Two

Everything feels a little dimmer at college. You think it's okay. But you're not really sure.

Three

You smiled without thinking today. You smiled a little for yourself.

Maybe you're brighter than you thought.

Four

You got a compliment today. Your boyfriend took you out to eat, and it was nice.

You feel valued.

But you know that you only feel like you're worth something because someone else told you that you were.

And you don't know how to fix it.

Two

Try to remind yourself that your worth doesn't depend on other people recognizing it.

One

Isn't it funny? Isn't it funny how quickly you can go from feeling valued to feeling like you're not wanted anywhere?

Zero

It's after midnight, so it's a new day. You find yourself starting over at zero.

Three

Today you said what you needed to say. And now you feel unburdened by words, but yet...you think you're still burdened by the reaction to them.

Three

Sometimes the things you say end up revealing more about other people than about yourself.

Two

Some people say when it rains, it pours...

One

But it wasn't just raining. And it wasn't even pouring. It was calm. It was preparing for a storming.

.....

I had loved you, too.

One

How do you know when something is real? Is it enough to touch it? To hear it? To see it?

Or maybe you just have to feel it?

Four

It don't know what it is. But I know that I feel it.

Five

"She went and stood at an open light window and looked out upon the deep tangle of the garden below. All of the mystery and witchery of the night seemed to have gathered there amid the perfumes and the dusky and tortuous outlines of flowers and foliage. She was seeking herself and finding herself in just such sweet, half-darkness which met her moods."

-The Awakening, Kate Chopin

Zero

"But the voices were not soothing that came to her from the darkness and the sky above and the stars.They jeered and sounded mournful notes without promise, devoid even of hope.

She turned back into the room and began to walk to and fro down its whole length, without stopping, without resting. She carried in her hands a thin handkerchief, which she tore into ribbons, rolled into a ball, and flung from her.

Once she stopped, and taking off her wedding ring, flung it upon the carpet. When she saw it lying there, she stamped her heel upon it, striving to crush it. But her small boot heel did not make an indenture.

Not a mark upon the little glittering circlet. "

-The Awakening, Kate Chopin

....

....

....

Four, or so you tell yourself

Where does trust come from? Is it the head or the heart?

Four

Trust in the trust that comes from both the head and the heart.

Four

"All the tearing emotion of the last few hours seemed to fall away from her like a somber, uncomfortable garment, which she had but to loosen to be rid of."

-The Awakening, Kate Chopin

Four

So terribly tired, so deep in slumber, and so wonderfully awake.

Five

Footprints only last until the next tide comes in, until the next wave rolls up. And then they are washed away like the past.

Five

I've felt you before. I've felt you everywhere. But you've never touched me before. And now I want you to touch me everywhere.

Four

What is freedom, really? Is it in what you do or is it in how you feel?

Four

I think I'm just going to act like I'm free.

Four

Do you remember the first time you saw the sun? What about the stars?

They burn in the sky for us, but we don't even remember when we came to know their brightness so well.

Four

A million burning stars,

And they're all for us.

Five

I think together we could let the past die and live in the future.

Five

After all, I still think we could be the luckiest ones of all.

Five

Unravel for me.

One

Unravel for me and let go. Let down your guard, release your control.

Let go of everything, everything, everything, for me.

Four

The voice of the sea is seductive; never ceasing, whispering, clamoring, murmuring, inviting the soul to wander.

-The Awakening, Kate Chopin

Five

She was becoming herself, casting aside that fictitious self which we assume like a garment.

-The Awakening, Kate Chopin

Five

I think you were taught to hate the parts of you that felt the most real. So you hid those parts. And no one missed them. No one missed you.

Until him.

Three

Those that taught you to hide are coming for a big surprise.

Three

You aren't quite sure if ignorance is really bliss.

Four

There's pain in knowing things, in being aware. But you can't really live in the dark.

Sunshine is waiting for you, after all. It might burn occasionally, but then, it fades.

Four

For once you don't want to wish everything away, but you do wish it could just be you and him all day.

Four

You

And

Him.

Five

The stars call to you and him.

They make shapes in the sky, spelling out how lucky you can be.

Five

It was a good night with him and the stars.

Five

No one told you today that you were worth a damn thing. But no one needed to.

Because you knew it when they looked at you. You knew it when they smiled at something you said. You knew it when they showed they cared. With a touch. Or their time. Or just a tiny little gesture.

You knew it when you looked in the mirror. And you told yourself that today you're worth every damn thing.

Five

Here the night is as beautiful as the day. The stars dip into the ocean, a dewy sparkle that's just like when the fiery sun hits your face.

And I love it all.

Because I love you.

December Twentieth

----

There isn't a number in the universe that amounts to the way that I feel when I'm with you.

🖤