~~~
no, this is not the last update.
yes, there will still be lots of chapters coming.
and maybe, i did bluff with y'all. sowwy (TT)
~~~

A lot of things can happen within a month.

You could be searching for new experiences. You could be having a new job. You could be reuniting with some old friends or meeting new ones. You could be strengthening a connection with someone or you could also be drifting apart.

It happened in a flash, days passing by so quickly that all of a sudden it's already been a month.

The time was fast. There was something, however, that was happening slowly. It was slowly breaking, shattering and fading. What once happened to be one step away from being whole and vivid, was now going back to being scattered and vague day by day.

And that something was this particular bond between two particular individuals.

Yeonjun was sitting by the table in the kitchen, lazily playing with his plate of food when his cousin, Taehyung approached with a concern look on his face. He stealthily made his way towards the male and sat down beside him without being noticed. For a minute he just sat there, worriedly watching his younger cousin play with his food, which seemed to not been consumed by the way— and it looks like Yeonjun has no intention to eat it too.

At last, Taehyung decided to break the heavy silence. "Are you not going to eat?"

The latter spared him a glance, his eyes dark and hollow; as if all the glimmers disappeared and the lights died out. There was no emotion, they're just blank and the bags underneath them indicate just how tired he must be.

He looks so exhausted.

"I don't feel like it." Yeonjun answered before turning his gaze back on the plate. He glides the spoon he's holding on his right hand idly around the white platter, creating a low clanking sound to resonate across the kitchen.

With this, Taehyung's eyebrows found their way in a frown. He then shifted closer to examine the appearance of his cousin which brought a tinge of ache in his heart. Someone has to be blind if they couldn't see the obvious gloomy aura surrounding the quiet male. It is deeply concerning, considering that he's usually jolly and loud and always seen sporting a bright grin on his lips.

Something drastic must have happened to result to this, but even now, a week later, Taehyung still has no idea what on earth caused his beloved cousin to act like this.

"You've been saying that for almost a week a now."

"I just don't have any appetite right now, okay hyung?"

"But you have to eat. Come on, just a bite—"

"I said I don't want t—" but before Yeonjun could even finish talking, a loud ringing cut him off. It startled the two of them, both males (mostly Taehyung, Yeonjun couldn't careless) glancing around to find the root of the noise.

Taehyung then realized it isn't his phone that's ringing when his eyes caught sight of the frantic device resting on the tabletop just in front of the other male. He then reached for it after sensing that Yeonjun doesn't have any plan to.

"Don't answer it." Yeonjun told Taehyung just as he was about to accept the call.

"But it's Soobin?" The older of the two confusedly asked, his frown deepening as his index finger hover over the green button.

"I said don't." Yeonjun snapped, snatching the phone away from his cousin's grasp and shutting it down. For a moment, his eyes displayed something, but it vanished as soon as it appeared so Taehyung was not given the chance to specify what it was.

The brown haired male then got up off his seat and was about to leave when Taehyung speaks, "Yeonjun sit back down."

The said male only glanced back at him, eyebrow raised. "Why?"

"Sit back down, we're going to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Choi Yeonjun, I said sit your fucking ass back down." Taehyung sternly said, sending the other a piercing glare which caused him to roll his eyes but obeyed nonetheless.

A moment of stillness then came before the older's expression changed and turned soft. He reached his arms forward and gripped the stoic male's hands with his, moving his chair closer as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Junnie," he started, the younger guy remains unfazed. "What's going on?"

"Nothing." Yeonjun answered, trying to pull his hands back but the gray haired held them tighter.

Taehyung sighed, clearly aware that his cousin could be really stubborn but he isn't backing down until he found out what the heck is going on. "Well 'nothing' wouldn't cause you to show up in my front door, crying your eyes out, and then stay in here for like a week, refusing to go home."

Knowing he had hit a bulls-eye, Yeonjun shifted his eyes anywhere but his cousin's penetrating gaze. His chest started to feel heavy once again, eyes stinging and a lump started to crawl its way back into his throat as his mind recalls a scene from last week against his will. He unknowingly squeezed his cousin's hands.

"Does it have something to do with Soobin?" Taehyung carefully stated, waiting for a reaction that he certainly received. Because the moment he mentioned the guy's name, Yeonjun winced and bit his lower lip, something he always does when he feels uncomfortable.

"H-hyung," he croaked out with a shaky sigh, lips trembling as he lunged forward to capture his hyung in an embrace, catching Taehyung by surprise.

And then he heard it, a heartbreaking sob coming from the vulnerable male in his arms.

Taehyung's worry then doubled upon hearing that. He wrapped his arms around Yeonjun's figure in return, as well as patting his back in an attempt to calm him down but he continued crying, crying so hard as if he had them bottled up and it's the only opportunity given to him to let it all out.

It definitely broke Taehyung's heart.

The younger's cries swiftly turned into painful sobs, tears continuously falling down and wetting his older cousin's shirt but Taehyung doesn't care. His little brother is hurting, it's evident on how hard he's currently weeping—he couldn't care less about a fucking shirt.

"Oh god, Junnie what's wrong? You have to tell hyung or I wouldn't be able to help." He softly muttered on the crying boy's ear. He too, is close to letting a few tears spill because fuck, he can actually feel how hurt Yeonjun must have felt.

However, the younger remained unresponsive. The only thing could be heard from him is his loud wailing as he grips the fabric of his older cousin's shirt tight. They stayed like that for a while, Taehyung, letting Yeonjun use him as his own personal support while occasionally whispering words of consolation into the younger male's ears.

And at last, after another five minutes or so, Yeonjun had managed to calm himself down and lessen his sobs. He pulled away from the hug but still remained close to his cousin's figure. Taehyung watched Yeonjun sniffled with his flushed, red, tear-stained face and brought his hand up to wipe them away. His own face contorted in pure worry as he waits for the brunette to explain his condition.

"What happened Junnie? What's the problem? I promise, hyung will help yo—"

"No, hyung... it's something stupid really—I'm sorry I shouldn't even be crying about it... but it just hurts, you know? And it shouldn't even hurt in the first place because it's fucking dumb and stupid and—"

"Hey, hey, if it caused you to cry this hard then I'm sure it's not as stupid as you claim it to be." Taehyung cut him off, cupping Yeonjun's still wet faced in both his hands. "Now tell me everything, I don't want you keeping this much burden all to yourself."

And so, though still a little reluctant, Yeonjun caved in and started to tell Taehyung the reason why he showed up unannounced in his house, in the middle of the night last week, crying to his heart's content.

~~~

For the past weeks, specifically after that 'talk' on christmas, Yeonjun found himself avoiding Soobin in every possible way.

Trust him, he didn't mean to, but, each time he was put in a situation where he had to face and be with Soobin, he'd immediately look for a reason to prevent it and start making up excuses so he could avoid being with his presence.

Like when they have to eat dinner, they usually eat together since it's the only time when the both of them were at home, Yeonjun would purposely eat earlier or would be late just so he wouldn't have to be with Soobin.

In the morning too, when they were about to leave for work, Yeonjun would always reject the other's offer to drop him off, reasoning that it'll only be a hassle.

Even in the weekends, when both of them are free from work, Yeonjun would spend all his time in his room, only ever leaving when he feels hungry or has to get something from the study. Soobin would knock on his door to try and get to spend time with him but he'd pretend to be asleep or just play music so damn loud so he could drown out the sound of Soobin calling him.

Heck, they were even back on sleeping separately in their own rooms.

It gotten to the point that Soobin stopped trying anymore. He'd just give Yeonjun his space since it was what he was asking for anyway. He too, started distancing himself away from the brown haired male.

Yeonjun noticed this, and didn't know whether he should feel thankful or upset because why isn't Soobin reaching out for him anymore? He's ignoring Soobin, the male should not ignore him ignoring him? It's no rocket science.

It's fucking childish and immature, yes, but Yeonjun failed to realize that for weeks. Fortunately though, he came back to his senses and figured that he should stop acting this way because it'll only make things worse for the both of them.

So, finally deciding he'll use his head, Yeonjun made it a plan to call off work and pay Soobin a visit to hopefully apologize and fix things between them. He even baked his favorite cupcakes again as a peace offering—a delicious token of apology.

He was feeling great that one Friday, already picturing how things will work out. He'll show up at Soobin's office, apologize for being dumb, they'll talk and then maybe they could plan on how they'll spend their weekends together.

It's been a while since they went out to have fun, anyway.

With that in mind, Yeonjun went on his way to the company, a box of cupcakes accompanying him.

He was skipping down the corridor in Soobin's office floor, greeting the staffs he encountered before with a huge grin on his lips, obviously feeling enthusiastic and cheerful. He was even giggling quietly to himself because he was imagining Soobin's reaction.

However, all that made up scenarios disappeared along with the smile on his lips. His bright, cheery mood immediately went down as well as the box of cupcakes in his hand.

They landed there, wasted on the floor, creating a dejected mess; coincidentally becoming a sign of heartbreak.

Because standing there from a distance, was an awful sight created for Yeonjun to see the moment he opened the door.

It was Soobin, with his all too mesmerizing smile and his arms wrapped around someone else's.

Maybe Yeonjun should've gone away after witnessing that. Maybe he should've forced his legs to move and ran out instead of staying rooted like a frozen statue. Maybe he shouldn't have even gone in the first place. Then, maybe, he wouldn't have to hear those words that left Soobin's mouth.

"I missed you so much."

But they weren't directed for him.

~~~

"Oh sweetie," Taehyung enveloped his younger cousin in a hug once again, gently caressing his hair as he did so. "We don't who she is but maybe she's just a relative or a friend?"

"I really hoped so but—" Yeonjun closed his eyes, letting a couple more tears, which he thought were gone, to flow down his cheeks. "W-when I turned back t-to leave, I-I was in the hallways—no, i-in the elevator, I was in there with these two employees a-and... ah fuck—" he stopped, brought his right arm up to wipe his tears away. Taehyung gazed down at him piteously, sympathizing with the younger that he felt his heart aching too.

"Th-they must have not noticed me in there... s-so they were—they were talking about Soobin and— and that girl and how they would m-make a cute couple." He let out a laugh, bitter and dark, almost mocking. "—and then they said t-that... that Soobin and her could've been to-together instead if he isn't... married to me."

"Bitches, I'm going to hunt them down and set their houses on fir—"

"No, hyung—you don't understand... they were... arranged for m-marriage once... before all this mess happened and fuck—what if Soobin wants her instead?" Yeonjun's mind is in a haze. He's feeling so much emotions as of the moment and all the crying he did isn't helping his case at all.

He keeps on thinking about all the possibilities of Soobin being with someone. He's hurting himself he knows, but he couldn't stop and he keeps on wondering what will happen if all those possibilities are true.

He doesn't know what to do. It's like his mind shut down completely the second he saw that scene from a week ago that is still, unfortunately, fresh and crystal clear in his memory. Like that sight engraved its own picture in his brain and no matter how much he tried to remove it and get rid of it, he can't. It's still there, haunting him and making him like a fool because Soobin was actually smiling in that moment—he seemed totally fine and happy and content without Yeonjun in his life so how the fuck could Yeonjun ignore that?

And the worst part of it all was Soobin telling whoever the fuck was that, that he missed her.

For fuck's sake he never told Yeonjun that—not even once.

He's technically wallowing in Taehyung's apartment for almost a week now and where the fuck is Soobin? Having the time of his life with that girl maybe.

"I missed you so much."

There goes Soobin's voice again, repeating itself inside Yeonjun's brain like a mantra. Echoing around his head that he's so close into losing his damn mind.

He just, can't really put into words how he's feeling right now, you know? Think of it this way, every time he thought about Soobin and his smile and his everything, Yeonjun always got this feeling of butterflies surfacing wild in his stomach but after that event, whenever his mind will wander off into that guy's stupid face and his stupid grins, it'll automatically turn into that scene.

He'll think about Soobin being happy and smiling but in someone else's arms. It feels different—it's like, all the butterflies just died.

And now he'll have to deal with that nasty sinking feeling at the pit of his stomach. And then he'll also have to deal with his chest aching, like being repeatedly stomped on over and crushed.

Honestly, fuck feelings. Fuck emotions. Fuck this annoying ache that doesn't want to go away.

"Don't think like that Junnie, I mean, your relationship with him isn't really that clear—even to us. But, I've noticed the way he cares about you—heck, he even went storming at the company once because you were given too much work and I don't think he would've done all that if he doesn't want to be with y—"

"Then why didn't he answer me when I asked him what we are?" Yeonjun took a deep breath, his hand running through his hair in frustration, "Hyung, I-I gave him the chance to clarify what we have but he refused to—what if that's his reason why he couldn't give me an answer? Because he couldn't tell me that he was waiting for someone else? And— and now that someone's here, what am I? Are things over between us now? We just gotta wait for the contract to be over so we could finally get divorce? Is that i—"

"Yeonjun." Taehyung tried to get Yeonjun out of his rambling, hands reaching out to stop the boy from ripping his hair off his head. "Stop overthinking things, okay? You should talk to Soobin about this matter."

"I don't want to."

"You have to." The older gave him a stern gaze, "does he even know you're here?"

Yeonjun stayed silent, eyes shifting towards the floor and away from the male in front of him.

"Wait, he doesn't? That's why he keeps on calling you! You should tell him at least! He must be worried."

"For what? So he could mess with me again and continue on leading me on?"

Taehyung was speechless, watching his cousin crumble down and experience all these emotions all at once. It was only after a few seconds later that he sighed and speaks up again, "I'm sorry but it's something I can't help you with. You have to talk to Soobin yourself, sweetie, because obviously, there's absolutely something you have to tell him first before you get an answer."

The brown haired male returned his attention back at him again, his brows furrowed in confusion but he seemed to be done with crying, thankfully. "What do you mean?"

The elder pursed his lips together, "Junnie, answer me this. How do you feel right now?"

Yeonjun stared at him with a disbelieving gaze, "You just saw me cry and you asked me that?"

"Yeah—but, I mean... how do you feel? What exactly are you feeling about this? About everything? Because look, you wouldn't be crying this much if you were just simply upset about what you learned." Taehyung's eyes are soft, urging him to say something and deliver what he so deeply keeps inside.

Yeonjun sighed, completely aware about what Taehyung meant, he considers leaving for a moment and dropping the conversation but he pretty much revealed a lot already anyway, so there's no point in hiding anymore. "I don't know. I-I feel stupid, dumb, imprudent if you may, but just—I don't know."

"How do you feel about Soobin?" Taehyung cautiously asked, moving a little closer so he could observe the younger.

"I—" Yeonjun bit his lower lip, "I feel happy when I'm with him, I can't deny that. He was like... a breath of... fresh air to me, in a sense that I could be real with him and I don't have to pretend to be someone else. That I could be me, I could be myself and be all weird and crazy and just be completely free to express myself, you know? I never felt this way with anyone before, even with Hyunjin and you know why, and it was kinda new but really nice. It's nice being with him.

"He takes care of me in his own way, he isn't really expressive but you'll feel it when he does. It's like, he always finds his way in something and it's surprising each time because he'll catch me off guard. He's—I don't know, this whole complicated puzzle that requires great effort to solve but I somehow find myself trying, and god I sound so fucking smitten I can't believe myself." He winced, holding his forehead and massaging it like it would help him.

As those sentences flew out of Yeonjun's mouth, Taehyung listens intently. Interested and hooked yet still concerned and worried because good things always equivalent to something bad, right? They could be pretty destructive and before you can even realize it, it's too late.

"And now? After what happened? What do yo—"

"I feel defeated," the brunette cut him off. Eyes glistening with something that could only be described as grief, "when I saw them, in his office, being too fucking close, him holding her in a way I thought he only does with me, I felt petrified." He smiles bitterly, looking down on his left hand where his ring rests.

"I felt like the ground was gonna crumble beneath me, hyung. I didn't even noticed I dropped the cupcakes because I was just standing there, staring at them and I couldn't look away. I actually thought my breath got knocked out, like I couldn't breathe and this small hallow thing inside me I thought I got rid of already came crawling back. And them smiling and not noticing me was mocking in some way. As if they purposely did that for me to see—to remind me where I stand, to remind me what my place is, to remind me that I shouldn't be feeling too much.

"Tae hyung, when I left I felt my heart broke in tiny pieces and I knew from then that I couldn't go back home—I can't face him with that memory still fresh on my mind. To be honest, even now, I still feel like I'm being beaten up, all wounded and bruised but the only difference is that, I feel them deep inside—and oh look, I'm crying again. Pathetic."

The gray haired male feels his own chest tighten, kind of regretting asking because he just made the other tear up once again when he'd just practically finished. "I'm sorry Junnie, please stop crying." Taehyung reached out to wipe Yeonjun's face. "But, sweetie, is it, what I... think it is?"

"W-what?"

"Do you, perhaps—"

"Oh," Yeonjun sniffed. His eyes stinging and lids heavy, he feels drained and tired but still managed to form a small, bittersweet smile. "Yeah."

"I fell in love, but it seems like I fell alone and did not fell with him."