling the events that passed before he met Yeonjun and realized how different things were right now compared before.

He was there, casually making his way into the kitchen to get himself something to eat and then stopped right at the doorway when he suddenly pictured Yeonjun in there, waiting for him so that they could eat together like he always did. A fond yet sad smile then took over his features as he tried to bring his focus back and continue walking.

When he went behind the pantry, he caught sight of this one cereal box Yeonjun loves and he instantly halted, remembering how much the other likes to eat them more at midnight instead of breakfast the next day. He bit his lower lip, ignoring the sinking feeling he got and proceeded to make some food for himself.

Quite a while later after he finished eating just half of his dinner, Soobin found himself wandering the halls with his mind blank. He couldn't think of anything else, his head is as empty as he feels and both beg for the same person. He's a mess he knows, and it got proven when he saw his reflection in this hugeass mirror they had placed in the lounge he absentmindedly reached.

Soobin must admit he looks horrible that he almost grimaced at his own image. He seems paler than usual and his lips are so chapped. The bags under his eyes are really dark and massive too, obviously stating that he lacks sleep and needs to rest but he couldn't bring himself to. His hair is an unexplainable clutter it could pass as a bird's nest.

Sighing and not giving a fuck, Soobin left the lounge and decided to go upstairs to the study and find something to read to hopefully entertain himself.

When he finally got there, however, Soobin just picked whatever book was nearby because he could already picture Yeonjun sitting on the table and whining about how stressed the paperworks make him.

It just makes him want to see the other more.

Shaking his head and scolding himself because it was technically his fault, Soobin left the room and looked for a great spot to read to calm his mind.

He then stumbled upon the den where he usually reads across the grand piano and adjacent to the glass wall which has the blinds covering it. Soobin settled himself on the couch, opened the book and tried to focus on the words written on the papers.

He tried.

Instead, five minutes later and he was still reading the same fucking sentence over and over again, not even absorbing a single thing. He was stuck there, brain unresponsive because it was drifting off elsewhere.

It was imagining Yeonjun suddenly showing up like he always did. Stomping on his way and complaining about how bored he is and then proceeds to bother Soobin of his ideas of what they should do and where they should go.

Though he wouldn't say that out loud, Soobin was actually hoping Yeonjun would do that. Even though he always claimed that it annoys him, he was actually always anticipating it too. It was like, he would plan to have time for himself but at the same time, he was just waiting for Yeonjun to show up and disrupt him.

And now, there's no Yeonjun to disrupt him.

He hates it.

It's ironic to him, really. When Yeonjun's around and annoying him, he wants the male to stop and now that he's not there and there's no one to annoy him, he craves it. He craves it so much he's going to lose his mind if Yeonjun doesn't come back soon.

He misses him so much. So fucking bad.

Just then realization hit Soobin like a truck.

The things he enjoyed doing—his own company, the silence, the tranquility, the words of a novel, the night sky—everything. Those things that were once so perfect—they now appear to be so incomplete, so empty, and just plainly imperfect without Yeonjun.

It dawned upon him so hard that he feels stupid, scared, incredulous and elated all at once.

And that could only mean one thing.

But he had known that for a long time now, he just wasn't aware it is this much.

Wasn't aware it's possible for someone to affect someone else this much.

Wasn't aware someone could mean something this much.

Wasn't aware to long for someone this much.

Wasn't aware he could love Yeonjun this much.

And so with that realization, he just couldn't wait for any longer. He has to do something right now, his dizzy mind be damned he doesn't care.

He has to talk to Yeonjun. In any way. He just misses the other so much, hearing his voice would suffice for now.

He has to explain. He has to fix things between them. He has to get him back.

He needs Yeonjun back.

___

Soobin woke up the next morning feeling a lot better than yesterday. He still feels like shit, yes, but at least he had finally talked to Yeonjun and confirmed that the male would be coming back.

To be honest, he just took all the little chances he had last night. He wasn't really expecting to have Yeonjun converse with him but he still clung to that one tiny hope and that one tiny drop of possibility which was fortunately given to him.

Since his mind was already in a haze and his emotions got him cornered, Soobin was at his most desperate time last night. He called Beomgyu and Taehyun first, (threading his words as carefully as possible as to not reveal the whole deal) and found out that the two had been in touch with Yeonjun but swore they knew nothing about his whereabouts. They wished Soobin goodluck though, and hoped that they would immediately fix what the issue between them is—which Soobin was very appreciative of.

He also considered calling Yeonjun's parents but doubted that the male would even resort going to them because they would be worried and he knows how much Yeonjun hates worrying his parents so he crossed that out.

Then he also called Jaemin, hoping that the secretary knew something about his boss but was disappointed when the male regrettably informed him that he was in fact, as clueless as Soobin. He said that he was just receiving emails from Yeonjun regarding business matters and a confirmation that he's alright.

After that, Soobin almost, almost, dialed the police's number for help but realized that it would only cause a much bigger ruckus that neither he nor Yeonjun would appreciate.

Thankfully, he remembered Jaemin mentioning that Yeonjun's been in contact with the company so he took that as his last chance and called them too. He was thinking that if that didn't work, he'll really lose his mind and go around Seoul in search of the male.

At first, the staff who answered his call refused to tell him any information (Soobin couldn't really blame her since that's literally the rules) but he was in a really really desperate situation so he kind of, you know, threatened—uh, aggressively asked, the poor staff which was something he doesn't really want to elaborate.

Let's just simply say that from then on, she learned that she has to follow what Choi Soobin asks her to do without further argument.

Anyway, he got the details he needed to use to contact Yeonjun since his phone has Soobin's number blocked or muted, whichever of the two. Only then did Soobin find out how stupid he was that he didn't think of the obvious.

Of course, Yeonjun will have his cousin at the top of his list.

And since it was Taehyung he was about to call, it was safe to say that he wouldn't answer the phone if Soobin would use his personal number so being the clever (actually no) guy that he is, Soobin figured it'd be better if he'd use his business phone to contact the older male.

And it worked.

So now, Soobin feels glad he had cleared some of the misunderstandings between him and Yeonjun and he'll be back at last.

Soobin offered to fetch the brown haired male but Yeonjun refused, saying that he's got one of his cars with him anyway so he'll just use that instead. Soobin insisted, okay? But in the end, he agreed, but only because Yeonjun used that certain tone of voice that's so soft and assuring, which is something Soobin could never win against.

And now, since Seokjin forced Soobin to take a break from work, he has nowhere else to go and got nothing to do that this particular idea took advantage of.

It just suddenly entered his mind and he doesn't want to do it since it's completely not him but—

A tiny part of him wants to do it?

And why the fuck is he listening to that part?

It was already too late though when Soobin realized what he had done and he's contemplating whether he should smack his face or pat his own back.

He just made a fucking reservation (more like rented the whole place) at his and Yeonjun's favorite restaurant and he may or may not also asked the workers to decorate the place and he may or may not have told them it's a surprise.

Soobin couldn't believe himself.

Blame Yeonjun for making him like this.

But whatever, he has it done. He'll just do it.

He'll just message Yeonjun to go there to have lunch.

He then got up off bed and decided to prepare already, in that way, he would still have time to look for a gift and composed himself.

He'll certainly need to be composed for what he had come up to do.

Feeling his heartbeat starting to race and his thoughts going wild, Soobin went to his bathroom to shower and muttered to himself.

"You can do it, Soobin. Tell him what you feel... and fucking confess."

___

"What are you smiling so wide for?" With a creeped-out look on his face, Taehyung watched as his cousin not-so-silently hums to himself, a bright look on his features and an undeniable tug of smile on his lips.

It's a completely different expression from what Taehyung had to witness for a whole week and this one's absolutely better than the gloomy, tearstained Yeonjun but he can't help but feel a little weirded out because why the fuck is Yeonjun suddenly all giggly and stuff?

"Oh, am I smiling?" the younger asked, a couple of giggles leaving his mouth as he shakes his head. He then approached Taehyung who was formerly enjoying his time at the porch, sitting on the bench beside the pool and drinking a red iced tea from his fancy glass.

Because of what Yeonjun said, the look of horror on Taehyung's face only intensified. "I'm scared. What's going on?"

The brown haired male sat himself down beside his hyung, closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he allowed himself to absorb the tranquility of this perfect weather. Another grin plastered its way on his lips before he turned to look at Taehyung.

"I'm meeting Soobin later."

"Oh," Taehyung replied nonchalantly. He grabbed his glass and was about to take another sip when he finally analyzed what Yeonjun said. "OH—you are?" his eyes widened, Yeonjun's smile grew bigger. "For real? You made up?"

The younger male nodded, "Yeah, but not entirely. I'm hoping we could talk about the rest later."

"Are you gonna tell him?"

"Tell him what?"

Taehyung didn't answer, instead, he shifted closer and poked the brunette's left chest, just above his heart and the frown on Yeonjun's face disappeared as he understood what the older meant.

"I—I do-don't know." Yeonjun bit his lower lip, hands playing with the hem of his shirt. "I don't want to get hurt again so soon."

It was as if someone flicked the switch on Yeonjun because of how fast his expression changed. He went from being delighted to distraught in a matter of seconds all because of a particular person.

Raising his brow in a questionable gaze, Taehyung speaks to get the younger's attention. "What makes you think so?"

"Hyung."

"Tell me."

A sigh then escaped Yeonjun's lips as he gave Taehyung a hesitant glance but still decided to let out his doubts. "It's just—I'm still kind of... questioning everything? Like, what if I'm reading the lines wrong? What if I'm assuming too much? What if I'm allowing myself again to cling onto something that wouldn't last? Hyung, I don't want that. I'm scared. I'm not ready to offer myself whole and then have it returned back to me in pieces. That would break m—"

"But what if you're not? What if that's just your fear speaking and everything he showed you was real? Because Yeonjun, from how Soobin practically begged me to let him talk to you last night, I don't think he would have done that if you're not important to him. I could've sworn he felt the same."

"Stop giving me false hope." Yeonjun chuckled, playfully punching his cousin's arm.

"I'm not." Taehyung rolled his eyes, "I'm just telling you to take the leap."

"Take it alone? No thanks."

___

About an hour or so later and Yeonjun's back in his room, preparing and having a mild mental breakdown because he doesn't know what to wear. It also doesn't help his case that Taehyung brusquely had to leave because of an urgent shoot, which left Yeonjun with no one to help him pick his outfit.

To be honest he doesn't know what the big deal is about choosing an outfit. He's just eating lunch with Soobin after ignoring the said male for a while but he has this sudden urge to look so freaking good that tall bunny wouldn't get the chance to take his eyes off of him.

He then groaned on a pillow while rolling about on the bed because of how silly he sounds like. But you can't blame him, he actually misses that stupid guy with his stupid eyes and stupid smiles and his stupid little nose crunch when he laughs—okay fuck it, he misses Soobin a lot. There, he said it.

And now, he plans to have all the attention he could get from the black haired male since he's so deprived of it lately. All the credits go to himself and himself only.

Yeonjun then stood up from the mess of his bed and took a quick glance at the pile of clothing he tossed because according to him, "they don't look great enough". He pouted, realizing that most of his favorite clothes were in his walk-in closet at their house and that he'll have to make use of these apparels for now since he basically has no choice.

Running a hand through his hair out of unnecessary frustration, Yeonjun was about to whine to himself again when an idea crossed his mind causing him to smirk and let out a happy squeal. Then almost immediately, he went running out of his room to go and rummage his dear cousin's wardrobe.

Because listen, ladies and gentlemen, in times of need for a bomb outfit, a model's wardrobe would never fail.

Quite a while and a couple of tossed outfits later, Yeonjun had finally felt contented with what he's wearing. He wore a black jean jacket over a white shirt tucked beneath a black skinny jeans and then he also wore a black beret because he saw it resting on one of Taehyung's shelves and it just lured him in. He has to use it.

At first, he actually considered something formal with a coat and all but then realized they're gonna eat lunch at a restaurant and not attending a fancy sophisticated party. Which then lead him to change into a much casual look of a blue sweater and pants but he felt like he's underdressed so he changed for like the 100th time.

Anyway, since he's happy and satisfied with his choice at last, Yeonjun found himself with a 20 minutes time to spare so he just plopped down on the lounge's sofa and smiled to no one in particular. He can't help it, it's as if the corners of his lips are moving into their own accord and he can't control them. They just automatically tugged upwards and he finds it hard to bite them back.

He's just, really, really, really glad right now.

It even surprised him how much he's eager to see Soobin again. Just the thought of staring at the male and talking to him again makes him grin like an idiot. It disgusts him but whatever.

However, after imagining for like 10 minutes, he suddenly felt nervous and scared. He began mindlessly playing with his lower lip, a sign of his uneasiness and he felt like throwing up but he doesn't know why?

Maybe he's scared things won't work out the way he expects them to? Or maybe he's nervous to meet Soobin again? But that's ridiculous since he feels most comfortable with the male so why on earth would he be nervous? Maybe he feels a little off because things are different now since he knows he feels something for the other and he's scared it can't be returned? Is that it? Or maybe he's afraid because someone's ringing the doorbell and—

Wait—

The doorbell's ringing?

Who could possibly be out there?

Soobin didn't mention anything about picking him up because they agreed he will get there himself.

So who the fuck is that?

Taehyung? But he has keys? Oh maybe someone came to visit Taehyung.

With that in mind, Yeonjun stood up from the couch and made his way to the front door, a visible frown on his face.

___

Everything has already been done and settled.

The place looks like it was straight up pulled out of a romance movie where the lead's about to surprise the other main character.

Despite of it being around lunch time, the sky isn't that blazing bright since the sun seems to be hiding behind tons of fluffy looking clouds, leaving the condition outside to be perfect. It's all cloudy and windy, which appears to be a suitable time to take a stroll around the city and enjoy the scenery.

Something that Soobin got all planned.

And here he is, scanning his eyes around the venue decorated with dimly lit chandeliers, a few golden balloons at this one corner beside the paintings, a little indoor fountain, and a single table located at the middle of the room meant for the two of them.

If Soobin is to describe the setting with one word, it would be quixotic. And to add the fact that that it is one of his and Yeonjun's favorite places, just made whatever he is up to more grossly romantic.

God, he almost gagged at how cringey that sounds like.

Checking the time as he sits down, Soobin learned that it's already eight minutes past their call time but shrug it off since Yeonjun's probably just running a little late.

To occupy himself, the raven haired male brought out something from his trousers' pocket and played it around his left palm. He then opened the white box and stared at its soft cushion for a moment, just inspecting the red diamond pendant resting on it.

Earlier, when Soobin went out to look for a gift (he just wanted to), he somehow stumbled into this one jewelry shop. It wasn't really in his intentions to buy some accessories or something of that kind but when he half-consciously entered the place, this one certain necklace sitting pretty in the corner's display caught his attention.

It was so delicately made and really captivating that Soobin immediately got drawn and there was only one thing running on his mind the moment he took a closer look—Yeonjun wearing it.

There's only a single pendant hanging on the white gold chain, and it's the undoubtedly stunning red diamond surrounded by little white diamonds on its sphere.

Soobin actually had to pull out a bit of his convincing skills to get that necklace since it was apparently not up for sale.

Well, since natural red diamonds are pretty rare, the shop just has it for display and had never been a problem because nobody dared to buy it for its dizzying price anyway.

At least, that was until Soobin came.

The female worker was startled when Soobin told her he was gonna buy it and had to make sure she heard him right. She even asked if he was serious for like five times and realized he was when Soobin did not display any hint of jesting on his expression.

He was too persistent in buying the necklace (the things he does for Yeonjun) that the worker had to call her boss to let him talk with Soobin and that's when things got interesting.

And since Choi Soobin is a well-known figure and he possessed a very much respectable negotiating skills, he managed to convinced the owner to hand the necklace to him in exchange of a contract deal of promotion and money; definitely money.

His phone ringing was what brought Soobin out of his trance and he instantly answered the call when it displayed Yeonjun's contact. Of course he's curious as to why Yeonjun decided to call but he's going to find out now anyway so it doesn't matter.

"Hey," Soobin started, the box still on his left hand.

"Soobin, I'm sorry—"

This resulted for the male to furrow his brows together, "Why are you apologizing?"

"I—" there was silence for the next couple of seconds, each one making Soobin's heart to beat harder. "I can't make it—for lunch— th-ther—"

"Oh,"

"I'm really sorry—"

"It's alright." The male replied, eyes on the necklace before he closed the box.

"Don't be upset, please. I promise I'll be home later... I just—can't really make it right now—some-something came up and I—" Yeonjun rambled but got interrupted when Soobin spoke again.

"Hey it's fine." He said, his excitement going down the drain. "It's just lunch."

"Binnie, I'm really, really, sorry."

"Mhmm."

"I'll see you home?"

"Okay."

"Bin—"

"I told you it's alright. It's just lunch."

"I'm still sorry. But, I'll see you later, hmm?"

"Of course, bye."

He didn't wait for Yeonjun to respond back and just hung up. He stood up from his seat, not really finding a reason why should he stay for long.

As Soobin was walking towards the exit, ignoring the calls of the workers in there, he brought the white box out again and opened it. A mockingly dark chuckle left his mouth while he shakes his head,

"Yeah... just lunch." 

~~

tbh, it wasn't originally planned like this but my drafts got deleted so i had to rewrite it and then yeah. this happened.

im also really sorry it's late :((