Chapter 18

I lent my P.E. uniform to Maya and waited for her to freshen up before we went back to our classroom. Malapit na kasing mag-start iyong first class namin. As long as I want to talk to her and ask her about it, ayoko namang mag-cut class kaming dalawa. Malaki na 'yung ibinaba ng grade niya noon dahil kay Gamboa, hindi na niya kailangan dagdagan pa.

So I patiently waited until our class for today has done. Half day lang kami ngayon since may meeting na naman 'yung mga teachers.

Nagpa-iwan lang kami sa classroom. Tsaka ko siya nilapitan nung wala na talagang tao bukod sa amin.

"Maya."

Tahimik lang siya habang nag-aayos ng gamit. I sighed before sitting down on the seat beside her.

Nung tapos na niyang ayusin 'yung gamit niya, umayos siya ng upo habang naka-yuko pa rin.

"Firstly," she started. I can feel how hard she's controlling her emotions. "I want to say sorry..."

Her tears started to fall on her hands while she's looking down to it.

"I was blinded by my feelings. Masyado akong naging bias..." she sighed. "I'm sorry if I failed at trusting you as your best friend. I apologized for doubting you and for failing to protect you," she sobbed harder. "Hindi ko inaasahan na gagawin sa 'yo 'yun ni Cyrus. He's been so gentle with me... akala ko... akala ko totoo siya."

I want to hug her as I witnessed how broken she is. 

Pinunasan ko rin iyong tumulong luha ko.

"Masyado niyang nakuha 'yung tiwala ko. Nalayo iyong loob ko sa 'yo kasi 'yung nasa isip ko nung time na 'yun ay 'yung pag-ayaw mo sa relasyon namin. I thought you don't want me to be happy. I haven't thought about how protective you are to me. God... I was so blinded. Hiyang hiya ako sa 'yo, Cady... I'm sorry.. I'm sorry for siding with him that time. I regret it so much. I'm sorry..."

I extended my arms to hug her. 

Isinandal ko siya sa balikat ko habang iyak pa rin siya nang iyak. I am hurting for her but it isn't too late. Mistakes are done for us to grab lessons and realize things. There's more of it better than seeing the dark side.

"It's okay.  I'm not mad," I consoled her while gently combing her hair. "I'd be honest to tell you that it hurt when you doubted me, but it's done. We don't need to live with it. Kalimutan na lang natin. Hindi ko rin naman kaya magtanim ng sama ng loob sa 'yo, e," I chuckled.

We're best friends. We should understand each other. 

It's just a misunderstanding. We're stronger.

"I'm just worried about you," I continued. "Worried ako sa kung ga'no ka nag-alala sa kanya habang pinapanood mong sinasaktan siya ng mga kaibigan natin. I was worried that it might break your heart. I was more worried when you started hiding from me. From us. Wala kang mapagsasabihang iba. I don't want you to bottle up your feelings on your own and just explode when you can't control your emotions anymore. That's dangerous, Maya."

She wiped her tears but it won't stop.

"I know... I'm sorry for worrying you. It was so hard when you're not with me..."

"That's why you must not repeat it again, okay?" I felt her nod. "Kung may problema, sa 'kin mo sabihin. Hindi naman ako magagalit sa 'yo, e... Maiinis, magtatampo, pwede pa. Pero iyong pagtatanim ng sama ng loob sa 'yo? Never."

"I'm really sorry, Cady... I wish I could take back everything I said that night."

"Hey," I pleaded. "Stop apologizing. I said it's okay."

Hindi siya nagsalita.

"We're humans. We have all done mistakes, you know? At some point in our life, we might have said things and made decisions that we immediately wish to just take back, but you don't have to beat yourself up for regretting about those especially when there are still ways to cope up with it," I told her. "Just take this as an opportunity to learn something. You already apologized to me. That's okay now. That's a brave thing to do, really. You don't need to worry anymore, Maya. I'm cool with it... basta ayos na tayo." 

Pinunasan niya iyong luha niya bago ako hinarap. 

She gave me a small smile. 

I sighed in relief. She looked at me with sincere eyes.

"Thank you, Cady, babawi ako sa 'yo..."

I chuckled. "No need! You're forgiven. May pagbawi man o wala. Basta 'wag mo na 'kong iiwasan, ha? It's heartbreaking."

She nodded. "I promised. Hindi na talaga mauulit."

I smiled wider. "So okay na ba tayo?"

"Ako dapat nagtatanong sa 'yo niyan, e..."

"Baliw," I laughed briefly. "Kung ako tatanungin mo, syempre ayos na tayo 'no!"

She still looked guilty but she managed to give me a smile. A sincere one. 

I sighed. 

I hope she can let go about what happened. Kasi ganoon iyong ginawa ko. I am forcing myself to forget about what Cyrus did to me. I let that memory go. It's not a beautiful memory after all. 

Kailangan ko pakawalan kasi wala namang magandang idudulot sa 'kin kung aalalahanin ko palagi. It will only make me depressed and scared... It will only make me doubt myself if I do really deserve respect... It will only pull my confidence down until I cannot take it anymore and just snapped... I don't want that. I refuse to be inside those prison. I love being brave. I love being happy. I want to stay like this.

I need to move on.

If I want to free my mind from the fruit of anxiety and doubt of what Cyrus did to me, then I need to forgive. 

His family has suffered a lot already. Si Lolo na ang gumawa nun para sa 'kin. I think that's enough. I have to take forward and just drop it from behind.  

* * *

Maya also talked to boys, kasi kahit 'di man nila sabihin, alam naman namin na nagtampo sila kay Maya. Good thing, they're cool already. Wala naman na rin si Gamboa sa school. Hindi na namin siya makikita.

So when the weekend came, I went with her to the hospital. For her to move on, they need to break up. 

Iniiwasan ko na gawing topic si Gamboa dahil alam kong sensitive topic 'yun para sa kanya pero siya iyong nagsabi na pumunta rito. She said she need an end and a closure.

Para tuloy kaming tanga dito sa tapat ng kwarto ni Gamboa.

"Samahan na lang kita," I suggested.

She shook her head. "No. Okay lang ako. Don't mind me. Let me protect you kahit sa ganitong paraan lang. He did you wrong, Cady. Hindi basta-basta 'yung ginawa niya. Alam kong 'di ka pa handang makita siya."

"But you need support—"

"Don't worry. I can do this."

Nginitian niya ako tsaka niyakap saglit.

"Hintayin mo na lang ako dito."

Hindi ko na siya napigilan no'ng pumasok na siya kaagad. Wala akong choice kundi umupo sa upuan na nasa hallway. I busied myself with my phone, nag-like lang ako ng kung anu-anong tweets sa twitter. 'Yung facebook ko naman, puro memes ang laman. Madalas din kasi sa mga friends ko, puro memes ang shini-share.

I opened my messenger to see the boys being extra noisy in our group chat.

the chamber of secrets

Luckyme: so what's happening there, ba't wala pa rin update @cadysky

guilbertism: ever so nosy gago

Luckyme: i'm just asking! aren't u worried bro she's going to see her asshole ex

musicnote: Nah, they got this.

guilbertism: wow confident

musicnote: OF COURSE

guilbertism: sana all may lablayf

Luckyme: wew try mo kasi magseryoso di 'yung puro laro

guilbertism: wew ka rin, nagsalita 'yung namomroblema sa girlfriend

guilbertism: ay gago, wala ka nga pala non hahaha

Luckyme: pakyu ka tol ano problema mo

musicnote: haha

Luckyme: sa'n na ba si Jessi nang may kakampi ako dito

musicnote: D'yan lang 'yan sa tabi-tabi

guilbertism: hahahaha aso lang pota

Umiling ako sa ingay nila. I composed a message.

cadysky: She's inside. They're still talking.

cadysky: I think the talk's going well. She's been there for almost 5 mins e.

guilbertism: pag lumabas si Maya na umiiyak princess, i-karate mo na si gago para matuluyan na

Luckyme: dimunyu

guilbertism: ka rin gago

cadysky: Don't worry, I got this 💪

musicnote: text me when you're done, I'll drive you both home

JSS: I'll pick them up later bro

guilbertism: Ohh

Luckyme: sama ko. let's eat after to celebrate

guilbertism: mama mo celebrate

Luckyme: may problema ba tayo pre

musicnote: i'll pick up Skylah and you'll pick up Maya

musicnote: how about that @JSS

Luckyme: lazada delivery lang mga bro

guilbertism: baka shopee

LuckyMe: LBC yata haha

musicnote: manahimik na lang kayong dalawa kung wala kayong magandang sasabihin

JSS: yeah it's fine

I was trying to compose another message when I saw a familiar face across the hallway. Medyo nagulat pa 'ko dahil mukha siyang galit. I know it's not the time to feel amused but I can't help it! Ngayon lang ako naka-kita ng reaksyon sa mukha ni Yelo!

"Hey," I approached him.

The anger in his face became more visible when he saw me. He looks furious. Napa-simangot ako nang konti. Problema nito?

"I just want to say thank you from the other day for telling me about Maya—"

"It's nothing."

Nagsimula uli siyang maglakad kaya sinabayan ko siya. He looks so pissed off. Medyo nakaka-panibago, ah.

"Are you okay? May problema ka ba?" I asked genuinely.

Huminto siya tsaka kunot-noong lumingon sa 'kin. Napa-hinto rin tuloy ako.

"Why do you even care?" he hissed. 

My brows slowly furrowed, a little surprised with his line. "You're mean. Sorry, ha? Baka lang kasi makatulong ako. I'm sorry for bothering you. I just want to return the favor—"

"I don't want getting any favor from you."

I blinked. Umakyat iyong init sa ulo ko. Anong problema niya sa 'kin? Parang galit na galit siya diyan?! Gusto ko lang naman siyang pasalamatan. Anong masama do'n?!

"May problema ka ba sa 'kin?" I pursed my lips.

"Stop bothering me. I don't want to see your face—"

I scoffed. The audacity! Siya na nga 'tong kinakausap kahit na ang sungit-sungit niya! "Sorry, ha! Don't worry, 'di na kita kakausapin! Akala mo naman ang wholesome mong kausap diyan. For your information, ang boring mo kaya! Alam mo bang binansagan kita sa isip kong 'Yelo' kasi parang 'di ka naman marunong makiramdam—"

"I don't need your opinion about me. Fuck off."

My mouth parted in awe as I watched him walk out. Grabe! Napaka-gaspang ng ugali! Bakit ganun 'yun?! He's stressing me out!

 "Fuck off ka rin!" gigil kong bulong. 

Sarap sana niyang sigawan kaya lang, maraming tao sa paligid. Nakakainis! Ako pa yata 'yung napagbuntungan ng galit niya. Badtrip.

I was sulking when Maya went out of Gamboa's room. I quickly scanned her face only to see her looks okay. Naka-hinga ako nang maluwag.

"Ano? Kumusta? Ayos ka lang ba?" sunud-sunod kong tanong.

She nodded and smiled a little. 

"I'm officially back to being single," she replied. "And he kind of... confessed."

"About what?"

We started walking towards the elevator.

"He said he originally likes you. That he only used me to get close to you."

Kumunot agad 'yung noo ko. 

"Gago ba siya?" I muttered. 

Parang gusto kong bumalik sa private room niya para dagdagan iyong pasa niya sa mukha, e! Nakapagpatawad na ako pero kung ganito 'yung maririnig ako, babawiin ko na muna!

She chuckled. "He also confessed that he kind of regret about it. He apologized to me for everything. Tsaka pinapa-sabi niya, sorry daw."

Nawala iyong simangot ko.

"Talaga?"

Maya nodded. "I told him that you're waiting just outside his room and asked him if he wants to apologize to you in person. Kaso 'di pa raw siya handa. Like me, he's guilty and regretting..."

"Hey.."

Ngumiti siya. "Naka-hinga ako nang maluwag. I thought it's hard to go through break-ups."

"This is your first break-up. Mas may experience ka na sa 'kin, ah," I joked.

She laughed. "Ikaw din naman, may experience na ah."

"Wala pa 'no. He's still courting me. We're still labeled as friends," I giggled.

We went out the hospital only to see Note, Jess, Guilbert and Lucky outside, waiting for us. They stood up when they saw us coming.

"Wow! Kumpleto 'ata kayo?" I chuckled.

"Ayaw nilang magpa-iwan," Note replied, rolling his eyes. 

Natawa kami ni Maya.

"Ano? Break na ba kayo ni gago?" Guilbert asked Maya.

Maya nodded. "Yup! Single na ulit!" she laughed.

"Welcome to the club!" Lucky shook Maya's hand. "Let's celebrate! Ramen tayo!"

"Kaya sumama 'to para maka-lamon, e," Guilbert commented.

"Hoy masyado ka naman sa lamon!" 

"Totoo naman, ah?" Guilbert laughed at Lucky's annoyed face.

Umiling ako. Nagkatinginan kami ni Note kaya sabay kaming napa-ngiti. Jessi's looking at Maya with his serious face. I cleared my throat before letting go of Maya's arm which I was clinging with.

"Let's go, eat ramen!" I announced before grabbing Note's hand and pulling him with me. 

Tumabi din ako kay Lucky tsaka tumalon para maakbayan siya. Tangkad kasi nito, e. Sinenyasan ko si Guilbert na sumunod sa 'min na ginawa niya naman agad. Nauuna kaming naglalakad papunta sa parking lot dahil iyong sasakyan pala ni Jessi ang dala nila. Nasa likuran naman namin si Jessi at Maya, tahimik na naka-sunod.

"Libre mo ba?" asked Guilbert.

"KKB tayo, bro," I laughed. 

"Sus! Ililibre ka nga ni Note, e!" Lucky demanded.

"Luck, ikaw pinakamay-pera sa atin dito. Sinong niloloko mo?" Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay.

"Pinakamayaman, wala namang nagmamahal," Guilbert laughed out loud.

"Hoy tinigilan na kita, ah, bakit inaatake mo pa 'ko?!"

Tawa lang kami nang tawa ni Note sa kanila hanggang sa makarating kami sa kotse ni Jess. Note opened the door for me. I smiled wider. 

We all went inside while Jess maneuvered the car. Kainggit. Iba talaga nagagawa kapag nasa legal age na, e. 

"Do you like free food? Sa bahay na lang tayo, I'll cook!" I volunteered. 

Ilang araw na 'kong nag-pa-practice magluto, e. That became my new hobby. Feeling ko naman, improving na ako.

Natahimik silang lahat. I looked around, still smiling. They're looking at each other. Tapos biglang nag-taas ng kamay si Guilbert.

"Oh, libre ko na pala kayong lahat! Sa'n niyo ba gusto, guys?"

"Japanese resto!" Lucky suggested. "Ramen!"

"Tara, ramen!" 

They all cheered for ramen. I pouted. I felt Note tousled my hair. I looked at him, still pouting.

"Punta 'ko sa Sunday sa inyo. Cook for me?" he raised both of his brows.

I nodded in glee. "Sure!"

"Ako nang bahala sa St. Peters..." Lucky said.

"Mag-dodonate na lang ako ng diatabs," Guilbert added.

Nagtawanan lahat. They teased me and I fight back but ended up laughing with them when Lucky told us the first time he stayed in the hospital because of my dish kare-kare. Na-food poison silang apat dahil sa luto ko. Tawa lang kami nang tawa. We were so loud in the car. I sighed in contentment. I'd live my life having them with me. They're one of my blessings in life kahit kupal sila. I love them.