"There are a million ways to lose someone you love." — Tamara Webber

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Chapter 54
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Maggie

No.

It couldn't be.

If it were my father, he wouldn't knock. He didn't ask for anything. He took and took until you were simply a corpse that he could take, too. If it were one of his goons, they would have the same twisted mindset.

Immediately, I turned to face the bed for a phone. With the security system Luke had in place, all it took were a couple taps to alert the authorities. Right now, though, I was just focused on looking at the security cameras.

The first phone that I saw was Lukes, so I grabbed it, yanking it from the charger. He wouldn't care.

Quickly, I powered it on. Just as I went to click past the lock-screen, I paused in my venture. The picture I took of us was set as his wallpaper.

A small smile skipped past my lips. Just as the sweetness of it set in, I was forced to abandon it when I heard the knock, again. This time was a bit lighter than the last.

Once I typed Luke's password in. I frowned at the error on the screen. Maybe I typed it in too fast.

I tried it again, but was met with the same results. Shit.

My head jerked up to the bathroom door. "Luke!"

"Yeah?" he shouted over the shower.

I glared down at the screen, my frustration growing. "What's your password?"

"0328."

I frowned, but shrugged it off as I typed it in. I wasn't sure why he changed it, but it wasn't too much of a concern right now.

I paused on the last digit. 0328?

March 28th.

The phone nearly slipped from my hand once the realization hit. My eyes widened at the bathroom door.

March 28th was my birthday.

My heart thumped at my rib cage, but not at the waiting guest. At him. I had to stop myself from just saying fuck the door, and going to that shower this instant.

My eyes returned to the screen as another knock sounded out.

"Mission," I demanded to myself in a whisper. "Focus on the mission, Maggie."

As soon as the app loaded, I opened the camera angled at the front of the house, and squinted my eyes at the man on the stairs.

I didn't recognize him. He looked around our age, maybe a year or two older. He had a head full of shaggy, black hair, a short, scrawny build, and a pair of big, round glasses. Agitation dug at his face as he waited for a response, but other than that, he looked harmless.

Relief pushed my chest back into place at the sight of him. He didn't seem like much of a problem if he was with my father, but I didn't believe that he was. If he was just a diversion for more men, I would have noticed them on the cameras.

My eyes raised to the bathroom door. I contemplated on getting Luke just in case, but decided against it. I didn't want to pull him out of the shower for this if it turned out to be small. It was probably nothing.

After placing his phone down, I hurried back to the kitchen. On the way to the front door, I grabbed one of the vases from the table. If I was wrong, it could buy me some time to go and get Luke, or at least one of the guns.

As soon as I opened the door, my eyes jerked over the stairs for the boy. He was already stepping off of the last one, murmuring a number of curses behind him.

When he heard me call to him, he jerked around. If it weren't for the thick, yellow folder under his thin arm, then I would have noticed the shocked expression he sported first.

"Hey," I said, cautiously. "Are you a friend of Luke's or something?"

His big, brown eyes widened, skipping between me and the car. "Uh...yeah." With the back of his hand, he pushed his glasses back into place. "Yeah, kind of. Name's Preston."

Okay.

Passing a look of skepticism over him, I flicked my head at the folder. The contents of it made it appear quite thick, even from here. I wasn't sure why he had it, but it had to be for Luke.

"If that's for Luke, I can give it to him, if you want," I offered. "He's a little occupied, right now."

At my request, I saw the hesitation cross his expression. "I don't know how he might feel about—"

"He won't mind, trust me." What was in that folder that he was so skeptical about?

Preston scratched the back of his head, still glancing back to his car with a look of uncertainty. He was trying to escape for some reason, I realized.

My fingers clenched around the vase tighter, just in case. I didn't trust him enough to stop myself from knocking him out with it.

Finally, a defeated sigh escaped him, before he handed the folder over to me.

The moment it was in my hand, I eyed it carefully, and tucked it under my arm. It was just a plain folder that I couldn't tell much from right now.

Preston practically tore the skin off his lip from nerves as he jerked around. Just as he did, his footsteps ceased a second later.

He turned back around to face me, his eyes jumping up to mine. I saw an ambivalent look glaze over his expression.

He cleared his throat, letting his eyes fall before returning to me, again. "I just wanted to say...I'm sorry for all that happened. All of those disgusting bastards deserve to rot for what they did. I managed to track most of them from the feeds, but...." His gaze dipped, again, with a sigh. "Listen, if you need anything, just send a request through Vaudest and I'll do my best to get it done. Even if it seems impossible, let me know first so that I can try to help. And..." His eyes raked over the folder. "I really hope this gives some type of peace to you."

With an awkward nod of the head, he shoved his hands into his jean pockets, then rushed off to his car.

My stance remained the same even after he got in, and began to reverse out of the driveway. I watched as his car left the property, my brows drawn in tight on the other.

Once the front door was shut, I stared back at it in thought.

What was he talking about?

An answer was brewing, but I pushed it back down. It wasn't possible. I didn't have an idea of who this Preston was other than a somewhat friend to Luke. He hadn't mentioned him to me before, though, so he couldn't be that important to him.

My gaze remained on the folder as I walked back to Luke's bedroom.

I would drop it off on his bed, then join him in the shower. He would see it, then.

I couldn't help, but wonder, though...what was inside?

And, why was that guy so afraid to give it to me?

With a shake of the head, I placed it down on Luke's bed. I could still hear his shower running, as well as his growing grumpiness.

With a grin, I turned to help fix his mood, but in the venture, that familiar tug halted my steps in place...

Just mind your business, Maggie.

I shook my head at myself, throwing a look over my shoulder at the folder. Just as I tried to step away from it, again, the temptation pulled me right back in.

I knew that I shouldn't snoop, but if it involved me, then I had the right. It had to be about me.

Preston seemed...far too personal when he spoke to me. As if he already knew me. And, his speech before he left...it was strange.

I couldn't ignore it.

My eyes flickered to the bathroom door in wary; I didn't know how Luke would feel about me going through his things. I could just say that the files slipped out, that I caught sight of its contents before clipping them back into place.

My stomach was beginning to turn and lock up with nerves the longer I stood here. Luke was still in the shower, so it could give me time for a quick read. If he caught me, though—

With a mumbled curse, I plopped down on the bed, and pulled the folder to me. I couldn't stop myself.

There was a voice, in the back of my head. It was telling me no. It was telling me to mind my own business, to put the folder back and join Luke in the shower. To go on our date, and have the best time possible tonight. To throw away my curiosity.

I told it to fuck itself.

Pulling in a breath through my nostrils, I held it while I situated myself on Luke's bed. I would be quick.

I pulled the folder open, bending the material back until I could read without disruptions. I didn't want to mess up the order so I kept all of the clipped papers inside.

My eyes traced over the first page for a read, but...it left me just as confused as before. More so, honestly.

My name, in big, bold letters, was printed on the top left of the paper. Right underneath it was my date of birth, my place of birth, my parent's and brother's name...everything.

What the fuck?

I couldn't stop the faucet of inquisitiveness, now. It was running far too fast for me to even think of turning it off, now. I had to dive for it.

Slowly, I flipped to the next page.

This one was in gibberish, covering nearly all of the page. It took me a minute, before I finally pieced it together: they were all websites. URLs.

They were crossed out in thick, red sharpie, with the words, 'cleared & seized' written by them in black. I had to squeeze my vision for the writing behind the markings, but once I did, I nearly dropped the folder as if there were poison on it.

I knew those websites. They knew me. They were carried with me ever since I was five years old.

The court had tried their best to get rid of the pictures and videos my dad and his friends had taken of me, but they would only reappear on a different site the next day. I knew that they still lingered, that they were still being watched and passed around by disgusting creeps and pedophiles. It was something I had always feared of someone finding of me.

What were they doing here?

Slowly, my eyes raised to the bathroom door. I hadn't realized how cold I had gotten until a shudder told me. It passed on while I glanced down. This page obviously wasn't giving me any hint, so I went to the next.

This time, it was names. A list so long, it stretched on two pages. They all had the word, 'incarcerated' written beside them, with the date of their arrest, as well. All of them followed up for the past couple weeks, all for the same group of charges: the viewing and the distributing of the images.

Under a shaky hand, I flipped, again. It slipped from my grip a couple of times before I managed to get it.

I glanced up to Luke's bathroom another time. My throat ached from how hard I swallowed.

My eyes fell to the paper, again.

As soon as my brain caught up to the images, I thought my vision blackened over for a moment.

It was my case documentations. My statement. Jax's statement. Our mother's. Our father's.

Everything.

I flipped through the next couple of pages, but they were all of the same essence. Mine and Jax's hospital report, stills of the security footage from the police department Jax was found at. The charges. Pictures of evidence. Statements. Everyone in the courtroom the day of the hearing. Pictures of the house. My room, Jax's room. Everything, and everyone.

Me.

And, it was here. Everything was here.

Preston was supposed to give it to Luke. Not me. If he weren't, then he would have given it to me without any of the hesitation he had, which meant that he knew that Luke would be pissed about it.

Which meant that Luke knew.

Luke knew.

Oh my god.

The folder slipped away from me entirely this time, landing against the floor with a flop. My heart, my body, me went right along with it mentally. Even physically, my body bared a pain I hadn't thought possible.

Luke knew, and he never told me, because he didn't want me to know that he knew.

Bile rose at the back of my throat, the feeling horrendous and disastrous. It made my skin shift under the impact of it all.

He had lied to me about everything. He had known everything the entire time.

The truth. My truth.

My lies.

The breath that I did have left rushed right out of me with such strength, I thought to be my last.

The edges of my vision blurred until I shut my eyes, yet it still made no difference. I was going to be sick, I was—

It hit. Like a billion fires at once, it struck and landed right in the center of his betrayal.

Anger.

Fuck that. Rage.

It trickled down my throat, providing enough air only for it to be snatched up, again. My blood heated under the red skin, only aiding the fireball of fury that was beginning to stir from the bottom up.

Luke...he let me open up to him. He let me share, and talk, and trust him. I trusted him.

A choked cry slipped from the back of my throat, threatening to tear me in half. Even though I was the only one in the room, I thought there to be a stampede of teasing eyes, ready to jump out at any moment and mock my foolery.

It was all a lie. All of it.

There wasn't a line between the physical and emotional hurt, anymore. It was all just...hurt. Raw and so big, I didn't think it possible to recall anything past it.

He had done all of it for this moment. To see me break. To make me feel what he did when I ripped his building from him the way I did. That was what all of this originated from.

He had done it.

He had toyed and plucked at every single part of me until I was left weak and sensitive, and forced to wash in the burning poison of his betrayal.

I had nothing left to lose from then on out. Not when he made me think that he'd taken, and accepted it all. When all along, all he did was laugh at it from behind the curtains.

Everything...he knew it all. He knew, and was willing to play the part just to get his laughs in at me.

My graceless feet stumbled over to the bed, again.

My surroundings were barely that, unless it involved him, me, and this. In the midst of my vile reality, I felt my fingers curl around the folder, and it resembled the weight of the heaviest dumbbell in the world as I mindlessly stalked toward the bathroom.

The door nearly snapped off of the hinges from how hard I pushed it open.

Luke was still in the shower. The same shower I'd been in this morning, and the one where I let him touch me, and the one where I touched him.

The hollowness sunk my chest in even deeper.

Luke's shocked expression settled into one of amusement the moment he saw it was me. His grin that I usually melted over flashed at me. "There you are, Norris. I thought I'd have to come get you—"

I thought I felt my head shake, but it wasn't too calculable in my state. I couldn't even speak.

He paused, his brows pinching in as he observed me. A flicker of understanding flashed through his eyes, meaning that he had caught my state.

I hated how easily he caught on, because he knew me. I hated myself for letting him know me in ways that I didn't even know myself. But he had it.

In record time, he was dried just enough to get a pair of shorts on. His eyes watched over me cautiously before his face fall from whatever he saw in mine.

"Maggie." He stepped closer, his expression softening over with concern. "You been crying? What's wrong?"

My stare was as icy as the walls beginning to rebuild around my heart. We held eye contact, but mine never altered from the ball of rage I was feeling. Luke's remained on the same sweet concern.

It was nearly laughable, his performance, but the reminder of how easily I fell for it left me stiff-lipped.

The act was over now, though. He had gotten his revenge.

"Hey. Talk to me." His fingers wrapped around my wrists, tugging me into him. "Come here—"

"No." I jerked myself away. "Don't touch me."

The buildup only deepened the longer the reminders lingered. The thought that I'd given myself to him, mentally and physically, made my body tremor with shame.

Hurt flashed across his eyes at my rejection before he took a step back. "Maggie," hearing him say my name made me want to discard myself of it. "I don't know what the fuck is going on, but just—"

A chuckle slipped past my lips, the sound burning on its way out. "Really? You have no idea what's going on?" Not wanting to waste anymore time, I threw the folder at his chest. "Take a look, then. It shouldn't be too hard to figure out."

Confusion wrenched his face as he glanced between me and the folder. Finally, he crouched to grab it from the floor, and pulled it open.

His eyes scanned the material for just a second, before he pieced it together. Cold, deep, consternation trailed over his face the longer he stared down at the folder.

Seeing him pretend to be so shocked nearly made me laugh before I recalled how easy I'd fallen for it. For him.

"Shit," slipped from him, quietly, his eyes jerking up to me.

My lips pulled into a counterfeit smile. "Look familiar?"

Luke shut the folder to a slow, nearly shaky pace, his expression full of prudence. So many things blurred through his cool blues, it seemed to shade them darker.

"Maggie," he said so slowly, his voice dipped. "I was going to tell you."

I shook my head at him, my vision blurring. Just hearing another lie did something to me that crumbled my body, physically.

In a matter of seconds, I was to my knees and in front of the toilet. The contents of lunch came from me, before the dry heaves did, too.

My eyes squeezed shut until the pinch became unbearable. My throat was still burning, whether it be from my cries or my stomach.

I felt Luke run a hand across my back for comfort, the consolation so invigorating, I nearly leaned into it. Just as I felt his lips against the top of my head, the reminder of how we'd gotten here in the first place made me jerk around.

I shoved him with all of my might, but it barely moved him. "Get off of me!" I screamed so loud, he flinched. He reached out for me, again. "Maggie—"

"No! Don't..." I moved back with the palms of my hands and the back of my feet, my eyes widening until it hurt. "Don't come any closer to me."

Luke mirrored the painted image of pain at my demand, but despite it, he backed off of me. His hands raised in surrender to prove his harmlessness, but that wasn't it.

Despite him being twice my size and much stronger, I'd never been afraid of him physically. But emotionally...he was everything that made me believe it existed in the first place. It was terrifying to think of him misusing it, yet that was what he'd done.

"Are you...are you working with my dad?" I asked so quietly, I wasn't sure whether he caught it or not. "Did you and him get together to finish what he started or something? To do some type of twisted revenge plan on me? Is that why you did this?"

By his sharp intake of breath, I knew he had heard me.

"What?" Disbelief made his skin go pale. "Maggie, no. Fuck no. I'd never in my fucking life hurt you like that—"

My head shook. "I don't believe you."

"Maggie," he said, weakly. "I'd never do that shit to you. I'd never hurt or force..." His adam's apple rocked under a swallow so big, it seemed to make the scars on his throat red. "I'd rather die than—"

As soon as he attempted a step to me, I nearly broke my wrists shuffling away from him. I didn't stop until there was as much space between us as possible. His disbelief fell into anguish so big, I thought that he was about to crumble right along with me.

"Don't," I whispered, my voice barely operable through my tears. I sniffled through my glare. "Don't touch me, Luke. Don't you ever touch me, again."

Immediately, he took that same step back, again, despite the wish in his expression telling me that that was the last thing he wanted to do. His skin had gone pale from it all in a matter of seconds.

I ran two trembling hands over my face to try to clear some of the tear tracks, but it achieved nothing. The tears carried on down my cheeks in waves until I was drowning.

I couldn't do this. I couldn't do us.

I gripped any surface I could to raise myself, continuing to watch over him. That part of me that thought I knew him trusted that he wouldn't hurt me physically, but that was the thing....

I thought I knew him. 

I wished I didn't.

Through stumbles, I carried on past him until I was to the hallway. Everything that I had started to call a home seemed to just wrap me into the façade he'd made me believe. It was all fake.

Luke was right on my trail. His footsteps fell in sync with mine until we got to my bedroom. "Maggie."

I shook my head, daring myself to edge way past the desperation in his voice. It was all a lie.

I rounded my, the, bed. The one he had me in so many times, and the one I gave myself to him in. So many times, physically, but especially emotionally.

I shook my head at it all. I couldn't believe a thing.

"Maggie," he attempted. "I didn't want you to think—"

I couldn't take it, or how hard he was going to attempt up his lies.

Jerking around, the rage overpowered anything else.

"What?" I fumed. "You didn't want me to think what?" His mouth opened for a response, but before he could get it out, I added my own version, "You didn't want me to think that you were a fucking liar? That you were just trying to get back at me for your building? That everything that I thought, that I swore, I knew about you...that you knew about me, was a lie?"

My eyes fell. "It was all a lie," I repeated in a whisper. "All of it."

Luke's' eyes went wide at my words. "No," he rushed out, attempting to catch up to my accusations. "Fuck no, it wasn't about that, Maggie, okay? None of this was—"

"I trusted you," I forced out. "I trusted you, Luke. I trusted myself with you. With my heart. With my body. I let you in and you...you didn't even care. You lied..." I couldn't finish with the tears riding my words so hard.

Falling to my knees, my hand swept under the bed for my suitcase. It was buried deep, but I managed to grip it. I didn't even bother to check it before pulling it out. It already had a couple of clothes inside, but I needed to grab a few more things.

Luke shook his head, shoving a shaky hand in his damp hair. "I do care. I care about all of it and all of you, especially your trust," he swore. "It wasn't a lie, Maggie. None of it was. None of this was." The moment he caught sight of my suitcase and my intention, his face seemed to lose any resemblance of life. His eyes jumped up to mine, again. "Maggie, I promise you—"

I swept past him to get close to my dresser, my voice strained as I spat, "Your promises don't mean shit."

His eyes brightened with hurt before he shook it off. "They do to you. They mean everything to me. You mean everything to me." Desolation strained his voice until every word spoken by it was formed off of a trembling foundation. "Please just sit and let me explain."

"I don't want your explanation. " I swiped at my swollen eyes with my arm. "I don't want shit else from you. Never again."

I knew he was torn from reaching out or keeping the distance between us, but was unable to choose.

"Maggie," he insisted, shaking his head at himself. "Please—"

I settled a hardened expression in place as I turned to face him, entirely. My words were forced over a sniffle, "I want you to realize that you did it, Luke. You won. You outsmarted me. You got your revenge back for your—"

"No." Panic swept over his expression. "No, Maggie. I didn't know—"

"But, now you do," I interrupted, my chuckle cut short past the weight of my words, "Now you do, and you're the one with all of the power. That's what you wanted, right? To have shit over me?" It was troubling how my heart was still managing to tear, and rip, even after all of this. "You've got it."

His eyes fell over my suitcase, baring depths of fear the moment he caught up to my gaze, again. "At the time, I did," he attempted to explain. "But, that was before—"

I jerked around, but he was so close already that our quick-paced chests were practically touching.

My eyes narrowed as I hissed, "Before what? Before you pretended to care about me?" I couldn't stop my voice from rising to a yell, despite the ache it caused. "Before you made me think that I could trust you? Before I let you sleep with me? Before I let you in—"

"Before I fell for you, Maggie!" he yelled back, his expression dancing with every conflicting notion known to this world. Our eyes continued to chase after the others, but his were so erratic with emotion, I wasn't sure of how long I could last under them. "Before I started seeing good for the first time, before I started wanting to be good for the first time. Before I started thinking about you for every second of every goddamned day. Before I started wishing that every single second of my life was spent with you. Before I fell for you, and only you!"

His confession left me jumbled, right along with the others. I didn't know which ones to distinct with truth or falsehood, and I didn't know if I could. That was how well he played the part to me.

My heart was thumping so hard, I feared it's livelihood the longer we continued.

I wanted to believe it. I wanted to believe it so badly. I wanted to fall short to my rage, and instead right into his arms, again. I wanted to believe that he didn't see me any differently.

But, I couldn't.

I sniffled, stepping back from him to give myself a better chance. "Bullshit."

He swept a frustrated hand down his face. "It's not, Maggie. I swear it's not." His voice turned into a plead, "Please just sit, and I can explain everything. Please." His voice cracked over the last term.

When I raised my eyes, again, I was shocked to see his own so glassy. They were glistening with tears from it all, and by the looks of it, they were barely being tamed by their owner.

My chest was threatening to cave in by the second. It was getting harder to think, to feel, to be.

I squeezed my eyes shut, daring, pleading, for the past half hour to disappear. The past nineteen years, really.

"You won, Luke," fell from me in a shameful whisper. "You won, okay?"

My fingers tightened around the suitcase handle. I didn't gather much except that, my keys, and phone. That was it. I'd figure the rest out later.

A fear I'd never seen possess him did just that in a way that appeared to nearly swallow him whole. If it weren't for his physical appearance, one would believe that he was entirely new and fresh to the world, disquieted and in every form and way, distraught at my departure.

"No," Luke croaked, his throat bobbing as he gulped. "No...please don't go." His hands tried to grab for me, but I avoided them until I got to the hallway, again. I heard his voice tremble over a, "Please don't leave."

Each step felt as if I were walking to my doom, as if I were returning right back to all of the things that life had only shown me in the darkest forms. Like I was walking away from the only real home I'd ever known, and watching it crumble behind me.

It didn't take him long to catch up. Even then, I didn't stop.

His hand wrapped around my wrist, tugging me back to him. "Please, Maggie," he begged. "I don't want you to drive like this."

Even with his hold, and how much fire he brought from that touch alone, I continued on. Past the kitchen, I could hear Fang's nails clattering against the hard floors, which meant that he was nearby. I'd have to avoid him. It was already hard enough.

Luke tugged me around to face him, his hands shaking as he grasped mine. Every ounce of confidence had been snatched up by his desperation, leaving behind a trembling, distraught man.

"I'll do anything, Maggie," Luke pleaded, his words continuing to crack in their use. "I-I'll sleep on the other side of the house. I'll go and stay in a hotel. I'll do anything. Anything. Just..." he bit down on his frustration, his eyes wild with tears. I had to avoid his eyes, because despite of it all, I found my pain only atrophying the longer I was present to his. "Please stay."

Both hands cradled me under his quivering skin. Our eyes shut as he leaned in. A shudder ran through either of us as he kissed my forehead.

His words were muffled against me, but I heard them just fine. "Please, baby," he croaked out in a whisper, kissing me, again. "Please don't leave."

It was hurting me. Everything was hurting me. The betrayal, the realization, the anger, watching him hurt and beg for me, the condition that followed because of it. It was all making my mind crumble under a mess of thoughts.

My eyes shut once more, shaking the ones who were begging me to stay away. It wasn't right. We weren't right.

I shook his hands off of me, using my own to swipe at my cheeks. "No," I said, quietly. "Don't touch me."

The moment I moved back, I thought my ridden heart would give out from the saddened look Luke sported.

"Maggie," he whispered out, the whites of his eyes gone red. Everything that could fall had done exactly that over his expression. "Please."

When I caught sight of his barrier breaking, with tears riding along the lining of his eyes, I knew I couldn't handle much else. I needed to leave.

My eyes dipped to the marble floor I'd never see, again. I mustered up everything, since it was all I had left to give to him.

The burning in the back of my throat worsened as I spoke, "I was wrong, okay? I was wrong about you, and about us, and about me. I should have never trusted you. I should have never trusted myself to you, my body, my heart, me...I should have never let you in. I should have never and I mean never wasted my time with you, or on you," I whispered out, the words splintering at my sore throat with each other spoken. "And...I should have never thought that someone like you could be good, Luke. It was a joke to even think, for a minute, for a fucking second, that you were worth anything other than a piece of shit. A terrible, selfish, worthless, piece of shit."

Luke's expression fell into a pit of despair, the contours of his face outlined with deep heartbreak. Regret. Sorrow. All of it.

His chest shook, his lips trembling as he attempted to hold himself together. He shook his head, pulling his bottom lip in with his teeth by a grip that I was sure broke the skin. His head shook again, and again as he recalled my speech.

His entire physical state, usually so confident and put together, was ripped right from under him the moment I said those words. His emotional state was crumbling right along with it, from how it appeared.

I pushed past it all, instead focusing on my own pain. It was what started this, and it was how it would end.

With one last look at him, I turned my back. My eyes squeezed shut to preserve the image of him, despite knowing how wrong it was to have one.

A mix of a sigh and a huff came from the back of my throat. "Just...leave me alone, Luke. Leave me alone, and accept the fact that you won." My voice weakened under it all as I grabbed the door handle. I didn't look back. "I never want to see or speak to you, again."

Before a sob could push through in its entirety, I walked out of the place I'd grown to call a home, with the man who I thought to be my home, inside to crumble with it. From his reaction, I knew that his breaking was near.

I didn't even have an actual destination. When I got inside of my car, I thought myself too distraught to even drive, but by the time I blinked back to reality, I realized that I was already doing it.

The waves of tears only worsened the longer I drove. The ache seemed too impossible to lose. Nothing in this world could soothe it.

It was one I'd never known before. I never had to experience it since, well...no else had my heart before Luke.

Not Xander. Not any of my flings, or past relationships. It was him. It was only him. Even before we confirmed our relationship to the other, even before the kiss and the sex, he had me all along, emotionally.

But, it meant nothing to him. I meant nothing.

For the first time in my life, I had done the thing I always thought myself impossible of: trust.

Yet, it backfired, horrendously.

My scattered mind flickered to the wretched expression he carried at my words. His tears. Of how he looked as if he'd seen hell for the first time.

Pain echoed right through me at the reminder. It was hard to edge over the fact that it was possibly a ploy with him. Another trick, another lie, and deception for his own sick reward.

I wasn't going to be the one to figure it out.

In the heat of the moment, I planned on staying in a hotel for the night, or even sleeping in my car. Anything to get away from him seemed reasonable.

Though, when I looked up and caught sight of the beautifully crafted garden...I knew every plan had went out the door.

I was at Jax's house.

I wasn't even sure how it came to be, but here I was.

My hand fell for the gear shaft before I caught sight of the garden, again. It was so beautiful, so perfect, and so put together.

It was because it was created by Jax. He was all of those things, and more. Even though I was the exact opposite, he had always done his best to offer bits and pieces of it to me, despite my protest, and even rejection.

I needed it now more than ever, though. It was probably the only thing that could sustain me through this torture.

I needed him. I needed my brother.

I didn't even bother bringing in the suitcase. Only myself, and that was more weight and baggage than anything else I could have brought along.

Just as I raised my fist to knock, I paused at myself. A pitiful avalanche of emotions overtook me. The guilt set in above all the others, though.

For the past couple of months, I had been so mean to him. Pushing him away, and judging him for his healthy lifestyle just because I couldn't obtain my own.

How hypocritical was it of me to go, and try to change all of that, now? Very.

I'd been avoiding him, but now, I had found my way back because I needed something. I hadn't shown up to any of the dinners, or the game nights with him and Tony, or the movie nights, despite how many times he'd called and texted to practically beg for me.

I couldn't turn around, and ask for help now that I was in need. It was an act of hypocrisy. It was bullshit.

And, it sure as hell wasn't fair to him.

I couldn't stay.

My shoulders slumped with disappointment before I forced myself to turn around. I would go, and get a hotel, then figure out the rest later.

I was on my own, just as I deserved to be. Just as I was meant to be.

Just as I started to step off of his porch, I heard a creak of the door from behind me. I froze in my exit, my body growing rigid.

"Maggie?"

I jerked around, but it was more of a stumble. Tony was standing in the doorway, a startled expression on.

At my own, his gaze grew worrisome. I couldn't run, now.

"Hey, uh..." I attempted a smile. "I-I just came by to check on my brother."

He studied me over carefully, his gaze growing sympathetic the longer he did. When he caught up to my eyes, he nodded once.

"Of course, honey. I'll go get him. Let me go make you some tea," he offered a warm smile. "Your brother always keeps the Lemon Ginger stocked just for you."

My head bobbed, keeping the smile up. Since he left the door open, I could hear him calling for Jax.

I wrapped my arms around myself for comfort, pulling in a shaky sigh. It did nothing to aid any worthless ardency from me. It was all gone now, and it wouldn't ever be back.

My eyes continued to glance back to where my car was parked, but it was too late to run off, now.

A part of me knew the truth, though. I think the reason I stayed still for so long was because, I didn't truly want to run.

Jax was the only person who could try to understand my mess of a head, even when I couldn't do it myself. If he couldn't, then he'd make sure I never lost myself in it.

My gaze raised from my feet as the door was pulled open, fully. I nearly crumbled into pieces as our gazes clashed for the first time in weeks.

Jax didn't look as if he expected my arrival, either. His chest fell under a breath, his eyes widened at me in disbelief. They ran me over carefully, as if he were trying to register whether or not I was really here. I could understand why.

I pulled another smile to my trembling lips. "What's up, dingus?"

Jax blinked at me, nearly stumbling over the step he descended. "Mags," he breathed out. "You're here."

Hearing my nickname nearly had me tearing up all over again. I was already doing a horrible job at keeping it in, and the simplicities of the things that I took for granted were threatening to rip me in two.

I nodded, shakily. "Yeah." To avoid showing him my tears, I moved my gaze elsewhere, glancing over the beautiful garden. "I saw this terrible garden, and thought I'd stop to critique the green thumb you never had."

Jax ran his eyes over me, immediately catching sight of my distress. I saw it mirror through him the moment he caught sight.

His gaze softened as he came down the last the step. "Mags."

I held up, forcing a laugh out. "I have to admit, though. If it was Tony's doing, then it's perfect. I don't want to hear you take any credit for it, though." My laugh broke once my throat constricted under it. I moved my eyes back to Jax, his build blurring from behind my tears. "It's real impressive."

Jax didn't hesitate the moment he closed in on me. His strong arms wrapped around me, immediately.

For a moment, it bought a good round of silenced peace back to me. It was what he always did, but this time, it was much more than a little cut that brought this anguish.

My head hung on his shoulder, forcing a glare to stop the tears from slipping as I whispered, "Get off of me, you idiot." I wanted everything, but that.

"No," he whispered, his hand to the back of my head. He held me to his chest, nearly rocking me. "I've got you, Mags."

I couldn't help it. Not anymore.

My façade broke, piece by piece. My heart broke. I broke.

I tried to offer some sort of explanation to him, but with the tears came the jumbled words. "I-I'm..." I couldn't even finish, instead sobbing out, "I'm sorry."

"You don't have a thing to apologize about," he reassured, softly. "Let it all out."

The cries wrecked my body so heavily, it seemed to physically unravel me. "I'm—"

"I know, Mags." He cradled my head, nodding his own. "It's okay. You're okay," he whispered to me, tightening his grip. "I've got you."

My cries had turned into full pledged sobs, now. It was all I was really capable of giving, anymore.

My hands gripped at anything I could to keep him to me. "I need you," I sobbed out into his chest. "I need my brother." I did. So incredibly so. With the way I was leaning into him, he was practically supporting my weight. "Please don't...please don't hate me, Jax."

The plead sounded childish, and like a wad of mess tangled in my sobs, but I knew he got it.

He shushed me, rocking me against his body. "You never, ever have to worry about that, Mags," he whispered in reassurance, leaving a kiss to the side of my head. "I'll always be here, you know that."

I nodded against him, but maintained my grip, anyway. Even if he didn't mean it, It was the only thing that was able to make sense in my horrid undoing.

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I honestly cried so much writing this chapter, it's ridiculous lol. My babies. 😭

This fight is so conflicting to me, honestly. I feel as if they are both right and wrong. Idk.

Do you think one is more right or wrong than the other? It's tricky.

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter (if possible lmao), I will be back with an update Friday or Saturday!🤍