Chapter 25

"Tara na. Kain muna tayo bago kita iuwi."

Note tousled my hair when he freed me from his hug. Humiwalay na rin ako tsaka umiwas ng tingin. Bumaba 'yung mga mata ko sa kamay niyang mahigpit nang nakahawak sa kamay ko.

"Sa'n tayo kakain?" I asked as I looked at him.

Naka-tingin lang pala siya sa 'kin, pinapanood ako. 

He smiled. "Magmamadaling araw na. Fastfood na lang 'yung bukas ngayon."

I nodded. May fastfood na malapit sa Silver Rocks kaya nilakad lang namin 'yun. We walked at ease while holding each other's hands. I mentally jotted this detail down in my mind to check it later from our together-list that we made last Christmas. Paunti-unti, nagagawa namin 'yun nang 'di sinasadya.

When we entered the fastfood, humanap na ako agad ng pwesto habang nag-o-order siya. Midnight na kaya maraming bakanteng upuan. Mabilis lang din naka-order si Note kaya nakabalik siya agad kasama no'ng mga pagkain.

Isa-isa niyang inilapag iyong mga pagkain sa mesa. He slides a plate of pasta closer to me. Nasabi ko kasi kanina na kumain na ako ng rice kaya 'di na 'ko magra-rice ngayon. 

"Ang dami," I commented when he gave me large fries and also burger together with the pasta. Siya naman, manok lang tsaka mga rice. Takaw niya talaga sa kanin, e.

"It's okay. Pag 'di mo naubos, i-takeout na lang natin."

Note lead a short prayer before we proceeded to eating. I secretly smiled while listening to his every words. Kung magpapakasal ako, gusto ko, siya na.

 "How's Ate?" I asked pertaining to his cousin. 

"She's devastated. Dadalaw uli si Mama 'dun next week. She needs emotional support. Nagkulong siya sa kwarto niya pagtapos ng libing kaya hinayaan na muna namin."

I sighed. "It must be hard..."

He smiled sadly. "Sobra. Unang beses ko pa lang nakita 'yung mukha niya pag-uwi namin, ramdam ko na 'yung sakit. Sabi ni Mama, mas masakit daw para sa magulang na sila pa 'yung maglilibing sa sarili nilang anak. I want to comfort her but I don't know how to do it. Tsaka hindi rin siya maka-usap. She's focused on grieving for her lost child."

"Ang gara 'no? Ang bilis kinuha sa kanya. Hindi man lang nasulit 'yung oras. She didn't even had any idea that her heart will bear this kind of emotional pain without any head ons. I think that's a harsh kind of loss. Kaya naiintindihan ko kung ba't ganoon si Ate Fate. There will be no time or no one to tell how long she's supposed to grieve."

He nodded. "That's why the family united to let her grieve for now. Umuwi muna kami nila Mama. We'll check on her time by time to let her feel that she's not alone to her battle while letting her take all the time that she needs for herself."

I sighed. Their family in Note's father's side is a huge deal in Pangasinan. Kilala sila roon kaya paniguradong kalat rin 'yung balita sa buong lugar nila. I feel for Ate Fate. Sana dumating 'yung araw na maging maayos rin siya.

"Pag ako ang nawala, I want you to grieve all the pain you feel but make sure it has its end. After that, continue living your life better. Okay na ako doon," I told him.

His forehead creased. "I don't like that idea."

"Kapag lang naman," ngumiti ako. "Remember what we talked about last Christmas? Noong tinanong kita tungkol sa mabilis na pagtakbo ng oras? You told me to seize every opportunity the time has given us so that if our time has passed, there will be no regrets but good memories in the end." I shrugged. "I find this moment an opportunity kaya sinasabi ko 'to sa 'yo."   

He sighed. "Fine..." His voice trailed. "Pag nawala ako, gusto ko, ituloy mo lang 'yung buhay mo. You can cry, you can grieve, you can feel sadness but don't let it consume your system and make it a habit. It will give me comfort to know that you'd feel sad for my absence but it will give me a huge block of peace of mind to know that you're strong enough to continue your life finer as how you usually do it. That way, I can walk away without any worry."

Nakatingin lang ako sa kanya habang nagsasalita siya. I sighed heavily. My heart ached by just hearing his words.

"Okay.... Change topic na..." I muttered.

Ngumiti siya nang marahan. "I just gave my idea in return. Sinimulan mo kasi, e. I consumed my time finely, don't you think?"

I rolled my eyes. "Kumain ka na nga diyan."

He chuckled. Inusod pa niya palapit sa 'kin 'yung fries. "Ubusin mo rin 'yan."

* * *

Kinabukasan, na-late ako ng gising kaya hindi ako naka-pasok nang maaga. Nag-half day na lang ako. I tapped my ID on the scanner before I walk like a zombie. Anong oras na kasi kami naka-uwi ni Note kagabi dahil hinintay pa namin maka-balik si Kuya Rick para sunduin kami. Hinatid muna kasi niya si Tita Neri sa bahay nila bago kami binalikan.

"Cady."

I stopped when someone called my name. Pag-lingon ko sa likuran ko, naroon si Giselle. Her eyes are puffy and bloodshot red.

"Hey..." I hesitantly smiled. Malinaw pa rin sa isip ko 'yung usapan namin noong Acquaintance Night. Her face stayed adamant, though. She did not bother to return my smile.

"Pwede ba tayong mag-usap?"

I looked at my watch. It's almost 11 am. Wala kaya siyang class ngayon? Tumango na lang ako dahil nakatingin pa rin siya hanggang ngayon, naghihintay ng sagot. "It's fine with me. Wala ka bang klase? I mean, pwede naman ako mamayang lunch break—"

"I want to talk to you now."

My brows furrowed at her tone. "Okay..."

Tumalikod siya at agad na naglakad kaya sumunod ako sa kanya. It's still class hours kaya wala pa gaanong mga estudyante sa hallway. Tumigil kami sa pinaka-dulong sulok ng hallway kung sa'n malapit 'yung pinto papuntang rooftop. Huminto ako no'ng huminto siya. She turned around and faced me with a glare. If looks can kill, I'd be dead by now.

"What are we going to talk about?" I asked her. 

I have an idea but I want to hear it straight from her. The soft expression from her face when I defended her against her bullies and when she asked for my permission in Acquaintance Night were all gone. Her eyes are now full of rage. I am confused. Rage is a strong word. It's what I see in her right now.

"Bakit ka pa nagmamaang-maangan?" she asked boldly. 

"What?" Kumunot na talaga iyong noo ko. "Anong sinasabi mo, Giselle?"

"I told you that night!" she said loudly, almost shouting. "I told you I like him!"

I sighed. "So it's about Note," I calmly concluded. I nodded. "Yes. You told me you like him. Tapos? Anong point ng usapan na 'to?" 

"I confessed my feelings. Sa 'yo ko unang sinabi 'yun, Cadence. I trusted you! Pero anong ginawa mo? Bakit may kumakalat na balitang kayo na? Bakit ganoon 'yung post ni Note? Bakit kayo magkayakap kagabi sa Silver Rocks?!" Now, she's shouting. "Traydor ka! Pinagkatiwalaan kita! Ahas ka! Ang daming lalaki diyan! Bakit si Note pa?"

I scoffed. Hindi ko inaasahan na maririnig ko 'to sa kanya. I always see her as a fragile girl who needs protection. Hindi ko alam na may ganitong side pala siya. Or is it because of too much jealousy? It's making me sad.

"Calm down, Giselle," I told her. "Hindi ko naiintindihan kung ba't ka nagkaka-ganito. That night, you went to me on your own and decided to tell me about your feelings for him voluntarily. Technically, lumapit ka sa 'kin noon para humingi ng permiso na mag-confess kay Note, 'di ba? And I was thankful for that respect you gave me. Pinayagan kita na mag-confess sa kanya, because in the first place, I can't control that. It was Note's life and privacy. Kaya hinayaan kita..."

She's still glaring at me. I sighed.

"If you want to know why Note posted like that in his account, then asked him. Post niya 'yun. He knows every word of it. 'Yung tungkol sa nababalitaan mo, totoong hindi pa kami," I explained. Ni hindi ko alam kung ba't pa ako nagpapaliwanag pero gusto kong maintindihan niyang walang point 'yung galit niya sa 'kin. "And you saw us yesterday night, I see..." I looked at her eyes sternly. "I like him, too, Giselle. I like him so much."

Nangilid iyong luha sa mga mata niya. She raised her hand to slap me but my reflexes are quick to catch her wrist. 

"I believe you have no right to hurt me for that matter," I said wearing my poker face. She's disappointing me.

Kalmado kong ibinaba 'yung kamay niya. I can feel her trembling.

"Traydor ka! Bakit mo siya ginusto? Alam mong gusto ko siya! Gustong-gusto ko siya!" she shouted at my face. "Nauubusan ka na ba ng lalaki, ha? Ang dami diyan, ah! Maraming may gusto sa 'yo! Ba't 'di ka pumili sa kanila? Bakit si Note pa?!"

I sighed exasperatedly. "Note is not yours to act like that. That's very low, to be honest. Inaaway mo ako dahil nagustuhan ko 'yong lalaking gusto mo? Gusto ka ba niya?"

"At ikaw, gusto niya?!"

I pressed my lips firmly. "I respect your feelings when you told me about it. I'm being honest with you now and I'm telling you that I like him so much, too. Why don't you give me the same courtesy? Mahirap ba 'yun?"

"Kung nirerespeto mo 'yung feelings ko, hindi mo sana siya ginusto!"

I massaged my head. "Gosh! It's impossible to talk to you. Mag-usap na lang tayo pag kalmado ka na."

She's frustrating! Gusto kong ipaintindi sa kanya 'yung point ko pero ang hirap niyang kausapin! Tinalikuran ko na siya at nagsimulang maglakad. Didiretso na lang ako sa canteen dahil malapit nang mag-lunch break. Doon na lang ako makikipag-kita kay Maya.

Napa-atras ako ng dalawang beses nang may manghatak sa buhok ko. What the hell?! Why is she so violent?! 

"Malandi ka! Mang-aagaw!" sigaw niya habang sinasabunutan ako. 

Sinubukan kong kunin iyong pulsuhan niya para pigilan siya pero matindi 'yung kapit niya sa buhok ko. Ang hapdi ng anit ko sa ginagawa niya. 

"Ano ba, Giselle! Are you crazy?!" 

"Malandi kang babae ka!"

I felt a sharp sting on my neck. Nakalmot niya 'ata. Yumuko ako habang hawak iyong dalawang pulsuhan niya tsaka pinilit na iikot ang mga 'yun. I twisted her arm until she lets go of my hair because as I can sense it, what I did hurt, too.

Binitawan ko siya agad nang makatayo na ako nang tuwid. She's crying so loudly while holding her arm. Parang siya pa 'yung kinawawa ko. I touched my neck and hissed when I saw some blood. 

I blew out an air. 

"Bakit mo ba ginagawa 'to?" I asked her, very frustrated. "Sa tingin mo ba, magugustuhan ka ni Note sa ginawa mong 'to?"

"Bakit?! Magsusumbong ka?! Sisiraan mo ako sa kanya!" Itinuro niya ako.

"You know what? I think there's something wrong with your head," I told her sharply. 

Inayos ko iyong buhok ko bago naglakad paalis doon. Dumiretso ako sa comfort room. Ngumiwi ako nang makita 'yung apat na mahahabang kalmot sa gilid ng leeg ko. Ugh! Makikita 'to kahit na takpan ko. Ang haba ng mga kuko ni Giselle. Parang pinahaba niya talaga 'yun para magamit sa 'kin.

I get my handkerchief and tied it around my neck. Pumunta ako sa clinic para magpa-lagay ng bandage. I texted Maya to come here to see me. Marami na ring missed calls si Note mula pa kaninang umaga pero 'di ko nasagot dahil late talaga akong nagising. Ngayon lang siya tumawag uli dahil breaktime na. Hindi ko na muna sinagot.

"Anong nangyari sa 'yo, Cady?!" Maya asked when she saw me. Nilalagyan pa lang ng gamot nung nurse 'yung kalmot kaya nakita niya kunga ga'no kalala. "Ano 'yan?! Sa'n 'yan galing? Sino gumawa sa 'yo niyan?!"

"Mamaya ko iku-kwento. I just need a company..." I smiled at her. Tingin ko kasi, 'di naman uulitin 'to ni Giselle kung makikita niya na may kasama ako. Pag inulit niya 'to at may ibang nakakita, delikado siya. Sa oras na makarating 'to kay Lolo, baka i-kick out niya agad si Giselle. Lalaki pa lalo 'yung problema.

Nanatili 'yung nag-aalalang tingin sa 'kin ni Maya.

"Okay lang ako. It stung a little but I'm still alive. Huminga ka diyan," I told Maya as I laugh.

"Nakaka-tawa ka pa talaga."

Umirap ako. "Should I cry, then?"

"Ewan ko sa 'yo, Cady! Paano mo 'yan i-explain kila Tita? Hindi mo maitatago 'yan. Halatang-halata!"

"Don't worry. They're both busy," I replied bitterly. "Ipagdasal mo na lang na hindi ako i-check ng kapatid ko ngayong araw. Mas OA 'yun mag-react." Tumawa ako.

Natapos na 'kong lagyan ng bandage ng nurse kaya nagpasalamat na ako at umalis na kami ni Maya. I told her about what happened in a low voice. Mahirap na, baka may makarinig at kumalat pa.

"What?! She did that?" she asked, shocked. "She looks harmless!"

"I know..." Sumimangot ako. I hope she would eventually understand my point. Sarado pa 'yung isip niya ngayon dahil sa sobrang galit.

"Anong sasabihin mo sa boys? They will ask about that."

"Ewan. Iiwas muna siguro ako."

Pumunta kami sa kabilang cafeteria, malayo sa palagi naming kinakainan kasama ang boys. I still don't know how to explain about this. Mag-aalala lang mga 'yun. Lalo si Note.

"Hindi 'yan gagaling agad," Maya told me. "Malalim 'yung kalmot niya. I think you should tell them. For your protection na rin. Kasi ako, aminado ako na hindi kita mapo-protektahan in case na sumugod uli 'yun dito!"

I chuckled. "Don't worry. I can protect myself."

"Ah, kaya ka pala nakalmot. You can protect yourself," she said, mocking me.

We fall in line to buy our lunch. Hinihintay ko na lang i-serve 'yung pagkain at mailagay sa tray nang tumunog 'yung phone ko. Note's calling. Sumenyas ako kay Maya na mauuna na sa table namin nang nai-serve 'yung sa 'kin para masagot ko 'yung tawag. Kailangan ko na 'tong sagutin this time dahil paniguradong nag-aalala na 'yun.

"Hello—"

"Where are you?" he asked in a serious manner.

"Uh.. sorry, hindi ko nasagot 'yung mga tawag mo. Late na kasi akong nagising. Half day lang ako ngayon..."

"Nasaan ka nga ngayon?" 

"Hmmm bakit?" I teased. "Don't worry. I'm eating. Hindi ako nagpapagutom. Ikaw? Kumain ka na?"

Instead of answering my question, he sighed. "Nasa Discipline Office ako."

"Huh?" Napatayo ako sa gulat. Nagtatakang tumingin sa 'kin si Maya na kararating lang sa pwesto namin. "What are you doing there?"

"Where are you? Are you okay?" he asked instead.

I exhaled an air. Mukhang nalaman na niya kaagad. 

"Ayos lang ako," I replied calmly. "Don't worry about me. Kailangan ba ako diyan? Pupunta ako." 

"'Wag na. You stay there and eat your lunch. Tinignan na sa CCTV 'yung nangyari. It showed how badly she harmed you." I can almost hear him gritting his teeth. "I'm sorry. Dahil sa 'kin kaya niya—"

"It's not your fault," inis na sabi ko sa kanya. "Just let it slide, okay? Hindi naman na siguro niya uulitin."

"She's serving her detention for the whole week."

I sighed. Buti naman detention lang. 

"Hindi na sana umabot kay Lolo 'yan. Ayoko nang lumaki 'yung problema."

"And how about you?" he asked firmly. 

"I'm fine, Note. She can hurt me physically once. Hindi na 'to mauulit."

Maya's glaring at me while eating. Hindi ako makakain kasi ang hirap pakalmahin nitong si Note. Ayos naman na ako, e. Kalmot lang 'to. 

I heard him sighed. "I'll swing by your classroom before the class resumes, okay? I want to check on you."

"Okay..." I replied softly. "'Wag kang masyadong mag-alala, ha? Ayos lang talaga ako."

"Next time, tell me about it. Hindi mo sinabi sa 'kin agad. Ililihim mo na naman siguro."

I pouted. He know me well. "Oo na... Magsasabi na nga..."

He sighed again. "Sige na, kumain ka na muna. We'll talk later, okay?"

"Opo..." I replied.

"Okay... Hang up now..." marahan niyang sabi. 

I bid another bye before ending the call. Nang tumingin ako kay Maya, umirap pa siya sa 'kin.

"Ano? Nalaman na?" she asked and sighed when I nodded. "Mabuti naman! Para wala ka nang itatago. Pa'no raw nalaman?"

"I don't know... Hindi niya nabanggit. Pero na-detention na raw si Giselle."

"Good for her!"

I shrugged before I quietly eat my food. Paniguradong lalo lang magagalit 'yun dahil sa nangyari. With the kind of a mindset that she has? I bet.