This is a collab with turtlequeen- !!! I had a lot of fun writing this Blush one-shot, and I hope y'all enjoy it. (If I even have people reading this lol)

Can we try that?
What if it's you,
And what if it's me,
And what if that's all that we need it to be.
And the rest of the world falls away.
What do you say?
-Dear Evan Hansen

-----
For once, the newsboy lodging house was silent. There were no card games going on, nor were their marbles scattered on the floor where the littles played. Not even the constant hum of chatter was their to diffuse the tension that blanketed the room. It was too quiet, and it set Mush's nerves on end. Jack was missing, they were all bloodied and bruised, and Crutchie was. . . gone.

He knew they had lost. He knew they were gonna lose. What had they been thinking, getting the idea that they could strike against Pulitzer? Pulitzer, who was the only thing in between them and a good pay. Pulitzer, one of the richest men in New York. Pulitzer, who owned The World.Mush was staring at the bunk in front of him, eyes unable to focus. Everything about him felt numb, and it wasn't because of the shot of whiskey Specs had given him earlier. A pair of feet crossed his line of vision as someone sat down in the bunk across from him. He looked up tiredly to see Elmer.

The boy's normally pleasant demeanor had turned grim, and a bandage could be seen under his cap. A bloody lip and a bruised cheek did no justice to the pitiful sight. He looked like hell, but somehow there was still a sparkle in his eyes."You doin' alright?" Mush asked, voice hesitant.Elmer heaved a sigh, and looked up at Mush. They both knew it was a stupid question— but what else was there to say?

"I-" He started, cutting himself off a second later. "No."At those words Mush glanced up and met his friend's eyes gaze. "I'd ask what's wrong, but the answer is obvious I guess." His voice was quiet, as if speaking too loud would shatter the world around them.

Elmer gave a weak smile in return, only to go back to frowning moments later. They both knew that smiling wasn't the most appropriate option during a situation like this, what with everyone hurting both emotionally and physically. It was just. . . not right.

With another sigh (this one softer than before) Elmer slid off his cap and twisted it in his hands for a few minutes before speaking up again. "You don't think... You don't think Jack left us, do ya, Mush?" He murmured, voice rough with worry. It was almost as if he was too scared to hear the answer of the question.

That caught the brunette off guard. Jack wouldn't leave them, especially now of all times. Right? He was their brother, their protector, their rock.

But, as Mush thought back to the countless times the older boy had dreamt up stories of Santa Fe to calm down the littles or to raise the spirits of the boys on a particularly bad selling day, the idea only seemed more and more likely. Jack had lost everything today, so he must have done the only thing left to do: run. And yet Mush denied it. He simply couldn't see Jack leaving them, no matter how hard things had gotten in the past few days.

"No," he replied quickly, though his gaze fell from Elmer's, unable to meet again. "No, he ain't gonna leave us, El. It's Jack. He'd never do that to us." Mush didn't know if he was trying to convince Elmer or himself.

They sat across from each other with their heads down and morals beaten into the earth. Hopeless. Neither boy dared pick up the conversation.

Mush didn't know how long they sat in silence, maybe minutes, a couple hours—who knew?—only managing to drift away from his thoughts when Race gave the call for lights out. For once, the other newsies listened to the sixteen-year-old, dutifully dimming the oil lamps that lined the walls and sliding into their respective bunks. Not a word was exchanged the entire time.

----

Mush didn't sleep. He wouldn't. He couldn't. As the breathing around him turned steady and even, he lay awake, eyes fixed on the boards of the bunk above him. His hands pulled and twisted at his blanket as he thought. Thought about Jack, about the strike, about what could possibly happen to make this situation somehow work. At first, the silence was welcoming. But, after a few minutes (Hours? Seconds? Mush really didn't know) it felt like it was choking him. The darkness was pressing down on him, filling his lungs and covering his eyes. He wrapped his arms around himself, trying desperately to shut it out.

Everything seemed to be crashing down on him, and the sinking feeling of hopelessness returned at full strength. Mush was scared, more scared than he had ever been in his entire life. The fight with the bulls had been *real*. Real as in someone could have died. Real as in they were all lucky to come out mostly unharmed.That was, all except Crutchie.

Mush's breath left his chest in realization. Up to this point, he had been denying it all. Everything was just too bad to accept, too bad to ever really happen. And yet it had. Jack was still missing. Crutchie was still stuck in the Refuge, stuck in that terrible, stinking hellhole that no child should ever be allowed to step foot in. The kid was only fourteen.

His chest grew tight as bile rose in his throat, a sure sign that tears were about to come. "Fuck," He muttered under his breath, pressing the palms of his hand to his eyes. Blood pounded in his ears and tears threatened to spill. His head was buzzing, and not in a good way. Cursing quietly as not to wake anyone, Mush forced back hot tears angrily. Newsies didn't cry.

Somehow, the thoughts of the strike came back like a bad penny. No matter how hard he tried, Mush couldn't get it out of his head. It was supposed to be fun, a way to say screw you to the adults who demanded far too much of them. They were supposed to win, supposed to be over with it quickly and maybe even make the papes. Somehow it had turned out the exact opposite they had intended.

The louder his breathing became, the harder Mush tried to calm himself down. Maybe Jack would come back and save the day, like he always did; maybe he'd save Crutchie from the Refuge and they'd all be together again; maybe they would win the strike and all this, the pain and suffering that was worse than usual, wouldn't be for nothing. Maybe everything would go back to normal. That was what broke him, though. Mush sat up, quickly wiping at his eyes as choked sobs tumbling from him, his whole body shaking violently.

Nothing could ever go back to normal after this. They weren't going to win. With how things had went today, there was no way that things were going to get better for them. They'd probably drag the strike out as long as they could, then just give in and pay the extra ten cents that Pulitzer asked for. If the strike wouldn't work, then what were they supposed to do?

Mush froze when the bed above him creaked, shooting a glance up to where Kid Blink slept. At first there was nothing. Then he saw Blink's face near the edge of the bunk. He wasn't wearing his eyepatch.

"Mush?" He asked.

Mush didn't trust himself to speak. Instead, he simply nodded his head in the darkness. Dammit, he must've woken him up. That was the last thing Mush wanted.

"Why aren't you asleep?" Mush asked quietly after sniffling. His voice was sounded raspy and choked and he winced internally at the sound of it.

"Couldn't with all that crying you're doing down here," Blink answered, standing with his arm leaning on the board that lined his mattress above Mush's, his head tilted to be able to see the brunette properly. As soon as he locked eyes with Mush, his voice lost it's impish tone. "Should... Should I come back later—?"

When the blonde started moving away, retreating back to his ladder, Mush panicked and reached forward, grabbing his wrist, successfully stopping Kid Blink from moving away any further.

"No. Stay." Mush paused to swallow back a cry, blinking back tears. "Please."

Kid Blink nodded and silently sat down on Mush's bed, pulling his legs up onto the mattress, sitting criss-cross in front of him. "I've heard it helps talkin' 'bout it," he advised gently, trying to catch his eye again when Mush looked back down.

Talking about everything that was currently bothering him made Mush feel sick to the stomach. Talking was the last thing he wanted to do, but Blink had a point. Talking did help... Most times, at least.

"I-," Mush started, bringing his hand up to wipe his face off, "It's just, with everythin' happenin'."Everything meaning Jack leaving, Crutchie missing, the uncharacteristic moodiness and silence of the entire Lodging House. Hell, not even the twins could manage a smile right now.

"I mean, it was so *bad*, Blink," he added, sniffing again. God, his nose must've looked like a cherry at this point. "Even Les- the new kid- got soaked pretty bad out there. He's the same age as Hot Shot. Why would the bulls beat up a kid? He didn't do nothin'."

While he was sitting there in front of him, Mush took it upon himself to glance Blink over for any injuries. He looked alright for the most part, still good ol' Kid Blink, blonde hair and all. His eyes were cast down, his hands fidgeting with the blanket under him. From the little moonlight that bled into the room through the windows, Mush could make out a big bruise on his jaw and his temple. No cuts, though, so there wouldn't be a chance of infection.

"Yeah, it was pretty bad," Kid Blink murmured in agreement, eyebrows knitted together. He still kept his gaze down, messing with an unraveled piece of thread. Mush wanted to grab hold of his hands and make him stop, but he fought the urge, just in case anyone else was awake to see.

"And then, Elmer's worried about Jack comin' back— then again, who ain't," Mush continued, rubbing his eyes. "Like I've got a clue what's goin' on with Jack. I ain't got a clue what he's thinking right now, I just know he should be here, not wherever the hell it is he ran off to." He didn't mean to be angry towards Jack, but he couldn't help it. They needed him for Christ's sake! After everything they had been through, thick and thin, Jack just happened to choose this time to abandon them.

Mush was sick and tired of people leaving. First his Pa, then his brothers, and now Jack. It seemed that every time he thought things would turn out alright for once, the world found a new way to ruin his life. His chest tightened again, so much so that he couldn't breathe. Tears continued to flow, and Mush rubbed at his eyes again furiously.

The last thing he wanted was for Kid Blink to see him like this.

Unfortunately, Blink looked up, a curious frown on his face before his expression softened altogether. Almost immediately, the boy was shifting so that he was directly in front of Mush, wrapping his arms tightly around him. "Stop that, you're okay," he told him softly, his tone gentle. "You'll be okay." When Mush didn't say anything, Blink added, "Hear my heartbeat? Just focus on that."

Mush turned into him, his arms going around his torso, head resting on his shoulder. He closed his eyes, gripping tightly to the fabric of Kid Blink's shirt. It was only then did he realize how much he was shaking.

"I-I'm scared, Blink," Mush mumbled into his shoulder, breathing in his familiar scent of newspapers and cigars through his tears.

"I know, Mush," Blink sighed, rubbing his back comfortingly. His voice was slightly muffled. "I'm scared, too, but we're not gonna let one fight stop us. Since when has that ever happened with us?"

Mush gave a teary smile yet it quickly fell when another concern came to mind. "What if you get hurt?"

That made Blink freeze for a second, but he resumed his movements barely a second after. "Then, you get to say I told you so."

Mush was breathing fast again, and the panicked feeling had settled back in his stomach. His eyes darted around the bunk room, for he was unable to look at something for more than a minute. Tears were blurring his vision so much that he could barely make out Blink. This was too much- all of it was too much. He needed to get away, to simply stop thinking. He needed to get away from the lodge and its choking atmosphere. He needed an escape. He needed Blink.

"What if you get hurt like Crutchie?" Mush's words were coming out faster, tumbling out of his mouth with no control. "What if you don't come back? What if-" He was cut off by Blink pushing away, hands firmly on his shoulders to steady him. Choking sobs escaped his lips, as he stared back at his friend. He gripped Blink's arm like it was a lifeline.

"Hey, hey, look at me," Blink's voice was soft, and, as he spoke, he gently moved his hand to Mush's cheek. "What can I do to help?"

He hesitantly put his hand over Blink's. "Kiss me."

"Michael- we shouldn't- we can't. The others . ." Blink paused, looking back at his friend. Mush knew this was dangerous, and so did Blink. They both knew what the other newsies would do to people like. . . them.

"Please," he whispered, voice barely audible. "I need to stop thinking about . . ." Mush took a shaky breath. "I just need to stop thinking."

"Okay," Blink caved. "I can do that."

Without a moment's hesitation, Blink pulled Mush closer, hands immediately wrapping themselves around his waist. The small distance between them quickly disappeared and they melted into each other. Mush's eyes closed, and he focused one Blink's lips on his, warm and gentle and sweet. They were kissing, right in front of the entire Lodging House. A small jolt of fear went through him when he realized that any of the boys could wake up and see them. The idea of pulling away from Blink came to mind, but Mush didn't care.

For once, he didn't care. He knew this was wrong and yet he still disobeyed everything that told him so. He didn't care that someone could catch them, he didn't care that they weren't completely alone as they usually were, and he certainly didn't care that they were breaking the rules.

His mind had finally gone quiet the moment Blink's lips had met his, his hands finding their way to his neck. One rested on the back, the other loosely pressed against the curve of his neck. Mush's heartbeat quickened and his face felt warm, but that was something comfortingly familiar to him when he was with Kid Blink. The rest of the world fell away. It was him and Blink, and nothing else. Them against the world.

What felt like minutes but must've been only mere seconds passed and Mush found himself running out of breath more and more as the kiss lasted.  He, despite his own wishes, was the first to pull away.
They stood close to each other for a moment, noses nearly touching, simply mesmerized by each other. The moonlight hit Blink's blonde hair just right, giving it a soft glow. His eyes, though covered by bangs, danced with some sort of pride. Blink gently wiped away Mush's tears with his thumb, a small smile on his face.

He was about to say something when there was a rustle of sheets, followed by a tired voice saying, "Whoever's awake better shut up 'fore I make you. It's late. Go back to sleep."

They froze, eyes wide and alert. Mush could feel his heart pounding in his ears, so much so that he was afraid that someone would hear it. If someone had seen what they had done—. Blink seemed to be thinking the same thing as they waited in tense silence for what felt like forever. It wasn't until they were sure that whoever had spoken up had gone back to sleep did they move.

"I-" Blink put a finger to his lips and shook his head. No talking. They couldn't risk getting caught in a situation like this. Wordlessly, Blink pressed his forehead to Mush's then slid off the bunk, climbing up the ladder nimbly.

Mush wanted to say something, to tell Blink how much he meant to him, but he knew that now was not the time. There never would be a time. Not for people like them. Wiping away a few stray tears from his cheeks as he settled down under his blanket, Mush cast one more look up at the bed above him. Through the darkness, he could make out Blink's arm hanging off the side of the bunk. Without a second thought, Mush reached out and grabbed it, giving it a gentle squeeze.
"Thank you," He whispered as quietly as he could.

"Go to sleep, Mush." Blink replied, a smile audible in his words.