Grayson barely said anything since last night. Since I messed up because I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I felt horrible. About Gray. About Shamika. About not telling Corey.

Yet.

I was going to tell him that weekend. He said he'd come to Vik's. It was hard not to blurt it out when he brought up running into Shamika on his way out the house. But telling him now, during the holiday, would be rude. He should be able to enjoy his turkey without knowing I might've severed his friendship with my brother for good.

After Gray and I got back from the mall, I put on some music and cleaned. Trying to block out the voice that told me I was a crappy sister. I burned through Mom's chore list in a couple hours.

Gray stayed in his room the whole time. When I put my ear to his door and didn't hear any video game noises, I knew it was bad.

He only came out to talk to Mom when she got home from work. Grayson must've really been hurting because he didn't even say anything about Hudson staying the night.

It was early when I found mom redoing the chores I did. She always stress cleaned. Hudson was in the kitchen, mumbling to himself about seasonings while digging through the cabinets. Gray was still in his room.

After pacing outside his bedroom door for a minute, trying to figure out what to say to him, I knocked.

"Come in," he said from the other side of the door.

When I opened the door, I had to let my eyes adjust to the darkness. His room was usually dark, the only light coming from tv. Not even that was on, though. I was glad it was too dark to see him. I would've spilled everything if I saw the hurt on his face.

"You plan on staying here all day?" I asked, slowly stepping into his room. It was too dark to see anything, and I didn't know if he still had laundry on his floor. "Because I think Hudson's gonna need a friend down there when family shows up, since Mom is in cleaning mode."

No reply. I found the edge of his bed and sat on it. "I'm sorry."

"For what? Unless you forced the two people I thought were my friends to get together behind my back, it isn't your fault."

Everything was so tangled and twisted up that it felt like my fault. Corey wanted to be with me. Gray said no. Corey hooked up with Shamika. If they removed me from the situation, things between the three of them would've been fine.

But I couldn't explain that to him without exposing me and Corey. That was the last thing Gray needed.

"You really didn't know?" I said more to myself, playing with the drawstring of my sweats. "I thought that's why you and Corey weren't talking."

The bed shifted as Gray sat up, pulling his knees to his chest. "I didn't know he was with Shamika. We stopped talking because I thought...It sounds dumb now."

"What?"

"Every time I come home, something is different," he said. "Mom got a boyfriend. Some of my friends moved away, or they got new friends. It's been six months since graduation and I can barely recognize this place where I spent all of my life.

"It's stupid. I thought everyone would be on pause until I got back. But it's like they're living in fast-forward. The only thing I could count on staying the same was you hating me and Corey being my friend."

My pulse jumped at being mentioned in the same breath as Corey. I physically had to bite my tongue to keep myself from telling him everything.

"That party you were at, after you almost killed yourself, I told Corey to take you home. He said he wouldn't, started saying all this stuff about you being your own person and how you could make your own choices. I stopped talking to him because I thought he was with you."

The darkness of his room worked in my favor because I was sure the guilt was all over my face. My face burned like someone branded the word right across my forehead.

"I saw you two talking that night when Mom sprung Hudson on us. I thought the last two constants in my life were changing and I wasn't going to have a place here anymore."

I knew Gray was going through something since starting college, but I didn't know it was that bad. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"What? Tell everyone not to make a move the next four years?"

"If you asked nicely, I'm sure some would've done it." I couldn't see him, but I'm knew he smiled.

"No one should have to put their lives on hold because I can't handle change."

"Then why are you?" I asked, turning to him. "You've been at school for months and your only friend is a rabbit."

Gray chuckled. "Actually, we had to let Bugs go. He wasn't happy in the dorm."

"You should be taking notes," I said. "Get out of your dorm and not just to go to the library. If you were living your life there, you'd forget all about us in this boring old place."

And maybe he'd forget how mad he is at Corey and won't care if we're dating...

"I tried that," he said, sighing. "It felt wrong, like I was replacing all my old friends." He let out a dry laugh, leaning against his headboard. "If I knew they were all moving on without me..."

He meant Shamika and Corey. I couldn't imagine what it felt like finding out your best friend and your crush hooked up. But I knew what it was like having a best friend. And I knew how crappy I felt when Liah told me about all the pressure she was under with her family and I didn't know. Even though I saw her every day.

Gray was miles away, and Corey knew he wasn't okay. That had to count for something, right?

"That night you saw Corey and I talking, we were talking about you."

"Why?"

"He was worried about you," I told him. "I guess, since you weren't talking to him, he wanted me to try."

"He asked you to talk to me?"

The truth was right there, wanting to come out. I wanted to tell Gray everything about Corey and why he did such a messed up thing with Shamika. But I didn't think he was ready to hear it.

The bed shifted as he moved to sit next to me. "That's why you started talking to me again? Because Corey told you to?"

"At first," I admitted. "But you made it hard as hell because you wanted to act like my dad all the time."

"I'm just trying to keep you from doing something stupid."

That familiar burn of annoyance bubbled in me. I stood, careful not to trip over anything as I found the light switched. I immediately regretted turning the lights on when they burned my eyes. We both winced like vampires in the sun.

"Why did you do that?" He asked, squinting up at me.

I rubbed my own eyes clear before looking at him. "Because I'm only going to say this once, and I want to make myself perfectly clear. I don't need another parent, Grayson. I need my brother."

He opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off. "And as my brother, I need you to understand that I am my own person and I'm going to make a dumb decision once and while, and fall out of treehouses, or date the wrong guy, but I'll be fine. Because I have Mom and you and Liah and--" I stopped myself before I said Corey's name. Gray's brows raised. "And...if I was ever in any real trouble, you'd all be there for me."

He glanced down at his hands. "Must be nice having so many people in your corner."

"Stop," I said, sitting on his bed, a leg tucked under me. "You have me and Mom. And Corey."

He shot me a look. "Okay, he broke the number one rule of friendship, but he cares about you. He's your best friend. You can't let that go over one girl."

His face softened, shoulders deflating, like he was allowing himself to relax for the first time ever. "So, you think I should talk to him?"

This was it. What I wanted for the longest. Grayson and Corey back to being friends. But why did I feel like I just set a timer on a bomb?

"You should, but not today," I said, hopping up from the bed. "Today we have to stop the family from scaring off Hudson."

"H," Gray called just as I was about to leave. He got up and pulled something from a box on his floor. "It's an early Christmas present."

It was a spiral bound sketch book specifically for nail art. The pages were full of illustrations of nails in all shapes and sizes. Blank and ready to be experimented on.

"This is perfect! Now I don't have to waste nails trying to come up with new designs. Thank you."

He smiled. All happy and content and trusting. Guilt burned in my chest. The doorbell rang, and I never been more thankful for extended family.

● ● ●

"Hudson? Like that river?" Uncle Jabari said, which was the least offensive thing anyone had said about Hudson since everyone arrived.

Mom had been so nervous about leaving Hudson alone with our family that she was practically glued to his side. It was cute, though. Mom wore her favorite wig that looked like the perfect twist out and she and Hudson wore matching. Not identical, but the stripes in Hudson's sweater matched Mom's mustard yellow dress.

Aside from one of my aunts congratulating my mom on "getting a white a man" and starting a heated debate about why a Black woman with a white man is seen as an upgrade, I think the night was going well. Only one person made a joke about Hudson knowing how to season the turkey.

Mom didn't relax until her sister handed her a cup of undisclosed liquor. Once the men started watching football, you'd think Hudson had been part of the family for years.

After dinner was served and the family that only came for the food made their plates and left, I found Gray in his room, but he wasn't alone that time. Our cousin, Man-Man, was in there with him, the two of them trash talking each other as they played Madden.

I left them alone and went back to the kitchen. Mom helped Grandma load the dishwasher while Aunt Nicola ate a piece of sweet potato pie with ham on it.

"Harley, what do you think of your new step-daddy?"

Mom swatted her sister with a dishrag. "Hush!" Even though Hudson was in the living room talking with the men, Mom looked mortified.

"He's cool," I said, grabbing a soda from the refrigerator. "And he likes doing dishes."

I learned that last night when I caught washing dishes by hand instead of using the perfectly good dishwasher. When I asked why, he said it cleared his head. If he ever moved in, that'd be one less chore to worry about.

Mom laughed, her smile wide and blushing. "Gray's the one I have to worry about. I think it really hurt him that I didn't tell him about Hudson sooner."

The guilt was going to crush me. I had to tell Gray about Corey. Just...when the time was right. Maybe after our weekend at Vik's.

"That boy will get over it," Grandma said, starting the dishwasher. "When he gets life of his own, he won't care as much."

A life of his own? I loved that Grandma and I were on the same page. Hopefully, Gray heard me when I told him early. If not, I'd drive up to that school and make friends for him.