M A D I E

The beeping of the machine next to me seemed to coincide with the stabbing pain in my head. It pounded in time with my heartbeat.

I'd been laying here in the darkness for so long. I wasn't sure if I couldn't open my eyes or if I was just hiding within myself.

Everything was heavy. A faint memory skirted around the corners of my brain. It echoed there, repeating back to me over and over again. It was a hopeful memory of freedom, of waking for the first time. But that wasn't how I felt now. I seemed to be tied to a bed, somehow linked to the beeping of this machine.

And when I finally woke, I felt the same as I had the last one thousand days.

My eyelids forced their way open. Light trickled its way into my darkness. It was cloudy, foggy, but it was light.

"Madie?"

The voice was distant. I didn't understand why the beeping was so loud, and the voice was so soft.

"Madie, can you hear me?"

I swallowed, and it hurt. But it didn't hurt as much as my head. "Yes." I blinked up to see Nessa's blurry face, her long, dark hair hanging above my face.

"Oh, thank god," she breathed.

A wave of nausea hit me, and I closed my eyes again.

Her face wasn't the one I'd been expecting. I thought there would be someone else when I opened my eyes. I thought perhaps it would be someone with a soft brown gaze.

"Bren," I rasped.

Nessa didn't say anything, but her cool hand lightly covered my pounding forehead. And then I fell back into darkness.

****

When I woke up the next time, it was with a gasping breath. Everything felt sharper, brighter, and infinitely more painful.

"Nessa!"

She jumped up from the chair next to my bed, rushing over to my side.

"I'm here, Madie. I'm here," she said hurriedly, grabbing my hand in hers. I squeezed it, trying to push the pain out of my body through a frenzied grip. With her other hand, she pulled on the cord near my bed. It was likely only seconds before someone slipped into the room, but it felt like forever.

I tried to escape back into the darkness while someone in a white coat poked and prodded at me, but it was no use. I was awake now.

"I gave her another dosage," the doctor said, facing Nessa as she did. Then the woman turned to me, and the tone in her voice softened. "The pain should lessen soon, Madie."

I winced in reply.

When she spun around to leave, I glanced at Nessa. She was still beside me, holding my hand with a worried look. But she didn't say anything.

I lifted my fingers to my throbbing head, feeling the thick bandage there.

"You had a procedure, Madie. Surgery to relieve a little bleeding."

I nodded, and the hazy memories of my emergency room visit played back at me. Now, Nessa and I were in a different space. It was a little room with sky blue walls and cushioned chairs. You could almost forget we were in a hospital if it wasn't for the beeping. The beeping was so loud.

"You remember?" Nessa asked, biting down on her lip a little. I wonder if she didn't want me to remember.

"I remember," I choked out. "I remember Quinton. I remember...Bren." I felt my lip crack, and I licked it, trying to moisten the dry skin. Nessa let go of my hand so she could pour a glass of water into a dixie cup. She brought it over to me, and I greedily drank, quickly draining the water.

"Where's Bren?" I asked.

"He's..." She looked away, out the window.

"What, Nessa?"

She sighed before facing me again. "Maybe you should just rest for now, Madie. I know you're in a lot of pain, and your meds will start kicking in again soon so you can sleep."

I shook my head and instantly regretted it.

"Nessa."

It was all I could manage, but she seemed to understand.

Nessa sighed again, resigned. "Bren was asked to leave the hospital."

That didn't make sense. "What?"

Nessa took my hand in hers again. "Quinton showed up in the lobby when you were in your surgery. Bren...well, Bren punched the living daylight out of him. And then the hospital staff kicked him out."

"Oh my god," I breathed. That was the opposite of what I'd been worried would happen. "Is Quin...still here?"

A grimace appeared on Nessa's face, which was beginning to grow fuzzy again. The darkness was starting to pull me back. "He's here, Madie. He needed some stitches. But I told them not to allow him anywhere near this room."

"Bren okay?" I asked, knowing my voice was growing groggy again. "I want to see him."

"I'm sorry, Madie," Nessa whispered, gently rubbing my arm as she spoke. Her face swam in and out of my vision. "He waited until he knew you were okay, but then he left."

My eyelids couldn't hold the heaviness anymore, and they drifted shut. The darkness was cold, though. "But I'm not okay," I breathed.

"You'll be okay, Madie," she said softly. Her voice was distant again. I couldn't feel her touch on my arm anymore. It was like I was floating--a ghost.

But where'd he go?

I didn't know if I asked the words aloud or not. I didn't hear a reply. But then I supposed it made sense that Bren was gone.

It was no wonder that my memories of freedom had felt so faint.

****

I woke with a jolt, hearing Nessa's demanding voice.

"Get the fuck out of here, Quinton. How did you even find her?"

Quinton's deep tone wavered as he replied. "I just want to talk to her."

"Go to hell," was Nessa's response. "I don't even know how you're in here. I was hoping you'd be in jail by now."

"I didn't mean to hurt her, Nessa." Quinton was pleading now, the words coming out in desperation.

"Well you did hurt her," Nessa said, and it was a hushed threat.

It was quiet for a long time, and part of me wanted to see. I wanted to see the silent stalemate. But I was too afraid to look into Quinton's eyes again.

"I know," he finally said. "Why do you think I let him do it? I deserved every goddamn punch."

"You deserve a lot more than a messed up face. Now get out."

Silence met her words again. Anxiety coursed through me, worry filling me at the idea that Quinton would begin to retaliate like he always did when he was pushed too far. I didn't know if I could help. I didn't know if it would make it better or worse, but I finally pushed two little words through my lips. "Quinton, leave."

It was impossible to bring myself to look at him, but I'd make him hear me.

I held my breath until I heard the door open and close. Then I heard the relief in Nessa's own breath.

"He wasn't going to go," she muttered. "You should have seen his face when he heard your voice. But I grabbed at the call button, and he left."

I slowly nodded, twisting my head to the side, toward her voice. I should have known that my words wouldn't have power over Quinton Reid. Finally opening my lids, I glanced up into friendly hazel eyes and frowned.

Her face wasn't the one I'd been expecting. I thought there would be someone else when I opened my eyes. I thought perhaps it would be someone with a soft brown gaze.

"Nessa," I muttered, confused. "Where's Bren?"

****

October Twenty-Eighth

Zero

A heart can break a million times,

and still, it keeps on beating.

It keeps on pulsing.

The metronome keeps beeping,

Clicking.

But what is a song,

without a melody?

🖤
Thank you to everyone who has been reading! I really appreciate you.