Chapter 10

I went back and stayed at the backstage. I don't want to see Giselle confessing her feelings for Note tapos nan'dun 'yung mga ugok, the more na nai-imagine kong tutuksuhin nila iyong dalawa hanggang sa mamula sila sa hiya. I don't want to witness their moment. Ugh, my mood was dropping so bad. Akala ko pa naman, magiging maganda 'yung gabi na 'to. I was surprised that it turned out otherwise.

My phone beeped for a message.

From: Maya

'Some girl went here, asking Note to talk in private! Where are you? Hindi ka pa ba babalik?'

What?! In private talaga sila mag-uusap? And then it dawned upon me... Sinabi nga pala ni Giselle 'yun sa 'kin kanina. Na gusto niyang mag-confess kay Note in private. I forgot. Masyado nang nasa-sabaw iyong isip ko. This is getting me so curious. Hindi ako mapakali.

I replied right-away asking Maya where did they go.

Sisilip lang ako, okay? Hindi ako mangingialam.

From: Maya

'Don't know. Pero papunta sila sa hallway ng Science Lab. Pupuntahan mo?'

I sighed and did not reply. 

Hindi ako makapag-isip nang maayos. So, sumama siya agad kay Giselle? Paano kung kidnapper pala si Giselle, e 'di hostage for ransom na 'yung kinalabasan niya?

The line of my thought got distracted when Maris called my name. Kailangan na pala ako sa stage. I sighed in relief. Good. All the more reason to not follow them. Masyado na kasing irrational kung susundan ko pa sila. Kahit na gusto ko. Hindi naman ako girlfriend. I should act like a friend. 'Yung talagang just a friend lang. Minsan kasi talaga, nakakalimutan ko na 'yung katayuan ko sa buhay niya.

Inabot sa akin ni Maris iyong gitara. Ngiting-ngiti siya. "Thank you talaga, Cadence, ha? Kung wala ka, disaster na kalalabasan nito."

I give her a small smile. "Wala 'yun."

Pinilit kong kalimutan iyong gumugulo sa isip ko bago ngumiti nang malapad habang inilalagay sa mic stand 'yung microphone. 

"Good evening ulit," I pronounce to everyone. Nakuha ko naman agad iyong atensyon nila. "Today is a good night. I'll sing you a song... then pull the person who you want to be danced with, okay? Grab this opportunity to make this night special!" I said enthusiastically.

The crowd cheered excitedly.

Nginitian ko sila. Medyo pumait nga lang agad 'yung ngiti ko nung na-realized ko na 'yung sinabi ko.

Wow, it's as if I'm encouraging Giselle pa, ha?

"This song is called Say It Again," I said before strumming the guitar. 

I watched the guys rose from their seats and walked towards the girls they want to dance with. Napapa-ngiti ako habang nagsi-strum. The least thing I should do for myself to feel better is to notice and focus on the good things around. 'Yun lang dapat ang isipin ko. My mind, my choice in what I'd like to feed on it.

I started singing.

"The thing about love is I never saw it coming." They started dancing. Slowly. With smiles on their faces. "You kinda crept up and took me by surprise..." 

Iginala ko iyong paningin ko. 

"And now there's a voice inside my heart that's got me wonderin'..."

My heart was struck when I saw the familiar built in the center of the dance floor. He's dancing with Giselle. 

"Is this true, I wanna hear it one more time..."

But he's looking up to me.

Umiwas ako agad ng tingin. Maybe the talk went well. And then, they happened.

"Move in a little closer... Take it to a whisper... Get just a little louder.. yeah..."

I strummed the guitar hard. Ang kalmado ng mga sumasayaw. They were slow dancing and I couldn't help but to feel a little jealous. Gusto ko rin sanang sumayaw, e. But responsibilities first.

"Say it again for me. 'Cause I love the way it feels when you are telling me that I'm the only one that's on your mind..."

Bumalik 'yung tingin ko sa kanilang dalawa. Giselle's arms are already wrapped around his neck. God. Mas lalong dumiin 'yung hawak ko sa gitara.

"Say it again for me... It's like the whole world stops to listen when you tell me you're in love. Say it Again..."

Tinapos ko lang 'yung buong kanta tsaka nag-salita pa nang kaunti bago ulit ako nag-mukmok sa backstage. This is so frustrating! Bakit ba ako nagkaka-ganito? Nakaka-inis na. Ang arte lang.

The food corner was already open and the helpers started the distribution. Gusto ko na rin kumain kaso parang wala akong lakas tumayo. Tsaka parang wala naman akong gana. 

"Cadence, kain na tayo!" Maris called.

I nodded and smiled a little.

"Sige. Sunod ako."

"Sunod ka, ha? Daming pagkain! 'Dun tayo sa table sa harap."

"Sige..."

Then, I was left here alone. 

I groaned and slapped myself. "Ang arte mo, Cady, ha? Alam ko namang maganda ka pero 'wag ka masyadong mag-maganda. Hindi healthy 'yan..."

And this feeling isn't healthy. I feel insecured. Never in my life I've felt like this. Bakit ganito ako? Crush lang naman 'yung meron ako kay Note, ah? Nagkaro'n lang ng kaunting malisya sa animated na kwentong barbero ni Cliff sa 'kin, pero other than that, crush pa rin 'yun. Harmless crush...

"Stop it, okay?" I whispered to myself while looking at my handy mirror. "That's not you. And that's creepy! You were friends for all that's worth! Are you seriously considering that idea? Labo mo. Don't, okay? Don't."

"What are you doing?"

Napa-sigaw ako nung makita ko si Yelo sa likod ko. Oo, paninindigan ko talaga 'yang tawag ko sa kanya. See, naka-poker face na naman. He looks like he's bored talking to me pero siya naman 'tong unang nag-approach diyan.

I looked at him, mostly annoyed. Narinig niya kaya 'yung monologue ko? Ugh. "Kanina ka pa ba d'yan?"

"I was sleeping there." Itinuro niya 'yung wooden bench sa gilid. Gosh. So kanina pa nga siya! "You're noisy enough to wake me up."

I rolled my eyes. "E sino ba kasi 'yung nag-sabing pwede kang matulog d'yan? Mukha ba ditong hotel?"

Sinong matinong tao ang matutulog sa kasagsagan ng acquaintance party? Sana, hindi na lang siya dumalo.

"Don't need your opinion."

Inirapan niya rin ako bago naglakad palabas. I scoffed in annoyance. Nakaka-badtrip talaga 'yung attitude niya. Pag-bukas niya ng pinto, naka-salubong niya si Note. Napa-tuwid ako ng upo. Nagtitigan lang silang dalawa tapos umalis na rin 'yung bwisit na Yelo na 'yun. Ang attitude talaga. Nakaka-inis.

"Ba't ka nandito?" tanong ko kay Note nung maka-lapit siya sa 'kin. Tumingin ako sa likuran niya. Wala namang naka-sunod na Giselle. Buti naman...

"Hindi ka kakain?" he asked instead.

Hinatak niya 'yung isang mono-block chair sa tapat ko. Umupo siya nang pa-baliktad, naka-harap siya sa 'kin habang naka-pangalumbaba siya sa sandalan. 

"Ginagawa mo? Para 'tong tanga," sabi ko sa kanya.

Naka-tingin lang siya sa 'kin. Tapos dahan-dahan na ngumiti.

"Ganda nung kanta mo kanina."

I looked at my nails to avoid his stares.

"Syempre. Ako pa ba."

"Sungit..." He laughed lightly. "Tatapusin mo pa ba 'tong party?" he asked after a moment.

"Malamang. Ako 'yung emcee."

He nodded.

"Pero pag may iba nang mag-i-emcee, uuwi ka na?"

"Oo sana..." I answered. Nawalan na rin ako ng gana, e... I look straight his eyes and smiled at him. "But don't worry. Just enjoy the night. Maaga pa naman. Tsaka ayun nga, ako 'yung emcee. Mag-enjoy ka lang 'dun..." Sabay kasi kaming pumunta rito, kaya siya din maghahatid sa 'kin pauwi. Kung maaga akong uuwi, maaga rin siyang uuwi. Unfair sa kanya. 

He shrugs. "Gusto ko na rin umuwi."

I looked at him, a bit surprised. "Bakit naman?"

"Hindi ako nag-e-enjoy. Paano, 'yung date ko kasi, iniwan ako. Nag-emcee na lang."

Umirap ako tsaka siya tinawanan. "Arte mo, ha. Para namang 'di ka nag-enjoy sa first dance mo."

He arched his brow. "Nakita mo?"

I arched my brow, too. "Oo. Syempre. Gitnang-gitna pa nga kayo, e."

I saw amusement danced in his eyes. Umirap ako ulit.

"I want to dance with you that moment but you're the one singing..."

Nag-kibit ako ng balikat, unable to let him see that I was moved by his statement. I acted lonely. "Hay, buti ka pa nakapag-sayaw na. Kawawa naman 'yung mga gustong mag-sayaw sa 'kin sa labas, unavailable ako ngayon."

He pouted. "Kawawa kami," he pointed out and laughed. "Dami ngang nagha-hanap sa 'yo. They all ask me about you. Kaya pumunta na ako dito. Baka may sumadya pa sa 'yo dito, e..." He then turns a little serious. "'Yung lalaki kanina, siya iyong dinala natin sa ospital, 'di ba?"

I nodded. "Oo. 'Yung masungit."

"Pumunta dito para yayain ka sumayaw?" 

I laughed a bit. "Hindi, 'no."

Note nodded and smiled. "Good," sabi niya tsaka tumayo. "Let's go?"

"Saan?"

Instead of answering me, he asked, "Pagod ka na ba?" 

"Honestly?"

He nodded. "Of course."

I nodded, too. "Oo. Kaso kailangan ako dito, e." Gustung-gusto ko nang umuwi.

He gave me a gentle smile like he just read what's on my mind.

"Then, let's go," he said as he pulled me up.

Nagpa-hila lang ako sa kanya hanggang sa makarating kami kila Mrs. Martin. Pinagpaalam niya 'ko na masama ang pakiramdam ko kaya kailangan ko nang umuwi. As for my sub, si Lucky 'yung ini-volunteer niya. Walang kamalay-malay 'yung isa na nagsasaya 'dun sa table nila.

"You lied," pangongonsensya ko sa kanya nung nasa sasakyan na kami.

He chuckled then shrugged afterwards.

"It's for you, though. You seemed tired. May gig pa naman bukas. Maraming kakantahin 'dun."

Hindi na ako umimik. Gusto ko sanang i-open iyong topic kay Giselle pero pinigilan ko 'yung sarili ko. This time, I'll give him his privacy. Human-right naman 'yun. Kung gusto niyang i-kwento, then go. Kung gusto niya i-preserve 'yung moment nilang 'yun nang sa kanila lang, e 'di shing. I don't want to refrain him from having his good memories kept up in his sleeves. I'll just leave it to him...

Nag-kunwari na lang akong tulog sa buong byahe para 'di na niya ako kausapin.

Though, I know, he won't buy it.

Masyado niya na akong kilala. I'm afraid that he knows me more than I know myself. Masyado kasi siyang observant.

"I'll tell you when we arrive. Pahinga ka na muna," he said gentlier than before.

Mas lalo kong ipinikit 'yung mga mata ko.

Way to go, Cadence.

* * *

"Ano gusto mong kainin?" he asked upon arriving at our house. 

We head on the kitchen counter. Kanina pa kasi tumutunog 'yung tiyan ko sa gutom. Nagtutulug-tulugan pa naman ako tapos biglang e-eksena 'yung tiyan ko. Galing din, e.

"Gabi na, e," sagot ko. Malapit nang mag-11 pm. Matutulog na rin ako agad mamaya. Ayokong kumain nang mabigat sa tiyan. 

"Tulog na yata si Manang, e. Kumain ka kahit konti lang. I'll make egg benedicts for you tapos gawa tayo ng s'mores. Okay ba 'yun? That's light food."

Natakam agad ako. Tumango na ako kaagad. Napa-ngiti siya sa reaksyon ko.

"You should eat when you're hungry, Skylah." Pinisil niya 'yung ilong ko kaya sinipat ko agad iyong kamay niya. I glared at him. Tatawa-tawa naman siyang kumuha ng buns. "Katakot ka pag nagugutom ka, e. Masama ka talagang nagugutom."

"Bakit naman?"

"You look like Godzilla when you're hungry," he replied before laughing out loud.

I rolled my eyes.

"Ang epal mo, alam mo 'yun?"

"Sa 'yo lang naman," at nagawa pang kumindat ng bwisit.

Nag-kwentuhan lang kami ng tungkol sa kung anu-ano habang hinihintay ko siyang matapos sa ginagawa niya. Umupo ako sa tapat ng counter tsaka nag-simulang gumawa ng s'mores. At least ito, alam kong gawin. Mapagkakatiwalaan ako pagdating dito.

Note get some cocoa tablea and melt it with hot water.

"Wine glass talaga?" I laughed. 'Dun niya kasi isinalin iyong hot chocolate namin.

He nodded innocently before carefully pushing the glass toward me. "'Wag ka kontrabida. Maganda naman tignan."

Pinagtawanan ko lang siya habang sumusubo sa marsh mallow. Iba rin talaga trip nito minsan, e.

Nilagay niya 'yung plato ng egg benedict sa tapat ko.

"Kain ka na. Ako na diyan," he said before proceeding to the s'mores. 

"Kumain ka na ba?" I asked and he nodded. "Okay. Thank you dito."

He smiled but did not replied.

I took a bite and shut my eyes closed because it tastes great! Lahat na lang talaga, kaya niyang gawin. And he's not just capable—he can do things with pure excellency without exerting much effort.

"Galing mo talaga gumawa ng ganito," I said as I munched on his dish. He smiled again while doing my s'mores. "Try mo kaya mag-chef. May future ka 'dun."

"You think so?"

"Yeah..." I took a bite again. "Why? Ano ba'ng gusto mo?"

"I want to be a doctor," he shrug. "I want to treat patients to prolong their lives with my skill and knowledge. I want to help..." He halted and looked at me. "What do you think? May future din ba 'ko 'dun?"

I stared back at him. This is the first time I heard him talk about his dream. I imagined him with white coat and scrubs... hmmm. Mukhang madadagdagan sa Med School 'yung mga fangirls niya. And his reason... all the more reason he made me feel so proud again for having him in my life.

"What?" he asked nung 'di ako sumagot.

"Bakit?"

"You're smiling. You think, hindi bagay?"

"No!" I quickly replied. "I mean... you surely would ace Med school. I just imagined you being a doctor. It looks good on you." Nag-thumbs up pa ako sa kanya para makita niya 'yung sincerity ko.

"Talaga? 'Di mo ako inuuto lang?" he asked, but his smile grew wider. 

Sumimangot ako. "Ayaw mo maniwala, 'di wag."

Tumawa siya. "Kidding. Thank you for that, princess. It will serve as my motivation."

Nginitian ko siya. "You put your heart on everything you do. You'll do great in whatever you want to do in the future, in whatever field you would like to choose. I've witness how you do things all these years in your own pace, you'll be successful because you're a kind of person who knows what he wants and knows effective ways on how to get them," I told him. Kasi, totoo naman. In everything he does, there's determination and passion. If he likes it, he'd acquire it. If he doesn't want it, he wouldn't do it. Ganon siya ka-simpleng tao. His mind works simply that way. 

Kaya iyong sayaw kanina... I'm sure he liked it. Hindi siya papayag kung ayaw niya.

He stares at me like he's trying to memorize every countour of my face. He takes his time... I bit my tongue to say something unnecessary.

Marahan siyang ngumiti sa 'kin. Even his eyes smile. This one's my most favorite smiles of him.

"Thank you. Promise me you'll support me while I struggle in Med School?"

I nodded proudly. "Of course."

"What about you? Do you already have a choice of degree?" 

I shrug. "Hati, e. Gusto kong mag-aral ng business management pero gusto ko rin maging psychologist."

His eyes lingered on me. Then he nodded with a smile. "They're both a good choice."

"Sa'n mo ako mas na-imagine? Bilang psychologist o bilang business woman?" I asked with gusto. 

Nag-pigil siya ng ngiti. "You look great on both. What matter is your final choice about it. I could imagine you wearing formal attire, seriously working inside your office. You also look good wearing white coat and giving gentle smiles and advices to those who needs it. It depends on your choice of who you want to be. Either of the two, I'd still support you and will always be proud of you."

I bit the side of my cheeks to stop my lips curling into a super-wide smile. "Alright. I'll take that."

"Just take your time and decide wisely. Tiwala naman ako sa mga desisyon mo."

I nodded. I'm thankful that we get to talk about these things. Kumuha ako 'dun sa s'mores na ginagawa niya tsaka uminom sa hot chocolate para ma-distract sa pag-ngiti. Ang sarap talaga!

He smiled again. He fiddled on his phone before standing up and offering his hand to me.

Kumunot iyong noo ko. "What are you doing?" 

"Please dance with me?" he asked.

Muntik nang malaglag 'yung s'mores sa bibig ko.

"Bakit?" I asked, my heart's starting to feel dangerously noisy.

"Hindi tayo nakapag-sayaw kanina. You're busy, remember?" He arched his brow before pulling my hand  in his grip. "Come on. Pagbigyan mo na ako."

Tumayo ako sa harap niya tsaka nilagay sa magkabilang balikat niya iyong mga kamay ko. Ingay ng dibdib ko! Kainis! Nag-iinarte na naman!

Nag-simula na rin tumugtog iyong  phone ni Note.

'I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold'

He smiled sheepishly before adjusting my hands to lock on his nape. Parang 'yung ginawa ni Giselle kanina... But this time, his arms gripped on my waist. Napa-lapit tuloy ako masyado sa kanya...

'I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul'

"Huy," nabibigla kong sabi.

He chuckled at my reaction. "Why?"

"P-para na tayong magka-yakap..." sabi ko nang 'di tumitingin sa kanya. "Hindi naman ako si Giselle," I blurted out before it's too late.

'I know that you are something special
To you, I'd be always faithful'

Nabigla siya sa sinabi ko. 

He slowly sway me to dance.

"You knew her?" he asked.

I nodded slowly.

'I want to be what you always needed
Then I hope you'll see the heart in me'

"She went to me asking for my permission," I told him. Lahat naman ng nangyayari sa buhay ko, alam niya. 'Yun lang talaga. 'Yung tungkol sa pagtingin ko sa kanya. 

"And? You gave it to her?" he pouted.

Ugh...

'I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold'

"She's nice..." I almost whispered. "Smart. Beautiful... And she likes you."

He sighed. "Yeah, she said that."

'I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul'

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. "So?"

He tilted his head. "What do you think?"

'You're the one I want to chase
You're the one I want to hold'

"Are you already like... a thing? I see how you two danced earlier. It looks... intimate."

He shook his head. I feel his hand gently caressing my waist, following the tempo of the music. My heart beats wilder—kulang na lang, kumawala na. The things Note makes me feel...

'I won't let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
Your beautiful soul, yeah'

"Define 'intimate', princess," he gently asked while looking straight in my eyes.

Gosh. Nahihilo ako. Ang lapit namin sa isa't-isa.

"She was hugging you while you two dance," I replied anyway.

He nodded. "She did at first... but I asked her to observe space," he said. "It's too close. It's uncomfortable."

I nodded but something dawned upon me. Umawang iyong labi ko. It means he's uncomfortable in this distance? Mas close 'yung space namin ngayon kaysa sa kanina no'ng nagsasayaw sila ni Giselle. I immediately unlocked my hand on his nape.

"What are you doing?" he asked when he noticed what I'm doing.

"Sabi mo, uncomfortable and observe space," I quoted.

He smirked before bringing back my arms in the earlier position. "Okay lang pag ikaw. Hindi ako kumportable sa kanya kasi hindi siya ikaw," he necessitated that nearly caught my breath away. "But this..." Tinapik niya nang marahan 'yung baywang ko. My breathing hitched. "This is comfortable. It feels home."

My God. 

"And yes, she did confess to me about her feelings. But I told her that my heart is already set to someone else... and that I have nothing to do with it. So to answer your question, it's no. We're not a thing."

He gave me his gentliest smile he could give before pulling me closer and giving me a soft kiss on the side of my head.

Goodness gracious. I need air.

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Music used:

Say It Again by Marie Digby

Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney

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