Chapter 82: Fears

I ran to him and put his head into my lap.

"Please don't leave me," I begged.

I was aware that Asher was watching us with an amused expression on his face. It was almost like Janet dying was just a simple set back in his life, like it didn't matter in the long run. He was a psychopath and a lunatic.

"I love you." I ran a hand through Caspian's hair and grasped his hand in mine, trying to give him my life.

Caspian's breathing was raspy and uneven as he spoke to me. "Find me in the next lifetime, my love." He attempted to smile, but couldn't quite get there. I cradled his head in my lap, as his body silently spewed blood.

Caspian's face froze in time, as his mouth gaped open and he stopped moving. He wasn't pale like I expected him to be, his sun-kissed skin was still alive and his body still warm. I crouched over his body, not willing to accept his death just yet. "Please," I pleaded with God to give my Caspian back to me.

"Wake up," I screeched, jerking his body violently.

Tears mixed with his blood as I wept while keeping him as close as I could. I held him to me, trying to feel his warmth for the last time.

"No point crying over spilt blood," Asher hissed. I could hear him approaching me, but I chose to ignore it.

My biggest fear had always been waking up one day, and realising that everything I believed to be true and good wasn't so. I had believed Asher was dead, and for the first time I wished that was true. I had always believed Caspian would be by my side forever. I always thought I would wake up to his kisses each morning and go to sleep in his arms each night.

When Caspian died, the part of me that loved him had died; and every single part of me had loved him. Caspian's death had killed me from the inside. It was similar to how I felt when I thought Asher had died, except the magnitude of pain was a million times worse. I felt like a broken doll that had its head separated from its body. Caspian's death had broken me beyond repair; and I couldn't be any more broken. Which is why I stood up, straightened my spine and walked past Asher. He looked surprised that I had somehow managed to pull myself together. I bent down at the place Asher had dropped his gun and gingerly picked it up. I was covered in blood from head to toe, none of it my own. What would a little more blood on my hands look like? You wouldn't be able to see it. I pointed the gun at Asher's temple and fired.

His death was messy. His brains were scattered, and I was grateful that Caspian's death hadn't been so gruesome. As grim as it sounded, I was happy Caspian died with a bullet to the chest, instead of a bullet to his head.

Again, I didn't cry when my brother died; but this time it was because I was the one who had killed him. 'No,' a voice in my head told me. 'You didn't kill him. He killed himself.' I chose to believe that voice. Asher Cote had killed himself. My Asher had departed a long time ago, the man who lay before me was not someone I recognised. This was a twisted psychopath who had no place in this world. He wasn't Asher. Asher had died the day he decided to fake his own death. According to the law Asher was dead, which meant I hadn't killed him.

I sunk gracefully through the water. I had escaped the police by a very narrow margin. I let the water surround me on all four sides and allowed my salty tears to get swept away in the current. I opened my mouth to recite a last prayer that wherever I ended up, I'd be with Caspian. I closed my eyes and willed the lord above to hear my prayer. I had never feared my own death, only those of my loved ones.

And when I opened my eyes, his face was in front of me. His golden hair shined brightly and his ocean eyes sparkled. Caspian held his hand out towards me, and I didn't hesitate in putting my hand in his. He urged me to join a reality that was much better than the one we knew. I smiled and allowed my angel of death to guide me. This time when I closed my eyes, I didn't open them. They remained shut forever.

And so, the story ends much the same way it began, with the suicidal death of a Cote.

THE END.

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