I am annoyed, my eyes pool with angry tears.

Why?

Because mother nature has sent me a reminder that I am not pregnant.

I thought before going to see the doctor, I should just have a pregnancy test. Mom bought the test for me, and even before I had a chance to take it, I got another not so pleasant surprise which told me not to waste the test because I am certainly not pregnant.

It's not that we are planning for the baby, but still, since the moment I thought that I might be pregnant, I actually wanted this to be true.

I feel like crying so bad.

I just needed some alone time to get my emotions together so when Adam messaged me to inform me that he's coming to pick me up from work. I made an excuse that I have to stay late because something has come up.

Mom understood my need to have some space so she didn't push me to talk about how I am feeling even though she could see my disappointment. She even let me sit in the office a little late because she sensed I want some time to cope up with my emotions.

People might think that I am being over-dramatic because it was not like I was pregnant and I have lost my kid. But I don't know how to explain this, that the idea of having a baby just shifted something inside my heart. I was already looking forward to experiencing this new phase in my life. And I am feeling like one of my dream has been shattered, and it is clenching my heart painfully.

Honestly, I know this dream of mine wouldn't be coming true anytime soon because all my earlier reasons for not being the right time to have a child are slowly creeping back inside my mind. I am just torn between my mind and heart, and it is driving me crazy.

"Ugh!" I groan and rest my forehead against my clasped hands while keeping my elbows on the table.

Checking the time on my phone I realize I can't stall going home anymore because Adam will get suspicious that I have lied to him. He was already slightly annoyed that I am working even when I was not feeling well.

God, I feel awful lying to him.

When I reach home, Adam's car is already in the driveway which means that he has returned home before me. I was already upset but knowing that because of my stupid emotions, I have missed welcoming my husband home from his first day of the office makes me hate myself.

Why am I feeling so worked up over this?

When I turn the doorknob I find the door is already unlocked, walking inside I am welcomed with the delicious smell of homemade food, which makes me guilty even more than I am feeling.

Adam walks outside the kitchen when he hears me walking inside, and opens his mouth to saying something. But before he can say anything, I rush to him and wrap my arms around his waist pressing my face against his chest.

"I am so sorry, Adam," I whisper trying to hold my tears, "I am sorry, I should have been home to be there when you returned but I was..." I trail off not knowing how to explain to him that I was being an emotional mess.

"Hey, it's okay." He leans away to look at my face, but then frowns, "What's wrong? Why are you crying?" Concerned in his voice makes me want to cry even harder. I hate that I lied to him because I can't tell him the reason why I needed some space.

I can't tell him that at first, I freaked out thinking that I was pregnant, but later I was upset because I found out that I am not pregnant because I hoped that I would be pregnant.

It's is all just so messed up, my feelings are messed up.

"I just missed you," I say instead and wipe my tears with the heels of my palms.

"Okay, it is flattering to know that you have missed me so much that you are crying even when we have met just in the morning." He chuckles lightly, "But I would appreciate it that you tell me the real reason behind these tears."

"I don't want to talk about it now, can I just hug you until I feel better?" I answer him honestly because there is no point in lying anymore. Cleaning my face to get rid of any remnants of tears, I take a deep breath.

"All yours to hug, ma'am." He playfully bows and opens his arms.

I can't help but laugh because he is just kind of the person who can make me laugh even when I am feeling like shit. Winding my arms around him, I rest my head on his chest allowing myself to relax in his arms.

"I don't know what made you so upset, but remember one thing you can always talk to me." Slightly pulling away, he holds my face and directly looks into my eyes, "It is okay if you don't feel like talking about it now, but whenever you are ready I want you to know that I will be there for you. I may not understand but I will listen to you, and will share your every burden with you."

"Hannah, all my worries and sadness cease to exist the moment I see your face." A small but heartfelt smile plays on his lips, "I hope even I can be the reason which will make you smile even during the times when you are sad."

"Shit, you gonna make me cry all over again, and now these tears will be of completely different reason." I laugh trying to hold back my tears because his words unintentionally soothe the pain which my heart was feeling. "As long as I have you I think I will be alright."

"Then I promise you will always be alright because I don't plan to leave you ever." He grins and pulls me back into his arms.

At this moment I am just grateful that even when nothing will be right in my life, I will have him. Because he just makes everything so better just by being there for me.

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Thank you for reading.