On days I had to babysit Reya and Kari, Mom left me the car and got a ride to work with Hudson. I didn't drive to school because it was just a fifteen-minute walk, but I regretted that decision Monday morning when I found Corey waiting for me at the end of the street.

If I hadn't been so focused on my phone and finding the right song to listen to, maybe I would've seen him standing there ahead of time. I could've gotten myself prepared. Instead, I noticed him when it was too late to do anything about it.

"What happened?" His brown eyes searched my face like he'd find the answer there before I could give him one.

I hadn't seen him since Saturday. Seeing him now opened a bottle of emotions I thought I closed up tightly. I open my mouth, but couldn't get the words out. All I could think about was what Liah told me yesterday.

"How do I fix this?" He asked, his hands gripping the straps of his backpack.

His voice was thick with emotion. It gutted me, but this was for the best.

"There's nothing to fix," I told him, turning my gaze on the sidewalk between us. "This all started because we wanted to help Grayson and that's what I'm doing."

"We agreed Gray would get over it."

"I don't think he will," I said, fussing with the cord of my headphones so I wouldn't have to look at him. "You're the one who came to me because of how much he was struggling in school. He needs you to help him stay grounded. It was obviously the better decision. You two spent all weekend together."

"A better decision for who? Because I've felt like shit all weekend. And how is lying to Grayson good for him? I can't keep doing it."

I stepped closer to him, pointing a finger at his chest. "Do not tell him."

He took a step toward me, my finger now pressed against his hard chest. My breathing faltered, hitching in my throat as I remembered touching him that night in the hideous house. My eyes shifted to his lips, all on their own.

Corey's voice was softer the next time he spoke. His hand came up to rest on mine that was still pressed to his chest. "You're scared."

I snatched my hand away from his, taking a step back. "I'm not scared. This just makes the most sense. You have your friend back and I have my brother. That's what we both wanted. Being together would put that at risk."

"And you get to decide what I'm willing to risk?"

How was he not getting it? "We're gonna be late for school," I said, walking away.

I thought about the risks, the consequences, all of it. Breaking up with Corey was the only way to make things right. Hopefully, he'd realize that.

"You're just like him."

I froze mid-step.

"You complained about Gray trying to run your life, but you're doing the exact same thing."

I rounded on him, closing the distance between us. "This is completely different and you know it."

"Is it? Because you decided we were done without asking what I thought about it. Maybe my friendship with Gray isn't the most important thing to me anymore. Maybe he wouldn't even care if we were together."

"Or maybe we get together and break up in three months," I threw back. "Then Grayson isn't talking to either of us and we're not together and all of this was a waste of time!"

His brows pulled together. "Why does it have to be like that?"

"Because that's what happens, Corey." My voice cracked, pressure building behind my eyes. "Things end and I'd rather deal with it now then down line when it'd be so much worse."

For what I hoped was the final time, I walked away from Corey. My hands shook as I put my headphones in. I needed something to distract me from the gaping hole I just carved out in my own chest.

But, right before I hit play on my music, I heard Corey's voice. "I gave up freshman year. I'm not making that mistake again."

● ● ●

Corey's promise--threat?--replayed in my mind all day, everyday like a song stuck in my head. It'd been two days since he said it and he hadn't done anything about it.

Until one day, I walked into first period to find candy cane tape to a blue folded piece of paper on my desk. It was too early for winter candygrams to be sent out. Maybe someone got mixed up? Then I saw my name was written across the front.

I glanced around the room before taking my seat and pulling open the card.

This is four years late,
But you are worth the wait

I stared at the card, at Corey's surprisingly neat box letters, until the teacher came into the room. As I folded the card up to put it in my bag, I noticed something else written on the back.

Buy You A Rose -- AJR

I knew the song, of course. But how did Corey know it was one of my favorites? I shoved the card down in my bag and focused on the lesson. Still, in the back of my mind, the lyrics to Buy You A Rose played out.

● ● ●

The next day, after Liah and I stood in the impossibly long lunch line, I got the second candy gram. A girl from my math class who was also working in the cafeteria gave this one to me. Instead of a blue card and a candy cane, it was an orange card and a small bag of candy corn. How did he even pull that off? He couldn't have known which line I'd be in.

"What does that one say?" Liah asked, a grin on her face as she pressed against my side, trying to steal a peek.

After I told her about the first card, she almost swooned to death. She thought it was cute how he refused to give up. I thought it was pretentious and a blatant disrespect of my personal boundaries.

At least that's what I told myself while reading yesterday's card for the hundredth time.

To Liah's disappointment, I shoved the card and the candy down in my bag without reading it.

"Ari, he is in love with you," she said as we found a bench to sit at.

"So, how I feel about the situation doesn't count?"

She leveled me with a look. "Like how you took Corey's feeling into consideration when you broke up with him for 'the greater good'?"

"First of all," I said, ripping off a bite of my cheeseburger. "I never used the phrase 'the greater good'. Second, it is not the same thing. At all."

She simply shook her head at me, turning back to her food.

Despite all my talk, when lunch ended and Liah left for her next class, I pulled the card back out. It was longer than the first one.

I wasted a lot of time not telling you how I felt. Not being with you. 

Halloween was the first time I let myself imagine it. And, shit, it was like a drug I couldn't get enough of. 

I'm addicted to you.

"Miss Spencer." I looked up and realized I was standing in the middle of the now empty hall, ten steps away from my class. Mr. Bellion looked impatient as he stood in the doorway of his classroom.

I quickly ducked into class, taking my seat and trying to squash every last butterfly that flapped in my belly. Before Mr. Bellion started the class, I glanced at the back of the card.

The Very First Night -- Taylor Swift

Another one of my favorite songs. I didn't tell him about the song--I was still too embarrassed to expose him to the full scope of my music taste. The thought of him listening to Taylor Swift and AJR to pick out songs filled my chest with emotions I tried hard to get rid of.

I shoved the note, and hopefully my feelings, down deep in my bag.

● ● ●

The third note didn't come on Friday like I expected. Not that I was looking for it. I was just curious to know how far he'd go. Any time I walked into a classroom, I expected a note and candy on my desk, but nothing.

Corey was in a lot of my classes, but for the most part, he ignored me. His only communication had been through the notes. And even though I tried to fight it back, a part of me was worried that he was done trying. It was what I wanted, yet I felt sick whenever I thought about it.

To take my mind off things, I dragged Liah to the used book store. I'd been in there so many times, my feet found the young adult section all on their own.

Liah picked up a book, leafing through the pages. I noticed the brown boy on the cover kind of looked like Vik. I'd been so caught up in my own stuff, I hadn't noticed until then that she hadn't talked about him. Then I remembered the voicemail.

"You know you butt dialed me the other day," I told her, grabbing a book by Sasha Keaton that I didn't own yet.

She didn't look up, reading the synopsis on the back cover of the book she held. "When?"

"The night of your show. When you were with Vik."

Her eyes looked up then. "I did? Did you hear anything juicy?" She wiggled her brows and I laughed.

"You were talking about how you didn't date much." The smile slipped from her face. She probably knew exactly what conversation I overheard. "Is it true you weren't with anyone because of me?"

She put the book back on the shelf. "We experienced a lot of firsts together--periods, bras--I wanted to experience our first boyfriends together, too."

"And we did. For a little while," I said, ignoring the clench in my chest. "But that doesn't mean you have to stop updating me about you and Vik. I mean, I'm kinda the reason you're together."

She scoffed, crossing her arms. "Excuse me, but I took you to Mapleway."

"Yeah, but I gut checked him with my shopping cart," I pointed out.

"Which only happened because you were chasing me down."

I playfully narrowed my eyes at her, and she did the same. Of course, I broke first, the two of us laughing as we walked up to the counter to pay.

"So, how'd he handle your dad?" I asked her as I handed the cashier my book.

"You're Harlow, right?" I whipped back around to the cashier. He was a guy about our age, but he didn't look familiar. His name tag read Toby.

"Yeah..." I said, glancing at Liah, hoping maybe she knew him. She only shrugged. "Why?"

"I have something for you." He reached under the counter and pulled out a beige card, with a small pack of caramels taped to it.

How in the hell did Corey know I'd be here? I shook it off, taking the card a shoving it in my bag. Conflicting emotions rammed together inside me because he hasn't given up. Was I happy about it? Annoyed? Both?

While I had my bag opened, I grabbed my wallet to pay for the book.

"Oh, the books paid for," Toby said.

I glower at the dude. Corey might've known where I was, but he couldn't have guessed which book I'd buy and give him the correct amount. "How?"

The guy looked confused and slightly afraid. "He opened a tab. Just for you."

Liah made a small squealing noise, a bright grin on her face. She tried to school her face after I elbowed her in the ribs.

Fine, if that's the game he wanted to play. "I'll be right back." I took off back down the aisles, Liah on my heels.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking advantage of the opportunity in front of me." I found myself back in the YA section. That time, I focused on the hardcovers. I plucked three that had been on my wishlist from the shelves.

"Ari, you sure you want to do this?" My best friend looked a little worried as I added two more books to my stack.

"You heard the guy," I said, grabbing another book simply because I liked the cover. "Corey opened a tab just for me. I might as well use it."

"You're being ridiculous."

"So is he." By the time I made it back to the register, I had ten more books. Liah reluctantly helped me carry them to the counter.

Toby's eyes widened at my pile of books before he rang them up. "It comes up to a $136."

I nearly choked on air. I'd never spent that much on books at one time. That was like my book budget for a whole year.

"Maybe you should put some back," Liah suggested.

She was right. That was too much. Then again, this was the game he decided to play. "No. I want them."

"Ari."

I ignored her and told the guy put the books on my tab. I even got a free tote bag for spending over a hundred dollars.

Liah looked less than impressed as we went back to her car. "Are you at least going to read his letter?"

I took out the card once we were in the car. It was the least I could do after letting him by me a hundred dollars' worth of books.

Floor to ceiling shelves
I didn't forget

All the smugness drained out of me, replaced with a nagging little voice doubting my decision. Whether it was about buying the books or ending things with Corey, I didn't know. I pushed it away, flipping the card over for the song.

Adorable - Artist vs Poet

Another one of my favorites. How was he doing this? Why was he doing this? Liah told me the answer to that last question, but I didn't want to accept it. It was easier not to. But that didn't stop my mind from wandering into the what if...