ℝ𝕐𝕃𝔼'𝕊 ℙ𝕆𝕍:

Anger, Sadness, Guilt, Anxiety, I felt all these at once. I sat down on the bed, tears rolling down my eyes when a knock was heard iny door. I didn't bother to answer at first, probably they were here to take me to the party and ask me about my family again.

But, the sound intensified. I had to open the door or else I guess the door would have pleaded me.

"Ryle lav is not waking up please open the door and come with me."
I heard Sofia saying as I went to open the door. What?? Again???

I opened the door and went with her where the party was going on.

"Fuck she is having a panick attack again?"
I blurted out.

"She had before?"
Sofia and Stephan asked me.

"Yes.I'm taking her to her room. I know how to deal with this you guyss don't worry and carry on she would be okay within sometime."

Everyone agreed and I picked Lavender up and went straight towards her room. I laid her down and pushed a injection to make her condition stable .Lavender was breathing heavily, I pulled out her inhaler and gave it to her. She took a pump and rested her head on the bed rest. I looked at her to find that she was sleeping.
.
.
It was 12am when I saw Lavender opening her small hazel brown eyes slowly.
I held her cold hands tightly, when she looked at me.

"How are you feeling?"
I asked.

"Better."
God, I felt relieved to hear that.

"Who brought me to my room?"
She asked panicked.

" Sofia... She was there... She just left"
I lied to her knowing that it would make her uncomfortable thinking that I was with her the whole time.

Silence was prevailing the space, Lavender didn't look at me. I decided to break the silence and ask her what made this happen again? But I was scared.

"What made this happen again?"

"Why do you care? Are you going to hit the person who caused this like you usually do?"
She said leaving me stunned. What the fuck was wrong with her?

"Why would I hit-"
She cut me of mid sentence and said.

"As if you never did?"

"How do you know about my past?"

"From Stephan.. Now say you gonna hit and abuse both of us just because we know about your past?"

"What no I'm not like that anymore."
I said.

"Dad used to say that too. Fucking liars."
Those words stung me, I knew I had committed a huge mistake but I have gone to therapy since then.

"Listen lav u know nothing about it...Don't try to hurt me by dragging my past in between."

"So you mean to say that you never physically abused your wife and your daughter???"

Tears rolled down from my eyes as soon as I heard her saying that.

*Author's note: This was a continuous conversation so we are writing this in the dialogue format.**

Ryle :" Lavender.. I'm here to help you overcome from your daily panic attacks... Tell me why do you get them... What was your trauma? "

Lavender:"Seriously? You are asking about traumas??? What do you know about trauma??? You never fucking experienced it you son of a bitch... Instead you make people fall into trauma just like you did your family."

Ryle : "Shut the fuck up okay! You are not the only one who has trauma, know your limits. You know nothing about me."

Lavender: "Okay then tell me about it. I want to know what the fucking trauma you have."

Ryle: "I um-"

Lavender: "Come on say."

Ryle:" But remember you are going to be the first person excluding my family to know about my past."

Lavender: "Okay."

Ryle:"When I was a kid. I shot my brother with a gun. Thinking it was a toy. It may seem unreal.But it's the fact. Believe it or don't."

Lavender: "How did you get hold of the gun."

Ryle:"It was my father's and I saw it and thought it was for playing."

Lavender: "I am sorry."

Ryle: "I never intentionally hit lily. I don't know what got into me when I was angry and furious. She kept a magnet that was given by her ex.She had a permanent tattoo on her collar bone where her ex used to kiss her.I couldn't take all of these. But yeah,  I still agree it was my fault. All of it!"

Lavender: "I didn't know that."

Ryle:" But i never ever hit emerson.Never!Nobody can ever say I hit emerson. She is my fucking daughter.Lily kept on going back to her ex whenever I hit her. Yeah, that got me I became a monster and hit her. I am horrible I know but when I needed her. She needed Atlas."

Tears poured down from my eyes, Lavender was crying too she came and hugged me tight.

Lavender: "I am sorry Ryle."

Ryle: "Even though she loved me. A lot. Most of her heart was covered with the name of atlas.But no matter what. I regret all of it..It was my fault she went to Atlas for love and care.She moved on but I'm still living with her and Emmy's memories."

Lavender:"I am so sorry I misunderstood you without hearing your part of story too."

Ryle: "Lavender."

Lavender:"Hmm?"

Ryle: "I don't know but I was really scared when I heard you had panick attack. You are the second person after them whom I care about."

She looked at me with her blurry eyes and smiled.

Ryle: "I never thought I could share this with someone or I can get close with someone like this after Lily. Lily was the second person I loved so much."

Lavender: "Who's the first then?"

Ryle: "Why do you care?"

Lavender: "Curiosity. Do I know her?"

Ryle: "Did you ever read the letter?"

Lavender: "I did."

I smiled at her. Sparks flickered in her eyes as she observed me.

Lavender: "Me."