"You saved me," he said, his warm breath on my neck made goosebumps erupt all along my arms. "I didn't think you would."

I nuzzled closer, begging him with my mind to kiss me. "I said I would, didn't I?"

"People say a lot of things. Would you like some ice cream?"

I loved ice cream, but I was disappointed about the lack of kissing. "Where did you get ice cream in a dungeon?"

"We're not in a dungeon."

"But ..."

"We're in your dream, and in dreams there can be ice cream any time you like."

"This can't be a dream."

"Why not?"

"Because in my dream, there'd be way more kissing."

He pulled me closer, and pressed his sculpted lips against mine. The kiss was deep, and as our tongues touched, heat coiled in my belly. I moaned, wishing I had the magic to keep the kiss going forever.

His lips curved into a smile, and he pulled away.

"Why are you stopping?" I objected.

He laughed, obviously enjoying the power he had over me. "Are you convinced it's your dream now?"

"I'm not sure. I think I might need you to prove it a little more."

I was quite busy having a VERY GOOD DREAM that involved me rescuing Blade from the dungeon and him rewarding me with warm lips and a mountain of ice cream, when the earthquake hit, rousing me from the deepest of sleeps.

Being from California, I sat up as fast as a rattlesnake from between the downy covers, heart hammering, and shouted "earthquake!" But oddly, the shaking stopped. "Never mind," I said to no one and slipped back beneath the duvet, hoping to re-summon the dream.

The bed shook.

I sat, gripping the covers, clenching my teeth.

The shaking stopped.

"What is going on?" I demanded. "Quit it!" I laid back down, yanking the covers up to my chin.

The bed did not comply. In fact, this time, it shook so hard it tossed me out. I landed hard on the fur rug, still wrapped in the blankets.

The books giggled.

Sadly, by now, the dream had faded into that misty realm where dreams went after you'd been unceremoniously awakened by an alarm clock or a nagging parent or an obnoxious bed.

"Okay, I'm up!" I cried, as the books continued their mockery, including the one I'd thrown onto the floor the night before from Olivia's basket: Evil Queening for Dummies, my least favorite of all books except for maybe Twilight, because of the vampire-obsessed heroine with poor judgment.

The fire still roared in the fireplace, so I casually plucked the chortling volume from the floor and held it over the flames. "Incineration is still an option!" I growled.

Now who wasn't laughing?

None of the books. But I was! Cackling like an evil queen.

It felt amazing too. I will not lie.

"Had enough?" I asked.

The book in my hand replied by flapping its cover up and down in agreement. Satisfied, I squeezed it between two books on the shelf, where it could join its brethren, who already started acting more bookish, meaning silent and still.

I stretched my aching muscles, then went over to the curtains and pulled them back, expecting to see the sun blazing, but it was still dark, the full moon glowering at me like a vicious fairy. What the heck? How long had I been sleeping if it still wasn't daylight? This made me even more annoyed. Was evil queen training going to be like the army where you had to get up before dawn and run laps or something?

Because if so, I wouldn't last a day.

"Hiya," came a metallic voice from the other side of the door. I opened it, but no one was there. I was about to slam it shut, because I was in a foul mood and needed to slam something, but a glint of silver on the ground caught my eye. There laid a silver tray with a domed lid, a newspaper folded neatly in quarters, silverware, and a single black rose drooping in a vase. I bent over to pick it up, when from above, Lubris announced: "Breakfast is served, oh wondrous, almost-queen."

I stood with a start. "Are you trying to get on my good side?"

"Is it working?"

"No, it's a little obvious. Maybe try for more subtlety next time."

"Lubris don't really do subtle."

"Oh, good, an inanimate object referring to itself in the third person."

"Who you calling inanimate, lady?"

"Well, you should be. You're an iron door knocker."

"Only for now. Lubris used to be a gargoyle until he angered the queen. Now he's forced to lower himself to become a mere door knocker."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Lubris allowed a pigeon to perch on his wing."

"That doesn't seem so bad."

"It shat on her head right after she'd spent four hours in the spa getting her hair done."

I laughed at the image of the queen covered in pigeon droppings. "Good one, Lubris."

"Thanks. Hey, maybe you're not the worst choice for an heir."

"That's a relief," I said, picking up the tray. "See you later."

"By the way, Lubris prevented several attempts on your life last night. No one loves a new heir. Except Lubris of course."

My heart slipped into my throat. Not for real, ew, but metaphorically. "Excuse me?"

"No big deal. If I had a nickel for every time there was a murder attempt around here, I'd have a very large pile of nickels. Not that I have much use for them, as a door knocker."

"Who was trying to kill me? I need to be prepared."

"It was too dark to tell."

"Are you sure they were attempts on my life, or is this another attempt by you to get on my good side?"

"You'll never know," he said, mouth curving into a metallic grin. "Just be careful, okay? There've been a lot of disappearances lately. Lubris would hate to see you be next."

"You really care?"

"Ha! Lubris is getting better at subtlety!"

"You are! Hey, what do you know about the disappearances?"

"Not much, as Lubris is stuck here on a door. But Lubris hears things."

"Like what?"

"Well, the eyes on the queen's door told me that Petronella pitched a fit last night to her council. Threatened to bake the lot of them into a pie if they didn't find the missing witches before your coronation."

"Oh, that's ... gross."

"All part of the job. Soon ye'll grow up and start baking people into pies yourself. Something to look forward to."

We both laughed. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. At least I had a hilarious door knocker to keep me company. I went back into my room, carrying the tray, and kicked the door closed with my foot.

"Hey, not so hard, lady!"

"What is the melting point of iron?" I yelled. There was no response.

The breakfast was actually delicious—scrambled eggs with cheese, thick brown bread toasted and slathered with butter, and a steaming hot cup of mint tea. I rarely read the newspaper, but maybe it could give me answers about what the heck was going on around here, so I unfolded it. It was titled: The Daily Mirror.

The front page devoted a half page to a moving image of me, a la Harry Potter (some magical castles need to come up with their own ideas!) in the dungeon, still in the horse outfit, repeatedly throwing up on a pair of shiny boots, like a mortifying GIF. The headline read: Evil Queen to be Spills All.

Grrrrrr!

I was about to toss the thing in the fire when another article caught my eye.

Queen Petronella Says Witch Disappearances 'Nothing to Worry About.'

How odd. The eyes on the queen's door told Lubris she was freaking out. I shook open the newspaper and read:

Helga Hamtree, garden witch, disappeared yesterday while harvesting oleander. "One minute she was there snipping away, the next she was gone, her nippers in the dirt. Everyone knows Helga wouldn't be caught dead without her nippers. Something evil is afoot. I know it," said fellow garden witch Vera Vineman.

Then the words shifted on the page and the article continued:

Our Venerated and Beloved queen, Petronella, assures all residents of the realm that everything is perfectly under control. "The witches will all be located soon," she stated. "It is the castle playing tricks as it did in the Brittlebane Abductions of 1456. All missing personnel were eventually located in the Royal Exterminator's storage cupboard."

The text scrolled upward, and more words appeared:

"The first witch disappeared three months ago," argued Ms. Vineman. "How is that 'under control?'"

Because our Powerful and Magnanimous queen stated it, and therefore it is, the newspaper shot back.

"This newspaper is pure propaganda," Ms. Vineman opined.

"Trust me, the witches will be located soon," stated our Esteemed and Magnificent Queen."Please go about your business without hysterics. We have a coronation to prepare for and NOTHING WILL GO WRONG!"

Ms. Vineman could not be reached for further comment.

Wow, I never saw a newspaper article arguing with itself. It was way more entertaining than the ones in our realm, but apparently, propaganda was everywhere.

Then another headline cropped up. "Future Queen Searches for Familiar." With a picture of me right now, here in the room! I scanned for cameras, but of course, with magic loose everywhere, cameras weren't required. I felt like ... well ... a toad in a glass terrarium. Geez! They could see me at any time, in any place? How was I going to escape?

I turned back to the article, which had continued writing itself.

"Today, our future heir, Rowen Grimshaw, is already late for her appointment with council member, Frekvic, to search for her familiar. Many punishments are being considered at present if she does not report to the front entrance in the next ten minutes."

"As long as it's not yoga detention," I snarked.

My words began to write themselves:

As long as it's not yoga detention.

Huh?

"It's still the middle of the night!" I yelled, shaking my fist at the newspaper.

"It's still the middle of the night!" The newspaper wrote as soon as the words had come out of my mouth.

"It's nine in the morning," the next line replied.

"But it's still dark out!" This time, the typing happened as I spoke.

"It's always dark." The writers for the Daily Mirror were officially on my bad list. Maybe Brittlebane didn't need a newspaper!

"Then how does anything grow in the garden?" I pointed out.

"Report to the entrance or else!"

Apparently, The Daily Mirror didn't like scientific arguments.

But what the heck was I going to do? Ten minutes? I didn't even know where the entrance was. I rushed around the room, cleaning myself up as best I could, not even bothering to change out of the dress I wore to the dinner party. In just minutes, I dashed out the door and through the castle in search of the entrance.

Of course, I got completely lost, but I think the castle was totally messing with me. I'd ask directions from passersby, but there was always an extra hallway that led to a dead end or a suddenly appearing stairway that led to the ceiling and stopped. Plus, there were obstacles all along the way. A sandpit right in the middle of the floor that I narrowly avoided. One hallway smelled like a sewer, which forced me to find a longer but less nauseating route. But worst of all was the giant spider clinging to a web that blocked an entire wing of the castle.

A hungry spider who cried out in displeasure when I broke free of its web with some well-placed magical blasts. Ha! Success! Maybe I didn't need a familiar after all! But the idea of having my very own unicorn was pretty exciting.

Still, the paintings would not stop laughing at me. It was like the first day at a new school except instead of lockers and judgy mean girls, there were suits of armor and judgy paintings.

Finally, I arrived.

Late.

Out of breath.

"Ah, here you are," Frekvic said, hitting his head with his hat. A large leather satchel was strapped over his shoulder, and he wore a long red cape, making him look like a miniature postal superhero.

Having no hat, I hit myself in the head with my hand. Frekvic smiled, which calmed me a little.

"Sorry I'm late," I said. "There were lots of dead ends and a giant spider with a gianter cobweb. Do you get a lot of those?"

"Havin' a bit of a giant spider infestation," the gnome said, crinkling his forehead and raising his long wiry eyebrows. "Never mind. They'll get bored and infest another castle, eventually."

"That's a relief," I said. "Um, am I to be punished for being tardy? Because if the queen thinks I'm doing yoga detention, she's crazy."

"Let's just have it be our secret, huh?" Frekvic said, making him one of my favorite beings in the entire castle. "Shall we?" He motioned to the massive front door, which started to lower itself over what looked like a boiling moat. He stepped onto the bridge, and what looked like a sea serpent leaped from the surface, its giant mouth filled with three rows of sharp teeth agape. Its breath smelled like dead fish, rotting teeth, and that science experiment I did in third grade where I grew dog saliva in a petri dish. I took a step back, coughing.

Don't judge me! Boiling moats with monsters suffering from halitosis weren't my thing! You'd do the same in my position.

"Is there another way out?" I said feet planted a safe distance from the moat.

"Ah, never mind old Nellie. She's a love." Frekvic reached into his satchel and withdrew a whole bass, which he tossed into Nellie's mouth. Nellie clamped her maw shut and sank beneath the surface. "She won't be a bother. Shall we find you a familiar?"

"Uh, yes," I said. "I guess." I set one foot onto the bridge, and when nothing ate me, I set the other. And then dashed across.

Safely on the other side, my heart pumping, Frekvic joined me. "You're a quick one," he said.

"Not really. I was just inspired."

He laughed. "I see. The zoo is just a few miles along this path here," he said, pausing in front of a sign at the trailhead that read: Management is not responsible for loss of life and/or limb. Proceed with caution.

"Um, can't we teleport or fly?"

"Do you have a broomstick?"

"No?"

"Do you know how to teleport?"

"No."

"Then we walk."

I shivered but straightened my spine, determined to look brave because who knew who was watching, and I took a step into the creepy forest. My skin felt slick like the dark had literally swallowed me. "Honestly, teleporting might be safer," I whined.

I had wayyyy too much fun writing this chapter! I loved writing Lubris, the gargoyle turned door-knocker; the intrusive, obsequious, automatic newspaper; and Frekvic, my tiny Hagrid. I hope you liked it too! I was originally going to get to Rowen's trip to the Familiar Zoo in this chapter, but it was getting way too long, and I wanted to give the zoo more attention and not gloss over it.

Thanks so much for reading and for leaving lots and lots of comments and voting! Love you guys!

This chapter is hereby dedicated to an absolutely incredibly Wattpad author, TamaraLush. I decided this chapter had to be hers because it's the newspaper chapter, and Tamara had a longstanding career as a reporter with the Associated Press before becoming a full-time author. Many of her sexy, romantic stories have been published by Wattpad Books. Check them out! You'll love them!