Chapter 1: Robin Hood

I didn't cry when my brother died. It felt as if the tears could not force themselves out through the horrible pain that I was feeling. I knew that this was the kind of pain that was referred to as: 'a pain that will haunt you for the rest of your life'. I also sensed that it was the kind of pain that was unforgiving and didn't permit any tears. The kind that you couldn't talk about, and that you could only hope lessened with time. At this point the pain didn't feel like it would ever lessen, never mind leave. My brother's death was something that would hang over me for the rest of my life, like a dark shadow that wouldn't leave me alone for even one second.

"You ok, Mads?" Asher asked me.

As my older brother you would have thought he would have waited for me, before climbing down from the tree. My feet dangled from where I sat. I reached down with my feet, willing it to touch something, anything. But it didn't. I was stuck! Asher was always teasing me about my short legs.

It was Asher's idea to climb up the mulberry tree. We had recently watched Robin Hood. My brother stated that he wanted to be a 'Robin Hood' when he was older, and had insisted that we play out some of the scenes in the movie. I was unsure exactly what being a 'Robin Hood' entailed. If it involved me getting stuck up mulberry trees, I certainly didn't want to play any part in it. To be frank, I didn't know which right minded person would want to be a 'Robin Hood'.

"I CAN'T REACH THE NEXT BRANCH!" I screamed.

No reply. I panicked. It was not like Asher to leave me, but the fact remained that he had left me.

Wait until mom finds out that he abandoned me. He would be in for it.

"Mummy!" I yelled. She would help me get down from this tree and scold Asher for not helping me. I was killing two birds with one stone.

"Quit screaming, you baby," came my brother's voice from down below. I strained my neck, while staying perched on my tree branch. The leaves along with the mulberries clouded my view. All I could see was my brother, crouching down on the grass.

"Jump, Mads," he instructed.

Was he insane? Yes, he was. I remained silent. If I jumped, the best I could hope for was a broken leg. If I didn't jump, worst case scenario was that mum would come to find me and help me climb down.

"Don't you trust me?" Asher enquired, chuckling to himself.

I opened my mouth to say 'no', but I'd never been able to lie to Asher. This time wouldn't be any different. Truth was I trusted Asher with my life, and he would never put me in danger. Well, at least not willingly.

I didn't jump. Rather, I slid my bum off the tree branch and allowed myself to fall. In those seconds that my body was airborne I should have felt afraid, but I wasn't. I had faith that my big brother would always keep me safe.

Instead of landing on the rock-hard ground, I landed on mum's goose feather cushions. I laughed. How could I ever think Asher would abandon me?

Six years ago, when I thought Asher had abandoned me, he came back to help me. But this time he had abandoned me for good. To face facts, he was never coming back. And neither was the piece of my heart he had taken with him to the underworld.

Now that I was sixteen, I knew exactly what a 'Robin Hood' was supposed to do. Asher was a typical 'Robin Hood'. He was always looking for ways to help people, but now he'd never get to help people again.

"Asher," I whispered. "Why did you abandon me?"

I fiddled with the thin silver necklace around my neck, the last present Asher had given to me. The necklace was complete with a blue butterfly pendant. Asher had always believed butterflies were a sign of good luck, but they aren't.

The sky couldn't be seen from the dining room window. All that could be seen was the millions of pearly white butterflies that flew past.

"Butterflies are good luck," my brother said.

And hours later, when all the pretty butterflies were gone, a calmness passed over us. In that moment we were both happy with who we were. And the next day, he was gone.

Call me crazy, but it almost seemed as if the butterflies were what took Asher away from me. He had always liked butterflies, and the day after heaps of them appear...

I could almost imagine his body flying alongside all those butterflies. His eyes alive with wonder as he swooped towards the moon. He flew higher and higher into the night, until his body exploded into a billion tiny fragments, only to come together again to form the brightest star in the galaxy