Week 3

Words - Iguana, Pestilence, Falsified and Hummingbird

Song - Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen

I wake from my lazy mid Sunday nap to the loud and very obnoxious sound of music blaring somewhere quite close. At least that's what it seems like as I drag my half dressed carcass from the couch to investigate. The mid day documentary about the evolution of the hummingbird that put me to sleep in the first place, has now finished and made way for the less sensible wrestling program. Somehow the music seems to drown out the mentally screaming hulks on TV, looking around I do believe the sound comes from my front door. Grabbing another drink in attempt to stop the backwards slide into hangover land, I answer the door. 

The music changes right as I answer the door and I'm not sure if it's the shift in the song or the confusing mix of person that greets my blurred vision that throws me more. I stagger as he grins while trying to hit the stop button on the boom box slung across his shoulder. A task it seems that is made more difficult by the very large iguana that he has wound across his shoulders. The more he twists to reach the button, the more unstable the iguana feels, causing it to dig its rather large claws into his shirt and I assume the man beneath. I smile in return but rather than smiling with him its more at him,  he fails to notice as he switches the music off.  

"Queen!" He shouts at me enthusiastically.

"I know." I reply being familiar with the popular song, all while noticing he is wearing a loud shirt says 'Vote' across it. 

Still he has woken me with his music and captivated me with his lizard, which still clings to him as if he is a branch swaying in a wind.  

"I'm here to talk to you today..." 

"About Bohemian Rhapsody?" I interrupt him.  

"Uhh no." He fumbles and I half think he's talking to the lizard who is starting to draw blood. "I use that to get people to answer their doors, I mean anyone can ignore someone knocking... But when it's music, they seem to at least want to hear what it's all'bout."  

"And the lizard?"  

"Well he's a pet you know and I figure why not bring him out. He adds to the experience don't you think."  

"I guess he does." I reply. "Well what's this all about then?" I ask starting to lose interest while my drink quickly evaporates. 

"Let me ask you this, Are you happy with the state of this country?" He asks sternly. 

"I don't much think about it." I reply, starting to think that this is a waste of my time and that I should be doing something more productive.  

"Well you should, does it not bother you that our system is corrupt?"  

"It is?" I feign interest.  

"Yes. The same politicians on a loop, the same two parties getting into power." 

"Well who do you suggest should run the place." I ask already knowing this is where he wants to lead us to, and I attempt to fast travel, avoiding the tedious scenery. 

"I'm glad you asked." He almost squeals in delight. "The Freedom Party." 

Instantly I get a good feeling about the situation.  

"Freedom Party?" I ask in a leading manner. "What do they stand for?" 

"Freedom of course!" He replies. "Have you ever wondered why you can't just do the things you want?" 

"All the time." I reply. 

"This government, just like the last, only want to take your freedoms and make you work longer." 

The timing seemed right so I launched into my own tirade, testing the mettle and patience of this obnoxious intruder.  

"I know right, it's outrageous." I chime in. "You know just the other day they came and told me I have to cut my grass." 

"Exactly my point." He raves in return.

"I mean, I like my grass long and what business is it of theirs anyway." I crack another can as I gear into full swing. "So they say it's a fire hazard and I'm breeding vermin, whatever. I like mice." 

The man falls head first into my trap, agreeing with everything I say. A dangerous position to take, but he fails to see me for the bait-er that I am and allows me to continue.  

"I mean would you believe that last week my mate got arrested? Do you want to know what they charged him with?" 

"What's that." The man inquires, hoping for more ammo.

"They claim he falsified a document. All because he transferred a car over into his possession without the permission of the owner." He gives me a look that shows he is starting to suspect something is not quite right but nods his approval just the same. I charge on not giving him the chance to back out yet.  

"So what about this whole gay marriage thing then, where does your party stand on that issue?" The temporary shift into familiar territory brings him back to life as he hollers out their polices on the matter for gay, lesbian, bi, and even transgender rights and freedoms. Something I'm not opposed to in the slightest and its my turn to nod in approval.  

"What about polygamy?" I ask and his face turns thoughtful. "I thought that would be right along your party line." 

Carefully he considers his response not wanting to overreach on behalf of someone with more power than himself and cause a gaff. After a short moment he agrees that although it's not as common as homosexuality, it still is a legitimate position and that The Freedom Party fights for the freedoms of all citizens.  

"I find it refreshing to have the opportunity to vote for such a forward thinking party." I pump him a little more before the big deflation. "How long do you think before they could change the law?" 

"That's tricky." He answers. "It can take up to a couple of years. Do you have someone you want to marry?"  

"Yeah I do actually." I pause, watching him smile as though he is happy for me, which I truly doubt he is. "See when I met my wife, some ten years ago she had a six year old daughter. Now she's turned sixteen and is the most wonderful person in the world." He nods with a smile as i continue. "In two years time she will be eighteen and I would love to be able to marry her as well." I give him a wink to top the farce off.  

His face remains unchanged for a long moment as this new information sinks in. I watch as it overloads his brain, while he desperately searches for the right social response. I feel my insides twisting and I take a drink to stop myself from laughing. When he fails to reconcile his feelings with his reactions and I can no longer keep a strait face, I change tact again with an outburst.  

"You don't approve!" I growl and he quickly tries to show that he is agreeable. However he cannot truly agree, slowly his head nodding ceases and he focuses on trying to say something to calm the situation.  

"You think I'm a sick weirdo?" I question him loudly not giving him time to vomit a response as he mutters an incoherent reply. "You do it's written all over your face." 

At this point he just wants to leave, the raised voices cause his iguana to clench on to his shoulder, while the mans brain is incapable if formulating a tangible reply. I give him the release he so desperately wants. 

"Just go, get out of here you Nazi hypocrite, coming to my door to speak of freedoms while you don't even believe in them, you may as well join the a party that wants to try and deny me my rights." Without a word he turns to leave before turning back to offer an apology, almost catching me in a smile.  

"Go! And may the almighty god of pasta infest you with pestilence."

As I close my front door I'm wracked in a fit of laughter. Election time is so much fun, this year I might even enroll to vote.